notaboynotagirljustalilbaby

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Bug Buddies Lanyard by StarmintArt

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Im usually off on Mondays. Im usually home alone most of the day.

Someone I live with is home today bc president's day. And I want so bad to go fully little with no considerations that he might knock on my door or call a question through the wall.

He doesn't know i regress and i don't want to tell him

But i wanna be lil without worryin

...

I'm already pretty lil actually but I'm holding myself from going full baby, where it'd be more difficult to pull myself big enough to pretend I'm not small

I already did my Big Grown Up Thing for the day and now as long as I remember laundry at some point, that's all I gotta worry bout

Lemme be itty bitty :(

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Was fighting to stay big on the drive home today which was.. NOT ideal. It's kinda a long drive.

I considered finding a place to pull over if I couldn't stay big. I know driving small is a very bad idea, even if it's a drive I can usually do on autopilot - there was one time I drove back from roommate D/R/Red's apartment. I really did think I was big enough. I was mistaken. It was a short drive I'd taken lots before but in the dark I missed my turn and got a little lost and it was scary scary scary!! Bad.

This time, I made it home ok, though I was starting to get fuzzy at the end.

I just kept saying "get home, get the mail, bring it inside, grab a flashlight and a jacket, then you can go outside and find sticks"

(I need the sticks for something at work, but it was nice to be able to immediately drop a bit and sit in the porch light and choose the BEST twigs - it's a good mission to have and i think i did a very good job)

I ended up a bit more adult for a bit bc of a conversation but have since gone small again. I colored a starfish! And I'm makin a playlist called "Baby Dance Party" with songs that are fun the dance to when 'm small.. so far I only have two songs, but that's ok

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Ghost Cakes

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Really need to regress after the day I've had. I don't feel especially little, but it'd be so helpful for me to be small tonight.

What I really need, though, is someone to help me get there and especially to help me manage my emotions once I'm there. Because I'm barely managing to do that now, as a full adult.

Today was.. stinky. It stunk so bad, and it doesn't matter why. But I kind of need to have a tantrum about it, tbh. And I'm home alone tonight, so maybe I will.. maybe I'll finally let myself. But it doesn't reallt feel safe to do so when I know there won't be anyone there after.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Look at these cute dino necklaces I saw at the mall today!! (The store was earthbound!)

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Bad news from the zones, tumbleweeds

I'm not 100% big after being awake for 2 hours and I gotta go to work! Big enough to drive but Oh Boy

It was my 'late night' at work today and I basically got home, got undressed, and was half regressed within the hour. It hadn't even been on my radar as a liklihood/possibility until I was already comfy.

Nothing really noteworthy, just wanted to share my evening in comfy clothes, my blanket, and a new rattling toy - if anything, that's the most notable thing. This is the first toy I've gotten that ìntentionally makes noise. Which might say something. It's a quiet rattle, part bc of my own sensory preferences and part because I still live with people who don't know I regress* and we have thin walls, but still!

*I was thinking a bit ago, about the possibility of them finding out or even me telling them, and it doesn't seem as catastrophic as it once would have. I have no idea what the reaction would be and I don't expect it would be painless by any means, but it seems like it could, idk, be a thing, one day in tbe far off future, maybe.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Bad news from the zones, tumbleweeds

I'm not 100% big after being awake for 2 hours and I gotta go to work! Big enough to drive but Oh Boy

It was my 'late night' at work today and I basically got home, got undressed, and was half regressed within the hour. It hadn't even been on my radar as a liklihood/possibility until I was already comfy.

Nothing really noteworthy, just wanted to share my evening in comfy clothes, my blanket, and a new rattling toy - if anything, that's the most notable thing. This is the first toy I've gotten that ìntentionally makes noise. Which might say something. It's a quiet rattle, part bc of my own sensory preferences and part because I still live with people who don't know I regress* and we have thin walls, but still!

*I was thinking a bit ago, about the possibility of them finding out or even me telling them, and it doesn't seem as catastrophic as it once would have. I have no idea what the reaction would be and I don't expect it would be painless by any means, but it seems like it could, idk, be a thing, one day in tbe far off future, maybe.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

It was my 'late night' at work today and I basically got home, got undressed, and was half regressed within the hour. It hadn't even been on my radar as a liklihood/possibility until I was already comfy.

Nothing really noteworthy, just wanted to share my evening in comfy clothes, my blanket, and a new rattling toy - if anything, that's the most notable thing. This is the first toy I've gotten that ìntentionally makes noise. Which might say something. It's a quiet rattle, part bc of my own sensory preferences and part because I still live with people who don't know I regress* and we have thin walls, but still!

*I was thinking a bit ago, about the possibility of them finding out or even me telling them, and it doesn't seem as catastrophic as it once would have. I have no idea what the reaction would be and I don't expect it would be painless by any means, but it seems like it could, idk, be a thing, one day in tbe far off future, maybe.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

It was my 'late night' at work today and I basically got home, got undressed, and was half regressed within the hour. It hadn't even been on my radar as a liklihood/possibility until I was already comfy.

Nothing really noteworthy, just wanted to share my evening in comfy clothes, my blanket, and a new rattling toy - if anything, that's the most notable thing. This is the first toy I've gotten that ìntentionally makes noise. Which might say something. It's a quiet rattle, part bc of my own sensory preferences and part because I still live with people who don't know I regress* and we have thin walls, but still!

*I was thinking a bit ago, about the possibility of them finding out or even me telling them, and it doesn't seem as catastrophic as it once would have. I have no idea what the reaction would be and I don't expect it would be painless by any means, but it seems like it could, idk, be a thing, one day in tbe far off future, maybe.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Minecraft Stimboard

Requested by: Anon

🌳 - 🪨💎🪨 - 🪨💎🪨 - 🪨💎🪨 - 🌳

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

# bought baby food today (need the jar for a craft project) and got a small baby toy at the same time!

So weird to come into the house with baby food in hand but toy hidden in my bag.. I explained the reason for the baby food, but aahghhhh

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

I don't want to be treated like a fragile helpless baby, I want to be treated like a little one just learning things for the first time

I want to get the level of praise and encouragement that little kids get that nobody gives you as an adult

"Great job! You did so well with this."

"I know you're scared but I'll be right here with you."

"It's alright, everybody makes mistakes, you can always try again."

"Even if you fail, I'll still love you."

"It's tough learning new things, isn't it? Nobody gets it right first time, don't be discouraged."

"You did your best and I'm so proud of you."

Edit: you know what, I didn't actually think as many of you were going to relate to this, but since this is getting notes:

I'm proud of you. I think you're doing great.

You don't need to compare yourself to others. I like you just the way you are.

I know you feel alienated sometimes, but I promise, you're always welcome here.

Yes, you've made mistakes. I've made them too! I still like you and so does everyone else!

Life is tough, but not all of us are. It's alright to be soft. Stay soft.

You will be just fine. We all will be just fine in the end.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

I was thinking about the 'older' being smaller in the sense that some supervision might be a good idea and remembered the time I regressed in college and wandered out into a rain storm on my own. I don't know if I ever wrote about that here.

I don't remember much of the context, but I remember being upset - though, I think I was more upset after wandering out alone. I think I was feeling lonely. There was probably a lot under the surface there.

Either way, it's a distinct moment I can point to where I was older than my norm and I did something that i wouldn't have usually done. And I was in a familiar and pretty safe area, but I certainly wasn't old enough be taking a walk by myself.

Hm. I'm having a very Adult couple days (when aren't they, nowadays... *sigh*) and am feeling pretty icky overall. Like, emotionally. And I don't want to dwell on it. And the pollen is making my eyes feels itchy. And I kinda wanna cry. And I kinda wanna go so small, so so small. But also slightly older than I sometimes am - I don't know how it makes sense that I can be smaller when I'm older.. I guess it makes sense to me because usually I'm too little to cause much fuss or get myself into too much trouble. But I feel like if I let myself regress now, I might be old enough to maybe be concerned about? I dunno. None if it makes sense but that's ok.

I just know I wanna cry and maybe get a hug and color.. I can probably manage everything but the hug.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Hm. I'm having a very Adult couple days (when aren't they, nowadays... *sigh*) and am feeling pretty icky overall. Like, emotionally. And I don't want to dwell on it. And the pollen is making my eyes feels itchy. And I kinda wanna cry. And I kinda wanna go so small, so so small. But also slightly older than I sometimes am - I don't know how it makes sense that I can be smaller when I'm older.. I guess it makes sense to me because usually I'm too little to cause much fuss or get myself into too much trouble. But I feel like if I let myself regress now, I might be old enough to maybe be concerned about? I dunno. None if it makes sense but that's ok.

I just know I wanna cry and maybe get a hug and color.. I can probably manage everything but the hug.

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

Heated up milk for too long and now it's too hot :(

Barely ever done it before

[notaboynotagirljustalilbaby]

18 months - 2 year range is when my mother thinks my "fierce independent streak" became noticable to her. We were talking about how I've pretty much always been independent... I admit that when I asked how old I was when she noticed, I did so with my regression in mind.

I don't know as much as I'd like about the psychology behind regression, but I've heard it said a couple times that you go back to the age you felt safest. And of course, it's important to take a nuanced approach to the human mind - but I tend to regress most to an age I don't remember being. And I don't fully know what to make of that, but something in me echoes with something like sorrow about it.

I don't know why I'm so fiercely independent. I don't know why needing people in a vulnerable way is a thing that I am very likely to tangle myself up in knots over.

But it kind of gutted me a bit, to hear that confirmation. That to a certain extent, the ages might line up here. That I go back to before I could even begin to start taking care of myself, in a certain sense.