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nogalski-nest · 7 years

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Eloise's Birth Story

Evan and I actually took two negative pregnancy tests a few days apart before we got a positive. I was starting to get cramps and other normal period signs and finally accepted that this month just wasn’t our month. I could also tell I was getting sick, so I figured that whatever I had, probably prevented ovulation (yes, that does happen. God amazingly wired our bodies to be able to say, “Hey, I’m not at my healthiest right now. Probably not a good time to bring a baby on board.”) Bummer.

Ugh, my glands were swollen, my head hurt, and I was so, so tired. I would come home from work, take a two hour nap, and still be in bed by 9. Not to mention, the cramps I’d had for a week with still no sign of my period. Hmmm…

One day, when I could barely keep my eyes open at work, I texted Evan and told him I was going to stop by the store and grab one more test on my way home. That way, I could call my doctor to be seen the next day (at this point I was convinced I had mono) and she wouldn’t think I was crazy. This test was about a week after the first one we took and I had every indication I was going to get my period. It was going to be negative. BOTH of us were fully expecting it.

Evan came home and I took the test, handed it to him, and waited. Evan always read the tests so he could, for at least a few seconds, be the only one to know I was pregnant. Was it just me or was he staring at this test longer than normal?

Evan: “How long are we supposed to wait again?” Me: “This box says three minutes.” Three more minutes pass… Me: “Is anything showing up? Like is the negative line there?” Evan: “Well… here’s the thing… you could be pregnant.”

We stared at each other and the test for a few minutes. Complete. Shock. Honestly, I expected to be more excited. But I couldn’t be excited until I confirmed that this was not just a fluke. I grabbed my purse and put on my shoes to go buy three other brands of tests. While reaching for the door, I looked back at Evan, who had made his way to the couch and asked, “Are you coming?” to which he responded, “I think I’m going to throw up.”

Three positive tests later and I decided to call my doctor the next day. I now understood that I, in fact, did NOT have mono, but a baby instead! They estimated I was about six weeks along based off my last period. (They were wrong, more on that in a minute.) They scheduled me for an ultrasound at nine and half weeks. But wait. The cramping. One evening it got so bad that I felt like someone was grabbing each of my hips and ripping me apart like a wishbone on thanksgiving. And everyone knows cramping in pregnancy is bad. Right? Wrong again. I went in to see my doctor the next day. She did an exam and I had to get two blood draws done, 48 hours apart. The draws showed that my hormone levels were rising just as they should be. My doctor assured me that cramping is actually completely NORMAL because your body is stretching and growing at a crazy rate, even that early in pregnancy. Whew, crisis averted.

Despite the cramping and a few other minor complications that, thankfully, turned out to be nothing major, I felt pretty good! I made it to eight weeks with no morning sickness and even got to enjoy Evan’s bi-annual family vacation in North Carolina… until the day before we left. I braced myself for the FOURTEEN hour car ride back to Michigan, PRAYING that I could keep it together for one day. I had a relatively good handle on things until we all stopped at Chick-fil-A and everyone brought their breakfast in the car. That was the moment I lost it. Evan just threw up his hands and said, “Well, surprise! Val’s pregnant.” (For the record, Jim teared up.)

I spent the next few weeks feeling more like I was dying than growing life, and then we had our first ultrasound. I’ll never forget the moment the tech turned on the monitor and said, “Well, this is what’s making you sick.” There was our little bean. It even wiggled for us. It was too early to hear the heartbeat, but we could physically see the heart beating inside the little body on the screen, a healthy 166 bpm. We were both in complete awe, sucked in to that little bean on the screen. All of the sickness, canceled plans, and tears of exhaustion became worth it in that moment. We also found out at that ultrasound that I was not 9 weeks and 5 days. I was actually only 7 weeks and 6 days. My due date was officially confirmed at June 14th.

After that ultrasound, we had my parents over for dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday. I told her we had a present for her, only it wasn’t ready yet. But we had a picture! I handed my mom the ultrasound picture and I couldn’t even count how long she stared at it. Finally, she said, “Is this what I think it is?” I asked, “Well, what do you think it is?” To which she replied, “It’s an ultrasound picture!” When we told them I was due in June, my dad’s first comment was, “Mary, you get a picture for your birthday but I get the real thing!” (God certainly has a sense of humor because, lo and behold, their first grand baby actually would be born on my dad’s birthday!)

At 12 weeks, we got to see our little peanut again. I could not believe how much he/she was moving! How was it possible that I wasn’t feeling this? Baby was moving around so much that I couldn’t help but laugh, which made him/her move around even MORE! Needless to say, we are overly thrilled and so thankful to have a healthy little baby on the way.

Right around 18 or 19 weeks, I began to feel some little flutters! At first, I honestly thought it was just gas but the kicks grew stronger and stronger and by 20 weeks they were unmistakable. Then, right before little babe turned 20 weeks, Evan decided he couldn’t wait any longer to find out the gender! So, we walked into our 20 week scan, ready to find out if we had a little girl or a little boy. The tech asked us if we had any feelings about the gender. Well, feelings were an understatement. I knew from the moment it sunk in that we were pregnant that this was a girl. There was no doubt in my mind. I just knew. Evan had been praying for a girl (not that we wouldn’t have been thrilled with a boy. I mean, a mini Evan walking around, come ON.) But this one… this was our little girl. In that moment though, I froze. I told the tech we had a feeling but I didn’t want to say it out loud in case I was wrong. Then Evan, being the straightforward guy that he is, stated blatantly, “We think it’s a girl.” The tech smiled and said, “Well… you were right.” She then proceeded to show us all of the intricate little parts of our baby: lungs, brain, kidneys, and all four chambers of the heart, all of them looking textbook perfect. At the end of our scan, the tech shared that if all babies looked the way ours did that her job would be easy!

The next step was to plan a gender reveal to share the news with our friends and family! Instead of using the traditional pink and blue, we decided to use peach and mint for the theme because they were our wedding colors! We made pins for everyone to wear their guess and confetti poppers for the reveal. When it was time, we got everyone in a big circle in Jim and Tracy’s basement and on the count of three, every popped their popper! The reactions were priceless to the pink confetti flying out all over the floor!

At 24 weeks, Evan finally got to feel our daughter move! Up until then, she would be dancing like crazy but the very moment he put his hand on my stomach, she would immediately stop. We had the theory that Evan truly was calming for her. We’ll see if it holds true when she’s born! I will always remember what a sweet moment it was when he felt that first tiny kick.

Over the next few months, we felt and watched baby girl move and grow. She even got the hiccups a few times! Sometimes she moved quite a bit, bee-bopping around like a little jumping bean!

At 36 weeks, Mommy and Daddy got to see baby girl on the ultrasound again. Linda, the tech, said that when she saw my belly she thought we were going to have a little baby. But this baby was 6lbs 7oz already, which was nice, healthy, and maybe even a tad on the bigger side! We watched her practice her breathing, her stomach moving in and out on the screen. Linda mentioned that she must get a lot of hiccups because she was practicing so vigorously!

As the last few weeks started to wrap up, we grew all the more anxious to meet our baby girl. I started eating six dates a day and drinking red raspberry leaf tea in an attempt to prepare for the big day. (Eating all those dates also completely curbed my cravings for anything sweet, haha!) It was a scramble to get the nursery together, hospital bags packed, getting mentally and physically prepared for labor and feeling the urgency of knowing that it could be any day now that we would finally get to meet our daughter. But even in the midst of all of the anticipation, some of my favorite moments were those where I stopped to look at Evan and thought about how none of this would be possible without him. There wouldn’t be the three of us if there hadn’t been the two of us first. I didn’t think I could love him anymore than I already did, but this brought a whole new level of love that I couldn’t have imagined before. God picked the perfect husband for me and the best daddy for our daughter.

On Saturday, June 10th, Evan and I went out for what we figured would be our last dinner date before we would start needing a babysitter. Little did we know exactly how true that would be. That evening, I noticed that baby girl seemed to be moving around a lot less than normal. I just had a feeling that something was different. I hadn’t felt the need to do any kick counts during my pregnancy because she was such a strong and regular mover, but that night after dinner we laid down in bed and did a kick count. Sure enough, I felt 10 movements within about a half hour (the standard for a kick count is 10 movements in 2 hours.) I felt a little better but I still had the sense that something was different. I made a comment to Evan about how ready I was for this baby to come, and Evan leaned down near my stomach and said, “Get out.” I laughed and rolled over to go to sleep… for about an hour.

At 1:00am on Sunday, June 11th, a contraction woke me up. I started to drift back to sleep since I’d had false labor contractions previously, until I noticed how wet I felt. What on earth? Had I peed myself? I put my hand down on the sheets and whoa… the sheets were wet. I stood up to go find Evan (he sometimes falls asleep on the couch watching TV) and I felt a gush of fluid. My pants were soaked. That’s when it sunk in. My water had broken.

Good thing I had finally persuaded Evan to help me finish packing and sorting our hospital bags the day before since, ya know, we were due to have a baby in three days. I am not a procrastinator and had been trying to tell Evan that our daughter might not be either. Sure enough, I was right because we were on the road to the hospital by 1:30am, three days early.

The drive there was nothing like I imagined. Despite what you see on TV, there’s only a small percentage of women who have their water break at the beginning of labor. I had imagined laboring at home first and being in agony on the way to the hospital, but my contractions were relatively light and weren’t coming in any kind of consistent pattern. Even though little gushes of fluid kept coming every few minutes, I was getting nervous that maybe I had just peed myself and the hospital staff would send me home. We arrived at the emergency entrance, which is where our hospital tour nurse had told us to go if I went into labor after hours. Evan went in to make someone aware of the situation and a security guard came out with a wheel chair. I told him that my contractions weren’t very strong yet and I was certain I could walk, but he made me get in the wheelchair anyway and a nurse wheeled me down to Labor & Delivery. Now I really felt like a goon because I, 100%, didn’t need this wheelchair.

When we got to triage, they hooked me up to the monitor and confirmed that baby girl was doing great and that I was, in fact, having contractions. The physician on duty came in to check me and confirmed that I was leaking amniotic fluid (not pee) and that I was already dilated six centimeters! They admitted me and by the time we were settled into our room, my contractions were coming consistently, every three minutes or so. Labor continued progressing pretty steadily from there. Thankfully, I was able to (kind of) sleep during the first part of labor, even if it wasn’t very deep because of the contractions. When transition came, I knew exactly what was happening because I had prepared myself with four different birthing books. Despite knowing about 30 different ways to manage pain during labor, my body instinctually went with the Bradley Method, which tells you the opposite of every other pain management technique, to relax through your contractions. By relaxing your body, you let the contractions work for you instead of fighting against them by clenching up. I’m convinced that letting those contractions work for me is what made my labor progress so quickly. I’ve never focused on anything so intensely in my life. My goal with every contraction was to get to the peak of it and then remember that it was going to drop back down and I would get a minute to whisper “Ice” to Evan, who would feed me an ice chip and then I would fall asleep (no I’m not kidding) for about 60 to 120 seconds before the next contraction started to build.

Finally, the Doctor came in and told me I was completely dilated and that it was time to push. In every birth story I’d heard, pushing was always the woman’s favorite part. I have to say that for me, pushing was the part where I questioned my decision not to get the epidural. Pushing is HARD WORK. I was exhausted and was truly afraid I wasn’t going to have the stamina to make it through. Praise the Lord, the Doctor let me sip on apple juice in between pushes and that little spike in my blood sugar gave me some energy to keep powering through. Then I heard the Doctor say, “I see hair!” I was so surprised! Hair? My baby girl has hair already? What color was it? Was there a lot? And then Even, “I see it, babe! It’s there!” We were so close to meeting her! Just a few pushes later and the Doctor started getting all of his surgical gear on, which he told me he waits until the last minute to do. This meant it was go time! A few more pushes and the Doctor asked me to get my hands ready because after this push I was going to have a baby in them.

Eloise Nicole Nogalski was born June 11th, 2017 at 10:35am. When I felt and saw her for the first time, the whole world stopped. She was even more beautiful than I imagined. This was her. This was the little bean we saw give us a wiggle on that very first ultrasound. This was the little soul that moved and kicked and hiccupped in my belly. This is what she looked like. And she did have so much hair! All I could do was laugh and say hello. Evan cut the cord and they took her and measured her. She weighed 8lbs even and measured 20 inches long. I had pushed for about 50 minutes and labored 9 hours total.

Eloise came out with a lot of fluid in her lungs and had a hard time regulating her oxygen. Her initial blood work was also showing signs of a possible infection, so she spent the first five days of her life in the critical care nursery. She was weaned off of her oxygen by the second day and was responding well to the antibiotics. Mommy and Daddy got to stay with her in the CCN all day and Mommy was able to feed her. Eloise was a champion breast feeder right from birth. The CCN nurses were amazing and took such great care of our baby girl when we couldn’t be by her side. She was a fighter and recovered quickly. On Friday, June 16th, we got to bring our sweet Eloise Nicole home. And so begins our story as a family of three…

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nogalski-nest · 9 years

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Comparison

I’m not one to post every struggle I have on social media. Sure, I’ll let you guys know that I can’t keep my clothes from pilling or that using an electric stove is frustrating for me, but I don’t like airing my dirty laundry (I mean, who does?) However, I’ve been struggling with something lately. In fact, I’ve been struggling with it my whole life. The struggle is… comparison. And let me tell you guys, the struggle is real. If fact, a few months ago, I was so weighed down by the burden of not measuring up that I completely collapsed. From waaayyyy down in the dumps, I reached for my phone and started looking up every scripture I could find on jealousy, worry, and comparison. I can tell you from experience that whenever I ask God to speak to me though scripture, I’m never left disappointed. Today, I’d like to share with you what I found. Below are the passages I read and the principles that I took away from them. Who knows, maybe God has something to say to you too. :)

Song of Solomon 8:6  Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is as strong as death, jealousy as fierce as the grave.

Now the context of the kind of jealousy discussed in this passage is another post for another time. But look, jealousy is not some small thing. It’s as fierce as the grave. As serious as death.

1 Corinthians 13:4  Love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant Love doesn’t compare itself, either by coveting what someone else has or by saying, “look at me, I have more.”

James 3:14-15  But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Scripture goes so far as to say that jealousy is demonic. The worst of the worst. Literally, from the pits of hell.

James 3:16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.

So if jealousy exists in my heart, every other awful thing will dwell there as well. Hate, anger, malice, lust, violence… Sin breeds sin.

Proverbs 14:30 A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.

This verse got me. This truth right here is exactly what made me turn to scripture in desperate need of help. Comparing myself to other people is so depressing and futile that I literally feel like I’m wasting away.

Proverbs 27:4 Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

Scripture tells us that jealousy is a greater burden to bear than even wrath or anger.

1 Corinthians 3:3 For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not behaving in only a human way?

Plain and simple. Jealousy is not from God.

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Scripture has made it pretty clear by now that jealousy is evil. We can’t let it control us.

Exodus 20:17 You shall not covet anything that is your neighbor’s.

Well then.

Galatians 6:4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.

I don’t know about you, but I can think of a whole slew of great things about other people and when it comes to myself, I have nothing nice to say. Really, I should be focusing on my own work and what God has put in front of me. It’s none of my concern what the girl next to me is doing. God has given me my own work to do.

Hebrews 13:5 Keep your life free from love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

If I have Jesus, I have everything. There is nothing else anyone has that I could ever need as much as Him.

Matthew 6:25-26 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I’m always worried about having enough. Will we have enough food? Will we have somewhere to live? Will I have a job to contribute to our income? Do the clothes in my closet measure up to the standards of pinterest? If I just had that one more thing, we’d finally have enough. But it’s never enough. I will always want more and I will always stress over it. Reality check, Val. Jesus already gave you everything you need when He gave you the gift of eternal life. And He gave you that gift because you, as a child made in His image, are more valuable to Him than anything else on this earth.

Matthew 6:32-33 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

God knows we have physical needs. However, the difference between Christians and the world is that our physical needs should not be our first concern. Glorifying God should be our first concern. Our spiritual well-being and our character should come first, alongside caring about the spirits and salvation of others, before worrying about our physical needs. Jesus tells us that when we focus on the work of the Father, our physical needs will be provided for.

Philippians 4:12-16 I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

This is the go-to verse about being content in every situation, with what we have been given. No matter how many times we hear these words, they will still be true.

1 Timothy 6:6-7 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing out of it.

I don’t really need a new (wardrobe, TV, house, car, yet another pair of boots, make up, hair, magical unicorn, whatever). I didn’t bring anything into this world. It was given to me by my Father. It ultimately belongs to him. And I can’t take it with me when I die, anyway.

Luke 12:15 Then he said to them, “watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist of the abundance of his possessions.”

Your life is more than what you have. In fact, it has nothing to do with what you have, or what you look like, or even the kind of job you have. Your life consists of following Jesus and doing everything you do in a way that would glorify Him.

Ecclesiastes 3:13 That everyone may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God.

Being satisfied at the end of the day, knowing you’ve given it your all (YOU, not your neighbor) is a GOOD thing. It’s a gift from God. Galatians 1:10 For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. When we are constantly trying to measure up to each other, we’re trying to win the approval of man. If we were truly seeking the approval of God, we would be constantly trying to measure up to Christ.

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself.

Rivalry. Isn’t that what comparison really is? It’s just one big rivalry. We have to be the best. We have to be the first. We have to be just one step ahead of everyone else. But Paul warns us not to live that way. In fact, he instructs us to be humble and instead put others ahead of ourselves.

Matthew 16:26 What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but loose your soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I can have the best house, husband, family, job, and life but if I am not desperately following after Jesus, I am missing the very best thing I could ever have. What good is it for me to have everything else I’ve ever wanted if I’m going to spend eternity without Jesus? John 21:22 “If I want him to remain until I come, what is it to you? You follow me.”

I’ve saved this one for (nearly) last, because I truly felt that it summed up everything Jesus wants me to know about comparison. In this passage, Peter is distracted with what another disciple is doing and where he is going. He watches the disciple and says, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus’ answer (paraphrased) is, “Peter, if I want him to stay here until the second coming of Christ, what’s that to you? I’m telling you to follow me.”

How many times has Jesus said to me, “Valerie if I want them to have a house, or two, or three, what is that to you? If I want them to have kids, what is that to you? If I want her to have that job, what is that to you? If I want him to travel there, what is that to you? If I want them to receive a,b,c, what is that to you? If I want her to successfully accomplish x,y and z, what is that to you? I have called you to where you are right now, for a reason. Don’t be concerned with them. Your job is to follow me.”

To end this post, I want to leave you with The Message version of 2 Corinthians 10:12. I chose The Message because it’s phrasing of this verse is so simple and straight forward. We’re not putting ourselves in a league with those who boast that they’re our superiors. We wouldn’t dare do that. But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they are quite missing the point. (emphasis added) By trying to conform ourselves to anyone other than Jesus, we are quite missing the point.

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nogalski-nest · 9 years

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The last time I used this blog, over a year ago, I was just getting ready to fly home from a 5 month study abroad in Argentina. Since then I made the best decision of my life, married the man of my dreams, adopted a fur-baby, and we've turned a cozy apartment into our own little nest. I've also decided to start writing again, partly to include friends and family who don't live near by, and partly because I simply enjoy it. Everyone needs a hobby, right? ;) So in the coming year, you can look forward to catching up with us, listening (or rolling your eyes) as I navigate through "the great mysteries of life", or at the very least, feasting your eyes on even more pictures of my perfect dog.

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nogalski-nest · 10 years

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Home-Stretch

Welp, I'm down to my last 12 days in Argentina. In some ways it feels like a life-time, in other ways not so much. Between finishing up finals and trying to graduate (final exams are worth 45% of my grade. I don't recommend studying here if you care at all about your GPA) and job searching + apartment hunting from Argentina, I'm under a load of stress and I'm really trying to trust God in all of this. Though my time down here has been rocky, I'd like to take a little time and tell you about all of the things I really APPRECIATE about Argentina.

1. Asado. Basically this is a huge cookout where they grill a whole half a cow. You start with chorizo (sausage) and chorizo de sangre. That's right, folks. Blood sausage. I can't really eat a lot of it because more often than not, it's processed with wheat flour but I have tried it and I promise you it tastes great. Then comes the steak. Argentina has more cows than people (fact) and they KNOW how to grill steak. If you're not having steak, then you're probably having the best ribs that your tastebuds have ever experienced. And then my host dad grills pork and pineapples. YUP. My favorite part. Sundays are asado days for my family and there's nothing better than taking a siesta with a full belly on a sunday afternoon. 2. Starbucks. That sounds like a dumb thing to appreciate about Argentina but let me just say one thing. Dulce de leche frappaccinos. Also, all of the baristas there know my name now. Usually they sing the Amy Whinehouse song to me as well. 3. The tea. The tea here is 1231536742334375345 billion times more flavorful than tea in the states. My berry tea tastes literally like a cup full of berries, people. Even the regular tea is so much better. They don't mess around.

4. Mate, which is technically also tea. You put the tea leaves (yerba) straight in your mate. Then you add hot water. Your bombilla (a metal straw) filters it for you. It's amazing. I bought three mates. I plan on using one for actual mate and the other two for other teas because it makes the flavor so much stronger. So if you see me carrying around a weird thermos and a strange looking cup all the time when I come home, blame Argentina. ;) 4.5. More about mate. Mate is also usually a communal activity down here. There are circles of people passing their mate around like a peace pipe pretty much everywhere. They talk to each other for hours and just spend time together. It's great. 5. My family. I appreciate so much everything my host family has done for me. My host mom, especially, has been there to encourage and comfort me, in addition to rejoicing with me in everything from good grades to learning how to manage my anxiety. I'm certainly going to miss them. 6. Friends. I've made friends here, both Argentine and Estados Unidenses. I can foresee many of these friendships lasting even over the distance that's about to be between us in just 12 short days. After seeing them practically every day for the past five months the next few are going to be really weird… That's where we're at, folks. You can be expecting a few more of these in the next two weeks as I really start to wind everything up. See you in 12 days!

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nogalski-nest · 10 years

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Sometimes you just need to come back to this.

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nogalski-nest · 10 years

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Last week, while everyone else was enjoying their first week of summer, I FINALLY had my spring break. Actually, it was fall break for us since the seasons are opposite down here in South America. (Yes, that's right. It's actually about 15 degrees warmer in Michigan now than it is in Argentina.) I took a trip to Chile (the really skinny country on the west side of South America) with two of my good friends from my study abroad program. We stayed in Santiago, the capital, and took a day trip to Valparaíso which is on the coast of the Pacific Ocean (meaning that I've now been to both coasts, Atlantic and Pacific, in the past four months.) We arrived much earlier than expected. Picture two in the morning at an empty, completely outdoor bus station in a foreign country which you've never visited. So we ended up sleeping the in basement of a hostel. Sketch I know. But the old man at the front desk brought us tea and tucked us in, like any good chilean grandfather, so it was ok. Chile is beautiful with the Andes mountains right there and Santiago and Valparaíso are the coolest little towns. Here, let me show you:

Needless to say, Chile was great. Until the boarder closed and I couldn't get out. And to top that off, Chase's top-notch security recognized that I was in Chile and I wasn't authorized to pull any money out of the ATM. Being the great budgeter that I am, I had exchanged just enough for the time that I was staying there… only to find myself completely out of money for the extra three days that I was stranded. Thankfully, Calah and Katie had some extra money and were able to cover a bus ticket and some basic expenses for me until we got back within Argentine lines but my anxiety was already through the roof. I have a hard time functioning like a normal person when my anxiety gets too high and I often get physically sick (as demonstrated by my slew of stomach problems.) So I decided that it would be best for me and everyone else if I just stayed in the hostel for the day. Anxiety- 1 Valerie - 0.

But in all reality, my total score isn't zero. My anxiety has improved TRE-MENDOUSLY while I've been in Argentina. It had to. Nothing ever goes as planned here. My bus home from school got stuck and then broke down the other day and I didn't even realize until I got home (an hour later than scheduled) that it hadn't even phased me. In fact, I had been expecting my bus to get stuck at this particular corner, where the street is way too narrow for a huge city bus, every day for the past three months. Nothing ever goes as planned in Argentina. We always go with Plan B. Plan A is just an ideal. While I am pretty excited to get back home to the efficiency of Capitalist America, God has really taught me a ton down here. Remember the fruits of the Spirit I was asking all of you to pray for? Well I have patience now like I've never had before. An hour doesn't seem like that long to wait for something anymore. (Seriously, it FLIES by!) I don't mind standing for my entire bus ride. I don't mind long lines. I've learned to be ok if my plans don't work out. If one thing doesn't work, something else will. All of this has been really helpful this week and I expect it to be helpful in the next few weeks while I'm finishing up all of the huge assignments and exams that teachers are piling on at the last minute. All while in the middle of hunting for jobs. I know that my plan may not exactly work out. But God's plan will. Through this experience I've had to start relying on God for things that are out of my control. I trust that He'll help me get through this end of the semester workload and He'll help me find a job, even if it's not exactly what or when I had planned. This is huge because I've been feeling really isolated from God for awhile. It's reminding me that even though I might not be able to feel Him, He's still working.

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