notoriouslycandid

[notoriouslycandid]

I wish I could just look him once more in the eye and tell him how much of a loss this will for him. If I never get the opportunity to say it, I hope my legacy will. I know Allah has bigger plans, something far better then this half of a man I ended up falling in love with. The rage that runs within me will move mountains. The impact I’ll have on the lives of others will be much much more than the pain I’ve endured. I know the man I end up with will value me so much more and to him I’ll be everything.

[notoriouslycandid]

I’m numb again, that weird type of numb the one where I try so hard to let go because that’s what you want that I lose myself. I lose my entire livelihood to what you want because it always ultimately comes down to that. It comes down to the mistakes you’ve made in the name of youth. It’s your lack of judgement that even though you knew. I never forced it out of you, you love me so you did I didn’t use the love for anything but to be loved so deeply by you but al I got in return was the harsh reality of your selfishness. Your superiority over me, your ability to hurt me and destroy me because I love you so you cause me pain. I love you and you hurt me how is that a fair trade off in anyway but rather an atrocity that you’ve committed. My life is shatter into a million pieces and I don’t even know where to start. I know nothing but the pain that resides within me that causes me heart to burn. The fire you’ve ignited within me started as love but it’ll soon burn me to ash. Not soon but now because the has been committed. You have ignited me and so I burn.

- the ashes you left me in will haunt you for life.

[notoriouslycandid]

How do you go through sadness?

I live with it but don’t make a home out of it. I make space for it in my bed, we eat dinner together sometimes. we walk at night but it falls asleep before I get home and I forget about it. it comes out in loneliness, it comes out in anger, it comes out in desire for attention; and I remember that something is just hurting and make space for it to hurt. I listen to the birds sing. I pay attention to flowers growing. I let it exist with happiness because sometimes they are together. I make a point to become kinder to myself.

[notoriouslycandid]

When it rains it pours. Life has been hard without the support I need. It’s been months and I’m just so exhausted. Something always just happens with me. I’ve been exposed to COVID. I need to get tested and isolate. I miss my hubby, who no longer is in my life. It hurts. I’m hurting. Bleeding. I just pray shit gets better soon because I don’t know how much strength I have to continue on like this.

[notoriouslycandid]

I’ve been through a lot, whether someone acknowledges it or not, I have. This life has been difficult, my entire life has been tough. From one thing to another to another not healing properly..

[notoriouslycandid]

Oh Allah, bring me closer to those who are good for me and have my best interests at heart and take me away from those who are not good for me.

[notoriouslycandid]

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

[notoriouslycandid]

“The tear of the sinner is more beloved to Allah than the arrogance of the righteous man.”

— Ibn ‘Ata Allah al-Iskandari

[notoriouslycandid]

Verse from the Quran – 2:117

Source: a-fadingshadow, via IslamicArtDB

[notoriouslycandid]

Ten ways to earn Allah’s love:

1. Reciting the Qur’an, reflecting upon it, and understanding its intended meanings.

2. Performing extra, voluntary good deeds and acts of worship in addition to the religious obligations.

3. Constantly remembering Allah in every situation by words, heart, and deeds.

4. Giving precedence to the love of Allah over one’s desires and whims.

5. Studying the Names and Attributes of Allah, bearing witness to them, and recognizing them.

6. Bearing witness to His benevolence, kind treatment, and blessings, whether apparent or hidden.

7. Presenting one’s ‘broken heart’ before Allah (by this what meant is to be humble in front of Allah).

8. Seeking seclusion and private conversation with Allah in worship.

9. Keeping company with righteous believers whom He loves and benefiting from the ‘fruits’ of their words.

10. Keeping away from anything that might come between one’s heart and Allah Almighty.

-Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimullah)

[notoriouslycandid]

إِنْ يَنْصُرْكُمُ اللَّهُ فَلَا غَالِبَ لَكُمْ وَإِنْ يَخْذُلْكُمْ فَمَنْ ذَا الَّذِي يَنْصُرُكُمْ مِنْ بَعْدِهِ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ

If God helps you, none can overcome you, but if He withdraws His help from you, who is there who can help you besides Him? In God, then, let the believers place their trust. (The Quran, verse 3:160)

Source: zuleikhax, via IslamicArtDB

[notoriouslycandid]

“Deprived is the one who has never witnessed his own desperate need for God.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

[notoriouslycandid]

We all make mistakes, mental health or not. We do things we all regret, we make decisions that we wish we didn’t make. I truly believe that what makes us different from one another is how we deal with our mistakes when we realize we made them. Do we own up to them? Do we make a conscious effort to make a difference?

[notoriouslycandid]

“Whatever is begun in anger, ends in regret.”

— Yasir Qadhi

[notoriouslycandid]

“I am quirky, blunt, and broken. My days are sometimes too dark, and my nights are sometimes too long. I often trip over my own insecurities. I require attention, long for passion, and wish to be desired … I love hard and with all that I have … and even with my faults, I am worth loving.”

— Danu Gibson

[notoriouslycandid]

And when affliction touches man, he calls upon Us, whether lying on his side or sitting or standing; but when We remove from him his affliction, he continues [in disobedience] as if he had never called upon Us to [remove] an affliction that touched him. Thus is made pleasing to the transgressors that which they have been doing

Holy Qur’an, Yunus 12

[notoriouslycandid]

وما لي غيرُ بابِ اللهِ بابٌ

And I have no door [to knock upon] but the door of Allah