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ok bud this one seems accurate

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A Tutorial.

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truthfully I only truly support celebrities making tumblrs IF they’re incognito about it. i want to make a niche internet friendship exchanging leverage throuple porn and then we slowly graduate to becoming discord friends and eventually I carefully dox myself like “yeah haha I sort of work in [redacted] industry and visiting your city (I think?) if you want to grab coffee” and then my good mutual eliotslesbiancock or whatever is like “haha no doubt. Also btw im keanu reeves”

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one of the worst feelings in the world is when you're playing a game with dialogue choices and none of the options are something you want to say. like i know it's not me, it's the character i'm playing, but he would not fucking say that. i know him better than you and the burden of this knowledge weighs heavier on me than you will ever understand.

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Hello, Ned Fulmer. You know what you fucking did.

In front of you is a laptop. You have one hour to write and post a heartfelt, sincere apology video to everyone that your horny choices have negatively impacted and sign these documents to provide alimony for your children. 

You will then wait here for twenty four hours to see how your apology is received. Observe the miniature guillotine on your dick and balls. Every dislike will slightly lower the blade, while every like will raise it. The blade is in the hands of the people.

Once you are finished, observe the two holes in the door. You can only unlock the door by turning both handles at once, but once you do, this cheese wire will slice off your hands. You will than be free to go. After all, you don’t know what to do with your hands.

If you simply decline to do any of these challenges, several colleagues are on standby with baseball bats. Will you start down the path of redemption, or will you not even try?

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Hello, [tumblr user redacted]. You post edited images of serial killers on your blog with captions like “he just like me fr” and “he’s my babygirl”.

In front of you is a landline phone and a list of phone numbers. All of these connect to family members of the victims claimed by the killers you post about. You must call all of these individuals and explain in detail what it is you do on the internet. If you lie, minimize, hesitate, or refuse, the bomb implanted in your chest will detonate, killing you instantly. Good luck.

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something i've noticed. people seem to think the most nature-y nature is forests. so forests are always prioritized for conservation, and planting trees is synonymous with ecological activism. my state was largely prairies and wetlands before colonization. those ecosystems are important too. trees aren't the end-all be-all of environmentalism. plant native grasses. protect your wetlands.

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you just hate the cis because of the things that they did

I hate the cis because it is led by the treacherous count dooku

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Hmmmmm...

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Dear god. please make all superyachts explode tomorrow. amen.

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Hey, I’m not a serial killer, nor am I sexual, but outside of that the portrayal of Jeffrey Dahmer by Evan Peters in the recent Netflix series reminds me a lot of myself — was he autistic by chance?

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So I've been thinking through the rewrite I had in mind for open heart and I've decided to put it together chapter by chapter. I might make it into some kind of fanfiction later, but for now I just want to get the outline down.

Chapter 1: Of Dolphins and Sharks

You are an emergency medicine intern at Boston's premier teaching hospital, Edenbrook. The emergency thorectomy occurs as in the original but when the nurses dreamily sigh over Ethan Ramsey, MC asks if that name's supposed to mean something to them, which starts off the running joke of people asking if MC practiced medicine in the woods, which, no, MC just doesn't care to keep up with these doctors outside of any research they've done. MC heads to get changed and encounters Bryce, a neurosurgical intern, and Jackie, an infectious disease intern, mostly sticking to the original, and they all head to the atrium together for orientation. MC is unfamiliar with Harper Emery, but Bryce mentions one of her more famous contributions to a medical journal and MC recognizes her by that.

Then MC meets their senior resident, Zaid Mirani, he's a bit of a jerk but it's easy to read that he genuinely cares about his interns. Throughout the day MC also meets several other doctors when helping emergency patients settle into other wings of the hospital. Sienna is the intern responsible for a kid in the pediatrics wing that MC helped reduce a fracture on and MC immediately notices how kind and warm Sienna is. Elijah is an oncology intern that MC meets when the two of them get lost and are both conveniently looking for the same cancer patient, who is typically an outpatient but was admitted after getting violently ill at work and was brought into the emergency room by handsome and kind paramedic Rafael Aveiro. Landry is a pathology intern who MC meets when running some blood samples from a patient to the lab and he mentions how he looks up to Ethan Ramsey, while MC offhandedly mentions that maybe meeting your heroes isn't a good thing, Ramsey enters the lab and acknowledges MC but not Landry, a fact that awes Landry and makes MC uncomfortable.

The gem scene in chapter 1 is a 15 gem scene where you can just hang out with your new friend group in the cafeteria at lunch and get to know each of them better and learn why they became doctors. You also realize that you guys are really good as friends and decide to move in together, this unlocks the penthouse apartment because you guys jump on it ASAP. It's sweet and friendly while also providing the premium housing without having to resort to underhanded tactics or selling your friend's services. Immediately after lunch MC is getting some menial filing done when the ER is suddenly thrown into pandemonium as a scuffle erupts. Chapter ends.

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My boy, my beautiful shiny boy! 😭🥺💕💛

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Why is tumblr advertising yandere (?) reader insert fanfiction as a phone tracking service?

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I put swirlix in the wine and the noodle soup.

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Everyone casts Beckett as this cool brooding dude but les be real he would take a bathroom selfie with a wallet phone case