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nocranknostart · 3 months ago

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"Leave. Me! ALONE!!!"

You snap at it, seeing it visibly shrink back before you slam your bedroom door in its face. It was a doll, a rag doll. It'd been showing up around you for a couple weeks now, always calling you 'Miss', no matter how many times you told it to stop and leave you be. But it was starting to rain outside and you couldn't just leave the stupid thing out there, it'd get soaked, and probably start growing mold and you didn't know if it'd get under cover or not. But you told the thing it was just until the rain broke or morning, whichever came second, and to just leave you alone. You told it where the tea was and it already knew how to use an electric kettle, not like they're complex, then got it a blanket and a couple old pillows and reminded it to leave you be and went to your room. You had no idea how those things could get soaked from rain and stuff like any ragdoll, but could drink tea without getting soaked. And you didn't care. It was fuckin weird but it was the doll and it's witch's business, not yours.

But it wouldn't leave you alone. It wasn't about something you forgot. Wasn't about how you only had teabags, not loose leaf or a "proper" teapot. It'd just knock and…fuck, you can't remember but it didn't matter what it wanted, it was inane. It was always coming to check on you, and how something made of cloth and stuffing could make an audible knock on a door like a full grown human was beyond you. only hard thing on your guest were its button eyes and those were nowhere near hard or heavy enough to make that sound. First time confused you, there was no way it could make those sounds, so you expected someone…you know, human-sized. You were supposed to be alone except for the doll, but maybe it'd let its witch in or some shit. Rude as fuck, but whatever, probably ruder to expect it to leave the witch standing out in the rain and cold and whatever. But there was nothin you could see until you looked down and saw the doll, lookin up at you.

Second time you tried to ignore it, but it just kept knocking. And when you opened the door, it was just standing there mid-knock, looking up at you. Something else inane. Checking on you again or whatever. You didn't care and just told it in no uncertain terms that you weren't it's witch. You weren't A witch. You didn't want a doll. You didn't want or need anything but to be left alone. It can stay until morning or until the rain ends or whatever, but you just wanted to be left alone.

And then it knocked again, and you snapped. And you could feel the walls reverberate. The walls of reality were still shaking and you hated it. This is why you wanted to be left alone. That was why you wanted the doll and everyone and everything else to just leave you be. You hated it! Hate hate hated it!! Everyone, everything just made you angry and it just boiled over and you hated it all!!! Hated it even more because you felt everything just vibrate every time you snapped. Every time you couldn't keep it under control. But even when you could, you could feel reality stress and strain, like a balloon filled too full, or a structure holding too much weight, just barely under what would break it. And even when you tell them to just leave you alone, to give you space, they just keep pushing. Sure, they care, but they don't LISTEN. You're not speaking in code, you're not being oblique, and people still refuse to listen.

And now the stupid thing's probably out there in the living room, sobbing its stupid button eyes out even though that makes no sense. It doesn't have tear ducts, it doesn't have any moisture of its own, but tea disappears without logic, so tears can appear just as easily, whatever. Stupid thing probably ran off into the rain like an idiot so even if it came back you'd have to wring it out and probably get a heating pad and a towel to dry it off. Or can you put them in the dryer?

Whatever, you just wanted to be left alone but you couldn't just leave the idiot out in the rain and you just wanted to be left alone. And you're angry, and now you're starting to cry too because it's all just too much and with the world especially you just can't handle it and the tears won't stop and your eyes hurt because you're trying to hold the things back, but they just keep coming and burning down your face, and they just, and they just, and they just…

And then you feel something soft wrap around your head and surprisingly strong arms pull your head into something soft and stroke your hair. "There there," it coos, gently caressing your head. "Let it all out, this one is here for Miss." You want to speak up, to tell it you're not it's Miss. You're not it's Witch, not A Witch, you're not! And how is it holding you like that, it's maybe a foot tall! But it all feels so nice, the way it's stroking your hair and cooing and holding you and letting your tears soak into its torso and its lap, and just…you can't bring your self to say anything. You were…you were….

"Why?" you mumble into it, "I was…so horrid, why are you…why?"

"This one is a doll, Miss," it replied, "Miss could hit it, punch it, hurt it in ways that will never heal, can never be repaired, but this one will still love Miss."

"But…" you mutter, voice muffled by its fluff, "but I'm NOT your Miss. I'm not anyone's Miss. I'm just…" You're cut off by her gentle strokes on your head and another cooing sound, the feeling of what must be her chest and head pressing against you.

"Shhh, it's ok, Miss…"

But that was why…that was why you hated being like that. Why you hated being around others, why you just wanted to be left ALONE. It just kept hurting, and you kept getting angry, and you just kept hurting others and you hated it! You can't stop, so you just need to be left alone. You just want everyone to leave you be and stay away so they don't get hurt. THAT WAS WHY you weren't a Witch. Why you COULDN'T be a Witch. Why you wouldn't let yourself be a Witch, no matter what. You couldn't…you couldn't let yourself have that kind of power. You hurt others enough with just words. You've hurt them even more with fists and things. You can't…you can't handle being a Witch. You couldn't handle the risk of hurting others. You just…you can't. You couldn't. You won't.

"It's ok, Miss…." it coos more, and you hear the little 'smack' of a little peck on your head. You don't know…how something made of cloth could physically do that, but…you appreciate it.

"Thank you…" you mutter quietly, wrapping your all too human arms around it, squeezing its soft, pliable body to you. It…you can't deny that it…it's nice. You push your face into it's little tummy, finding it smells…pleasant, though you can't quite place the exact smell. It's nice though. You found all the anger has just…left you… You feel…deflated, in a way. A good way. Like all the heat and fire pressuring you from within is just…gone, and you can have your real shape again. "Thank you," you repeat, still holding the doll you'd just wanted to leave you alone…minutes ago? Seconds ago? Hours? You were pretty sure it wasn't days or longer, at least.

"Would Miss like some tea?" it asks quietly, kindness you historically always pushed away overflowing in its voice. You just nod and mutter wordlessly that you would. You don't have the energy to argue, to deny it right now. "Then this one will need to get up."

You push yourself up to sitting, finding it took so much more effort than you'd expected. Everything feels slow and heavy, like you'd suddenly gained twice your mass. The smiling little ragdoll wipes tears from your eyes that her belly and lap hadn't absorbed.

"This one will be right back, Miss."

You…expect that to be a lie. For it to leave while you waited. For you to hear your front door close as it runs off, desperate to get away. Just like all the others you'd pushed away. But you wait anyway. You could…you could afford it a little while, at least. At least until you're proven right. ...

It…Maybe it closed the door quietly. It probably didn't want you to know, so you couldn't chase after. But you wouldn't. You were the one who wanted to be left alone in the first place. If you…if it'd just left you alone in the first place, it could have stayed here. Stayed dry, and then left in the morning. Even if it didn't leave, if it just stays out in the living room, you can stay in your room all night like you planned and it'll be ok. You don't want to hurt it, you don't want to scare it, you just…you just…you just want to be left alone so things like that don't happen. You didn't want…didn't mean to-

"Here you go, Miss," it says, holding out a mug filled with already darkening water, steam rising off it. "This one couldn't find Miss's tea set, so it used Miss's bean tea mugs. This one hopes that's alright." You slowly take the mug by the handle, water turning red by one of the teas you keep around. You mostly keep fruity, herbal teas on hand, since they taste better to you, and don't get so bitter from being over steeped. You see it brought a second mug for itself, as well as a spoon to pull out the tea bags when you wanted, cause these ones didn't have strings for some reason, maybe because they didn't really over steep anyway, as well as a plate to put the bags on.

"Th-thank you," you manage to stammer out, your voice hoarser than you realized. You give the tea a couple blows to fruitlessly cool it down, then take a sip, feeling the heat burn its way down your throat. It feels…good. It's still a little thin, a little weak, the bag was put in very recently, but it's good. "Why…why are you still here? Why do you keep coming around? Don't you have a Witch?" Finally taking the time to really take in how it(she?) looks, you notice that it does seem a little frayed around the edges, around the seams.

The doll just shakes its head, "Not until and unless Miss decides to keep this one." It calmly takes a sip of the tea in reply to your own, though it was likely far too weak for it too.

"But…but why? Why me? I know there have to be a thousand better Witches out there for you, at least a hundred in this city alone!" you protest, unable to understand the way this doll is thinking.

The doll sets its mug down and seems to think for a moment. "Because it wanted to. And because Miss needs this one."

You…you don't know how to process that. It was…was it really so simple? How could you even argue against that? "But…but this one's unstable, it gets angry a lot, it hurts people, hurts things. It doesn't meant to, but it happens and it…it doesn't want to hurt anyone. That one included."

"This one knows."

"B-but-"

"This one knows. It said before, that it's ok if you hurt this one, break it, tear it. It's ok if you damage this one in ways that can never be repaired, because it's a doll. It's ok to do whatever Miss wants to this one, so long as it makes Miss feel better, because it will be Miss's property. All Miss has to do is own this one." It spoke of such…horrible things being done to it with such a bright smile. How?

"But I…I'm not a Witch, I don't want to be a Witch!" you argue back, "I…I can't be a Witch. I won't let myself."

"Then Miss won't be a Witch," it says, putting a little cloth hand on your knee, far softer in both depth and surface texture than you realized. "But Miss can still be this one's Miss. So long as Miss wants to."

"But I…I might hurt you. I might break you, without meaning to. I don't…I..I don't want to do that. I-I can't…you're so nice and I…" burning tears start to well up in your eyes again, your chest hurting like someone was driving a spike through it. "I can't handle that!"

"Then Miss won't," the doll said like it was as simple a fact as 'the sky is blue' or 'gravity pulls things toward the center of mass'.

You snatch the doll up and press it tight against your chest, squeezing it tight as you break out into open sobs. "A-are you really sure? I-I…I've hurt so many, I keep hurting others and no matter what I do I keep…I keep..?" It comes out more like a question and you don't know why.

The doll just nods, pressed so tight to your chest that it can barely move its neck and its voice comes out half-muffled no matter what it does, "of course, Miss. If Miss wishes it, this one will allow Miss to tear it to pieces. But this one will not allow itself to be harmed so long as that is what Miss wishes instead." It was just so matter-of-fact, like it was as obvious as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. As clearly evident as the Earth revolving around the sun.

You just sit there and hold the doll, clinging to it like some long forgotten but recently found favorite toy, like a stuffy you'd had as a child but lost in the depths of a closet for years and decades, and only just now found. "Do…do you have a name?"

"This one does not," it answers, "And because it knows Miss wants to ask, it uses it/its, but Miss is free to use she/her as well. Whatever makes Miss happiest, this one has no strong opinion either way."

"Thank you," you reply. "How..how about Penelope? I could call you Pene for short."

The little doll gasped in such a way that your grip loosened and you let it go. "That's perfect, Miss!" it said, pulling up its dress, clearly unthinking or uncaring that it was exposing its panties, eliciting a reflexive blush from you. That wasn't why it was lifting it anyway, "cause look, this one has a penny for a bellybutton!" It was affixed right where the bellybutton of a human would be, proportionally. "So that Miss can always have a little extra luck when Miss needs it!"

"Then Penelope it is," you say smiling for what feels like the first real time in ages. "Thank you, Pene." 'I love you.' you feel the words rise up and echo in your head unbidden, but they never leave your lips. It's too early for that, you don't want to…don't want to screw things up and scare her off now. Besides, you feel like you don't have to. Not yet, not until you're ready. And her smile makes you feel like somehow, someway, she knows. It knows.

"This one will go get something to clean up and start Miss a new cup of tea," Penelope said, dropping its dress again and starting to trot off, but you call after to stop her.

"Wait, I'll do it. I…I shouldn't make you clean up after my mess."

But your new Doll shakes its head, "this one doesn't mind. It's only natural a Doll clean up after its Miss."

But you couldn't bear it, not after it was already wiling to go so far for you, not when it was your mess to clean up. But…but you also knew that Dolls liked to clean, and that Dolls liked to serve, and could get uncomfortable if they were denied too much, like two meshed gears trying to turn in opposite directions. Their desire to help grinding against their desire to obey. Two Purposes smacking against one another. So you land on a compromise as you stand up. "Then how about we split the difference and do it together. Is…is that ok?"

"If that is what makes Miss happy, this one is happy too."

You go out into the hallway cupboard with Pene, walking with her as she trots to keep up with your pace, getting some towels and carrying them back to your room, the little doll, YOUR doll riding on them like some precious treasure, giggling as you give her a little bounce every now and again. Its giggles are adorable, you have to admit. Each one elicits a small smile from you, though Penelope couldn't see as she was watching forward as you walk.

Together, the two of you sop up what you could and scrub the rest, then put a fresh towel down on the spot and press down with your feet, trying to make sure as little remained in the carpet and padding as possible. Fortunately, there was very little color to the tea, and so even less in the spill, it didn't look like it would stain anything.

"This one will go get Miss a fresh mug of tea," it says, reaching for your discarded mug, but you stop the doll.

"Wait," you say, "if…if it's ok, we could…"

"Share?" Penelope suggests, finishing your sentence just as you would have. "Of course, as long as Miss would like to."

And so the two of you snuggled up together as you put something to watch on the TV you kept in your room for when you just didn't feel like getting out of bed, wrapping a big, weighted blanket around you both, sharing a mug of lukewarm tea that had steeped to the point it was perceptibly thicker, ironically how you liked it, save the temperature.

"Hey, Pene?"

"Yes Miss?"

"Thank you. For everything."

"Any time, Miss.

"This one loves you."

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