nofearbts-blog

[nofearbts-blog]

PROLOGUE.

Before The Biggest Fuck Up

There were seven of us. A gang of prideful bastards you could say; all bonded by experiences – not by blood. Of course, we all have a story as to how we ended up in our little tight circle of ours, however, I’d rather not go into detail with that because well, I don’t give a fuck about any of them anymore. I say that without batting an eyelash. I say it from the deepest and darkest pits of my black little heart. Why? Why – It’s a long story. Long enough that I could possibly tell it for the rest of my life time. Those fucking shitheads are so obsessed with loyalty and wanting to be in each other’s presence that they’d rather not live their own fucking lives and that’s how we got to this fucking point. It was all my fault for being so oblivious and blinded by all the messy shit we got into. I couldn’t have been the only one, right? The only one who wanted to take a break, kick back, have a girl in my arms and possibly settle down. I couldn’t have been the only one. I was wrong. I <i>was</i> the only one. I was – weak. I let my guard down and because of that, I lost someone I loved so dear to me. I lost her, my other half, my soulmate. Amidst all the chaos, amidst all the blood and the ear aching screams, she was the one I laid eyes on – the one I fought to hell and back first and then the one I fell in love with.

It all sounds like a bunch of rubbish, and perhaps it was, but this is exactly how it happened. We were enemies, and for some reason, I always hesitated in killing her. I didn’t find join in wanting to kill her like I did with all the other poor bastards I slaughtered in the past. Perhaps it was her eyes, or her lips, or maybe the way she moved, the way she touched, the way she talked and held onto me. She was the first person to show me how to be human, how to feel, and how express my emotions the right way – without killing anyone. No one else had this effect on me the way she did, and I adored her so fucking much for that. The closer we grew, the more irritated the group appeared to be. Eventually, all six of them found out about us and they were against it completely, in fact, they resented it, almost forbade it. I didn’t understand why, it was my chance in life to be happy for once and they were trying to take that away from me. I wasn’t going to let them ruin my chances with her. I didn’t allow it, there was no chance in hell that they would make me choose them over her. If anything, I wanted them to be happy for me for moving onto the next chapter in my life.

But, obviously, that wasn’t the case.

“No! Fuck you, I’m not going to do that, you fucking sick fuck.” I growled under my breath, my fists clenching tightly and my knuckles turning white as snow. I remember, there were hot tears welling in my eyes and my hands becoming numb by how hard I was squeezing them shut. Swallowing thickly, I watched them all snicker under their breath, eyeing each other with the evilest of glints that I, myself, have never seen before. “Zeus, you ARE going to do it. You can, and you will. You are capable. You’re a killing machine, don’t forget that.” Hades stated. Hades was a code name that belong to Kim Namjoon, which happened to be the pinnacle of the group. The leader, the boss. Anything he says, goes. Most of the time – all the time. “No – No. You’re not taking this away from me. I love her, Namjoon! For once, I have a second chance at living a normal life with the woman I love. I want to be with her, I want to live with her. For fuck sake, Namjoon! I want to marry the girl and have kids with her. Why can’t you just accept that?” I knew that this time, there was no getting out. Just like the first time we all inducted ourselves into the group. Once you were in, you could never get back out. I should’ve remembered that. I should’ve, but I didn’t. His eyes turned dark and his expression fell somewhat slack and blank. Perhaps it was the fact that I called him by his real name or the fact that I was standing up for myself against him when no one else could. Yes, even the others were afraid of him.

I watch him stand and for a second there, I faltered and took a small step backward. There was sweat beginning to form along my forehead and he walked closed and closer til’ he was looking down at me completely. I could hear the calmness of his heartbeat, and his slow, peaceful breathing fanning over me. The silence was deafening and finally, he smirked and lets out a small snort from his nose. “Fine, Taehyung. You win.” He said and the rest of them including myself went wide eyed. I – won? “You are no longer apart of his group, in fact, the longer you stand in front of me, the more I want to put my hands on you and slit your throat.” His voice was heavy, and each word was venomous that it was making me queasy. “Leave.” With that, I nodded my head and quickly darted out of there. For all I knew, that was the end of it. My ties were severed, and I was free. Deep down, I thank Namjoon but a small part of me wondered why he let me go so easily. I misunderstood and thought he had a heart in him.

He didn’t.

I remember running and running, smiling and laughing to myself. To the people that I ran passed, they probably thought I was a mental patient who escaped the mental hospital. Well, it wasn’t that far off. What I had gone through messed me up fucking bad, but not as bad as those six fuckers that I left behind. She waited for me at her place where I constantly kept visiting and I guess you could say, where I lived. There she was, sitting on the couch reading a book and she looked so fucking ethereal that it took my breath away. She always had that affect one me, always bringing me to my knees, knocking the wind out of my body. I was the luckiest man on earth, I really was. That same night, we planned to get away, as far away as we possibly can. I had this gut wrenching feeling about staying where we were that I bugged her constantly telling her we should re-locate. Eventually she gave in, no matter how much she loved being there at her own home, she gave in.

I left for a moment, to tend to some financial issues with the bank. I wanted to withdraw all the money I had in my account, so I could live off the grid for a while. It was only a moment – a moment that would forever haunt me to this day. My phone had rung, and I didn’t pick it up the first time because I was speaking to an accountant. The second time around, I was able to answer it and I could hear was her panting and sobbing painfully into the phone. She sounded scared, terrified. She wasn’t like this, she was a killer like me, she was strong like me – maybe even stronger. To hear her that way made my blood turn cold and my throat close. Her voice seemed hoarse, almost like it wasn’t her, but it was. We both didn’t say anything, maybe because we were both equally shocked but when I heard that dark cackle on her side I felt something bubble up within me that I have never felt before in my life. No. No. I don’t remember what happened much next, but I ran as fast as I could out of the bank, down the sidewalk and to the apartment we lived in. I nearly tripped on the stairs heading there and when I came to a halt at the front door of her house, our house, the door was nearly off its hinges. I could hear her whimpering in the living room and at that point I didn’t care if I was going to get hurt, I didn’t want HER to get HURT. Everything was tossed around, like a tornado had come through. I panted heavily, my chest hurt, and my throat was dry. My brows furrowed deeply as I glanced at the six men in the living room.

Finally, I let my vision fall and there she was, placed on her knees with her hands tied behind her back with a belt and her face blue and purple, swollen from the beatings she must’ve gone through while he was gone. It was only a moment, a moment that felt like a few minutes and during that small amount of time, she was hurt, she was hurt badly. For the first time, I felt tears running down my face and I looked up at Namjoon who held his silver pistol against his chest, tapping it gently. The others surrounded him, hands in their pockets and smirks adoring their faces. How dare they. “Zeus, you’re back! That was quicker than what I expected. I guess she really does mean a lot to you, huh?” It took a lot in me to not latch out and wrap my fingers around his throat. He began to walk slowly around her and over towards me. He continued to tap his gun against his chest rather calmly and soothingly. His eyes were down at the ground and that ugly, god forsaken smirk never left his face. “You know, when we all created our little gang we had a code, a law, a promise to abide by.” He started, and I could feel my toes and feet starting to lose feeling. “We all made a sacrifice, Zeus. We all promised each other we’d never stray away and that we’d stay together.” He continued, and I raised my hands slowly into my pocket where I had my pocket knife. Suddenly, there was a quick movement from Krato (Jeon Jungkook). He brought out his gun smoothly and fast, cocking it against my temple. “Uh-uh! Not so fast.” I could hear him cackling through his lips, Namjoon looked over and he let out a loud chuckle. “…and you’re willing to kill me over this – piece of human trash? You gotta be kidding me, Zeus. You can do better than that.” He continued to roar with laughter, no standing to the right of me, between me and my girl.

All this time, she had her head hung low. Sobbing quietly, sniffling here and there, she not once, looked up at me, was she ashamed? Did she feel ashamed? I would’ve been, if I was her. “Frankly Zeus, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but you know better than any of us that you could never get out what we created together.” Straightening out his arm, he held his gun to her head. I gasped and nearly stumbled forward to protect her, but Krato had grabbed a hold of my neck, kicking me behind the knee, bringing me down to her level. “Hades, Namjoon, please. Please, don’t hurt her! I’ll come back, okay? I’ll come back, just don’t fucking touch her! Don’t FUCKING TOUCH HER!” I yelled as loud as I possibly could, to get it through his thick skull that I said what I meant. I would come back, only if he didn’t hurt her. She panted and looked at me with those round doe shaped eyes. Even though she was badly bruised, she was still beautiful to me. I wanted to be with her, we were going to get married, buy land, buy a house, and possibly have kids. I wanted all of that with her. “I’m gonna let you choose, Zeus. Alright, buddy? Do you want to be with this girl? Or do you want to stand beside us once again? You can only choose one.” My heart thumped hard against my chest and he looked at me, biting his inner cheek, brows furrowing. All the other men looked down at me, waiting for the right answer to come pouring out of my mouth. I knew what I wanted, but If I were to choose her, he would get mad and do the worst. I don’t know what he would do, but I know somewhere in my heart that he would never actually kill someone that I loved with all my entire being. I began to pant heavily, beads of sweat falling against the side of my forehead. For a second, I could’ve swore I saw her smile sadly. It was so small, but I saw it. What was she trying to say? No. No. I wasn’t going to let her go so easily. “I want to be with her, but I also want to stand beside you guys! Please, Namjoon!” his name reverberated against the living room walls and for a second, everything seemed to fall silent again. He stood up straighter and tilted his head in feigning in thought. “Wrong answer, dude.” He muttered under his breath as he cocked his gun against her head and pulled the trigger.

BANG!

The ringing from the gun was so loud that I couldn’t hear a single thing, but I saw it all. The blood that splattered all over me and the walls. The way her body fell to her side so limply and lifelessly. Her smile remained but had no feeling behind it, her once starry like eyes was dull. I remembered I couldn’t breathe for the first 30 seconds. My eyes were wide, and my hands trembled violently. Slowly, I reached out to touch her and when I did, she didn’t move. I shook her once, nothing, now I was shaking her with all the strength I had and – nothing. Tears poured down my face easily and fell onto her cheek and neck. Her blood stained my clothes, my skin, I wanted it off. The scent was revolting, and though I had killed people before, the smell of blood never bothered me to this extent before, maybe because it was her blood. I felt my veins rising from my skin a bit, my eyes turning to slits and hatred, pure hatred filling my body. “You k-killed her.” Namjoon chuckled and stuffed his gun into his pocket. “Yeah, I did. God, that was riveting!” I shook my head slightly and stood up slowly before reaching into my pocket and whips out my knife. I lurched forward to stab him, to tear him up into bits but before I could lay my hands on him, all six men drew out their guns and shot me 4 times. One in the arm, another in my thigh and three into my chest. It burned, I couldn’t feel the pain around my bullets, but it burned a hell of a lot. I fell to the ground, on my knees first then to my side, next to the dead love of my life. I gazed into her still open dull eyes and tried to tell her that I loved her. I tried to reach out and pull her to me, but I couldn’t move a single thing. It was only then I felt myself feeling weaker and weaker, weightless and cold. I heard the six devils speaking among themselves, but it was all an underwater muffle. That’s when everything went dark and black.

Sad to say, I wish I was dead but for some reason, the prick that lives upstairs decided to give me a second chance at life, and he gave it to me for a reason.

The funny thing is, they don’t even know I’m alive.