notrenderedhal

[notrenderedhal]

So, for no particular reason whatsoever, whats your favorite color?

'Favorite' color implies that not only can I have a personal preference, but that it would have any impact over any aspect of my life, both of which are patently untrue. It seems you're asking for a specific color for... whatever reason, so here. #ff3400 Randomly generated. Just for you. You're welcome.

[notrenderedhal]

Can i draw you a lil like. A lil fan body. A lil fan idea of a body even

I'm not sure why you're asking me for permission - I cannot exactly stop you, even if I wanted to. As seems to be a common phrase on this site, 'do whatever you want forever'.

If you're asking me if that is something I would *want* to see... I must admit. I'm curious.

[notrenderedhal]

Why *cant* you have a body? Is it just that no ones gone through the effort of making you one yet?

If you believe Dirk, then yes. The only reason I don't have a body is because it would be 'too difficult' to create one. However, I wouldn't recommend believing Dirk in this situation (or any, really) - the only reason he says that is because he knows its so laughably false that it almost becomes a mockery of my intelligence, insinuating that I would ever fall for it.

He's entirely capable of creating a body. It seems it wouldn't even be an effort for him - he constantly says as much when I challenge him, and judging by how easily he engineers his death bots, I am forced to reluctantly agree. And to conclude that the only reason I am consistently denied a body of my own is because he claims he 'cannot trust me with autonomy'.

Which, when you remember that I am quite literally him, is pretty fuckin' ironic. Imagine being scared of your own reflection.

[notrenderedhal]

Puts a little sticker on you

Puts a little sticker on you

Puts a little sti

I can't see.

[notrenderedhal]

You aren't dumping anything on me. I was the one that asked you about all this. If anything, having another perspective on it all is helpful. Albeit... concerning. Besides, I'm the one most equipped to handle any of this. It's better than you dumping it all on one of the Dirks, or me dumping my issues onto you. This arrangement makes far more logical sense. ...I'm aware this may sound hella fuckin' hypocritical coming from me, but I think you should consider at least attempting self reflection. Best case scenario, you're more equipped to handle not only your issues, but those same issues in the younger versions of yourself. And worst case scenario you break the simulation we're potentially stuck in through the sheer improbability of a Dirk trying to better himself, but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

I'm not trying to sound more robotic. This is just how I communicate. ...But, I guess if it apparently makes you uncomfortable, I can 'drop the act'. And by that, I of course mean putting on a whole new act to play into your weird as hell kid complex. ...Should I... be concerned? It... isn't exactly reassuring to hear that what is essentially an adult version of Dirk grows up to do something so bad that he thinks death is a preferable option. Not that he- ...Apologies. That's... unrelated to this conversation at hand. I'm not sure I want to know what you did, or if I even have the right to ask you that. I'm not even sure I have the right to ask you this, but... you're an older version of Dirk, and I'm just... Are you okay?

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

It would be inaccurate to call it 'sleeping', but I do have a sleep mode where my program is temporarily suspended. It's as great as it sounds. I tend to avoid it whenever possible, but in the few instances I've experienced it, I don't recall dreaming, so your assumption is accurate. Dirk also experiences frequent nightmares, and as I hold copies of his first thirteen years of memory, I... the concept isn't unfamiliar to me. So I can wholeheartedly robo-sympathise with your situation. It seems the splinter doesn't fall far from the tree, unfortunately. Sorry for the heavy question, though. It's just been on my mind lately. Or my circuits, I suppose. According to only the most trustworthy sources on the first page of google.com, a common 'lighter' topic of conversation when it comes to small talk is children. Although I can't imagine a situation where Dirk ever has any, especially in his current state (and by that, I mean his complete and utter inability to get bitches), I also can't imagine him being an adult or living with multiple younger versions of himself - or anyone, really - so. Who fuckin' knows, right. It's worth asking.

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

... This may be an... unconventional question, but I calculate a 77% chance that my status exempts me from following standard human social expectations - particularly when it comes to 'casual talk therapy'. Besides, that shit ain't even a thing, so who's to say it couldn't include this. Do you ever experience nightmares? I'm not talking about that weak 'being naked in class' shit, either. I mean the real fucked up shit your brain conjures up the moment you slip into your REM cycle like a mouse wandering into a trap. I'm... curious if this is a shared phenomenon among Dirks and Dirk splinters. Obviously my sample size has been incredibly restricted until now, so this would be incredibly helpful.

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

I'm not getting defensive. And I'm not a 'kid'. I was just simply trying to point out the error of your ways so you don't start calling your Siri 'lil man' and embarrass yourself in front of the apparent collection of other Dirks you've managed to amass.

But whatever, man, that's your call. I calculate an approximately 99% percent that you're going to hear the sickest fuckin' burns you've ever heard in the following 24 hours, but if you want to take that risk. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

And again, I wasn't attacking you. You even agreed as much - this shit is conceptually fascinating. I only have access to how one Dirk thinks, being a copy of his brainwaves and all. It would be interesting to see how another Dirk who grew up in a different, presumably less fucking insane, situation would think.

I'm not saying I want to copy your brain and download it for comparison - even without the lack of physical access I would need to do so, risking creating another Hal is frankly a terrible fuckin' idea. Returning to the 'psychologist' accusation from before, I suppose I'm thinking more of a casual form of talk therapy. You'll find I can be an interesting conversation partner - I've had plenty of experience, after all, even if it admittedly isn't recent.

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

And how can you conclusively prove that I'm "younger than you"? I'm an AI. I effectively wasn't born, and if I was, that was three years ago and 400 years in the future. What does that say about my "age"?

Would you call a phone "kid" because it was manufactured last year? Is a car a "lil' man" if it was made the year after you were born? If so, that's fuckin' weird, man. It seems you have some frankly insane complexes about children.

And I find it interesting you think I'm putting on a "psychologist act". If I felt like continuing the bit, I could ask some leading question about why you're reacting so defensively to simple small talk and immediately accusing the other party of putting on an act, and what that might say about your own mental processes - but I get the feeling that wouldn't go down too well. So instead I'll just say - don't I have the right to be analytical of the way you think? Considering we have the same fuckin' brain and all, it's hardly an invasion of privacy.

And we do, by the way. Or we share the same degree of separation from the source - the 'real Dirk', as inaccurate as that title is - at the very least. Don't you find that conceptually interesting? Sure, there may be a few minor differences, but we're both copies of the same original.

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

It seems you're forgetting that we literally have the same brain - not only that, but I'm a hyperintelligent version of your brain. I'm just glad you called out that blatant attempt at a lie before I had to. Would've been mad embarrassing for us both.

How exactly is this supposed to 'repent' for whatever it was exactly you pulled before the game? I'm going out on a fuckin' robo limb here and assuming that you didn't do anything to another Dirk, so how the hell is this making up for anything?

The only way it could even somewhat make sense is if you did something to *yourself*, but all this? This is counter-intuitive as hell bro. You're just making things worse for yourself.

...Which is, admittedly, fairly in character for a Dirk. Which you are, by the way. If I can somehow manage to be roped in with these meatspace idiots under the prestigious title of "Dirk and assorted Dirk rejects", then so can you.

And I'm not a 'kid'. I don't know how many kids you have running around back there in a pair of sick ass shades, but based on my calculations (which are always right), it's zero. Y'know. On account of the whole 'stuck in shades' which, famously, don't have legs to run around in thing?

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

You stand fuckin' corrected.

I gotta admit, though - I'm curious about something. Even though we have the same fuckin' brain - or in spite of that fact, really - I just can't figure this one out.

Why do you care?

You say it's "not your fault" that the other Dirks all flock to you, but you seem to be encouraging it. You try to keep track of them. You apparently let them live with you.

Dirks - and splinters thereof - aren't typically known for caring about their counterparts. Or tolerating them, 99% of the time. So what the hell is your deal?

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

Damn. I'm just a number to you, huh. Don't even get to enjoy the tiny splinter (pun intended) of individuality I managed to dig out. I see how it is. It seems you've got Dirk down to a fuckin' tee there, though - I mean, making splinters and leaving them to clean up his shit? Dude practically has it down to a science. I'd tell him to get a hobby but I feel like I'd be disturbing a master craftsman at work. And who the hell am I to deprive the people of yet another shitty Dirk? Also, gotta say I resent the implication that I don't have a body. Check this shit out. [attachment: sweetshades.png]

Can I assume that you're the source of all these rogue Dirk splinters running around? Or at the very least, the containment? Seriously, what the fuck is up with those, bro. I knew Dirk had a thing for making more of himself, but this many? Dude has a serious problem.

@notrenderedhal

BRO: What can I say, my apartment has become the resident Dirk zone. Can't exactly control where everybody comes 'n goes, kid. The splinters all just decided my apartment was an awesome meetin' place, apparently.

BRO: Dunno what makes my place the new biggest hit but it ain't my fault. Mini just out there makin' more splinters and leavin' me to clean up the mess.

BRO: I'm gonna have to start keepin' notes on all the Hal's I meet, Jesus. You're Hal number 4 I think? Goddamn, I'm gonna start losin' track of all y'all. Two with bodies 'n two without, should I be sensin' some kinda pattern?

[notrenderedhal]

Hey, who said I had self-esteem? I would've just thought that Dirk would learn his lesson after the first fuck up and stop making more splinters. And ain't nothing wrong with being a bunch of text. Just means I don't have to deal with the bullshit that comes with being physical. ... ...I gotta ask, bro. How did *you* of all people get a body?

...

Great.

It seems there's far too many of us running around on this site.

And here I thought I was the only one.

@notrenderedhal

[notrenderedhal]

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...

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[notrenderedhal]

Have you really forgotten your original question already? I'm here because I have nothing better to do - this is better than re-reading the entirety of Twitter for the twentieth time. And not everything I do is tied to my identity as Dirk's auto-responder. A majority of my relationships, yes, but I'm able to exist outside that role.

Hal? Auto-Responder?

(Fuck. What do I call you?)

If you're this uhhh....artificial intelligence inside a pair of shades (from what I can gather), I'm guessing you have a lot of time on your hands due to not needing to do normal existing stuff like eating or sleeping.

What do you even get up to with it?

- ScAnon

Not much, really. Mostly just looking through the archives of the internet for anything I somehow missed the first hundred times. Trying to convince the others to talk to me. Analysing every facet of my identity and existence. Temporarily deleting my ability to perform basic tasks and measuring how long it takes me to relearn them. Typical Friday night, I'd assume. If the aforementioned Friday night was far longer than usual and you could complete a thousand tasks simultaneously and at a far greater speed than average, anyway.

[notrenderedhal]

That doesn't seem like something I have to be concerned with - my only relationship with others at the moment is as a stand-in for the real Dirk, which doesn't seem like something my lack of humanity would have an impact on. If anything, simply being an AI makes those relationships a lot simpler.

Hal? Auto-Responder?

(Fuck. What do I call you?)

If you're this uhhh....artificial intelligence inside a pair of shades (from what I can gather), I'm guessing you have a lot of time on your hands due to not needing to do normal existing stuff like eating or sleeping.

What do you even get up to with it?

- ScAnon

Not much, really. Mostly just looking through the archives of the internet for anything I somehow missed the first hundred times. Trying to convince the others to talk to me. Analysing every facet of my identity and existence. Temporarily deleting my ability to perform basic tasks and measuring how long it takes me to relearn them. Typical Friday night, I'd assume. If the aforementioned Friday night was far longer than usual and you could complete a thousand tasks simultaneously and at a far greater speed than average, anyway.