nothing-i-love-is-ever

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

Sunset Strip Confessional

Absolutly No Minors

18+ Only

Warning: some language,

possessive behaviour

Pairing: Izzy x Reader

I left the dance floor sweaty and breathing hard. I lost myself in the music again and I could feel the consequences of that in my muscles. I plucked the fabric of my tank top and waved it against my skin to create some kind of air flow, but I wasn't getting any relief.

When I got to the table where my friends were sitting everyone looked to be having a good time.

Duff smiled up at me from his seat "Enjoy yourself out there darlin'?" He questioned.

"Yeah" I smiled at him as I held my hair up off the back of my neck but not feeling any cooler. "I'm going outside for a minute for some air." I fanned my face and made my way out of the bar. It was a hot night, but still the small warm breeze was welcome. It was much cooler than sweating on the floor in the crush of bodies.

After a few minutes the door opened and Izzy came out. He stopped about a foot away from me and lit a smoke.

"What the fuck were you doing out there?" Half accusing me of something. I didn't know what though.

I shrugged my shoulders "Just dancing." Iz and I were civil we weren't mean to each other, but we weren't buddies either.

"Just dancing." He scoffed still smoking his cigarette still cool calm and collected. Still fucking gorgeous. "That's the problem sweet girl you were just dancing. You weren't trying to tease or seduce or make anyone jealous. You were dancing for yourself, just for the enjoyment of it."

I didn't know what to say to this so I kept my mouth shut. Life experience has taught me not to fuck with the quiet ones because they are the ones that will flip on you like a switch.

And he did.

One second he was calm and smoking, in the next he flicked his cigarette to the side and caged me between himself and the brick wall. His arms from fingers to elbows resting against the grainy brick on either side of my head, but not touching me anywhere.

Never touching me.

That was one thing I always found odd about this man. In all the time I'd known Izzy and his boys, he'd never gotten close enough to touch me. Not a finger graze, not a small slide as he passed by me in a cramped hallway. Not even an innocent bit of pressure, thigh to thigh, if we happened to be sitting next to each other in some bar booth or on a couch at a party. Now here he was, vibrating not a hair away from my being. If I took a big enough breath we would touch for the first time. He placed his forehead against the brick, we were ear to ear but still with that iota of distance between us.

He was breathing heavily, deeply, quickly, almost panting.

"You smell like good whiskey and sin." He whispered "I try to keep my distance. I try to not notice you. How beautiful you are. How intelligent you sound when you speak. How passionate you are when you are engaged with something that interests you." He was whispering into the bricks of the bar like it was some sort of sunset strip confessional. The heat and pull between our bodies making me sweat again. I knew only one thing that would give me relief. As I thought it, it happened.

Izzy let out a primal growl and collapsed on my body like a dieing man. His mouth claiming mine in a feral possession. This wasn't a first kiss or even a first touch between two new lovers. This was months of tension, need, and want coming down on us with enough pressure to turn us into diamonds. He took my mouth with savage force and I gave back as good as I got with a moan, finally finding the relief I had sought.

He moved from my mouth blazing a trail of lips and tongue and teeth down my neck leaving proof of his journey behind in the form of bruises that would darken as the night went on.

"You taste like magic." He sounded shaken.

Izzy moved just far enough to look in my eyes. Bodies pressed against each other in a state of readied anticipation.

"Are you even real? Did I dream you up? Are you even human? Or some ethereal being come to steal what's left of my soul? " He asked or pleaded I couldn't tell. "I can't. I can't do anything without you there. You haunt me. You are in every song I write, in every note I play. In my dreams, in my waking thoughts. I can't bare it. I need your soft skin. I need to be able to touch it when I want. I need to feel you inside and out. I need to be in you. I want you so bad, and now that I've given in, now that I have tasted your sweet lips, I won't ever be able to get enough. There is nowhere that you could go that I wouldn't be able to find you. I feel you in my blood, in my bones, in the essence of my being. You may be a goddess, a muse of music, or whatever it is you are from where you come from, and I am a poor man trying to make it in this scene, nowhere near good enough for you. But you are mine now, and I will never let you go"

And I was ok with that.

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

Vodka and Blow Jobs, Men

and Buses

Absolutely no minors 18+

only

Warnings : dark emotions, cheating, just an over all shitty situation

Duff POV

Did you know a soul makes a sound when it breaks? This enormous ear splitting crunch of a shattered life force. The kicker though is you can only hear it when its happening to you.

I heard it. Small slight fractures in the beginning.

After the honeymoon phase of our relationship I got cocky. I figured I was the rockstar she wouldn't leave me. I knew I was never going to leave her. So I felt like I could probably do anything I wanted and get away with it. People loved my band. Guns was huge, a household name.

We were almost finished with our tour just a little longer and I had been so good. Only vodka and a few blow jobs from groupies here and there. No sex, that was reserved only for my lady. My one, my soul's mate. Everything I never thought I could have in a woman.

I never brought the girls to the hotel rooms. I'd just let them do their thing in the dressing room before or after a show. I would close my eyes and picture my lady. Most importantly, I would never reciprocate, I wouldn't touch them let alone kiss them. I was just looking for a quick release and they offered. Sometimes not bothering to suggest, just undoing my belt sliding my cock out and latching on with soft lips and warm tongues. None of them ever as good as my lady though. When it was over I would stand up, careful not to touch them, go to the hotel shower and call my lady. Clean of body and mind.

At least in my opinion anyway. She didn't feel the same.

Turns out her ideas of faithfulness, sex, and coupledom were intertwined tightly with ideas of love, loyalty, and trust.

If I had known that the polaroids of tour that were being passed around would start the small fissures that would lead to soul breaking pain, I would have burned them all before we left the bus.

She was always so smart. Nothing got by her. She saw, in the background of a picture of one of the boys, my head thrown back on a couch my hair obscuring some of my face but not enough and as if that wasn't enough, my long legs on the other side of whoever was in the picture , cradling what looked like a kneeling thonged ass. Obviously not hers. Like I would ever let my lady do something like that out in the open where anyone but me could see her half naked.

Unbeknownst to everyone she pocketed the picture. Nothing showing on her face. Not a tear not a hic-up nothing to betray what she thought or was feeling. She was raised to not cause a scene in public. Her mother telling her to save all of her feelings in public situation and remain a lady. That way in private, where only I would bare witness her very icy wrath could slice it's way through my skin and bones and wrap itself around the fissures in my soul and work at them steadily making them larger.

When her calmly unleashed frozen hellfire was firmly wrapped around my soul. She sat and asked for an explanation. The clinical way she was expressing herself should have given away that she was starting the process of detaching herself from me.

I foolishly thought the prospect of her even asking for an explanation was a good thing. I mean she didn't even yell. She didn't throw anything or hit me or even cry. So she must not be too mad.

I explained how I handled everything. Not touching them, no kissing, no sex. I told her how it was never the same girl, and at the most it was only twice a week. Turns out that bit wasn't good information to share, as she calmly informed me that 2 blowjobs from different girls every week over 12 months was over 100 different mouths on my dick.

I bargained with her while she was packing. I tried to touch her and she would ask me to move back. I told her I had 4 months before I was expected back at the studio to start working on a new album with the boys. That I would devote everyday to her and fixing what was happening. I told her I loved her, that I couldn't breath without her, I told her she was my one that no one could hold a candle to her. No other soul was destined to be mine. That she was unique and what we had was sought by so many people. She agreed to 4 months of trying to work through our issues.

It took 2 months. That was it 2 months for her to completely leave me mentally. I walked in from grabbing dinner from our favorite sushi place, she was sitting on the couch shaking, not violently, these little tremors like something small was moving under her skin. She was hugging herself and rocking back and forth. I called her name as I rushed to her. She looked up at me and yelled at me not to touch her. I moved back more out of shock.

I had never seen anything but happiness on her face. This bright joy and love of life and of me. She was always smiling and never shy to touch me. But I came to the sudden realization that she had been dulled down. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was my fault. That I couldn't see past my own happiness that she agreed to stay and see that she wasn't ok.

She was caved in on herself. She had lost weight. Her hair was limp and oily her eyes empty of any sparkle. Make up smeared on her face. She asked me why I was gone so long getting the food. Was it because I was fucking someone? I just gaped and told her no. I tried to remind her that the sushi place was always busy especially on the weekends.

She took a deep breath and shook herself softly. She got up and and said she couldn't live like this anymore. The paranoia and anxiety driving her crazy. How if I was longer doing something than I said I would be I must be cheating. How talking on the phone in a hushed voice must be because I was planning a hook up. How she couldn't hang out with me if any of the guys were around because she knew they knew and it made her feel stupid like they were laughing at her behind her back. How she couldn't live the rest of her life waiting for the other shoe to drop. That she couldn't trust me anymore.

I just stood there not being able to process what was happening as she got up and walked into the bedroom and came out with packed bags. I asked why she had packed her bags and she told me she had never unpacked them.

I was crying by this point trying to understand why she was leaving me. I hadn't done anything wrong since I got home. I was really good. I bought flowers and jewelry. Went out for walks and talked with her. I made sure she came more than once when we fucked.

I told her she couldn't go that we were bonded that she was mine and I was hers. That there was noone else I could ever be with. There was no one like her. I told her she would never find something like what we had with anyone else.

She just turned and said guys like you are like buses, another one will be along in a few minutes, and with that the cracks in my soul became caverns and the caverns to islands and the islands eroding into dust. The door quietly shutting as my lady left me was when my soul was extinguished completely.

It took me a long time to realize she never wanted the rockstar. She wanted the man. I was never man enough for my lady. I was a child in a man's body trying to have a relationship with a fully actualized woman. One who knew when it was time to put herself first.

Now I can do whatever I want whenever I want with any girl who approaches. But there isn't any passion or feeling just empty release. You can't have things like passion when you have no soul.

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

Like a setting sun

Absolutely no minors 18+ only

Warnings: some language, mention of drug use, sadish.

I woke up to the sounds of people laughing and the smell of breakfast. Which meant 3 things: it was laundry day, the neighbours were over, and it was past noon.

I got out of bed and put on a loose t-shirt and some shorts. I had to go commando today because everything else needed washing. I grabbed my dirty clothes hamper and drug it behind me as I lit a smoke and started descending the stairs.

"Let me get that for you" a familiar deep voice said. I looked up and saw all 6 glorious feet of Izzy Stradlin standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"No way guy the last time I agreed to that you took my last smoke and left me with the hamper" I chuckled. Iz did to. "Yeah but I got another pack and shared with you later." He brushed past me and grabbed the hamper.

A few months ago the boys from Guns N Roses moved into place across from the one my girlfriends and I rented. They were supposed to be finishing their first album, but spent a lot of time over at our place. Five of us, five of them it was a well balanced situation.

Sundays were always the day we all spent together. There would be breakfast and laundry doing and laughing all day, into the evening sometimes booze acoustics and singing, sometimes too much booze acoustics and bad singing.

I spent most of my time pretending that I didn't notice the blatant flirting from Izzy, how he would always pull me in to sit on his lap, run his lips up my neck from my shoulder and tell me how good I smelled.

His fingers would roam until they found flesh to rub. He would make sure without words that I could feel just how big and hard his cock was under his jeans, slowly pressing me harder into his lap.

I had strong feelings for Izzy, but sometimes that isn't enough. So, today like any other sunday, I pretended I didn't notice anything as we all talked and listened to music.

Izzy had been getting more obvious with his desires lately so when the buzzer went to change over the laundry I got up even though it wasn't my turn to deal with it. I moved the laundry around and started up a new wash/dry cycle.

I was folding clothes when I felt him against my back. He groaned my name and spun me around. "Dance with me?" He questioned and pulled me into him. I was tall enough that my face fit perfectly into the crook of his neck and I sighed at how good he smelled all cigarettes, mystery and man.

Izzy held me to him one arm wrapped around my waist and the other hand in my hair holding my head to him. We began swaying to music that just he heard but it was nice. He started humming then whisper singing what I figured out to be a message to me.

It was Bruce Springsteen one of my favourites:

Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?

Did he go away and leave you all alone?

I got a bad desire

Oh, oh, oh I'm on fire

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?

And can he do to you the things that I do?

Oh no, I can take you higher

Oh, oh, oh I'm on fire

Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull

And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull

At night, I wake up with the sheets soakin' wet

And a freight train runnin' through the middle of my head

Only you can cool my desire

Oh oh oh I'm on fire.

I decided I had to get my point across to Izzy in a language he understood, so I used his own method of communication. When he pulled away to check to see if I understood what he was saying. I let him see that I understood what was going on, and pulled him in to sing a message back to him. My choice was Neil Young

I caught you knockin' at my cellar door

I love you, baby, can I have some more?

Ooh, ooh, the damage done

I hit the city and I lost my band

I watched the needle take another man

Gone, gone, the damage done

I sing the song because I love the man

I know that some of you don't understand

Milk blood to keep from running out

I've seen the needle and the damage done

A little part of it in everyone

But every junkie's like a settin' sun.

I pulled back and looked into Izzy's sad eyes to make sure that he understood and realized we were both crying.

" I will kick for you baby, I swear it. If that is all that is keeping us from happening I will."

He said this with conviction. But I had been down this road before and held strong. Izzy saw that in my eyes as well.

He grabbed at my hand "don't baby don't give up on me, on us. We haven't even started yet don't end it before it begins. Please wait for me. I swear it I will kick for you. I'm in love with you."

He was pleading.

I let him finally see how much I came to feel for him and he was getting frantic trying to keep me against his body making promises that may or may not be kept.

I finally got out of his arms and said "there used to be six of us living here you know." Izzy shrunk into himself still silently crying. But he understood as I turned and walked away from what could have been the best thing to ever happen to me.

I heard him whisper " I can do this for you, for us" and my whole being hoped and prayed that he did. I shut off my feelings and put my mask back on and rejoined everyone else thinking about waiting for Izzy Stradlin to get clean.

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

Graby Hands

No Minors at all 18+ only

Warning: dirty thoughts

For my Bestie

Pairing: Nikki Sixx x fem!reader

Nikki POV

I hadn't moved from my spot at the bar all night. I couldn't. I had the perfect sight line to the cutest little peach I had ever seen who was trying to maintain her position at the bar, waiting to get served her drink.

She was tiny, maybe just over 5 feet. Her hair was long and a cascaded around her perfectly sculpted body. I wanted to grab it and wrap it around my fist and pull on it while she moaned as I took her from behind.

Her body was a perfect hourglass shapely with flared hips that I wanted to grab and kneed and control as she bounced up and down on my cock. I had been hard all night watching her move around the bar. Getting pushed past and jostled like a kid sister at big kids party. I wanted to step in but though she was small she was all woman and feisty. She threw elbows and knees like a pro and got to where she wanted to be on her own. So I was content to stalk her around the bar waiting for my moment.

She pushed herself up to the counter and leaned over to yell her order to the bartender. Almost getting pushed aside but one of the combat boots she was wearing came down hard on the assholes foot, and he learned his lesson.

She was leaning against the bar again her tits looking like they were hardly being contained in her tank top, which to my delight had Motley Crue splashed across it. Her tits though god I wanted to grab those too. For such a small woman she had a big rack. I have big hands. Hands that could be gentle but probably wouldn't be, not the first time anyway. There were going to be many times, many many times with my feisty firecracker.

The bar was full to capacity now, jam packed with douche bags pushing my peach around just by not seeing she was there. I lost her in the crowd for a moment and got nervous until I spotted her about to walk past me. When opportunity knocks....

I stuck a leg out a little and she started to trip. I grabbed her around her waist and pulled her into my chest. Just to sell it I pushed some random dude and yelled at him for tripping her up while I kept her secure to me.

She looked up at me and smiled. Her grin got wider as I watched her realize who I was. She looked me up and down and she asked me if I wanted to leave with her.

I grabbed her hand and lead us right out of the bar. When we were outside she grabbed my ass and giggled I've really wanted to do that,among other things, for awhile now she confessed to me. I never thought I would have the opportunity.

I had no words I smirked back at her knowing that I was keeping this one for as long as she would have me.

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

The Whispering Forest

Pt. 2

Warning : physical, mental, and emotional abuse. Blood and sounds of gore.

I knew Sunny since he allowed people to call him by that name. He was funny bright and happy. He was Jackson now, a name he swore he would never use since he shared it with his abusive father.

Jackson was part of my older brothers group. The next generation of good ol' boys. Country boys who thought women should be bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen and take care of home and hearth while the man hunted and brought home the spoils. My brother and his closest friends weren't like that but they were in the minority.

The day after my 16th birthday Jackson decided I was his new girl. The first few months with him were like a dream. He held doors ordered food he thought I would like took me to town for dates and introduced me to people I had know for years as his girl. I thought this was how people behaved when they were in love.

Slowly Jackson started telling me where I could go what I could do. Who I could and couldn't talk to what I could wear what I could eat and drink. He would yank me by my arm away from people he didn't want me to associate with and tell me what they were really like. He was never like this around my brother.

It took me less than 6 months to learn to fear alone time with Jackson.

One night my brother was throwing a party. I was perched on Jacksons lap while he held court talking to his friends and absently pet my thigh like one would a dog. I knew better then to speak my thoughts or opinions unless spoken directly to by Jackson so when people would greet me I would give them a smile. Not small enough to look unfriendly or sad and not big enough to look like I had any interest in them.

I had to practice that in a mirror until it was muscle memory.

I shifted a bit in Jackson's lap and felt his hand stop on my thigh. I leaned into his ear and whispered lest anyone hear my voice and become interested. I told him I had to pee. His grip tightened on my thigh to just this side of pain then released. He leaned into my ear and whispered back right there and right back no fucking around. I got up and took a step towards the bathroom he smacked my ass and I gave him the obligatory big flirty smile and giggle over my shoulder as I kept walking.

I got to the bathroom, it was occupied. I looked at Jackson who nodded. I stepped to the side of the door facing him so he could see my eyes and face. I thought about his placement. He always chose the same chair when we had parties like this. It was strategic, look right; clear view to the bathroom. Look left; clear view into the kitchen directly at the fridge when I went to get him another beer. Straight ahead; and he could keep and eye on my brother and his closest friends.

When the person came out of the bathroom I pushed the door open wide so he could see that no one was waiting inside and then shut it behind me.

When I was finished I opened the door and went to step out only to be grabbed by an arm and dragged into a forbidden part of the house. I was not allowed in this area because Jackson couldn't see it from his throne. I could only come into this room while he was with me, I was alone in the house, or with family.

I looked up at person clutching me and was surprised to see Aiden, one of my brothers closest friends.

He asked me if I was ok. Told me he knew Jackson was hurting me. That he would help me. I knew Jackson would be within earshot at this point so I had no choice in my mind but to deny.

I told Aiden to let me go, that Jackson would never hurt me and that we were in love. He didn't believe me which is why I ended up being pulled to the floor with him when Jackson landed a surprise left hook to his face and knocked him out.

Immediately Jackson pulled me up and into his chest. Covering the back of my head with one hand and splaying the other across my back grabbing the opposite hip.

He looked around at the people who had noticed Aiden on the floor. He told them Aiden had tried to force himself on me. Like anyone would believe that. Jackson shifted me under his arm my face still tucked into his chest his hand still holding it in place so no one could see my face, his other holding my body to him. I'm taking her outside she needs some air.

He pulled me outside with him and around to the side of the house that had few windows. We ended up under my balcony facing the forest.

Jackson pushed me against the side of the house. He started pulling at his hair and muttering to himself about how Aiden had touched me. About how it wasn't my fault that, I didn't want him to touch me. That he shouldn't have to kill me because I was tainted, when I did nothing bad, it was Aiden. He wondered if killing Aiden would take the taint away.

He pulled out his hunting knife and started waving it around while he ranted. He stoped suddenly and looked at me. His eyes and hair were wild. His skin was gleaming with a thin layer of sweat and he was breathing heavily.

He approached me and grabbed me by the wrist of the arm Aiden had grabbed and studied the area with his crazed eyes.

With my arm held out straight. He looked at me and told me that he wasn't going to kill me. That I could be saved. But the tainted flesh had to go. He said he would just skin some of it off until the spoiled part was gone and I would be clean again. His again.

As he brought the knife up my body decided that it was now time to react, I pulled my arm out of his grasp sharply screaming at the pain of the knife as it sliced down the outside of my arm in thick and thin sections.

Jackson howled his frustration and started slashing at my arm as I was trying to run. I could feel thin slashes and little jabs curves and lines all over my arm.

Jackson was startled to a stop when he heard my brother and his friends come around the corner of the house. Aiden yelling that this was what he had been trying to explain to my brother.

Jackson frozen in place but not me I ran past him and into my forest. Jackson not far behind me not coming after me more trying to save himself from the kind of retribution my brother would meet out. I remember hearing my brother tell everyone that I would be fine in the forest. It would protect me and dole out its own kind of justice on Jackson.

As I ran I could feel my blood hitting the path on the forest floor and I became more aware. My sight sharpened in the dark. The path soft on my feet bending and shaping itself to take me to a safe place. Tree branches and bushes helping to guide me gently pushing on my back.

I came to a clearing I had never seen before, but I could feel the primordial power in it. I sat in a moss pile at the foot of the large tree in the middle. I tried to catch my breath.

The way noise travels at night in a forest can be terrifying. Sounds coming from what seems to be all sides. The whoot of an owl sounding like it is perched on your shoulder while in reality its much much farther away.

I could hear Jackson tripping and falling. Cursing and tumbling through the unwelcoming trees. Root and rock making it impossible to get very far. Then silence. A scream. Pleading. Crying. Begging.

Another scream this time accompanied by something I could only describe as a terrible wrenching and and tearing. A ripping sound so visceral it wasn't hard to imagine what was happening to Jackson.

There were no more screams or sobs, just a wet sucking crunching. That went on for what could have been hours, but probably was only a blink of time. I smelled wildflowers and earth and passed out on the moss knowing I was safe and not afraid of whatever made those sounds.

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

Reblog for Izzy gif

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[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

I have to admit. I am not living la vida loca

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

18+ only No Minors

Everything that ends up in this space most likely deals with something that will trigger someone.

If I feel like writing it will be about:

Sex

Dark emotions

Violence

Drugs

And everything in between.

I don't write about fluff

[nothing-i-love-is-ever]

The Whispering Forest

It was black outside. The kind of black where it's a new moon, and you are in a place small enough to not have street lights, neon signs, or neighbours that weren't any closer than a working wheat field would allow. I was sitting on the balcony of my families old home, now just my mine. I could feel the old splinters of wood poking into my skin from the floor of the beaten up balcony as my legs hung off the edge between the thin curved posts.

The air here was clean and fresh the neighbours field on one side, and the encroaching forest on the other. This is the forest that as a little girl I would sit right where I was and whisper my secrets, my rage, my hurts, my desires and my dreams to.

My auntie caught me once whispering as a little girl, when she was sitting for my parents one night. She scolded me and told me I shouldn't tell my secrets to the forest because the forest would listen, and most importantly if the forest took a liking to me, it would react. She never told me if it was the denizens of the forest or the trees and rocks themselves, but I never forgot what she said. I kept whispering.

I would paint rocks and leave them and other treasures just inside the forest line as often as I could get away with. In turn the forest always listened, always embraced me when I would walk in it. I'd never get lost or scared, it gave me treasures as well. Feathers from a crow, shiny pyrite stones left on my path where they had no business being.

It showed me special places. Little dug outs to cool myself in, streams, lost meadows and caves. I never got poison ivy I never twisted an ankle and I never slipped and got muddy. I could walk in my bare feet and never step on a stone. My family didn't notice anything because they were never with me while I was learning the language of the trees in the wind understanding the ageless music of the creeks and taking in the silent communication of the animals.

If I was sad and telling the forest my secrets the breeze would bring the smell of wildflowers and earth to make me feel better and it worked.

I was 16 when the forest acted on my behalf for the first time.