noirnomore - Tumblr blog

[noirnomore]

What a relief. Never known how to deal with breakable people. Remember that teeny little second year that tried out for the Gryffindor team Sixth year? Still feel bad about sending that little fucker to the hospital wing. Oh well.

[He grins down at her again, and pulls her in for another hug, unable to contain his glee ] Fuck man, I can't get over it! James a dad. You two - a real family. Its ...

... you want ... me? I mean, are you sure?

Don’t be silly. [ she’s grinning from ear to ear now ] I’ve never been breakable, and I never plan to be. Feel free to do that anytime you want, that was fun. 

<p>            — But you and Marlene are going to be the godparents, okay? It’s only right that you two get the first one, and it’s not like James will want to ask anyone else.

[noirnomore]

[ Sirius blinks down at her, before a grin spreads across his face] Fuck Em - that's absolutely incredible! [he picks her up, and swings her before setting her down abruptly and stepping back]

Shit - I can't do that can I?

Fuck - you're like ... breakable now.

[ with another slight tug, she makes an effort to draw Sirius even closer than he already is ] I’m pregnant again.

[noirnomore]

Vanity, keep your knickers on - wait ... no one knows? You are offering me a secret that is so pure driven white snow that no one, not even James knows? 

Sold. Gimme gimme gimme.

[ Emma’s eyes go wide and she squeaks loudly before grabbing hold of Sirius’ arms and tugging him down to her level to whisper — rather loudly — in his ear ] Okay, if I tell you something, you have to promise not to tell anyone else, not even James, because I haven’t told him yet.

[noirnomore]

You ... have absolutely gone insane, Vanity. Where's James at - someone's gotta tell him his lady has to go to St. Mungo's and that might as well be his best mate.

... it's the fifth? I think?

No, the-the date! What day of the month is it? There’s something that I think I can tell you, but I need to make sure first, and I can’t believe I can’t remember what day of the month it is today.

[noirnomore]

Uhm ... Thursday? No, wait. I'd be at work. So it's definitely Friday. Maybe.

Why? What's so important?

What’s today? I haven’t been keeping track, but I really need to know. It’s important.

[noirnomore]

Pete. Mate you are a sight for sore eyes. The hell have you been?

You know what'd be absolutely fantastic right about now?

What, ‘re you gonna buy?

[noirnomore]

You know what'd be absolutely fantastic right about now?

A fuckin drink.

[noirnomore]

Doesn't matter how many times you say fuck, I'm still not gonna do I all for you.

Fuck paperwork, just.. Fuck it somebody should do this for me.

[noirnomore]

The point is that the antlers are ... are prongy in general. Ugh - next thing you'll be telling my feet don't have pads so I shouldn't even be Padfoot.

... see that's just terrifying. I don't want your family to like me. That's just weird. [shivers slightly] Eyurgh. Don't call me that. Bella called me that when she was feeling particularly sadistic. Still gives me nightmares.

It does sound like a fork! Deer don’t have "Prongs." They have antlers. It makes no sense. And at least I don’t call him a moose like Dahlia does.

No, she really did like you! Still does, I bet. [ with a giggle, she croons and leans in to pinch his cheek ] Everyone likes you, Siri.

[noirnomore]

Now that is just cruel Dorcas Meadowes - I'm Sirius Black, I don't get touched by karma. How pedestrian.

Well then, maybe this is karma for all the torture he did to Filch, and various professors, and that poor Snape. You’re going to die of boredom, that’s what you’ve earned yourself with all those troublemaking years and being incredibly slick.

[noirnomore]

Right - that's the last time I tell you you're the best I've ever had in the moment. Godric knows why I let you live with me when all you do is throw my words back at me.

And I could totally get with the Harpies.

Like you could get with the Harpies. Say what you will, I’m sure you’d miss me, if only for the fact that nobody else would sleep with you.

[noirnomore]

"A fork" she says, a fork. Honestly. Is it just morally impossible for women to understand the importance of cool nicknames or what?

Your mother doesn't like me. Your mother pretended to like me when there was still a chance that we could get married and make her and my mother the sisters they so desperately wanted to be.

Then I ran off, and you married Prongs, and wham blam - no more fam.

Yes, but “Prongs” reminds me of a fork. Not a deer, or a stag, or whatever. 

Well, yes, but my mother likes you, and your mum likes me, so really it’s a logical switch. If you think about it.

[noirnomore]

Hey now - I never got those. Benefits of living in a pureblood household.

Besides. I was always too slick to get caught with an underage. These kids, though? Dumb, dumb, and dumber.

What all those reports don’t make you reminisce to the days when you were giving some poor auror doing underage magic reports grief?

[noirnomore]

Weep and wallow she says - like she doesn't even know me. I'd go the requisite three months of grief and then move on - starting with the Harpies.

I’d do it, love, but I’d probably kill myself, and what would you do without me? Weep and wallow, I presume?

[noirnomore]

I mean, I'm gonna stick with my original solution - just pick a skyscraper and go for it. Muggles'll think it's a stunt, and wzard's'll commend you for your balls.

Is a good place to practice Quidditch in London too much to ask for? I detest going to my parents’ every time I want to hit some bludgers around.

[noirnomore]

Least your husband's got the second coolest one - he could've been something like Wormtail. You know - sometimes I almost feel bad for sticking him with that one. Almost.

Why would I switch? One pureblood crazed family is just as bad as the other - and I want to arrest my family. Follow along now Vance

Prongs. I’ll never be used to your nicknames for each other. I like the sound of “Auror Pratface,” though. We should make him a badge.

Oh, of course. Make sure you get mine too, while you’re at it? I would only hate for your family to get lonely in Azkaban. Though I do like yours much better than mine. We can switch, if you like. That way you won’t have to arrest them.

[noirnomore]

I mean, I can't speak for your father or your cousin - but Prongs is still holding out hope they'll make him some special brand of Auror. "Auror Pratface" or something. Personally I'm just holding onto the small hope I'll be the one to throw half my family in Azkaban.

It's the little things in life, you know? 

Y’know, I constantly hear just how awful work at the ministry is. My question, then, is why do my father, my husband, my cousin, and three of my best friends choose to work there of their own accord?