notbrianna

[notbrianna]

He's picking fights with worm puppets now

[notbrianna]

Glasport, PA At least it's not Pittsburgh.

[notbrianna]

Oh how I yearn for a simpler time, when a young man would simply give his paramour an intricately crafted wooden spoon to show his affection and ability to provide for their future family, especially if they ever ran out of spoons

[notbrianna]

Having a nice, long Think

[notbrianna]

Happy pride month to my dad. When I came out as bi to him, this man googled what it ment, look at me and said "ohh. Yeah. You get that from me. You'd have far more siblings of I only shaged women." And went right back to his work emails.

[notbrianna]

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

[notbrianna]

YOU WANNA LEARN ELVISH?! HERE YA GO!

[notbrianna]

imagine you're 16 years old and you have a huge crush on this celebrity that you use as a coping mechanism to get through high school and your shitty home life. then your celebrity crush openly protests against the corrupt government which causes him to get canceled on Twitter and his old boy band kicks him out and his parents get assassinated. then one day you go to the bar and he's there getting blackout drunk and starting fights with people so you follow him around to make sure he doesn't die but then he almost gets hit by a bus so you push him out of the way and get hit by the bus instead. when you wake up in the hospital no one knows where he is but you miraculously have a full scholarship to law school. 30 years pass and you become very successful lawyer. you get a case representing a garbage man who uncovered key evidence in an unsolved murder from 30 years ago. you go to meet with your new client for the first time. it's your old celebrity crush.

that's what happened to hua cheng

[notbrianna]

I got a two-fer today with lunch doodles!

I'm in a summertime mood lol (They each get a blushing moment 🤣)

[notbrianna]

genuinely irritated about the prevalence of brother-sister character designs where the brother has a huge nose and the sister has a tiny nose. 1) why are you a coward who hates the joy and beauty of women with big noses 2) have you looked at any real human siblings lately 3) why do you appear to think the nose is a secondary sex characteristic

[notbrianna]

Admitting my star sign was a mistake.

[notbrianna]

I'm not going to bother reading the article to find out if this actually works or if anyone is actually trying it. I'm just happy we as a society are showing proper reverence for Orbs.

[notbrianna]

Pangur used to growl when she heard Belphie's name. now look at them

[notbrianna]

I saw Venom 2 in Taiwan a few days ago and when Venom said “good evening” to Mrs. Chen in mandarin (晚上好), all the little old ladies in my theater collectively let out an impressed Oooh. Got a lot of Mrs. Chens in the audience I see

[notbrianna]

"preferred name" "preferred pronouns" um NO? there's my real name and my real pronouns. apparently you are using some fake evil version?

usually im in favor of evil versions of things but yikes that's rank you skank

[notbrianna]

earlier my friend said to me “somewhere out there, in an alternate universe, there’s an all female rock band called ‘king’” and I’m STILL recovering from that mental image and how gay it made me feel

[notbrianna]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.