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noel0999 · 1 year ago

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my story - pt 2 - russia

i was born in tula, russia. i don’t know much about the start of my life other than what is documented in the adoption papers.

Within the adoption papers, there are different accounts of what happened those first few years.

basically, at some point within the first year (so it seems, based on the wording on the paperwork), i was left with a male friend while my bio mom went to mosco. after an unknown amount of time the male friend brought me to a neighboring apartment where he said that he was meeting my bio mom in mosco and they would be back in a week or two.

after a few months of them not showing up, the neighbor called the gestapo. they came and took me.

this is where the story kind of gets confusing. the timing of things doesnt seem to add up to me.it seems like there is a skip in the timeline of the paperwork. after the gestapo took me, i end up in a hospital with kidney failure.

while i was in the hospital, there was a family (we will call them family A) i met that was there getting a check up on a little boy they were adopting.

this hospital was falling apart. the doctors and nurses looked like they worked in a butcher shop because of the blood smearing their white coats, that were covering the winter coats they had to wear because of the lack of heat.

in the mitts of this grimy place, i caught the eye of family A previously mentioned.

They were white americans, who had a child by birth at home in michigan.

They were adopting a boy younger than me, a little red head. they asked about me, about my story. The poor little orphan girl with no one.

they were given information to look into, and to my understanding started asking about adopting me as well.

after about 3 months in the hospital, i was sent to an orphanage. this is still all in tula, to my understanding.

i was about 3 at this point. which is where my confusion of the timeline comes in. how did i get to be 3? Where was i during this time?

I have ideas, which will come up later.

while in the orphanage, family A was working with people in russia to figure out how to adopt me. there were issues because the russian system needed to either make contact with my bio mom, or rule that there is no contact available, and no family available to take me. they started reaching out to different ares asking about bio mom.

After not being able to locate or contact any living relatives, they put me up to be adoptable.

Shortly after this happened, a woman came to the orphanage claiming to be my bio mom. the orphanage said she needed a birth certificate for proof and sent her away.

she never returned.

while at the orphanage i had a friend. his name is in the paperwork somewhere, he ended up being adopted to a family in italy i believe.

i also remember faint things. almost like images. its hard to recognize that is actually real and what my brain has conjured up over time. some of those memories include a bare room with only a little corner of limited toys. cold 'oatmeal' type food for most meals.

i can see a room with many beds, day clothes lay at the end of the bed, if you had any.

everything was dirty. outside was grey and bland. i can picture the "court yard" of dead plants and bushes. a train track runs along the right side of the building. a little path running through the "court yard" leading to a little bench.

i have always had a strange memory of an older man sitting on that bench. id go and say hello and talk with him.

family A was active in sending me photos of them, and asking to have messages from their emails translated to me in russian.

after about a year of back and forth, family A got the go ahead for the adoption.

they came to russia, under instruction to not speak to anyone as americans were not liked at the time.

family A made friends and accountancies during their year of emailing back and forth. when they came to adopt me, they took me to visit some of the people that helped facilitate the adoption.

i have photos of these people, but have no memory of who they are. they seem sweet. they seemed to care for me, and i them.

family A also took me to mosco, going to a fish market, and seeing a play.

ill find out years later, while reading a journal that was kept during this time by family A, that while walking around and interacting with strangers, family A thought i was behaving like a child prostitute. In paperwork later contributed, it states that i would walk up to men sexually and 'present' myself. whatever that means.

family A then continues the quest and bring me to the state of michigan.

(there will be typing and punctuation errors, fyi)

#trauma #abuse #lifestory #adoption #russia #sharing #divorce #blog #healing #depression #anxiety

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noel0999 · 1 year ago

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my story - pt 1

i need to tell my story. not just for my own healing, but for anyone else that has experienced anything similar.

if you’ve known me for more than one conversation, i guarantee that you’ve heard parts, if not most of my story. though maybe not as in depth as i’ll be here.

i will say a trigger warning for talk of sexual abuse, sexual behavior, assault, depression, anxiety, suicide and suicidal ideation, divorce, and adoption.

so bear with me while i try to unload 28 years of trauma into a little tumblr blog.

#trauma #abuse #lifestory #adoption #russia #sharing #divorce #blog #healing #depression #anxiety

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noel0999 · 2 years ago

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