nogoodanswers

[nogoodanswers]

I love when there's characters that are pair bonded and you know that wherever one of them is the other is also gonna be there.

[nogoodanswers]

re: finding platonic explanations for things you cannot even imagine, I'd like to see an aromantic jealousy plot for a change. Character A is seethingly jealous of Character B's love interest but it's not because they're romantically interested in B, it's because they're aro and B is the most important person in their life and this is an unwelcome reminder that they will always come second to a traditional romantic partner in society's eyes and possibly B's as well.

And honestly you don't even need a powerful interpersonal connection to activate Hater Mode. I wasn't that close to any of my middle school classmates and I certainly wasn't interested in them romantically, but I was still so sick of hearing about the boy band guys they had crushes on that I fantasized about Justin Bieber dying in a plane crash. Not my most hinged of moments but idk what to tell you, middle school was a bad time

[nogoodanswers]

If things are going bad in your life the most important thing you can do is fixate on a era of your life you can never return to. It is really important to romanticize it and remember it so incorrectly that it’s more of a false idol for worship than a memory. No one has ever successfully returned to the idealized past but you will be the first to succeed. You will succeed you simply must recreate a false and limping facsimile of who you were back then. You must ignore your beautiful opportunities to live your present life. It is important to unbury a peaceful corpse and climb inside it. I promise it will feel just as good as you remember.

[nogoodanswers]

I think adults should stop demanding obedience from children and should start focusing on requesting respect. That’s what will actually serve them in the adult world and help them make good decisions mindfully.

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i genuinely think people harassing celebs is a labor rights issue as well as a conversation about boundaries. celebs make art for you and perform for you but they, like me performing my metaphorical song and dance for my customers, have off the clock time that needs to be recognized for what it is. celebs are artists making art for you, they, a person, are not a commodity. you are not entitled to them at any time day or night any more than my boss is entitled to ask me to work off the clock either.

[nogoodanswers]

Absolutely insane lines to just drop in the middle of an academic text btw. Feeling so normal about this.

[ A Critical History of English Literature, Vol. 1, Prof. David Daiches, first published in 1960 ]

[nogoodanswers]

[nogoodanswers]

I'm coming to realize how vital it is to keep a running list of shit you did in the past few weeks so that you can participate in small talk. It's literally not anything to do with them being interesting at all it's just having Something to say to give people even the barest thing to hold on to. It's so you don't get into the "what have you been up to" "nothing much what about you" "yeah same" trap. Literally just say something.

What have you been up to? Um well it's getting warmer so I've been having to brush my cat every day.

Like no it's not that interesting of a thing to say. But now they can respond to it. They could say, man yeah it really is heating up, I've been trying to think of things to do inside more often. Or, oh you have a cat? What's their name?

Like. It's Something. All you need is Something. And if you're like me and your brain immediately goes blank upon entering small talk then keeping a list will help you remember things to say.

[nogoodanswers]

My book on aromanticism and asexuality comes out in a month! Shout-out to my publishers for just... giving me free rein to ramble about:

How amatonormativity hurts absolutely everyone

Why there are so many nonbinary and gender non-conforming aspecs

Why asexual awareness is essential in pushing back against incel culture (because men and boys deserve to know that manhood is not defined by sexual desire or prowess)

Why coming out as aspec can be so incredibly complicated, espeically for aspecs of colour

Advice from aspecs on how to navigate sex and relationships as an ace and/or aro person

A really wonderful bunch of stories from aspecs on what their non-normative relationships and families look like, from queerplatonic partners to poly aspecs to best friends raising kids together

How refusing amatonormativity can help us fight the loneliness epidemic, by encouraging people not to retreat into two-person units and instead invest in multiple close relationships of every kind

What steps we need to take to challenge aspec discrimination in medicine and the law

Why all you aspec people out there are an indispensible, revolutionary force that helps us all explore and create new models of love, relationship and family

So uh please do check it out if you think it might be up your street (or just because it'd really, really annoy a certain children's author who's decided aphobia is the new big thing)

[nogoodanswers]

like, the most compelling ships for me always stem out of one thing: the characters have a profound, ongoing effect on each other’s senses of selves. when they are apart, the characters’ actions are still affected by each other. the way they approach the world changes because of the other. 

which is this deeply Austenian view of ideal romantic relationships as mechanisms by which we come to know ourselves better and become better versions of ourselves. good romance, for me, is always tied in with a sense of self-actualization, and the way in which a beloved partner allows a person to know themselves better.

[nogoodanswers]

love when stories inflict unspeakable horrors onto a person for no real reason. its not karma. its not payback. its not a lesson. its not your fault. no ones even out to get you in particular. youre not the chosen one or special or anything. it just sorta happened and you were there. sorry man

[nogoodanswers]

I love it when two characters are completely and utterly obsessed with each other to an unhealthy degree. Utter devotion to the point of insanity. To the point the lines blur as to what the nature of their relationship even is. Romantic? Platonic? Sexual? Familial? Professional? All and none of the above, somehow. They can’t exist without each other. Being together is making them both worse. They would watch each other sleep in bed at night every night if they could. They are literally always thinking about each other. They would kill and die for each other. They resent each other. Even seperating them isn't going to fix the situation at this point. They permanently live inside each other.

[nogoodanswers]

I am exceptionally lucky in that my parents never hit me, grounded me, confiscated my things, banned me from my hobbies or threatened any of these actions to make me behave as a kid. as an adult it has made me realise how very very long a road most people have to traverse before they can take a statement like 'no rule that must be enforced by threat is legitimate' seriously.

[nogoodanswers]

We don’t talk enough about how fanfiction writers love to give character large amounts of non-specific paperwork they hate doing

[nogoodanswers]

not to be tmi but i was so relieved as a teen when i figured out that my masturbatory fantasies and my actual sex life had literally nothing to do with each other, nor did they need to

i was terrified i was going to end up getting hurt but it turns out when you’re having actual sex with an actual person the things that do it for you can be completely different

i have had plenty of great sex that i’m still not going to fantasize about because when it’s just me thinking about it and not an actual person doing it, it’s not hot anymore

there are plenty of things that in real life are actually just uncomfortable and not arousing at all and i will never do them, but even if i’ve tried it and decided it’s not for me it’s still gonna show up in fantasies because it’s still hot to think about

i mean it sounds stupid and obvious but i spent years either trying to stop myself from finding things hot (spoiler it don’t work), or else letting people convince me that fantasies were talking the talk and obligated me to try walking the walk

[nogoodanswers]

oh my god

[nogoodanswers]

Writing Grief Without Romanticizing It

Grief is raw, messy, and deeply personal. It doesn’t follow a neat arc or fit into tidy narrative beats. While stories often use grief as a dramatic device, romanticizing it can cheapen the emotional reality. Writing grief authentically means embracing its discomfort and unpredictability, not sanitizing or idealizing it. 

What Romanticizing Grief Looks Like

Characters who seem emotionally wrecked but always manage to look graceful in their suffering.

Overly articulate monologues that sound more like a eulogy than a real moment of loss.

Depictions of grief as a singular, cathartic event instead of a long, jagged process.

Romanticized Grief:

“Every day without you is like a piece of me fading away into a tragic, beautiful void. I’ll carry this pain forever, for it’s all I have left of you.”

This might be poetic, but it lacks the authenticity of how most people actually process grief.

Realistic Grief:

“I forgot your birthday. I didn’t mean to, but when I remembered, it was already too late. And then I hated myself because forgetting felt like erasing you.”

Writing Grief Authentically

1. Show the Physical Toll

Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. Insomnia, headaches, exhaustion, or even the inability to move can be part of the experience.

“She woke up in the middle of the night again, choking on the air. Her chest felt like a cinderblock had been wedged inside, heavy and unmoving. It was three days since the funeral, and she still hadn’t slept longer than an hour.”

2. Let Grief Be Messy

Grief isn’t a perfectly linear journey. There’s no logical progression from denial to acceptance—there are setbacks, breakdowns, and even moments of denial long after healing has started.

“He yelled at his mother for throwing out the cereal box. ‘It was his favorite,’ he said. She didn’t remind him that it had been expired for months. She just handed him the trash bag and walked away.”

3. Avoid Glossy Sentimentality

Sometimes grief isn’t poetic; it’s ugly, blunt, and devoid of grandeur. Characters might lash out, shut down, or isolate themselves.

Romanticized: “I’ll cry every day, but I’ll keep going because you’d want me to.”

Realistic: “They said time would heal it. But it didn’t. Time just put more space between me and the life I knew before.”

4. Let Grief Manifest in Small, Unexpected Ways

Grief isn’t always about sobbing—it can show up in mundane moments: hesitating to delete a voicemail, holding onto an old sweater, or instinctively setting the table for someone who’s gone.

“She turned to tell him the joke, the one about the broken lamp, and stopped halfway through. The silence hit harder than the punchline ever would.”

5. Highlight the Absurdity of It

Grief can be absurd and disorienting. Characters might laugh inappropriately, obsess over trivial details, or feel disconnected from reality.

“At the funeral, all she could focus on was how crooked the flowers were arranged. She kept wanting to fix them. If she didn’t, she thought, none of this would feel real.”

6. Explore How Grief Changes Relationships

Grief doesn’t happen in isolation—it affects relationships, often in unexpected ways. Some people pull closer, others drift apart.

“Her friends stopped asking how she was doing after the first few weeks. She didn’t blame them; she didn’t have an answer. ‘Fine’ wasn’t a lie—it was just easier than saying, ‘I still can’t breathe when I see his empty chair.’”

7. Show the Longevity of Grief

Grief doesn’t end when the funeral does. Let it linger in your story, showing how it ebbs and flows over time.

“It had been five years, but she still called his number when something exciting happened. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was just habit. Or maybe it was hope.”

8. Allow for Moments of Respite

Grief isn’t constant agony. People still laugh, find joy, and go about their lives—sometimes feeling guilty for it.

“She smiled for the first time in weeks, and then immediately hated herself for it. It felt like betrayal, like forgetting.”