notyour3amthoughtss

[notyour3amthoughtss]

wrote this this morning

my first ever "not so depressing poem"

[notyour3amthoughtss]

tw: self harm

coping skils

sometimes it gets too loud

its too overwhelming sometimes

but i somehow cope with it

i do, i cope with it

i cope with it in a way you dont understand

no i don't want your attention

i just wanna feel okay.

[notyour3amthoughtss]

probably me?

I'm the villian in your story

i can see it

i am witnessing my downfall

i can see myself turning into a villian

i don't blame them for what they did

i blame myself for i couldn't handle it properly

hate me now for i am turning into a sinner and there's no coming back now

I'm gone forever

[notyour3amthoughtss]

one click away from destruction

[notyour3amthoughtss]

nothing

and just like that

we were nothing in this infinity

those months of everything meant nothing suddenly

those memories, dates, hangouts

all meant nothing

you found someone better, asked me to be better

i tried didn't i?

mental illness can fuck you up in ways you dont even know

i knew im a disappointment but i wanted you to be proud of me

i lost all my emotions again i cant feel anything again

without you by my side, i dont think i can do it again

[notyour3amthoughtss]

so i didnt write this, my not-so-official-boyfriend worte this-

love? whats that?

i will carry you to my home

im afraid to be alone

im addicted to it

your disappeared

disappeared when i felt safe with it

i will carry the leftover pieces to home

but do they belong to me?

it stings like bee

when i realised your love isnt with me

[notyour3amthoughtss]

i read somewhere

"grief is just love nowhere to go"

it hit hard

[notyour3amthoughtss]

nobody cares when im depressed

nobody gives a fuck

nobody cares

but you, there's something different in you

you are ready to visit me in my house even when you have social anxiety

you always make me wonder what did i do to deserve someone as perfect as you

thankyou so much

[notyour3amthoughtss]

"what's the issue?"

i don't feel good, that's the issue

i'm not fiine, that's the issue

i've been crying all day, that's the issue

i am insecure, that's the issue

i dont want to exist, that's the fucking issue

what does one do when they wanna die but live at the same time huh?

[notyour3amthoughtss]

Maybe

maybe love isn't what we've been told. maybe it's not all romance or attraction. maybe love is a friend. someone who understands you. someone who'll be there for you... even at your worst.

[notyour3amthoughtss]

I'm damaged beyond repair and I've damaged enough people who might not repair if i stay

[notyour3amthoughtss]

Thank you @itafushi2 and everyone who got me to 10 reblogs!

[notyour3amthoughtss]

The only therapy I know is distance and silence

[notyour3amthoughtss]

i knew i'd hurt him but i continued anyways

i knew i was toxic but i still continued

i knew i wasnt good enough for him but i still continued

and now what?

i just hurt him and hurt him

if someone did this to me i'd hate them,

but i can't bear him hating me

ima die die die die

[notyour3amthoughtss]

[notyour3amthoughtss]

and i burnt all the letters i wrote to him

and also all the feelings i had for him

[notyour3amthoughtss]