nourlemaz

[nourlemaz]

Ramadhan 2020

Every year, I always set a Ramadhan goal for myself. Like to khatam my Quran, to pray on time, to hold my tongue more, sedekah more, to spend my time wisely with beneficial things, etc etc. I even did a one poem per day goal like Daniel Abdal Hayy Moore (awww, the good ole UIA days).

I would complete most, ignore some, and sometimes accomplish unplanned ones.

But this year, since we are in RMO, I have spent most of my time watching a lot and I mean A LOT of Kdramas. My bias list have increased, my berangan span escalated! But in my defense, the storylines are just too good.

However, due to that, I have decided to cut down on my watch list and listen to more Podcasts on more Islamic topics. One day, one tazkirah. There are plenty online; YouTube, Spotify, and some of these Islamic scholars would even do Facebook lives etc. 

Here is a gem I learnt when I was listening to a podcast by Talk Islam, https://open.spotify.com/episode/15YtDYL1W2KTww3BG2nmbu?si=pvHvBd50SYajg45dbQLRXQ

Almost by default, when asked about the importance of Ramadhan, the answer is to feel how the poor feel and be grateful with what we already have.

However, as much as it is to feel how the poor feel, it is definitely more than that. It is to feel more conscious and mindful of our words, actions, even our thoughts and emotions. It is not so much about feeling how others feel but more how WE feel. It is to reflect on how the things that are halal to do on a daily basis are now haram; eating, drinking, watching too much TV, excessive sleeping (me, this is all me) and how we should do plenty of muhasabah (reflection) and change wherever necessary. 

Therefore, as easy as it is to answer that Ramadhan is the month to feel how the poor feel, I think my default answer for now would be that Ramadhan is month of reflections, mindfulness, clarity. A reset. A refresh button. 

That’s all. I hope you have a blessed month in the days and weeks ahead, insha Allah!

[nourlemaz]

Reflection: Privileges

I’m big on self-development. In 2018, I decided to try one new thing each month, which has resulted in so many fond memories amidst some failures (which we will not talk about anymore haha). In 2019, I just got a new job and that was my only focus. In 2020, I had conveniently planned my leaves to go on a few overseas trips, one with Ika and another with my family, as well as this company trip I was really looking forward to. 

I made sure these trips revolved around public holidays so I wouldn’t use up too many of my annual leaves, and also checked the seasons to match my outfits (FOR THE GRAM!) as well as to make sure that the weather was good.

I was also really serious about signing up to language courses this year. I wanted to study Mandarin so I could communicate with my students and their parents more effectively, I wanted to take up Korean because BTS (duh) but also because that was where I planned to go this year, and Japanese because I also planned to visit the Afdals and go to Disneyland hehe. 

Lo and behold, this Coronavirus has halted all possible trips for now, and any classes I want to sign up to had to be virtual. Haven’t taken up any language courses yet but I have taken some workshops and online courses for personal/ professional development.

To be honest, as much as this virus and Restricted Movement Order (RMO) has disrupted our daily routine, I was looking forward to revise my lesson plans and teaching methods to come back stronger. And to sign up to these online courses to improve myself because my odd working hours just didn’t allow to me plan sometimes. I would much rather be a potato than use my brain on my off days. That’s how fried it is after the week. 

But after this Personal Development I attended with my former organization, SOLS 24/7, I realized that all these plans I had really is a privilege. 

I love travelling. To me, it’s about understanding different customs, traditions and history, and I’m just a nerd who loves museums. I have always known that travelling was a luxury that not many can enjoy. That’s something I have to be grateful for and constantly reflect on. 

As for self-development, one of the things highlighted during the Personal Development session; humans are programmed to survive. Our main priority is food on the table and a roof over our heads. Once we have fulfilled those only do we think about finding ways to live a little more comfortably. 

Which has got me thinking about this chart for a loooooong while. 

(Source: Twitter)

This makes sense especially during this RMO period where you see human behaviour at its prime. Or rather, the class system at its prime. The poor are still working and finding ways to make ends meet, and we have the rich hoarding food for “just in case” (invest). The poor are ensuring every day that everyone is safe, the rich are ensuring their businesses are sustainable. The poor are just living from day-to-day, and we have the rich finding ways to come back stronger after this period. 

People say that poverty is a state of mind but it has gotten me thinking about my privileges too. In my family, education and learning is very important. Hence my need to fill my time with online courses and reading books. Privilege. “Aku” “Kau” was not an acceptable pronoun in this house. It was considered rude. I only learned how to use it once in foundation. Privilege. Blair Waldorf once said, “Destiny is for loser. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen”. Privilege. I always thought that if you wanted something done, JUST DO IT?? APA SUSAH SANGAT?? AGAIN, PRIVILEGE. 

Now, the 55:13 Quranic verse makes so much sense to me on soooo many levels.

[nourlemaz]

Brainfart: Stimulus Package

Last week, the Malaysian government introduced a stimulus package to help the people during this difficult period. 

Lo and behold, we had these “celebrities” had the cheek to ask for a “special” package meant for them. People were outraged! Everyone agreed that the money was better meant for those who needed more; our healthcare, frontliners, and the B40 who are severely affected by the RMO.

The financial aid wasn’t even much for the B40, when you really think about it. It was only meant to put food on the table, and for them to survive. 

But the demands of these “celebrities” were ridiculous; hospital bills waivered, Tesco/ Giant endorsements or some of that sort. 

And when reasoned about how ridiculous their demands were, their only counter was that they have “kept us entertained” “we always used their services when it came to certain campaigns” “we also use their names for promotions” etc. 

People were so disgusted with their responses that there has been a boycott for these “celebrities” and people admitting that we have since cancelled TV, Astro, and the likes and have resorted to Netflix and Kdrama (my family included hehe). I was living for the pettiness of our people just to show to these lame “celebrities” and dare call themselves “artists” or “anak seni”. Poyo gila boleh??

Which got me thinking, why they “mengungkit” or reminding us about the things they have done for the public? That is part of your job scope?? You are a public figure?? You have fans, supporters, who will listen to what you have to say, you have a platform to serve the masses, so yeah, I guess it comes without saying that promotion and publicity are part of your job scope. And when you are saying all that about how much you have contributed, then well, seems like you don’t like what you’re doing and might as well consider a career change?

I think most jobs, if not all, have extra hidden job roles; teachers, our job is to teach, but we have lesson plans, reports, dealing with parents complaints, and sometimes be the caregiver towards the students, soldiers, they are trained to keep the country and its people safe towards the enemy, who knew that the enemy was invisible?? 

So I really don’t understand what these “celebrities” were fighting for. To quote Zarina Anjoulie, “tak terhibur pun”. And like Papa always told me, “if you can’t stand people can’t bad things about you, don’t be a public figure”.

Also, my teacher once told me that once you start reminding people of your deeds, the ikhlas or sincerity of that deed is gone and your deed goes to waste. so umm yeah.... bit of a reflection for ya, innit?

This week has been an interesting dicourse on the richie rich and B40 and the conclusion that I find best fitting is, EAT THE RICH.

[nourlemaz]

Quarantine Day 3

So Malaysia has implemented a Restricted Movement Order (RMO) from the 18th to 31st March. Everyone is required to stay home; no schools, no malls, and only work from home except for the essential businesses. 

I thought that was going to be a piece of cake! I will be working at home. I can listen to BTS while at it, I can do it on my bed, in front of the TV, and in my PJs!

Come the third day, I WAS GOING CRAZY! NOT GONNA LIE

I miss fighting with my manager at the centre (though he still annoys us in the WhatsApp group), I miss picking where to eat with my colleagues, I miss Granpa randomly dropping by our house with food or money (haha, he moved out btw), I miss seeing my students; fighting with Leo Liu, talking about love with Jia Ler (because she always makes an icky face when I use the L word), getting mad at Ocean and for him to push himself and pleasantly surprise me with his results etc. 

Worst parts is, since being in partial lockdown and stuck at home and keeping myself updated on my phone 24/7, I have been having really horrible dreams!

First, I dreamt that I was on cloud nine, like literally! I was FLYING! Then my Kholifatullah friends pulled me down and said, “SIT DOWN! BE HUMBLE! KAU TU ALMAZ JE! INGAT TU!” yall, they hate HATE me! Bless them, I should prolly check up on them more often lmao

Then, I had the same recurring dream of my potential future husband to be (oh hi long time no see). This time, he came over to my house and ordered brownies from Mama. He said, “ah, I’ve had three of these already”. And I was like, “three pieces or THREE BOXES??” Silly goose, he forgets that he is a gym rat.

But whatever it is, these dreams are getting scary and weird. I DON’T LIKE! I need to go outside and go to public places and do my favourite thing, people watching (with slightly judging).

I don’t know what the rest of the days will look like but I do hope that the pandemic ends soon. Please keep praying and supporting our front liners (their stories on social media are heartbreaking), and STAY AT HOME! WASH YOUR HANDS! DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE! PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING!

I have more random mundane things written in my journal and most probably will share it here but we’ll get there bit by bit. Trying to keep myself entertained/ sane while at home. 

Bye and thank you for reading, remember to STAY AT HOME!

[nourlemaz]

Update: Life

Last year, amidst convocation season, Juni asked to pray for her miracle (ask her if you wanna know what it is 🤫). I told her to pray for mine.

At the time, I was waiting for a confirmation on a really important job post. I went on 2 separate interviews, followed up, called every few days, and even sent an email but to no avail. No reply whatsoever. Hence the very very need for a miracle.

I still haven’t received a reply from them. And at that moment, I thought that I had lost that miracle.

With a heavy heart, I reevaluated my life plans and goals. And whilst crying under the rain, then at 7-Eleven opposite KTM Serdang station (Faz and Ika can vouch for this lol), waiting for the 540 Bus to go home, I made the painful decision to stop pursuing my postgraduate studies, move back home in Johor Bahru, and focus on finding a job and building a career of whatever skills and talent that I had developed over the year at SOLS 24/7.

I was completely lost and confused and other than the painful scar it left on my heart, my phone took a toll too as it dropped on the way and the screen cracked 😂

I could really really use that miracle now, I kept praying.

As the months go by once I’ve moved back home, I began to rebuild myself. I began a routine of praying dhuha every day, I talked it all out to friends, I journalled everything, everyday. I was putting my self back together.

I then got a job working at a Korean Winter Program, I GOT TO SEE BTS, travelled with new friends, saw my friends get married, even secured myself a stable job, and most importantly, met (or discovered) my forever people.

People who will be there to validate my feelings when I’m upset, to listen to what I have to say and not tell me that I’m being too much, to actually have an opinion on my random outbursts, and to share my joy and wonder at whatever brain fart that I would have at such untimely of times.

We don’t always see eye to eye, we don’t agree with each other 100%, nor do we share the same opinions on everything, but at least I know that with them, I could have an opinion without being judged.

I thought the miracle that I wanted was in a job that I had wanted ever so badly in the hustle and bustle of Kuala Lumpur. But what I got in return is to realize that my dreams are never too big, my plans are never too ambitious, and my opinions are never too loud.

I may be a looooong way before I achieve any of it, but I’m glad to know that my forever people will always cheer me on. And that is all the miracle that I’ll ever need ❤️

[nourlemaz]

From Phil Kaye’s book. DATE & TIME.

[nourlemaz]

When I was in uni, one of my lecturers told the class, “life is not fair, deal with it”.

And that was how I dealt with life soon after. That things are just meant to be and some are just beyond our control. It sucks but I just had to suck it up.

However, BTS taught me that despite how bad you think this life is, there is always something to look forward to, something to be happy about, to be grateful for.

And if it wasn’t BTS that taught me that, it was the Army friends I met along the way.

I purple yall 💜💜

[nourlemaz]

Had a JinKook dream the other day.

Kook was about to eat a cookie

And Jin just came out of nowhere and grabbed it from his hands and ate it in front of him. ROOOOOOD!

I looked at him and was like, “JIN!!!

And He just looked at me and said, “What? 🤷🏻‍♀️” with his mouth full

I was full on teacher mode in that dream 😂

When will this dream come true??

This tumblr is slowly becoming a BTS stan account hahahahah

[nourlemaz]

Teaching at KLC thus far has been a really interesting experience. For one thing, the classes lasts only 45mins with different students in each session. So I always get different faces (and challenges) every hour.

One thing I have learnt throughout the experience is time management. Since we are only given 45mins to teach/ give them practice sheets, I really have to make use of every minute and second in the class.

As much as I try to rush through or really push my students to finish their work, I also always tell them to take their time and revise their answers before submitting their sheets to me. “Check your answers” “check your spelling” “read the passage carefully” is my usual line. And more often than not, I also always say, “take your time” too, so they won’t make silly and careless mistakes.

Saying this repeatedly, every day, almost like a chant, really has begun to become my own self reminder.

I need not rush through the questions and answers about my life because it’s the journey that counts and the pearls I pick up along the way that will surely benefit me in the long run. I need not rush through whatever that is written for me because it is still being written and what has become has already been written by the Mighty Pen. And to read my passage carefully means to understand that whatever happens surely has their reasons and good things take time; Qadr Allah.

All will happen with due time, insha Allah.

[nourlemaz]

Olivia: Teacher, do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No :(

Olivia: but why?

Me: because I work all day, I have no time to look for one :(

Olivia: ya, and you work at KLC and all the teachers here are girls, no boys work here, so even harder to find boyfriend

Me: I know right??

Olivia: but Teacher, I think girls are more intelligent than boys, that’s why they can become teachers! Boys need to work outside, like at construction.

Shu Wen: girls need to work in aircond

[nourlemaz]

Cantik tak wallpaper I?? 😂

Anywayyyy, I have not given up on my academic pursuits. I just didn’t understand why I needed to rush into it when I don’t even have my life sorted out lol

Give me time to build my career, save some money, clear my head a bit, and find my path...

I’ll go from there, insha Allah

[nourlemaz]

Had another dream about my potential future husband to be and surprisingly, it wasn’t one of the BTS members??

But this potential future husband to be better step up, man! We were at a seminar/ training type thing and while I was being participative, taking initiative and stuff, all he did was just laugh and stare at me

Like boy, we can’t vibe if I’m the only one doing the talking.

Maybe he’ll be a good listener, but I won’t know if you don’t say anything....

So in the end, I was being my usual bossy self, and he just... agreed. Apa ni Pak Turut??

And at that moment, I realized that if he wasn’t gonna approach me, I am not going to wait. I’m not gonna approach him either. I deserve me. I love me.

You missed your chance, bro. Maybe next time. Not. Thank u, next

Lmao, I just wanted to post these BTS gifs okay hahahaha

But for realz, I’d rather channel my energy for BTS now than this potential future husband to be. I mean, I already have 😂😂

[nourlemaz]

A few weeks ago, a high school friend, Wawan, texted me about an upcoming interview of his in a hospital in Singapore. He’s a nurse, btw.

Wawan has been asking me to conduct English classes for him for the looooongest time. He has been planning to work abroad for awhile hence the need for English classes. But his schedule is super crazy that it always clashed with my plans so the classes never happened. Until a few weeks ago haha.

Finally, after years of working and gaining experience in the health industry, his opportunity came! Super excited for his future endeavours yeayyy!

Yall, I may not be rich and successful yet but seeing how I managed to help my friends prepare for interviews (Wawan, Pali, Ika, and Faz just to name a few 💅🏻) and for some of them to actually get the job, makes me feel accomplished in a way ✨✨

Good things take time. My time will come soon, insha Allah!

[nourlemaz]

Things to add to why I should be known as Universal Pretty:

Meet my Burmese sister! Hahaha

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If you read my previos post, you would get this joke about me being Universal Pretty 😂 click here if you haven’t

Even Ika said to me, “muka you, kat mana mana ada” as in, a face like mine can be found anywhere. Not sure to be insulted or flattered but for the sake of being Universal Pretty, I’ll take it ✊🏻

And if you didn’t know, my BTS bias is Kim Seokjin aka self proclaimed Worldwide Handsome. Hence my new title 👑

Anyways, I was just going through my phone gallery and wanted to delete some unnecessary photos and realized I haven’t uploaded some pictures from PV18. Most of them were selfies anyway lol.

But then I saw this photo of Moon and me. We could be sisters! 👯‍♀️

[nourlemaz]

Every time I give up on my writing dreams, something always ALWAYS comes up.

Dr. M keeps telling me to write because we need more Muslim writers (technically, I’m still editing this book of his lol), one of my mentees from SEALNet is proposing a book project to the board and wants me to lead it, Husna sent me a potential writing job in a local newspaper (but I didn’t even send my resume because I already secured myself a job), and I have friends still asking me to check their resumes and help write their descriptions and introductions 😂

I’m not quitting on this dream just yet, okay. I just need time to figure out my first book, insha Allah 😂 help me get discovered!!

[nourlemaz]

I started my new job yesterday! It was an interesting training experience. For the first time in awhile, I actually felt like I learned something and not the other way round.

I’ll be working at Kids Language Centre (KLC) as an English teacher lmao. They have their own methods, modules, curriculum, and everything. Tbh, I’ve been eyeing this centre for awhile because they have one branch at Setia Tropika next to Mama’s preschool.

I once saw an ad on Jobstreet, around the time that I recently graduated, about a possible vacancy, and it mentioned that after a few years of working with them, you’ll be granted an English Linguistics certificate or something, that’s when I knew that this company had growth. But I think they wanted people with experience back then, hence why I accepted the job at SOLS 24/7.

2 years later, here I am! A KLC teacher, insha Allah. It was one of the things I mentioned during my interview that I have been eyeing this company for awhile. It was also the first thing I mentioned during the training session. Beriya, please.

Only for the trainer to ask, “what took you so long??”. But she also mentioned that back in 2016, things were still a bit chaotic and unstable and only recently have they perfected their modules. So now really is the best time to join :’)

I was talking to Kak Nonie yesterday about how Allah’s plan really is the best and we really shouldn’t complain or compare our luck to others.

Because wallahi, imagine if I had gotten the job at KLC a few years back?? I would never have gotten the job at SOLS 24/7 and met my lifelong ARMY friends 😝 or actually had the guts to run 2 day skills workshops in front of 100 students?? Or involved in SEALNet stuff and gone to Vietnam for a project?? Or met my lovely Korean students and planning a trip to Geumsan soon??

Life is funny like that. We all have a different story to tell. He has given us the pages, and we hold the pen. We should write (or draw) our own story from here ✨

[nourlemaz]

I wrote this for my 2018 reflections but posted another one instead. When I was reading it in my notes, I thought it was worth posting too;

As I was reflecting on my year amidst the final moments of 2018, I realized I accomplished way more than I expected.

I travelled to Singapore, Indonesia, and Vietnam, met the most awesome people, my inner Koreaboo/ fangirl/ BTS Army jumped right out, I have the most amazing friends in the world, and I really really do have so much potential and should never sell myself short. Even the sky isn’t my limit anymore, sky high sky fly sky dope, yall.

It may have been the year that I got a tad bit lost, went off track with my plans, and at one point, I didn’t have a track at all, but it was also the year that discovered myself the most.

The world really is my oyster, and I’m still collecting its pearls. Not all those who wander are lost, we just took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

To 2019 🥂

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After the Korea Program ended, Ika and I went out and started talking. We both concluded that 2018 was a difficult year for the both of us lol. Unemployed, lost, broke, and even heartbreak for Ika hahaha!

But then again, I also learned wayyyy more about myself then I ever imagined. I accomplished sooo much more then I had planned. And I think things will get a lot better in the months to come.

Alhamdulillah, January was a very memorable month for me and I’m glad that I signed up for the camp despite the stress and disorganisation. Well, what is a stress-free job anyway?? Amiright??

Hopefully, more good things will come up in 2019! ✨✨