noir-bug

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My mom left an eviction notice for the carpenter bees burrowing into our porch

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I'm terrified of speaking to people in real life because one of them could say "I'm a chuckster!" and just hurtle me three hundred feet up in the air

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self-care phrases to boost your confidence

this shit ain't nothin to me man

I'll fucking kill you

.

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hi im your cat do you mind if i touch your coffee. do you mind if i put my whole foot in your coffee

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My coworker said he was having a bad day and I said 'it can't be that bad you haven't started howling like a sad dog yet' and he let out the saddest most pathetic little howl I've ever heard and I was like 'damn ok do you need to have a break?'

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ok mouse.

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gooodbyee 200 dollars helloo piece of pleastic

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Are you perhaps a critter or very small bug ? Yes

*runs towards you at terrifying speed

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extremely underrated subgenre of tumblr post: when someone makes a general statement about something, and another person offers a counter-statement that's just completely nonsensical, and the OP just agrees instantly even if it makes no sense at all

examples:

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me if you gave me a burger