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Nominees: The Comeback Column

By Sameer Suri

After months and months of waiting, Nominees is at long last BACK IN ACTION! Our inimitable hostess Leah Lamarr has secured us the perfect venue in the form of The Comedy Store’s raucous Belly Room, and now it’s up to us to ensure the opportunity isn’t squandered. Shall we achieve the dazzling heights of Liza’s comeback in the mid-’80s, or plumb the depths of Liza’s comeback in the early-2000s? (Please Google Image her fourth husband David Gest right now, and consider also that a bridesmaid at their wedding was Elizabeth Taylor.)

To inaugurate our glittering new edition of this show, we have an absolutely bonkers array of judges. Matt Spicer wrote and directed Ingrid Goes West, a movie about a deranged woman whose lunacy is amplified by a proximity to glitz and fame - a perfect fit for us. Beth Stelling, who writes for Sarah Silverman’s show I Love You America, will be joining him on a panel that includes Jonathan Lipnicki, who shot to fame as the little boy in Jerry Maguire, and Jason Greene, a.k.a. the acid-tongued Aunt Freckle on The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo.

And now, onto our first batch of nominees to grace our new home - the group who’ll remind the audience of the sheer power of live theater. Princess Margaret once went to see a production of The Madness Of King George III and fretted during intermission, “Do you think it’s hereditary?” Will our audience leave with similar flashes of self-realization? Let’s see if our performers are up to it.

Breck Denny is a marvelous actor and writer who performed both those roles in this year’s Hollywood Fringe play Nickel Dickers, a gleefully unhinged tip of the hat to Old Hollywood. It also happens to have co-starred our Leah (who is making me say how good she was - yes, Leah, you were wonderful, darling. It’s been six hours. May I have a glass of water now?) Breck is also at the Groundlings School’s final sketch writing level, and was willing to confess to us that he’s from Cleveland, which shows a commendable ability to say and do anything. Having seen Nickel Dickers, I can tell you he has a similar sense of humor to that which helped Whitney Rice pull through to first place all those months ago.

Sofia Gonzalez has flown through a string of guest shots on sitcoms as prominent as Modern Family, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Community - plus which, she got a series regular gig a couple years back on an ABC pilot called Chunk And Bean. She also made it onto the red carpet at the Creative Arts Emmys, so already she’s achieved a higher glamour quotient than I have, which I can’t pretend I’m thrilled about. On top of being a jobbing actress, she’s racked up some writing jobs as well, including an episode of the YouTube show Hacking High School. (The hack for me would’ve been, “Come out, already. This is embarrassing for everyone who knows you. You quote Elaine Stritch in conversation.”)

Sarah Keller, with whom I’m personally acquainted (full disclosure), is a very funny stand-up who’s made her name in Roast Battle - not only has she hit the top 10 in the live show rankings, but she’s done two seasons of the Comedy Central show as well. She’s written for the Comedy Central Roast of Bruce Willis, she’s toured with Chris Redd and she’s toured out to India, where even I haven’t performed yet. (In fairness, that’s because the country only legalized fags last month. You’d go to a Delhi party and see some poor queen who has three kids with his hapless beard - a woman I assume he knocked up by going down on her.) This is a woman who has survived my family’s Old Country, a place I lovingly call Ragheadistan, so evidently she’s good at responding quickly on the fly to a dicey situation - SEE, e.g., if she gets assigned the ad-lib half of our cold-read challenge.

Pamela Mitchell wound up on TV Land early in her comedy career, meaning she was in the company of The Golden Girls reruns, and you can’t get more illustrious than that. She’s since also been on such shows as Jane the Virgin, Scorpion and Shameless, but unless the Gallaghers start furnishing their house entirely in wicker and Emmy Rossum starts wearing bright green pantsuits that don’t fit, you can’t beat TV Land. Pamela’s also written and starred in an upcoming short called The Amateurs, and is appearing in another one called ‘Til Death Do Us Part - a pair of titles that pretty accurately sum up David Carradine’s sex life, but I digress terribly. Sorry about that, Pamela, break a leg.

Joshua Triplett’s resume has one credit that leapt out in particular - a couple of years ago, he got a guest shot on Nickelodeon’s Game Shakers, starring our very own onetime Nominees judge Kel Mitchell. He’s also got drama credentials, having appeared on six episodes of BET’s The Quad, so he’s prepared to have a go at the tearjerker scene we throw in there. (I’m not sure yet what tonight’s will be. I keep insisting that Shirley MacLaine’s: “I did not lift my skirt; it TWIRLED UP,” scene from Postcards From The Edge is a devastating showcase of heartrending pathos, but somehow this argument always falls on deaf ears.) 

Josh Waldron is another Joshua. This is a moniker that - fun fact - is derived from the same Hebrew name as Jesus, who like Josh Waldron had a hairdo that gives people the misimpression he batted for my team. I came to be acquainted with this Josh because, rather like myself at the moment, he used to write a blog about a competition show based in the Belly Room: in his case, Roast Battle. In the interests of full disclosure, Josh predicted I would lose my first Roast Battle, which turned out to be the only one I won, a victory he sportingly wrote up in a post that couldn’t have been kinder. Credits for Josh: he’s studied at Stella Adler, just like Elaine Stritch, who I see has become a running theme in this column. He’s done a cruise ship gig and managed to not get fat on the free food, and he’s written for Comedy Central. Plus, he tells us, Simon Cowell once said to him that he “would succeed in a live acting and improv competition.” Simon Cowell’s reputation rests in your hands now, Josh. You carry an exalted legacy with you.

That’s our lineup. Do join us this evening at the Comedy Store Belly Room at 10:30pm, and douse yourself in a bit of glamour before embarking on Halloween weekend. It’ll be magnificent, darlings - he said, pointlessly plugging a show that’s already sold out. What a joy it is to have this show back up and running!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: March Edition

By Sameer Suri

Well, darlings, here we are, gearing up for the final Nominees to be held in the NerdMelt Showroom before it closes down. Our little show has been in this venue from the start - before I was even involved in it, as if I needed a reminder of how dispensable I am. Your hostess, as always, will be the completely indispensable Leah Lamarr!

Since tonight is a special occasion, we’ve prepared an absolute blowout of an evening for you - which’ll be a welcome reprieve for all of us from doing our taxes. (Meanwhile, the IRS sent someone this morning to repossess my liver. It’s very valuable - there’s a bit of Stedman’s DNA on it.) This extravaganza has, just for tonight, a grand total of FOUR judges. Our usual trio apparently wasn’t enough for our last bow, but our usual table is still in use, and truth be told, we’re still not entirely sure how we’re going to fit all our judges up there.

Whatever we have to do, though, these four are worth it. We have not only Jake Weisman, who co-created Comedy Central’s recently renewed sitcom Corporate and who makes me shriek with laughter on Twitter, and Brandon Rogers, whose YouTube satire of the Fourth of July could fit right into John Waters’ Female Trouble. Joining them at the table none other than Sterling “Steelo” Brim himself - he of MTV’s Ridiculousness - and the wonderful stand-up comic Brent Weinbach.

Travis Coles:

In an indicator of genuine talent, Travis initially sent such an adorably self-effacing bio that Leah had to coax him to brag more. He appears on the comic webseries susaneLand, which went to Sundance this year and earned a rave from The Hollywood Reporter, on top of which he has a recurring gig on the NBC series Superstore. Network, darlings. He’s also featured on a forthcoming YouTube Red show called Liza On Demand, which I was crushed to discover is not about Liza Minnelli. He’s also snagged that coveted Geico commercial job, so keep an eye out for what he does with the ad copy challenge.

Ashleigh Hairston:

Ashleigh has lined up voice roles on both a Disney Channel XD project (Marvel’s Avengers Assemble: Black Panther’s Quest) and a Cartoon Network project (Craig Of The Creek), meaning that to complete the trifecta of my childhood, the last thing she has left to do is star in a Bollywood movie about, I don’t know, separated family members or a sweeping romance that disintegrates tragically into jihad or something. (Don’t do it, Ashleigh. There’s money in Bollywood, but in America, you can walk into any bathroom and be confident there’s a toilet inside - and you can’t put a price on that.) Anyhow, she’s also an improv trouper you can see at the UCB Theatre and a 13-time national commercial star. Looking at her improv history, my prediction is that she’ll shine in the cold read if she’s the one who gets to ad lib.

Esther Ku:

A traveling pen saleswoman turned accomplished stand-up, her TV gigs include The Jim Gaffigan Show, Last Comic Standing, Nick Cannon’s Wild’n Out and @midnight. Moreover - and she’s fun enough to include these two credits right next to each other in her bio - she not only appeared on Artie Lange’s Direct TV show, but also became a finalist on Howard Stern’s Hottest Funniest Chick Contest. I hope, at some point, she performs with Mo’Nique and then gets interviewed by Oprah, so she put those two things next to each other on a bio. Though her old sales job might lend its skills to the commercial copy challenge, I’m also optimistic for her in that final monologue. Sometimes actors have trouble with this sort of a task, where they have no one to play off - but a stand-up won’t have a problem.

Grasie Mercedes:

Grasie is a Meisner actress, which is to say, no slouch. Her TV guest shots include The Affair, Masters Of Sex, and 9-1-1, which is a progression of titles that, when you line them up, give you a decent summary of my visit as a 14-year-old to Kevin Spacey’s house. A UCB and iOWest graduate, she’s stretched her improv muscle as well, and she expanded into directing and co-writing with a recently-wrapped darkly comic short film called Egg Day. She also lifestyle blogs, which means that even though she’s from New York and I’m from the San Fernando Valley, she’s become more LA than I am. My sense is that her work in the dramatic scene is going to be her shining hour this evening.

Chris Powell:

Chris, or as he’s also known Comedian CP, has appeared on that titan of a show Empire, as well as such series as White Famous and Detroiters. He also wrote an episode of Detroiters, and is at present percolating his own Adult Swim pilot, which he scripted and stars in. His past credits include HBO’s All Def Comedy Jam, and he’s had a bit about the name “Harriet” that made me howl when I heard it. When you watch his stand-up, it’s evident he’s either easily, naturally really funny, or is just able to make it seem that way, which when you think about it is even better. This is the sort of skill that will render him a formidable competitor to Ashleigh if he’s given the ad-lib half of the cold-read challenge.

Alan Starzinski:

The writer and star of two UCBNY one-man shows, this man first began UCB classes 11 years ago, demonstrating a level of loyalty that’s startling these days to a spouse, let alone to an improv outfit. He also performed in the 2016 JFL New Faces Characters, and featured on Simi Valley, a show for the Blackpills app. I’m 23, and when I think of all the apps and websites that have shows on them, I feel like a crumbling retiree dribbling into nursing home bedsheets and asking people if they can see my nipples through my shoes. In view of his experience both with ad-libbing and with delivering material onstage by himself, naturally the improvised Oscar-winning monologue is the place for him to show what he’s made of.

These are the contenders you’ll be seeing tonight - the last contenders you’ll ever see face off against one another onstage at the NerdMelt Showroom. Do swing by at 9pm today. It’ll be a night to remember!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

The Nominees Gossip Column: Remember February?

By Sameer Suri

Well, darlings, here we are, at the first Nominees gossip column since news broke that our beloved venue, the NerdMelt Showroom, is closing. We’ve found ourselves flung to the wind in search of a roof, like a call-girl kicked out of a limo at 4am, still picking her teeth.

Now is the time to look back on the last show we put on before we learned NerdMelt was on its way out - and on the gin-soaked (for me) after-party at The Pikey, where I dished with our winner Stephanie Simbari.

After we spent a few minutes chewing over old Judy Garland dirt, I finally got around to asking if there was anyone in particular whose elimination surprised her.

Anna Salinas “was robbed,” Stephanie said. “She was so good. When she said: ‘I was robbed,’ I had said that to her two seconds before. I thought she was really, really good.”

Naturally, I had to bring up Stephanie’s reality star gig on Funny Girls, and to ask what the oddest part of the job had been. “The weirdest thing about it,” she said slowly, somewhat startled that I’d even heard of her show, “is that you’re playing yourself, so - but what you’re doing isn’t necessarily real. So the line between your truth and the truth that the show wants you to play are blurred. It’s a little stressful.”

When I asked, “How much is instructed?” she said with refreshing forthrightness, “A lot. A lot. I mean, it’s based on reality, but situationally, it’s narratively designed.”

She clarified that “They don’t tell you what to say, but they tell you where you’re going, and what needs to happen in order for the plot to move forward.”

This reminded me somewhat of Martin Scorcese’s improvisational directing style on my favorite movie musical, New York, New York - which is a comparison I’m sure Marty would appreciate. (Very stuffy, he. The magnificent wop journalist Oriana Fallaci told the New York Observer that when she dined at his 58th-storey apartment, he made her crane herself out the bathroom window to have a smoke, “risking to precipitate down on the sidewalk.” And this was in the old days of his marriage to Isabella Rosselini, when as a general rule people were much more relaxed about cigarettes than now, the era of potheads who seem to imagine that what comes out of a peace isn’t smoke.)

Steph’s runner-up that evening was Rick Glassman, who for so much of the show was a reliable crowd-pleaser - but who ultimately ended up sensationally alienating both the judges’ table and a judge-friendly audience.

Once he’d lost, “The first thing that went through my head was, ‘Good for Stephanie.’ You can quote me on this: she needs a win,” he quipped when I spoke to him just before the after-party. “And, it’s just - she went up there, she gave a great goodbye speech. She did a hilarious, vulnerable gag where she didn’t care about the trophy, and then realized she needed to care about the trophy, and then she dug into it and it was great. All in all, I think Steph was the better person for the win.”

Moreover, having dished post-show with the reality star, I of course had to have a chat with a man from the TV genre that reality has supplanted. Chandler Massey, being a witty and elegantly dressed soap star with gorgeous hair, struck me as our Joan Collins, and was one of our judges at last month’s Nominees.

Hoping for bitchery, I asked him which of his fellow judges he preferred - Ryan Cabrera (who very boringly called his ex-girlfriend Ashlee Simpson a “sweetheart” when I asked about her) or Arden Myrin.

Chandler didn’t bite, and his lady friend Amalea across the table (actually just a friend, despite what the phrasing implies) gave him a way out of it. “Both for different reasons,” said Chandler at her prompting.

“So, I think Arden actually brought up some, like - had some pretty stellar insights of like, ‘Oh, my God, that applies to my own life. I’m sitting here getting lessons, life lessons from Arden. And then, Ryan, you know, made a song that I’ve listened to thousands of times.”

Shortly after we wrapped up this conversation with them, I took up with four delightful Kiwis who’d come to see the show, got swept along in their evening, and drank with them until past four in the morning - so I missed rather more of the after-party than I probably should’ve. Call me irresponsible. Or rather, don’t - I don’t need to move any closer to the brink of being fired.

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: February Edition

By Sameer Suri

Another Nominees is hurtling toward us - the last one before the Oscars burst into view and achingly disappoint us all again! Luckily Nominees, as hostessed by the indefatigable Leah Lamarr, doesn’t disappoint. Have I just elevated our show at the back of a comic book store to a status higher than that of the Academy Awards? My word.

In contrast to the endless lacrimosa of the Oscars - remember that one memorial reel where it seemed like everyone involved with A Room with a View died that year? - we have fun over at Nominees. That’s in no small part thanks to the judges, where the show gets a lot of its star power.

Last time we had Kel Mitchell, and this time, faintly inexplicably, we have Ryan Cabrera. Leah informed me of this so recently I still haven’t quite wrapped my head around it. Joining him will be Arden Myrin, who proved on Shameless she can make you screech with laughter just from the look on her face. Plus, we have Chandler Massey of Days of Our Lives - of which he’s done more than 800 episodes. The mere thought of that much work exhausts me. Soap stars, coming from a profession that can’t help but be self-aware, tend to be heaps of fun. Go listen to Joan Colins on Desert Island Discs, denouncing Bette Davis as an “ogre” who didn’t like Joan because of an antipathy to “young, attractive actresses.”

Now, to the toasts of the evening themselves - the Nominees.

Christina Collard:

Born in Melbourne and educated at Sydney’s National Institute of Dramatic Art, Christina is Australian enough that the bio she sent in to us includes the word “whilst.” Aside from accents being a crowd-pleaser, she’s got an array of acting credits in such projects as the series The Girl’s Guide to Depravity - which I haven’t seen but which, with a title that promising, I now know I should’ve. She’s one of the few in this bunch without a stand-up background, so she’ll be resting on her backlog of acting experience, not least a slew of ads. Naturally, she’ll shine in the commercial copy segment - people do tend to be best at making fun of things they understand from the inside.

Rick Glassman:

Rick played none other than Harold Ramis himself in A Futile and Stupid Gesture, Netflix’ new Will Forte-starring movie about National Lampoon. Plus which, he was part of a principal cast including Chris D’Elia and Ron Funches in Undateable - something I wish more men on Grindr realized I am. (This has been bothering me; I have to ask: is it normal for a guy to finish in your mouth without getting you off, and then for HIM to be miffed YOU’RE not looking for a serious relationship? Does no one find this odd? Poor Rick doesn’t need this line of inquiry cluttering up his section of the blog post. Sorry, Rick.) The point is that Rick, who’s also a stand-up, is eminently credentialed. It’s hard to think of a specific category he’ll do best in, but think of him as a general interest tough contender.

Edgar Momplaisir:

Edgar’s acting credits include a forthcoming movie by none other than Gus Van Sant himself. Not just any movie - a movie by a prestige director about a disabled man that, to my faintly stunned admiration, got away with the title Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot. He’s also had a guest shot on Great News, but he appears to have a particular affinity for short movies. Naturally, given the fact he’s landed gig in a Gus Van Sant movie, if I had to guess a category he’ll especially shine in, I would give him the Oscars monologue. For what it’s worth, I happen to have met Edgar, so I also know he’s lovely company, and that he couldn’t if he tried even APPROACH being as irritating as Sean Penn. I would imagine Gus agreed.

Ryan O’Flanagan:

Ryan is a wonderfully funny and charismatic stand-up comic, on top of which he’s racked up such credits as a recurring shot on American Vandal, guests parts on New Girl and American Dad!, and an episode of Adam Devine’s House Party. He has a relaxed charm that will serve him well whenever he has to make a speech - and as I never tire of pointing out, a Nominee once gave a loser speech so good, her elimination was reversed and she re-entered the competition, which she then won. Also, like the other stand-ups in this bunch, he has the advantage stand-up gives you in the Oscars speeches - you can speak onstage on your own without the benefit of anyone to play off, and you can do so at least briefly off the cuff if need be.

Anna Salinas:

In addition to a performing career that includes a short film Insomniac, her Yentl - she directed, wrote, and starred - Anna’s created a delightfully wry web comic that you can catch on her Instagram page @badcomixbyanna. Her recent post about weight loss describes precisely what happened to us all earlier this month - and, I should add, happened to me just before I had to fly halfway around the globe for a wedding. (Luckily, the food in India gives you the shits and it’s possible to shed a couple pounds that way.) Anna’s sense of the visual will be of great use to her in the Oscars monologue. Often, during that challenge, the Nominee is so consumed by trying to come up with funny lines on the spot, they understandably wind up just standing there and talking. On occasion, you get someone like one of our past winners Whitney Rice, who understood the blocking was as important as the talking. Anna, both a comic artist and a director, must understand the importance of how things look, and that’s an asset here.

Stephanie Simbari:

Stephanie is a stand-up with terrifically precise timing onstage - and she’s managed to parlay this ability into not only an acting career, but also reality stardom on Oxygen’s Funny Girls. This makes her, I think we can agree, an aspirational figure, though I hope she was kidding on Funny Girls when she said, “It is good for your abs and your ass, but I do yoga for my spirit.” Stephanie’s spirit will likely stand her in good stead during the cold-read, especially as the person doing the reading. Usually, in that round, the laughs go to the ad-libber - but Stephanie has such a naturally tongue-in-cheek attitude, she could probably animate even the seriously written straight-man stuff that gets read out.

Don’t miss any of them, or indeed all of them, TONIGHT at the Nerdmelt Showroom at 9pm!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Nominees Gossip Column: First of the Year!

By Sameer Suri

Another Nominees, another bibulous evening of irrepressible dish at The Pikey. For the first time, I noticed the photo of Jimmy Carter on the wall of this British-themed joint - this despite the fact that when then-President Carter visited Britain, he scandalized the Queen Mother by greeting her with a completely uninvited smooch on the lips. It turns out even the last Empress of India had a #MeToo story. “Nobody has done that,” Big Lizzie eventually summed up the incident, “since my husband died.”

What do you come to this blog for if not to read me vamping about dead rich people?

To, of course, hear from some rather happier people who, luckily for all of us, are still alive! What a way for me to lead into this. Hiring me was a mistake.

The belle of January’s ball was the superb Vanessa Chester, who thundered to victory during the show, and who at the afterparty proved herself as scintillating a raconteuse as she is a Nominees contender.

Her stiffest competition going in, she felt, was “Carlie [Craig] or Meryl [Hathaway]. I really just, I - duh, I Insta-stalked,” she confessed.

“And I was looking at them, and I was like, 'These chicks are awesome.' Like, I was really hoping that it would either be me and one of them at towards the end, or the two of them. Like, I was definitely gunning for the females.”

I asked my perennially futile question about whether anyone was bitchy backstage, and while Vanessa was as kind as anyone in response to it, she at least shared my frustration at the lack of nastiness.

“Ugh, I wish,” she said, “because then I would've been more motivated to be a little bit more competitive. But everyone was, like, super supportive. Carlie was, like, pinning my dress together, and Meryl gave me a Ricola because my throat hurt. And I was like, 'Fuck, I can't even I, Tonya any of these people, because they're so nice.'”

I, Tonya was, by the way, a masterpiece - though I suspect the principal reason I love it so much is that it made me cry so much I lost weight.

Vanessa, it turns out, is a reader of this blog - so you should be, too! - and so when I told her I “have to ask” her about something, she instantly knew what I was referring to.

“Vince Vaughn?” she said before I did, having of course starred in The Lost World: Jurassic Park with Vince, whom I’ve always carried a bit of a torch for.

Still, despite my feeling about him, my first priority is you, readers. So naturally, the first thing I dug for was dirt, but when I asked about anything bitchy he’d said, Vanessa replied, “No, he was like, when I tell you, to this day, I love him so much.”

Vanessa, who was twelve when The Lost World: Jurassic Park was shot, recalled that during filming one day she “walked into the, like, movie trailer, and I was really sad, because this kid was, like, making fun of me in school, and, like, just, I don't know. I got picked on so much. And he was like, ‘V, what's up?’ And I was like, ‘You know, like, this guy Michael keeps on making fun of me, and like, he just picks on me and this and that.’”

Vanessa “was just like, telling everyone in the makeup trailer, like, "Muh, huh, this sucks," you know? And he was like, ‘Well, do you need me to go handle him at school? Like, what's the deal?’ You know, and I was like - and of course, it made me laugh.”

“Look, I'm just gonna tell you right now, Vanessa,” he said to her. “You're gonna look like a fucking supermodel when you get older. And all these guys who don't get it now are gonna be pissed.”

Vanessa recalled, “And I was, like, awkward and skinny and weird, and I was like, ‘That's so cool that he'd lie to me to make me feel better.’ But after, I was - I had the biggest crush on him, so I was like, ‘If he thinks I'm gonna be hot, maybe this is gonna work out.’

“And like, to this day, I'm like, ‘Vince Vaughn is the reason why I'm kind of good-looking, 'cause he made me believe it, and then I grew into it.’ So, I love him. Yeah, I love him.”

Another brief side note, this time from Vanessa: “I actually saw him at Bar Lubilsch when I was, like, 20-something and he couldn't believe. He was like, ‘You can fucking drink?’ I was like, ‘Yeah, and I'm good at it. Cool.’”

See you all at the next Nominees, TOMORROW at the Nerdmelt Showroom at 9pm!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: January Edition

By Sameer Suri

Hello, hello, my darlings! After a brief holiday, Nominees is back, hostessed as ever by the glorious, indefatigable Leah Lamarr.

This time around, we find ourselves plunged headlong into the middle of awards season, which has of course completely engrossed me amid this explosion of scandals. Personally, I think the Oscars should have a separate death reel for people whose careers are just dead. Then again, I’ve always had a soft spot for men who treat me badly. Would anyone join me if I were to start up #MeTooAndILikedIt? Leah, am I fired?

The past few days have seen a particular flurry of awards show news, with the Oscar nominations announced on the heels of the SAGs. Plus which, right around the corner is the Grammys, the red carpet of which we all watch with a persistent chorus of, “Who the fuck is…?”

For actual talent, swing by Nominees this Friday.

This is true not least because on the dazzling judges’ panel is none other than Kel Mitchell himself. No, actually. Yes, that one. He of All That, Kenan & Kel, Game Shakers, etc. I don’t know how we got him either. Kel’s also been on a sketch show on truTV, a.k.a. the revamped version of Court TV, a.k.a. the purveyor of some of the best gossip this town has ever devoured. Google Leslie Abramson and then come back. I confess myself faintly starstruck. At our judges’ panel, Kel will keep the fine company of Sarah Ramos, whom you’ll recognize from Parenthood and City Girl, and Allan McLeod of You’re The Worst. The pedigree on this show has been intensifying like Usher’s latest rash (allegedly, allegedly, Jesus, leave me alone).

Allora, to the nominees themselves:

Brandon Broady: It’s always a pleasure to have comics on the show, on top of which Brandon has an easy charm that served him well as a host on BET’s The Xperiment. A fluid and funny stand-up, he’s toured with none other than Donnell Rawlings and now serves as one of the three hosts of Crashletes - alongside, by the way, Nominees alumna Stevie Nelson. Part of me is curious about what would happen if we went three for three and got their other host Rob Gronkowski onto Nominees one of these days, but the other part of me hasn’t been in the brandy yet. Anyhow, Brandon’s training as a compere will likely stand him in good stead when it comes time to give a winner or loser speech - and as we saw last time, that formerly vestigial bit of the contest can now make or break a contestant.

Vanessa Chester: Vanessa is of course most famous for playing the daughter of Jeff Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm in The Lost World: Jurassic Park - in which role she made such an impression, she astonishingly managed to distract me from swooning over the young Vince Vaughn. (And, if I’m being honest, the old Pete Postlethwaite.) This is not, as you can tell, a contender to be trifled with. Since The Lost World, you may have caught her guest shots on legendary shows ranging from The West Wing to Malcolm in the Middle to How I Met Your Mother. Plus, she’s a fellow Trojan of mine and earned a bachelor’s in Economics, so we’re not talking about a dummy here. A quick mind is a great advantage in the cold-reading challenge, especially if you’re the poor bastard who hasn’t got the script, so I predict success for her in that round.

Carlie Craig: On top of being one of the stars of the resuscitated MADtv, Carlie is also a delightful comedienne and mimic. She does a more fluid and less affected impression of Emma Stone than Emma Stone does these days. (Yes, I still harbor an uncontrollable seething resentment that Emma STOLE ISABELLE HUPPERT’S OSCAR, but on the other hand we play La La Land songs at Nominees so I should probably quit knocking her. Sorry, Leah.) Over the course of just one impressions reel I saw, Carlie managed to capture both Kristin Chenoweth and Lorde, so camp versatility is clearly a strength of hers - rather an enviable one, from where I’m standing because it’s uncomfortable for me to sit. Imagine what this broad can do to liven up a bit of commercial copy.

Andrew Delman: Another comic, Andrew does that thing where he plays multiple characters on the same project - namely the viciously fun web show The Most Popular Girls in School. This sort of chameleon thing is precisely what you want for the sudden flip from the cold-read (played for laughs) to the Oscar scene (which can be played for laughs but which typically veers toward the lachrymose). It’s occasionally a difficult switch for performers to make quickly enough on Nominees, but it’s one I think Andrew could prove adept at - and, now I’ve mentioned it, Carlie. Also, Andrew’s done a guest shot on a show called Swedish Dicks, which stars one of the great unacknowledged sex symbols of our time, Peter Stormare. You remember Peter Stormare. He was the blonde kidnapper in the legendary Fargo and the artist behind the equally legendary album Dallerpölsa och småfåglar. Come, now, you’ve heard Dallerpölsa och småfåglar.

Meryl Hathaway: Meryl featured on the revival of The Comeback, a show that’s floated into the same echelon of fag cult adulation as Postcards from the Edge and Fran Lebowitz. Before you think I’m prioritizing my feelings for the series as a whole over Meryl’s ability as an individual, I should only say she was devilishly funny on the thing. She captures exactly the sort you meet a million of in Los Angeles - if boxed wine were a person. Meryl’s not from this town, but I am, and I can promise you her portrayal of this type of person was revoltingly accurate. Watching her, I was having ‘Nam flashbacks to the times I’ve been stupid enough to wander into Library Bar. If she gets to it, watch out for her at the final monologue.

Elliott Morgan: Yet another stand-up, this one with a slew of hosting gigs for the YouTube outfit SourceFed, not to mention a now defunct web show called Happy Hour. As you can guess from the title of Happy Hour, he’s capable of entertaining you while drinking - a far rarer and more punishing feat than you, yes you, imagine it is. Of course, an ability to perform under the influence is gold in an awards show speech (SEE: Elizabeth Taylor. You’d think her weight would’ve increased her tolerance, but apparently just because your neck could double as a thigh, doesn’t mean you can pour an unlimited quantity of hootch down it. Also, Elliott, if you’re reading this, I’m aware you visibly drink very little over the course of one video, so I’m not saying you to Liz Taylor is an exact comparison.)

There they are, darlings, the contenders of our evening - the champagne-popping fête we’re throwing to ring in a new year of Nominees. If you’re in our audience and free for a post-show drink, do swing by the after-party at The Pikey, where the real gossip is. And do, of course, swing by the pre-after-party-party - Nominees itself, Friday at 9pm at the Nerdmelt Showroom!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

The Nominees Gossip Column: New Year's Eve Edition

By Sameer Suri Hello, hello, my darlings! Nominees has taken December off, as Los Angeles empties and I finally got an excuse to put on Barbra Streisand’s Christmas album when she sings in Latin. (Who am I kidding? I was playing that in July.) But since your divine hostess Leah Lamarr and I knew how crushed you’d be to miss us this month, we’ve arranged to tide you over with the gossip from the November show. Buckle up: Naturally, the highlight of the November Edition was the biggest upset in Nominees’ brief history - the judges voted Hannah Pilkes off, only to be so bowled over by her loser speech they restored her to the competition, and she then proceeded to win the whole damn thing. After she and Jon Rudnitsky gave their loser speeches - and if you missed them I can’t do them justice - the judges took time to deliberate, and there was a sense in the air of what was about to happen. “I thought - I thought they were gonna bring Jon [Rudnitsky] back,” Hannah told me during the after-party at The Pikey, “because there’d been this, like, hilarious banter with Jon and the judges, where they kept calling him - ‘cause they said he had a gay face, but it was okay for them to say it, ‘cause they’re gay, which I loved.” That would be Charles Rogers and Jordan Firstman, who sniped at each other so goddamn much you know it’s love. The “fun shock” of being brought back “validated” her after all the high school elections she’d lost. “It made me feel like: ‘I’ve won something! There is hope yet! They can change their minds!’” Hannah quipped. When I asked, as I do, if anyone was bitchy backstage, Hannah gushed: “Everyone was the shit backstage. They were like, ‘Do you want a beer?’ Like, ‘Can I borrow some deodora - ‘“ Actually, I was like, ‘Can I borrow some deodorant?’ Like, I started perspiring an hour before the show and it only went downhill. But it was cool. It was, like, very, not what you’d exp- no. No claws out," she assured me. Why even do I ask this anymore? How dull of everyone not to despise each other. Jon was similarly diplomatic when I spoke to him at Nerdmelt, just after the show had wrapped up: “No. No, nothing too bitchy. You know, no. I think everyone was very supportive and loving toward one another. I mean, there - maybe one person, but I won’t reveal names.” “Oh, come now,” I prodded, to which he started jerking my chain. “She - sure, she put a rock in my shoe and said, ‘I hope you fall flat on your face.’ Her name...starts with an H, so I can’t say anymore than that.” clarified, referring to the evening’s champion and to her marvelous co-competitor Heather Pasternak: “There were two girls with names with H’s. That’s why I said that. But neither of them did that. They were all very good,” he said graciously. They’re all such sweethearts, this group. Could you vomit? After he and Hannah gave loser speeches, prompting the judges to have a confab - and it was clear either he or Hannah was coming back - what went through Jon’s mind? “I heard that the judges were deliberating again - you know, I knew it wasn’t me. ‘Cause I saw them seeing when Hannah went up there and did her speech, and she was so funny. They’re like, “But we love her, and we don’t wanna get rid of her.” So, that’s how I kinda - I was like, “Okay.”’ (For those of you who weren’t there that night; Heather was being nice and Jon is capturing the actual mood in the room.) He confessed to me: ‘And to be honest, I was relieved. I didn’t wanna have to improvise a monologue. I wanted a beer.”’ Obviously, inasmuch as I had Jon Rudnitsky in front of me, I had to bring up what I consider his enviable feat of getting Anderson Cooper to take umbrage with him. For those of you who aren’t aware, during his Saturday Night Live days, Jon played Anderson during the show’s spoof of one of last year’s presidential debates. When Anderson appeared on Watch What Happens Live, as quoted by Entertainment Weekly, Andy Cohen said that Jon’s “queened up” performance “offended him.” Echoing HR department heads nationwide, Anderson insisted he was “all for being spoofed,” offering a Seth Meyers parody of him as a “really funny” example thereof. “It was like the only thing [Rudnitsky] knew about me was that I was gay so that’s sort of what he went with,” said Anderson, indicating there’d been “a little Truman Capote vibe” in the performance. Now, who would your Trophy Queen be if I didn’t furnish you all with the historical significance of that particular bit of shade? Like many in New York’s high society at the time, Anderson’s mother Gloria Vanderbilt - remember that phrase the next time he tries to come off all voice-of-the-people - was once friends with Truman Capote. He sparkled up the conversation at their dinner parties, and they dished their dirt to him. Tru was, for a time, in. Then, of course, he went and upended this arrangement by publishing a blistering and wildly entertaining little short story called La Côte Basque 1965 in a 1975 issue of Esquire. Under the barest veneer of “fiction,” the piece bubbled with gossip about the Manhattan elite, many of whose names he changed - including his old pal Babe Paley and her CBS chief husband Bill Paley, which is just as well, considering Truman wrote about the Bill analog struggling to get another woman’s period blood off his bedsheets before the wife could see it. Our Glo’s name was not changed. As dirt goes, though, she got off easy - not a mention of her menstrual discharge will you find in that story. As I recall, all that happens to her is that her first husband approaches her in a restaurant and says hello, and she fails to recognize him. From 1963 to 1978, Glo was on her fourth husband. Can you blame a gal for getting a little hazy about the past? Anyhow, aghast at Truman’s lèse majesté, New York high society closed ranks against him - this weird-looking outsider with the stupid voice who’d dared insinuate himself among them, only to betray their naughty little secrets to the rabble. For the rest of his life, the author of Breakfast at Tiffany’s was persona non grata to the bulk of these people. Anderson told Vanity Fair in 2012, “I think Truman really hurt my mother.” So, when Anderson Cooper drops a reference to Truman Capote, you can be fairly certain it isn’t a compliment. When I brought up L’Affaire Cooper to Jon, it was in the form of this question: “So, if you could say anything to Anderson Cooper, what would you say now?” Jon was nothing if not conciliatory. “I felt badly about that whole thing,” he said, insisting: “I had no intention of offending him. I was just trying to do an impression of the guy, and I think it offended him. So - and I felt badly about it. But - but yeah. You know, that wasn’t my intention. Yeah, I got accused of queening it up or something, is what him and Andy Cohen said on...on the Bravo show.” "On that Watch What Happens Live.” “On Watch What Happens Live. You know, I’ve spoken about it to Andy Cohen since,” Jon revealed. “What did he say?” “And he felt badly,” said Jon. “It was like I, you know, he didn’t remember that he said it, and he felt badly that he made me feel bad. ‘Cause I, you know, I never wanna do that. I - that’s not who I am and it wasn’t my intention. I was just kinda pursing my lips, and putting my glasses at the bridge of my nose, and touching my hair.” It took me to note the obvious: “Andy Cohen is not one to talk about queening it up.” Jon did not succumb to my temptation to bitch, saying, “I have no comment on that. All I know is that’s what they said I did to Anderson and that’s not what I tried to do.” I gave him a very brief Cliff Notes version of this old trouble between Glo Vanderbilt and Truman Capote. “Wow,” said Jon. “So, it was really deep-seated, his anger. Well, look, if I’m gonna be compared to anybody, I’ll take Truman Capote. The guy was pretty amazing, right?” ‘Tis the season, darlings - have a ball! I’m abroad in India - or, as I lovingly call it, Ragheadistan. Assuming I make it back alive, I’ll see you all next year at the January show!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: Nominees, November Edition

By Sameer Suri

Halloween is over, and I’ve already begun playing Mae West’s rock ‘n’ roll Christmas album Mae in December (a masterwork of grotesquery), which means November is here. Which, of course, means in turn that a November edition of Nominees is on its way to the stage for you all - hostessed, as ever, by the inimitable Leah Lamarr!

Our marvelous judges panel this time round will include two minds involved with TBS’ Search Party: Charles Rogers, one of the show’s trio of creators, and Jordan Firstman, who’s on its writing staff and has acted on it. Search Party is a charmingly bleak sitcom about the struggle to find a missing woman, and one hopes its scathingness will transfer over to the judging - sweetie, they can’t all be Paula. The divine Angela Trimbur, an actress and writer with a series percolating at Tru TV, will be gracing our panel with these two fellas, but who knows if she’ll be Paula either? I tell you the truth, Paula sort of grates on me. No one’s that nice except by court order. You can be as stoned as you like, to the point of being one of those people that though the romphim was attractive. I don’t want to know from Paula.

But we’ve strayed from the subject. Who will triumph at the show tomorrow night? Will there be crocodile tears? Will there be real tears? (Can you imagine?) Will there be coldhearted betrayals, flaring tempers, dashed dreams?

Sweethearts, your contestants tomorrow night are:

Max Baumgarten:

This fine gentleman’s a comic and has done quite a bit of work in the theater, including the Edinburgh Fringe in a production called Vegas Nocturne, so he should have none of the projecting trouble that film actors sometimes get when they’re expected to perform onstage. (As anyone who’s heard me sing knows, some vocal skills are irretrievably beyond some people. Do you remember when Brooke Shields did a stage musical? Remember Brooke Shields?) He’s also worked as a clown, so though he’ll frighten the martini olives out of me, clearly he has an affinity for working live. Moreover, if I remember the clowns of my not-as-distant-as-it-looks youth correctly, he’s got a knack for physical comedy, admirable facial expressiveness and a high probability of slitting my throat in the dead of night.

Scout Durwood:

Scout is herself a wonderfully funny comic, which has landed her a spot on that Oxygen docu-series Funny Girls (I initially misread the title when I tuned in and took embarrassingly long to realize Barbra Streisand wasn’t going to show up). Talking of Barbra, Scout’s also a terrific singer, as you can hear from her album Take One Thing Off, which includes a cover of My Funny Valentine, plus these three songs that pretty much sum up the general trajectory of my love life - Drinking, Men in L.A., Hate Crime. (I’ve always gone for men who treat me mean.) Point is, she knows how to aim for the laugh, but also how to get you to have a bit of a well-up, so watch out for her in that Oscars scene.

Heather Pasternak:

Another wonderful comic here, an opener for Jeff Garlin and a fixture on the Los Angeles club scene, Heather’s also scored New Girl and The Mindy Project guest spots. (Meanwhile, Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name.) Her deftness as a comedian indicates a canny ability to think on her feet, so keep an eye out for her in that cold-read round - if she’s the one who ends up having to improvise, she’ll be a formidable contender. Plus which, she’s excellent in a Funny Or Die sketch she co-wrote called Love Struck, in which the object of her affection is a dryer. If there’s anything that’ll serve you well in the commercial copy round, it’s being able to affect romantic feelings for an inanimate object, à la my attraction to Aaron Taylor Johnson.

Hannah Pilkes:

A child star turned adult Nominees contestant, Hannah debuted on film opposite Kevin Bacon in The Woodsman. My God, I haven’t felt so outclassed since the last time I was in airport security. (Somehow, I always come off as the least terroristy brown man there. Tell the truth, is it my voice?) With an Independent Spirit Award nomination to her name, Hannah has no reason to fear for herself in the Oscars scene, particularly inasmuch as the Independent Spirit Awards are by and large smarter about their acting categories than the Oscars are. (When I chanted, “I’m with her,” I meant Isabelle Huppert. Oh, please, don’t tell me from La La Land. Only a straight man could’ve cast Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in a musical.)

Jon Rudnitsky:

This man was once a cast member on Saturday Night Live, where he managed the apparently not terribly difficult - but still very entertaining - feat of offending Andy Cohen. Tomorrow, he’s with us. How far the mighty, huh? He’s since featured in a Reese Witherspoon movie and on the new Curb Your Enthusiasm season, so in seriousness things are good and busy for him and we’re lucky to have him. My prediction is he’ll be the one to beat in the commercial copy round - the round that most rewards your ability to get laughs rapid-fire. I only wish we could get another TV reporter in the crowd and see whom he can offend again. Again, not a frightfully difficult task, but don’t you want to hear Barbara Walters pronounce the word “umbrage?”

Greg Santos:

Greg has the misfortune of having the surname that comes last alphabetically, and here I am screeching toward my deadline, so I’ll keep this quick. His sitcom guest credits include Great News and Angel from Hell, and he’s a funny and engaging stage presence as a comic, plus which he hasn’t done badly for himself as far as commercial gigs are concerned. It feels as though I keep saying people will do well at the commercial copy, but I think that again now, not least because of the verisimilitude he’ll be able to lend the proceedings given his own résumé. That round will be a banner round this month, I should imagine. Also, as a comedian he’s very charismatic, which gets you a lot of mileage in that final monologue.

I wish all the contenders my absolute best! As it happens, I’ll unfortunately be missing the start of the show, but I’ll be there for most of it, and see all of the rapt faces peering out from the audience at our contestants. Don’t worry, I’ll prance extravagantly across the stage, envelope in hand, at least once.

As pre-fame Bette Midler told the crowd at a gay bathhouse in the early 1970s, with Barry Manilow at the piano, “...if I come back and there are any empty seats, your mother is gonna hear from me.”

[nomineestheshow-blog]

The Nominees Gossip Column: October Edition

By Sameer Suri

We’re just a few days away from November’s edition of Nominees, so to whet your appetites, my darlings, here’s the gossip from last time’s post-show.

Sweethearts, if you’ve been to the show proper, but didn’t swing by the after-party at The Pikey, you’ve missed half the production. Actors and writers and other Los Angeles types drink, raconte, swirl around the room networking, all in that now very stylish formal-wear-that’s-now-a-bit-rumped-and-askew-because-we’ve-been-drinking-for-a-bit look. And, of course, the fun ones dish.

It had been a banner show, with an uproarious flood of banter from the judges - Aisling Bea, with Annie and Tony Cavalero - and at the finish, H. Michael Croner seized victory.

When I asked him who he’d felt his biggest competition was before he hit the stage that night, he told me, “I didn't know very many people going into the show, but I knew Josh [Ruben], so I guess Josh.”

Being the irrepressible yenta I am, I had to know if anything bitchy was said backstage: “Nobody said anything bitchy, but everyone was just really nervous - so it was good no one said anything, 'cause Leah does not pull punches.”

(Rather boringly, I have to say, this appears to have been the line among the actors: the group was “nervous” and nothing “bitchy” was said. Either this is true or a marvelous conspiracy of silence. I know logically it’s probably true, but deep down, I like to believe it’s not.)

H. had nothing but good words for Josh. Fittingly for a man who’s sent up bros in sketches for Comedy Central, he said, “I'm a real beta so I was surprised Josh got cut.

“But I was happy! I was glad to still be around. But you know, you're watching everybody else and going, ‘You're really funny!’ I didn't see my thing, so I would've voted for him.”

Similarly complimentary was the lovely Ayden Mayeri, whom I didn’t see at The Pikey but who told me outside Meltdown that “I was really intimidated by Josh.”

Yet again, “Nobody said anything bitchy, but I also had some tequila, so I may not remember.”

(In the green room prior to the show, when Leah had asked after the actors’ anxiety levels, Ayden had joked, “I’m not nervous, but I’m also super drunk.” Afterward, she clarified outside Meltdown: “I wasn’t SUPER drunk.”)

Ayden’s admiration for Josh appears to have been reciprocated. He’s another one I chatted with on the sidewalk in front of the comic book store, where he told me he’d felt his stiffest competitor going in was “Ayden...Ayden or Stevie [Nelson] for sure.”

When I broached the topic of bitchery to Mr. Ruben, guess what? “No one said anything bitchy. We were all just super nervous.”

Stevie and Ben Gleib were the two contenders eliminated first, a twist in the show that apparently proved startling even to their competitors.

Kelly Landry, H.’s terrific runner-up, named Ben as the one she thought would be her stiffest competition.

Of the first-round elimination, she erupted, “Him and Stevie! I was SHOCKED. And especially after our improv - remember that? I thought he was so much better than me.”

She felt “It was really sad” when he was knocked off - though she does have a theory as to why.

“I think instead of knocking off the worst actors, they knocked off the strongest people, who they didn't think were gonna kill themselves if they lost. 'Cause remember at the beginning? They were like, ‘You're not gonna be sad about this, right?’”

During the after-party, I chatted a bit with Ben’s utterly charming girlfriend Jacqueline, who’d arrived in the sort of scarlet cocktail dress I’ve always wished I could pull off.

(Yes, I do in fact do drag on Halloween, but never glamorous, sweetie. A couple years back I was Malala, and let me assure you, it’s an absolute pain in the neck to flatteringly accessorize a bullet hole.)

Anyhow, Jacqueline said of Ben’s early dismissal, “Honestly, I thought he came here to win and he was really disappointed that he was eliminated in the first round.”

She told me “All the feedback we’ve been hearing” is that people loved Ben and were “shocked.”

I did manage to gab with Ben as well, and when I asked him the biggest competition question, he named Ayden and then put his tongue firmly in cheek..

He vamped that “I have a lot of respect for the canon of her work. And we never even got to do a scene together, so I had to expand my horizons to actors I wasn't familiar with, which was freeing.”

Completely fucking with me now, he rumbled ahead, “And was I robbed? Well, if you've asked me - and I would never have said anything if you hadn't asked me -” I hadn’t “- yes. I feel severely, aggressively robbed.”

Shortly thereafter, evidently feeling he’d insufficiently registered his dismay, he wrote into my phone for publication here, “I view this as a learning experience that brings me to a new depth of self reflection. There are a lot of questions I now need answered.”

Happy Halloween, dolls! See you all on Saturday!

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: Nominees, October Edition

By Sameer Suri

Hello, hello, my darlings! The next Nominees - hostessed by the divine Leah Lamarr - is fast approaching. It’s so close now that I’m already eating nothing but cocktail olives, in the vain hope of being able to suck my stomach in far enough to wrench myself into my outfit without burping out my kidneys.

Dolls, looking good is hard. Anyhow, it is for me. It’s apparently not so hard for the gorgeous troupe of performers who’ll be facing off against one another Saturday night.

The million-dollar questions linger in the air: Who’ll be the lucky winner? Will there be tears? Will the contestants pair off and go home together at close of evening? Will O.J. start dating Caitlyn Jenner and bring my dream reality show to the screen? (He does like a blonde.)

But I get ahead of myself. Making the big decisions on Saturday will be, as always, a trio of celebrity judges. Not as always, two of them are married to one another - Groundling confreres Annie and Tony Cavalero.

There’s been quite a lot of sexual tension on the judging panel before: regular audience members may recall my clambering beneath the tablecloth in front of Erik Griffin a couple months back. (Lucky me, his diet evidently is garlic-rich.) With a married couple up there, though, I doubt there’s much danger of sexual sparks at the judge’s table on Saturday.

That is, unless their screechingly funny co-panelist, Irish comedian Aisling Bea, decides to insinuate herself into the relationship. Better her than me.

As to the aforementioned gorgeous troupe of performers, may I present...

H Michael Croner

Adorable, this man. He’s hilarious and alarmingly true to life on a string of Comedy Central Sketches called Bro-Dependent, which sits amid a swank list of credits like Review and What Would Diplo Do? But Bro-Dependent is the big tell (the only one I’ve seen): Nominees rewards a ham, and this guy’s up to it. Saturday night, look forward to him in that game where you turn, I don’t know, a Foot Locker ad into hentai porn. (Am I betraying ignorance of porn? I’ve always just used Jackie Collins books.)

Ben Gleib

This is a man whose stand-up I’ve seen a bit of, and it’s fabulous, but whose acting I’ve seen virtually none of, so here’s a sampling of what he’s done: in the movies, Bad People and Jay & Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie, plus Ice Age: Continental Drift. Plus which, a webseries called Cinedopes - all right, this I saw, and he’s solid in it. In the episode I’ve watched, he’s the Oliver of that Green Acres - the straight man who still gets laughs. If he gets assigned to read lines during the cold-read game, he’ll sparkle, which is rare for someone in so unenviable a position.

Kelly Landry

Kelly’s got an addictively entertaining YouTube show called Top 6. On each episode, she talks you through a list of entries in some splashy category or other: dangerous fad diets, crazy addictions, medieval torture devices - everything I adore. She’s a dynamic and engaging stage presence, certain to have a ball onstage Saturday, or you can bundle me into an Iron Maiden with a Witch’s Candle shoved in my mouth (which, incidentally, doesn’t sound dissimilar to being in the “dark room” at the back of a Continental gay club. Lots of jabbing at you.)

Ayden Mayeri

Ayden is in a movie that is about a disabled man and is called Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot - but that according to IMDb is a ‘Drama.’ One assumes she kept a straight face throughout this thing, so she’ll be more than equal to whatever acting challenges Nominees flings her way. She’s also got guest star credits on shows like New Girl and Workaholics, plus an appearance in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates under her belt, so she is, as Liza would probably call her, “abso-lulu” a “hoofer.”

Stevie Nelson

Having a podcast is legally admissible as a substitute for an LA-based birth certificate, so we can assume Stevie here is a hometown girl. Throw talent in with her local knowhow, and you get a formidable list of guest roles on such shows as Mad Men, New Girl and Key and Peele. She also somehow manages to star on Crashletes without constantly going faint from how attractive her co-presenter Rob Gronkowski is, which is a feat of emotional control I can’t imagine, so I predict great success for her in the Oscar scene.

Josh Ruben

No slouch, he, with five Webbys on the shelf and a directing gig on a Netflix show Matt Damon’s helped produce. He’s also written, directed and starred in a bleakly comic short film called Freddy Derryl, which shows his acting skill to great advantage. He’s got the camp understatement of Cher in Moonstruck - a tool that’ll likely stand him in good stead when it comes time to wring laughs from some hopelessly depressing scene about a death or a breakup or a spilt Tanqueray martini (the three great tragedies).

Who of this melange will seize victory Saturday night? Join us at the NerdMelt Showroom that evening at 9:00pm and find out!