notesontheway

[notesontheway]

Amazing, how light changes everything it touches. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwqa5LfAnIa/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qqjavxh89pee

[notesontheway]

Another one from @brenebrown in her @netflix special ♥️👏🏼 I love it I love it! https://www.instagram.com/p/BwplvDjAuZm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=126q0dbnoo2gj

[notesontheway]

Poem: "Shelter" // prints (including XL) available at my website 🙂 also, if you'd like to support me as I work on some of my longer-form projects, please go check out my Patreon account! Links to both in bio ♥️✍🏼 https://www.instagram.com/p/BwpPYNxA4TU/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9lhfot950434

[notesontheway]

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time, you know how I adore Brené Brown. If you know me, you know the impact her work has had on my life—on my self-love, which helped me leave an abusive church; on my choices for courage, from pursuing art as a career to coming out to my Christian family & to all of you; on my resilience when I proposed to the woman I love (& married!), but who had an anxiety attack & turned me down when first I asked. Still, whenever I revisit her work, new or old, I discover something new. I also see all the comfortable little corners I’ve made to keep me safe—ones with books & big, cosy armchairs to sit in while the floor is littered with avoided efforts & conversations I’m not ready to have. I spent the AM watching her “Call to Courage” special on @netflix & felt the same pangs of inspiration as when I first discovered her work back in 2013—like, with all self-compassion, there is so much more I can be doing to live in a way that is connected, meaningful, & rich with life. I’m in the middle of a lot right now: faith de- & re-construction, the grief & fear that comes with it. Anxiety about the future (&, to be grim, about death & loss, which I am begrudgingly accepting come for us all). Establishing new boundaries with social media & all the uncertainty/scarcity that comes with needing to mostly disconnect. Dozens of rejections from people in the publishing world. Beginning new creative projects that matter most to me & trying—actually, actively trying—to bring them to life. Trying to survive my first watch-through of GoT with Joffrey on the throne & the knowledge (because I’m 8 years late) everyone is going to die. But I want to lean into these things with courage—to, rather than sit frightened & immobilized in a middle, embrace the apricity of things. The warmth of sun on a winter day. I cannot control what happens, but I can control if I engage my life nonetheless. Go, please, watch it. Take notes. I have quotes I’m already eager to share (pacing myself). Bring your best learnings to share & let’s work this shit out together, starting here: Where must we lean in today? I have a lot of places to start here. How ‘bout you? https://www.instagram.com/p/BwnHwMsAeNy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1othfeo8qlwc8

[notesontheway]

Today is Earth Day, and while I have much to say about the trees, the sky and the planets, the sun and the grass and the water, a first and most important thing to say to each other is this: "Look out your window. Notice life. Treat it with kindness." ♥️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BwkGb0FAjR4/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=plhod8jtvhdu

[notesontheway]

Poem: "And (Love & All Her Kooky Guests)" // prints available on my website (link in bio!) https://www.instagram.com/p/BwV3q_BAWQX/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13vv6rworks50

[notesontheway]

Eeee! My dear friend @bymariandrew came out with some lovely, interactive, brilliant, human things today, and they bring me so much joy. Go check it out! https://www.instagram.com/p/BwVORXZgyBe/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jtmjonob8x7z

[notesontheway]

It was storming last night which meant I was awake with this panic-stricken little terror. I half-watched half-slept through "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" twice in a row. 🙃 I'll be going to bed early tonight. https://www.instagram.com/p/BwAqdQUgE3D/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jbby2rv775tr

[notesontheway]

For a while now, I’ve been making room to prioritize what means the most to me. I’ve done a little of the doing, but mostly I’ve just been watering the thing & letting it grow roots in my life—letting it take up space in my planning, because it should. Scarcity, for a long time, made me feel there was never enough of something to begin, & obligation kept my focus on others’ work. It is an anxious & self-conscious starting, this. But here I am. Starting. I’ve been debating this launch, considering the last thing I need is ANOTHER social media platform. Considering as well how much noise we all already have in our lives: all the requests for attention, support, clicks, likes, for more media, faster. Still, I am an artist, a business owner, & my own only employee 😂 so at the behest of my wife, despite the protests of my self-doubt & imposter syndrome, I finally am announcing I have had a Patreon page since 2015 & have told no one about it!! Patreon is a crowd-sourcing platform for independent artists. If you are interested in learning more or supporting my work there, head over to: http://www.patreon.com/notesontheway Of course, there are many ways to support—reposting, purchasing prints, telling your friends—& each of those things lifts me up more than you know. However, support in tangible ways like this means I can put less energy into things requiring a quick turnaround, & more into creating what my spirit has been wanting me to. Many of you have been asking I produce longer-form work, & while I don’t want to say too much too soon, I will say that I have been moving my whole workworld around something(s) made of paper & binding :) I do believe my best work is ahead of me. Your support frees me up to work on it. I can’t believe it’s taken me such a long time to get here, but I am excited about what’s to come. Nervous. Scared to death, really. Afraid I can’t do it, or I’ll come up short somehow, or the things I try will never work out for me. Still, I’m excited. Whoever you are, wherever you are, however you’ve supported me through the years: THANK YOU. I am the luckiest that I get to do what I love for a living. Hope you love what's around the corner 🙂 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv2VXFsgwWI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=iz9tqivaptpw

[notesontheway]

I'm running out of energy in my life for some things that once felt mandatory—mostly, especially, caretaking for people who can care for themselves, winning arguments, and living in a constant state of martyrdom and self-sacrifice (growing up as a PK will do that to a woman!). I am saying no to hours engrossed in maddening and muddying Twitter debates, and saying yes to baking obscure sponge cakes with my wife. I am trading binaries for nuance and quotable catchphrases for stories about real, complicated, difficult and beautiful people. I am allowing myself to read for hours and not feel bad about using my time that way, because reading matters to me. I am spending time with people I love and I'm not even telling Instagram 😲 and I am finally, cliché as it sounds, not letting "I don't feel ready" operate as an excuse to prioritize supporting everyone else's goals over making efforts towards accomplishing my own. I have never been big on New Years resolutions, mostly because they've never been particularly motivating for me, but my therapist told me heading into this year that it was high time to start doing what is meaningful to me, Torri, and I am trying to do that—as an artist, as a feeler, as a person of (some sort of) faith, as a wife, as a friend, and as a human being who has a lot to learn, and as much (or more) to unlearn. And it has been clumsy, sometimes half-assed, sometimes completely soaked in anxiety. But it has been good. I feel like I am breathing some new air here, and it is very good. I cannot wait to, sometime soon, share with you some of these things I've been turning over in my heart and trying to put to paper. Thanks for sticking with me as I've tried to sort all this out, for your time and your energy and your support. And whatever it is that is meaningful to YOU, I hope you take some time for that today too 🥰 https://www.instagram.com/p/BvvTgZsgwTc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=87m2emrkqe9a

[notesontheway]

Okay, fine, I guess this is next up then, making an abrupt shift to the top of my reading list, since like half of you said it's your favorite book of all time 🤷🏼‍♀️ https://www.instagram.com/p/BvkHmOKAxmq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=hxd9t4hh89

[notesontheway]

My dog and I have this in common: when we are anxious, the sun helps. Today we sit outside together, nowhere to go, just here, to smell and to feel and to know. You would not believe the noise! A cafeteria-at-lunchtime din, all the birds and their gossip, so chatty, this hour. I hear the wind before I feel it. As it turns out, the trees gossip too, only they in whispers and sign language. When I stop fearing so much their power and height, the way they sway and I cannot command them to stop, I see their movement is divine, living—more like the water they hold than the wood they are made of. I can see their invisible spirits with my naked eye. My dog seems to notice nothing. In all likelihood, he sees more than I do, even as he closes his eyes. I wonder what it's like to be him, to know so much just by breathing. I wonder what it’s like to be him, to have never known a life so busied with the traffic of ego, of white noise, of supply and demand, of perform or vanish. I wonder what it’s like to be him, to be here under a heated blanket of sun, and to never wonder how he might improve it. He takes one of those deep dog sighs, the sound of contentment, manifest. I wonder if somewhere in me, I too hold a sigh like that. I have nothing to lose by hoping I do, by imagining I might discover it if I learn from the life around me. My dog snores. The birds, asking nothing of me, keep on with their afternoon chit-chat. The peach tree blossoms quietly for no one and for everyone. So I say to myself, "Put down your pen.” So I say to myself, “Shhh. Just enjoy.” So (briefly, but it’s a start) I say to myself nothing at all. // t.r.h. blue https://www.instagram.com/p/BvSMiDsA3dw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=t656ognc1qaf

[notesontheway]

Poem: "Inhale/Exhale" // prints at www.notesontheway.com 🙂✍🏼🌸 https://www.instagram.com/p/BvSB_IMgmyi/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=n1yijpql1zby

[notesontheway]

A happy reminder that my XL prints (11x14") of select poems are available now to order 🤭 this one is called "I Love a Woman" and can be purchased on my website ✍🏼 www.notesontheway.com https://www.instagram.com/p/BvKOCU2gpU4/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14uh3l7vaft0

[notesontheway]

This is a favorite photo of mine, and for some reason I haven't gotten around to properly sharing it. My sister in the rain. Northern Michigan, September 2018. #35mm #minoltax700 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu-NzniAAwT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=192ql25qr74ye

[notesontheway]

In case you haven't heard, I officially have my extra large 11x14" prints up for sale on my website 🤓 super happy with how they've turned out! Go check out the "Large Print" listing on my homepage to order - this one is called "Mountains" 🏞 www.notesontheway.com https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu9C4y8A5Ol/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1rne5ufhq8a4p

[notesontheway]

In case you missed the news, i finally have my XL 11x14" prints up and running! This is "Stitches" - book for size reference 🤓 see my "Large Print" listing on my homepage to order! ✍🏼 www.notesontheway.com https://www.instagram.com/p/Bu6nqLggkYk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ja216sa4wi96