nothingfromhere

[nothingfromhere]

Everything has changed.

We’re supposed to be better than the generations before us. We’re supposed to try harder, dream bigger, love better. Everyone deserves basic respect and compassion. When you have a place that should be a safe space and someone toxic walks in, is it still safe? No, no it’s not. Why do people start and end with confrontation? Is common human decency too much to ask for? I guess that’s a hope, not a right. But why do people have to prove they deserve it? Is it really because of us or is it something in you?

This happens with strangers, coworkers, even friends and family. You expect decency, some people hope for it. That doesn’t mean they get it. You can be honest, you can be loving, you can be supportive. If someone doesn’t want to give that back, should you copy them? I’m not. My character has been carefully crafted and honed so I can be the man I want to be. Anyone can choose to release their pain anguish and frustration out on other people of their choosing, should we? No, I won’t. I don’t expect people to be nice, I do hope they will be civil.

Sometimes you just have to walk away. Sometimes the unwarranted anger is too much. Sometimes the feeling of being unwanted can be overwhelming. Do you like that feeling? Me either. So why would you put it on someone else? I won’t. I live my life like the hulk, I’m always mad. It’s taken me years to realize the depth of my anger, the foundation of pain and feeling of worthlessness became all I knew. I don’t wanna know that person anymore. Just like you should cut toxic people out of your life, you should also cut those parts out of yourself.

The thought of losing people once upon a time was the worst pain I ever felt. Then I felt what it was truely like when someone walks away. All the pain, all the rage, all the confusion, that’s left for you to deal with. “Friend” “family” are both just 6 letter words to some people. Not to me. If I call you either that’s because I stand by the definitions.

Friend: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.

Family member: Someone who has an expectation to rely on you for care—whether you live together or not.

I don’t like when people use a word with the wrong definition. I know I’ve made that mistake but I learned from it. When will everyone else learn? Will it be our generation? Have we done too much? I’m not sure. But I’m not gunna stop growing into a better me, with or without you. But the bullshit will end and I’ll give another apology for my own mistakes, but what I won’t do is take shit from you when you’re doing things you know in your heart would hurt you. You won’t hurt me anymore, you won’t bring me out of my character because you’re in a joker mood. Anyone can be better, and you can too, just be honest, kind, compassionate. The same way you would want someone to be with you.

One day I’ll truely have my family, hopefully we all can grow back together. but if you can’t register the look on your face all the time. The lack of compassion. Disgusting. And I won’t take part. I don’t do fake but it seems that would be how you all have been treating me. I will be better, I will grow with or without you. But i won’t accept anyone I had to cut contact with back without honesty. Simply for the reason I don’t like lies and anger. I especially don’t like when someone say things aren’t filing but a cleaning. I just want to feel loved, to feel wanted, to feel like you won’t leave.

Be honest, why were we friends? Was it because you liked me or pity me? Did you want to try? Or did you feel obligated? Let me help you out. if you pity someone or you feel obligated to be a friend, you can stay gone. I’m good on my own. Lying and saying you’re constantly busy for a year and finding time once every few months to talk, seeing other friends but making no time for me, your white lies hurt so much more than the truth.

You can learn and grow from the truth. What do you learn from lies? To distrust, to question reality, to question yourself. Is it something I did? Is it something I could change? I’ll never know. Because you chose lies, deception and/or pity, I was stuck in a spiral. every-time I reached for a hand you were too bothered by me to be honest, so I didn’t grow. Everytime I asked if I was bothersome and you lied to me to ”spare my feelings”, I didn’t grow. Everytime you said you’d be there and you weren’t, I didn’t grow.

You became the problem, the reason I couldn’t trust. Because you said “trust me” as you stayed away, as you found time for anything else, you made me feel worthless. So I had to walk away. I want to learn, to change, to grow. you became the shadow that blocked out my access to sunlight. So it was a choice I had to make, to stay and die, or to uproot myself and move away.

I’ve learned everyday since. I’ve learned more of my flaws, I’ve learned more of my issues, I’ve learned from the people I’ve allowed into or to stay in my life. I know I did things to make you feel the way you did/do. I asked for honesty so I could change, now I’m doing it without you. You will always have a place in my heart, but let’s be honest I don’t belong in your life.

Our goals no longer align, we have different views on needs, and our views on unconditional love and support couldn’t be more different. My feelings about your life are just that, mine. And the same goes for you. If I was so broken you couldn’t talk to me, how could you not know that? You want the life you want, as do I. And I’d do anything to help you achieve it whether I like it or not, because I love you and want to support you.

Let’s not get it twisted though, I don’t need you.

I spent so long thinking you all were people I needed in my life. I wanted you in my life, I don’t need you. And it took me a long time in a dark space to see that. But I’ve learned and I’ve grown and I won’t stop now. What I will stop, is trying to learn from people who don’t want to teach me things for my growth but for their peace of mind. I will continue to learn, but your lessons were never meant for me. So I’ll have to drop that class, I appreciate everything you’ve taught me but now schools out.

Always a student, sometimes a teacher, NEVER an expert.

[nothingfromhere]

There It Is.

You say you never cheated because you tried to break up with me, you tried to say your brother was there but he remembered nothing. Now I’m supposed to ask you’re mom, the literal reason you are how you are? Because of course she knows, because she helped with the lie. Do I believe I may have said things I shouldn’t have, Yes. Do I think I did the things you say I did, No. how do you not see this? How are you so, blind? I try so hard not to think you’re actually a narcissist like people tell me you are, but you make it hard to dispute. One second we were together for four years, the next you never cheated. Those two don’t mix. Either we were together and you fucking cheated or we broke up but trying to tell me you broke up with me is bullshit. No one in my whole life has heard that you even tried to break up wit me and I would’ve told someone. I don’t know how to cope anymore. I allowed myself to get to the point where you were my peace, my happiness. Now everything’s fading again. How can I save this? Why do I want to? Why can’t I just let you the fuck go. I must love the pain. I must. There it is.

[nothingfromhere]

my LGBTQA+ friend group call that mixed fruit

[nothingfromhere]

If you call pedophilia a kink please unfollow me and never talk to me again

[nothingfromhere]

home.

I work so hard and got so far but theses walls that surround me act as a cage. with brief moments of freedom and bliss I have hope for the future. hope to be who I was meant to be, hope to be successful in life, hopeful to be the man you thought you were getting. these walls are a cage, and this cage is also a house, this cage is my home.

[nothingfromhere]

Men don’t even understand their emotions , what makes you think they’ll understand yours

[nothingfromhere]

[nothingfromhere]

my anxiety has a loophole that if somebody is else is equally or more uncomfortable I develop the sudden ability to Do The Thing

[nothingfromhere]

ur gonna die anyway so get that fucking tattoo ur parents and friends hate and eat whatever u want

[nothingfromhere]

Starving Stray Dog Is Rescued and Taken to Pet-Friendly Restaurants All Over LA

[nothingfromhere]

REMEMBER THAT EPISODE WHERE REESE THOUGHT MALCOLM WAS GAY AND MALCOLM THOUGHT REESE WAS GAY AND THEY TALKED ABOUT IT BUT LIKE THIS I’M CRYING

[nothingfromhere]

baby animals blog

[nothingfromhere]

Family Of Feinds

screaming, yelling, threats of death, you’re a hell of a success! emotions are feeble and apparently so is your manhood. my whole life you’ve all watched the tears, the blood, the life, pour from my body with smiles on your faces. “drama queen” “cry baby” “fat ugly bitch” “thing” your favorite words, too bad they Dont hurt as much anymore. well I mean too bad for you. I get to move on, I got stronger when you tried to make me weak. I put myself back together every time you broke me down. so scream my birth name and gender. yell it at me, tell it to every person that walks into your hospital room, yell it across the park as you all always do. I’m sorry I’m not the little girl or young woman you all wanted, but I’m tired of crying when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. so I’m done. I’m done apologizing to you when you hurt me. I’m done making excuses as to how you can make me wish i was dead and say you love me in the same breath. I’m just simply done letting you control my life and my happiness. I mean let’s face it your life sucks, but that sounds like a you problem, cuz this prince has a princess to save and a new story to tell.

[nothingfromhere]

New Girl.

I dont know where you came from, one day your picture just showed up on my phone. I never thought you’d talk to me, then when you did I thought you were playing with me. then I met you, and everything changed, your eyes every time you looked at me.. I saw this softness, this safety, I want to run, but I didn’t. when your hand was on mine, I felt like a bubble surrounded me, and I was warm and tingly, and my mind ran blank. you offer something I need, something I want, something that scares the shit outta me.. and that’s okay.

[nothingfromhere]

As I'm Standing Right There

She. She is a word that is used to define a female. She is a noun, a term for someone whos feminine. I am not a she. I am a he, a man, a guy, a male. She is cage, a home for the hallowed. Hearing you say that me a he, is a she, it tears me to pieces, my ears want to bleed. I try to show you the man that i am, but no matter what i do your brain changes my plan. She, has been imbedded in your mind you have no control. Or maybe you do, i guess ill never know.

[nothingfromhere]

well like my momma always said unless those bitches is payin your bills, pay those bitches no mind.

Ru paul

[nothingfromhere]

words

there's so much in my head that I just can't comprehend. everything is mashing together feelings for her, feelings for you, feelings I shouldn't have or maybe I should. nothing makes sense but I try. I try to be strong for everyone, but no ones there when I need them. you are. sometimes. I know I annoy you, I know I'm overwhelming and I'm sorry for that. you just make me happy, I Dont know why and I Dont know what it means, all I know is I hate you. I hate how you make me happy and I hate how you can make me feel things I couldn't with the person I was with. I hate that your just as fucked up as me but won't admit it. I hate that no matter what I do I never feel good enough and I hate that you tell me I'm good enough but not for you. I know I'm not ready for a relationship so I won't say these things to you but I will one day if you continue to make me feel this way, I'll act on it even if I know it will leave me shattered afterwords because at least then I'll know that I'd done all I can. I hate this. I hate that I can't even understand my own mind. I hate that no matter what I do I wanna punch a wall and break my hand. at least then I'll feel that pain, instead of the pain from knowing before I've even tried you've rejected me or even so I won't feel the pain of you being treated like shit by men who Dont deserve you who still get to have you.