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and btw. i'd take the worst this illness has to offer me over feeling the things i feel
#i guess i don't take too much credit for what i manage to do/achieve while sick mostly because this is by far not my worst#so sometimes i forget that this has an impact in my life because there really are things that hurt me more that a selfkilling body#if i could trade it for a happy mind i think i would. but i was blessed with both a shitty body and mind! and no support system whatsoever#not dealing well with some stuff happening but well i have to study anyways so
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this is so embarassing do i really have to go ask my gastroenterologist permissions to get piercings and tattoos?? permission to move out and go live somewhere else? like this is dumb as hell i have to ask HIM if i can get pregnant lmaoo sometimes this shit is really funny
#it's like when people die and the ghost gets trapped in the place they died at#except i'm forever tied to the hospital that gives me meds because i can't get them anywhere else. apparently#i want to get a piercing but i know the moment it gets infected he is going to kick my ass with his 'but you should have told me' attitude#imagine being 20yo and the doc who has literally seen your insides tells you that you need to tell him if you want to get pregnant. bruh
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hey don’t cry. nurse at the hospital who has the same birthday as you loves you and kills people for you. nurse of the department loves you and kicks every doctor’s butts for you when you get mistreated. never kill yourself you are loved. by nurses
#on a first name basis with my favessss😍😍😍#got two angels by my side (two nurses who are nice to me)
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how many times do i have to get hurt in the same way before i learn to mind my own fucking business!!!!!!!!!!! god!!!!!
#today has been a day#my doctor even got my prescription wrong on top of everything so there’s that other problem to fix#i swear to god if i learn anything from the past two months is that i have to trust myself more#despite what everyone else says more often than not i am unfortunately right
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they started bringing clay for the tennis courts at the place i work at ‼️
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Whatever you do, keep on moving. Lack of action will have you going down into mental spirals that will cause confusion, anxiety, and depression. Regardless of how things may appear like in the moment or what fears may be clouding your mind, you have to keep moving. Be mindful of the present, and focus on the things you can change today, not on what could happen tomorrow. Do not become paralyzed, because more often than not, things tend to end up being much better in the end than we previously thought possible.
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saw a pic of carlos alcaraz so beautiful i almost reblogged it sigh sigh what will this blog become
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woke up so sad and angry that i wanted to punch a wall this morning so. i had pizza for breakfast 👍🏻
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what do you do when things didn’t go the way they should have gone and it’s not even your fault so there’s literally no one to blame
#i should have been writing my thesis by now. okay#maybe i really wanted to be an architect after all uhu
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day so bad that i think i really should stop going to therapy
#whatever i’ll go to bed#i wonder how long a person can go on like this#i know things will work out in the end but jesus christ#should stop coming here whenever i feel like this because it genuinely fixes nothing#i guess i just want to feel like i’m not alone
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exam will be over soon - iv therapy next friday and hopefully this flare up will fix itself without me having to crawl into my doc’s emails - wimbledon soon and in between exams so i can watch the matches i wanna watch - finally time to go to the fucking gym. all will be well and i can do this because i’m smart and hot and i’m NOT flaring up beyond repair
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breaking news: ur actually gonna make it through and everything will turn out just fine
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summer 2025
When people love you they want to ease your pain
Your desire to be a sleek and independent and unwanting machine is unattainable and rampantly destructive
You can eat the serviceberries growing by the river they’re best when theyre dark red but not too dark red
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can’t study because of intense anxiety -> intense anxiety because i can’t study (among other things. which are unknown)
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i knowww the right to strike should be protected but i also hope every bus driver is shitting themselves this morning because what the fuck
#never had to drive this much in my life as i did this week i think jeez i hate everything#also proud that i did it but jesus christ. the bus. can i have the bus#had to drive to three different locations that could have been very well reachable on foot. but no i had to take my car to get here#because there was no bus!!!!!!!!!! goddddd!!!!!!!!!!#also. wearing a possibly cool outfit but i’m always scared a boob is out#but i might have unlocked a new cool outfit#now i have to study tho
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most beautiful tweet in the world
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