not-isay

[not-isay]

oh save me

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I FEEL SO STUPID IN EVERY WAY

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I WISH FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE AS THE SAME MINDSET AS ME

[not-isay]

So you're telling me that if I make fun of the gay community and not support it I'm homophobic and that's wrong and unacceptable to today's society, but if you make fun of me being a born again and what I believe in about right and love, it's okay for you and it's normal?

[not-isay]

Here’s part two, back to the illustration. Imagine two glasses of clear water and each glass represents a pure human being who hasn’t done any wrong. As each human wrongs, ink will be dropped in the glass and the amount of ink will depend on how bad your actions are. So let’s say a person told a white lie, there goes a tiny drop of black ink into glass one. Another person rapes someone back home, there goes a splash of black into his/her glass. If we compare the two glasses, we can’t. It’s both tainted and dirty. This illustration just goes to show that one wrong doing can easily label you as bad. The person’s glass who told the white lie may still be a bit cleaner, but it’s still tainted. It is impossible to be good. It is impossible to get into heaven. Heaven is a place for perfectly, good people. And I don’t see a fellow living soul that good.

Okay, I’m sleepy. It’s 2 am. Goodnight.

So the thought of eternal damnation doesn’t creep you at all? Does it not haunt you when you’re off to bed? Does the rejection of your friends sound not as scary as the everlasting burning and suffering we’re all bound to face if not by the grace of His?

I did some discussion with myself about what I believe in, and I am fully convinced that the Word is true. First of all, you don’t need to know rocket science just to see that the world isn’t made by a massive and accidental explosion. Although this is widely taught and discussed, it’s important to remember that this is still a theory—meaning it has yet to be proven. From the arrangement of our galaxy to the most complex way our nerves are connected in our body, it’s just fooish to explain that this all happened because of an explosion. No explosion can make an almost perfect universe. A universe in which we all are supposed to live in harmony. I strongly refuse to believe that us humans—intelligent beings capable of thinking, feeling, and making critical decisions—be of apes and homo-what-nots. I won’t ignore the fact that we do share common attributes, but us humans have something different that separates us from the rest. We humans have a soul and conscience. We are spiritual beings always seeking for the meaning of life and looking for things or people that deserve our praise. We feel guilt and remorse. We know what’s right and wrong. We argue with our own selves because we develop ideas of the world that just seem to contradict everything and everybody. Have you ever seen a monkey devoting its time to learning the secrets of life? If you say yes, you’re probably talking about monks which are not of monkeys.

There’ll come a point in everyone’s life that they’ll ask themselves, “What happens after I die? Is there a heaven and hell? Will I be reincarnated? Will my actions now affect my life in the future?”. These questions lead to serious existential crisis and if not answered correctly could highly determine how you’ll end up living your life. For example; if you believe this is the only life we’ll live, then we better make it worth it and live in the most comfortable and luxurious way possible. If this is the case (there’s no life after earth) then what is the point of morals and ethics? Why strive to live a good and honest life when it doesn’t even reward you at the end? You could murder and steal everything you want and you’ll not be punished after you die. You could fraud and lie all you want, nobody will remember you once you die. Doing good is just meaningless if there’s nothing to look forward to in the future. We’d all be living our present days as if it were our last. Take the drugs you can get your hands on. Smoke all the cigars your lungs could hold. Drink all the alcohol until you throw it all up. Now this is where the idea of an afterlife comes in. We could all be possibly be reincarnated, and that’s why we all want to live as better people everyday—hoping we’d be experiencing so much better in the next life. But what is the measurement of how good our life will be next life? Who or what is the standard? Being a good person is totally our decision, but is heavily influenced by the people around us. Let’s say you’re a poor kid who has parents who do drugs, because of influence and your sad, sad feelings you decide to have a taste of these yourself. You end up becoming an addict and totally waste your life. This poor kid is soon reincarnated as another poor kid, and the cycle repeats. It’s totally unfair for the unprivileged to have a better life, they are not informed of how this reincarnation thing works and will always have it hard on them. But let’s change up the story and let’s say this kid manages to quit drugs and have a better life, he has a small family while his wife has divorced with him. Yay! He has managed to make his life a little better and therefore is reincarnated to a decent family, not the best or the richest—an enough family to feed him and send him off to school. If the goal of reincarnation is to have a better shot at living in your next life, it would take multiple lifetimes just to live that sweet, sweet comfortable life you hope for. Living isn’t fun, especially to those who can’t afford to. Finally, we have the idea of an afterlife—heaven and hell (if you’re catholic you’ll probably include the purgatory). Now, it’s pretty straightforward with heaven and hell. You go to heaven if you’re good. And you go to hell if you’re bad. Easy. It’s that simple. With this ideology, morals and ethics are completely valid and not some burden we have to apply because we’re people. The question with heaven and hell is, “What makes a person good enough to avoid eternal damnation?”. Because of the many people and their compromises, the “good person” we all envision is a bit twisted. We have no specific standard for a good person. Are you good? Good enough at least to get to heaven? According to a majority of people, a good person is someone who hasn’t committed heinous crimes, such as murder, theft, rape, and so much more. And it’s just that, everyone is their own judge whether or not they’re good or not. Everyone might say to themselves that they are, in fact, good. How cute and high of people to call themselves good, honestly. Have you ever told a lie? Isn’t that wrong itself? Oh, so it’s not AS BAD as murder? But it’s still bad right? So you’ve never stolen a large sum of money? But you did take your classmate’s answers without his/her consent. See, these are still wrong and bad. Therefore, you are technically bad. You’re just as bad as the people you’d find locked up in a cell. Imagine two glasses of clear, distilled water. It’s so clear you can see through it. Now... I’ve maxed up the characters...

[not-isay]

So the thought of eternal damnation doesn’t creep you at all? Does it not haunt you when you’re off to bed? Does the rejection of your friends sound not as scary as the everlasting burning and suffering we’re all bound to face if not by the grace of His?

I did some discussion with myself about what I believe in, and I am fully convinced that the Word is true. First of all, you don’t need to know rocket science just to see that the world isn’t made by a massive and accidental explosion. Although this is widely taught and discussed, it’s important to remember that this is still a theory—meaning it has yet to be proven. From the arrangement of our galaxy to the most complex way our nerves are connected in our body, it’s just fooish to explain that this all happened because of an explosion. No explosion can make an almost perfect universe. A universe in which we all are supposed to live in harmony. I strongly refuse to believe that us humans—intelligent beings capable of thinking, feeling, and making critical decisions—be of apes and homo-what-nots. I won’t ignore the fact that we do share common attributes, but us humans have something different that separates us from the rest. We humans have a soul and conscience. We are spiritual beings always seeking for the meaning of life and looking for things or people that deserve our praise. We feel guilt and remorse. We know what’s right and wrong. We argue with our own selves because we develop ideas of the world that just seem to contradict everything and everybody. Have you ever seen a monkey devoting its time to learning the secrets of life? If you say yes, you’re probably talking about monks which are not of monkeys.

There’ll come a point in everyone’s life that they’ll ask themselves, “What happens after I die? Is there a heaven and hell? Will I be reincarnated? Will my actions now affect my life in the future?”. These questions lead to serious existential crisis and if not answered correctly could highly determine how you’ll end up living your life. For example; if you believe this is the only life we’ll live, then we better make it worth it and live in the most comfortable and luxurious way possible. If this is the case (there’s no life after earth) then what is the point of morals and ethics? Why strive to live a good and honest life when it doesn’t even reward you at the end? You could murder and steal everything you want and you’ll not be punished after you die. You could fraud and lie all you want, nobody will remember you once you die. Doing good is just meaningless if there’s nothing to look forward to in the future. We’d all be living our present days as if it were our last. Take the drugs you can get your hands on. Smoke all the cigars your lungs could hold. Drink all the alcohol until you throw it all up. Now this is where the idea of an afterlife comes in. We could all be possibly be reincarnated, and that’s why we all want to live as better people everyday—hoping we’d be experiencing so much better in the next life. But what is the measurement of how good our life will be next life? Who or what is the standard? Being a good person is totally our decision, but is heavily influenced by the people around us. Let’s say you’re a poor kid who has parents who do drugs, because of influence and your sad, sad feelings you decide to have a taste of these yourself. You end up becoming an addict and totally waste your life. This poor kid is soon reincarnated as another poor kid, and the cycle repeats. It’s totally unfair for the unprivileged to have a better life, they are not informed of how this reincarnation thing works and will always have it hard on them. But let’s change up the story and let’s say this kid manages to quit drugs and have a better life, he has a small family while his wife has divorced with him. Yay! He has managed to make his life a little better and therefore is reincarnated to a decent family, not the best or the richest—an enough family to feed him and send him off to school. If the goal of reincarnation is to have a better shot at living in your next life, it would take multiple lifetimes just to live that sweet, sweet comfortable life you hope for. Living isn’t fun, especially to those who can’t afford to. Finally, we have the idea of an afterlife—heaven and hell (if you’re catholic you’ll probably include the purgatory). Now, it’s pretty straightforward with heaven and hell. You go to heaven if you’re good. And you go to hell if you’re bad. Easy. It’s that simple. With this ideology, morals and ethics are completely valid and not some burden we have to apply because we’re people. The question with heaven and hell is, “What makes a person good enough to avoid eternal damnation?”. Because of the many people and their compromises, the “good person” we all envision is a bit twisted. We have no specific standard for a good person. Are you good? Good enough at least to get to heaven? According to a majority of people, a good person is someone who hasn’t committed heinous crimes, such as murder, theft, rape, and so much more. And it’s just that, everyone is their own judge whether or not they’re good or not. Everyone might say to themselves that they are, in fact, good. How cute and high of people to call themselves good, honestly. Have you ever told a lie? Isn’t that wrong itself? Oh, so it’s not AS BAD as murder? But it’s still bad right? So you’ve never stolen a large sum of money? But you did take your classmate’s answers without his/her consent. See, these are still wrong and bad. Therefore, you are technically bad. You’re just as bad as the people you’d find locked up in a cell. Imagine two glasses of clear, distilled water. It’s so clear you can see through it. Now... I’ve maxed up the characters...

[not-isay]

Maybe, I am jealous. Jealous of the way you speak and express yourself. Jealous of the way you make others laugh, made me laugh. Jealous of your freedom of speech and to be able to express these to your friends without them being offended because they’re used to such remarks of yours. I’m jealous of the jokes you make, that despite the fact that they’re dirty, I just can’t help and wish that I were the one telling it so everyone would laugh— and enjoy my company and presence. I’m jealous of your skills that impresses everyone, that’s why I want to be as good as you. I’m jealous that you now hang out with my friends and I don’t.... you guys just get along so well. I can’t talk like you and make a conversation. I can’t make people laugh like you, like just you screaming or cursing makes everyone burst while if I do the same I’ll cause concern and everyone won’t be pleased. I just want to be like you sometimes. I just want to hang out with my friends again without feeling left out.

[not-isay]

Gusto kong maging magician, pagbilang kong tatlo mawala na sana ako.

[not-isay]

NOT ME LOSING MY USELESS MIND

[not-isay]

When I cry, I sleep. In hopes of getting better when I wake up. I did wake up. I’m not yet better. I’m crying, I think I’ll sleep again.

[not-isay]

pls go ahead without me :D

[not-isay]

i dont think i can make it til summer

[not-isay]

I wanna die

[not-isay]

my knuckles hurt

[not-isay]

Fuck me, life sucks

[not-isay]

my nails aren't long enough to pierce through my skin

[not-isay]

TF AM I LISTENING TO, THIS IS TORTURE