notalifeguru-blog

[notalifeguru-blog]

What if we’re chasing the wrong dreams? (con..)

At school, I am a girl who plans. I know where to go next, what to do after a task, and another, and another, who to talk to regarding certain matter. I’m the person people ask to for anything. (Not that I’m the brainy one, it’s just that I love processes, and systems). 

During later years in primary school, I prepared for school for both myself and my younger sister - I cooked breakfast, ironed our uniforms, packed our bags, and just woke up my father to drop us off our school.

I am an independent girl, I thought. 

...

But in the corporate world? 

I’m the lost girl. The exact opposite of the little Ina who used to know and plan for everything. I don’t know where to go next, what steps to take next, who to talk to. I lost sight of all my expectations during my younger years (and mind you, I’m just 26, turning 27 in 2 freaking months).

... 

After my dreadful experience in the food delivery company, I just threw my hands in the air, “F*CK IT. I’ll just do what I can, and let’s see where this will lead me to.” 

I’m back to zero, but who cares? 

I submitted my applications to numerous companies, attended many interviews, dumped by most of them. 

One time, a very close friend asked me to join her on an interview with a travel content team in Makati. 

We were sitting in a very cute, quiet restaurant, just really trying to get the vibe of each other. Four of us were there: my friend, myself, Ed (the very chill, British guy), and Eliie (a super confident, positive woman - I looked up to her since I met her, and later on, realized we’re of the same age. Girl, I love her aura!). 

At that point, I think, there’s nothing for me to lose, so I just went with the flow, really being social, wasn’t thinking I was applying for the job.

Then I got in. 

[notalifeguru-blog]

What if we’re chasing the wrong dreams?

My last post here was last July 2018 - 4 long years ago. A time when we never thought something like a movie, the pandemic, would happen. It’s also been 4 years when everything just happened so quickly - I got a job in a food diet delivery, and almost die. LITERALLY.

The work was super exhausting; the work environment was super toxic; and I was literally working from 7AM until 12MN (sometimes, even later). I developed severe mouth sores due to fatigue, malnourishment, and dehydration during my stay in the company (note: it’s not that I’m pinning the whole thing to the company, lol, but it just happens that the environment led one harmful thing to another). 

Months later, I found myself laying on a hospital bed. Dextrose attached to the back of my hand. Still working my ass off. Answering client queries. Posting social media content for the brand. Dehydrated, and almost dying.

It was December 2018, a very busy month for the family. And instead of us, preparing for the holidays, we were in a cold, creepy hospital room, waiting for my physician to say I’m all good to be discharged. It took me days to finally recovered, and lucky enough, was able to celebrate the Christmas with the family at home. 

Upon the arrival of my pay check, I realized that the company stole my time of rest for nothing. I got 3,000PhP (or around 58USD now) pay for the weeks I was suffering in a room, not knowing I was almost dying. 

Later that week, I filed for resignation.

(part 1)

[notalifeguru-blog]

Rejection after rejection

I have been attending job interviews for five months now, and it has been both amaze-balls and one of my giants meeting a variety of people along the way. There were people who I was already excited to be collaborating with. There were offices that I already feel like working in. But you know, things get rough. 

First few rejections were fine. Some sent messages saying they found a better candidate for the position, or that I am not the best fit for the role as of yet. Some kept silent ever since. But then one rejection followed by another, then another, and OH, MAY HUMAHABOL PA OH, drained the positive, chill girl in me.

There were those moments that self-doubt crippled the optimist in me, and you bet, every day becomes heavier knowing that your application has been dumped somewhere -- it paralyzes you. It makes you think, “Panget ba ‘ko? Kapalit-palit ba ‘ko?” (charot, baka may um-oo), “Where should I go now?”, “What should I do to develop more? To become more? To be wanted? To be instantly loved by the interviewer?” 

Then God whispered, “Girl, wait lang. I have something bigger. Don’t get me wrong, your plans are good, but just good. Do what you can, I’ll do my part”. And boy, oh boy, it rung in me. I decided to look at it from a different perspective, and started of by: 

(1) this midlife-crisis also revealed the sincerest people in my life. I can name number of people that I consider friends and several of those are, I consider, very close ones. But tough times give out the sincerest ones, the most concern, the, for me, a firmer support system, besides my family;

(2) rough times strengthened me, it continues to. What good can bad times do to you? It helps you become a better, stronger, a little much wiser human-being, ready to fight more battles, gearing you up on a bigger battlefield. I had once read: calm seas never made a good sailor -- same goes to life, girl;

(3) rejections humble me. You thought you’re doing good in your chosen path, until you got dumped by several opportunities. The experience humbles me, it makes me realize that I, no matter how loved by previous employer or so many colleagues, am still a work-in-progress. We all are, regardless of job labels, compensation, skills, etc.;

(4) it fuels me to learn more, to become more, to develop myself in every way possible. It fuels me to dream deeper, and to act upon it.

We’d never end this thread if I were to drop more of the good things out of the rough experience. The point is that life is good, but it can never be better with just smooth sailing. Whatever kind of rejection you have been experiencing, be it in career, in academics, in sports, in romantic life, in friendships, or just life in general, try to look at the bigger picture. Try to look from a different perspective, and it will reveal much more than you expect it to. Acknowledge your weakness and flaws, greater things will follow. 

As I was writing this, I’m still waiting for a call from a company. We’ll see what happens. Accepted or not, life goes on -- and so do I. 

[notalifeguru-blog]

To you, who struggle

Years and years before, whenever asked, you knew that you wanted to be a doctor, or a teacher, or an engineer, perhaps. You were so sure that you are capable of doing anything, of becoming someone influential or impactful when you grow up, but then you grew up.

(dramatic change of background music, haha)

When we get to be adult, growing is no longer similar to just gaining height, or learning the new mathematical formula. We become aware of wanting how the universe works, and how deeply we fall into variety of life crises. To tell you frankly, growing up is not easy. No one in the history of mankind has ever considered it a trouble-free path. 

Sometimes, I wish I am some sort of badass scientist, so I can invent a time machine or loophole to go back through time. As a child, I was so eager to flourish, (meaning: to become a full-time daydreamer adult (and yes, I already am)), but looking back, I wish I had spent more time on the streets playing all kinds of sports, or had the courage to pursue something bigger than what I actually did. Believe me, I consider myself one of the greatest cowards in the intergalactic universe.

At the age of 23, I lost myself several times (and yes, I still do). But here’s a little piece of advice for you: lose yourself in love, in career, in knowing what your passion is, in travels, in setting your goals, in finding self-worth, in exploring your purpose. You are not meant to figure out everything, all at once, and sometimes, losing yourself leads you to the path, where you are exactly meant to be.

I am not promising you, but I know that all the pain, the struggles, the regrets, the so many what if’s, the stupid memories, the thoughts on your sleepless nights, they will all be worth the reward (which may only be defined by you). Just do not stop working on yourself. Again, it is not meant to be a one-straight-way to be happy, and to succeed. So, lose yourself, and take your time discovering your own definition of triumph. 

[notalifeguru-blog]

An open letter for those who are guilty of hurting someone:

I think that happens a lot when we hurt someone we love; we try to convince ourselves we are not worthy of any happiness that might come along, because someone else's suffering due to our decisions.

And it is sad that we try to suppress the endless possibilities of us being happy, because people will look at you as if you're some insensitive piece of living crap.

So here's a message for all of you, who think that you deserve to be punished and are thinking to inhibit happiness in your life: we don't owe anyone any explanation.  

We might hurt someone along our progress, but whatever their reaction towards it is none of our business. Let yourself grow. Let yourself love. Let yourself move forward. And let yourself be open for the immense happiness and peace that is coming.

Because again and again, we are all painful stories. But be painful and strong.