now-we-say-c0ral - Tumblr blog

[now-we-say-c0ral]

January 31, 2023

It’s a bit harder to wake up in the morning now since I’m back to going in the gym which means I’m extra tired. I got to work 10 minutes late. I’m working in Th14 with Mark and Katy. It’s just us three. The shift was basically a mix of canceled patients and delayed surgeries because of the bed problems of the hospitals and the delays of the patients getting to the hospital.

Finished the shift around 4pm. Asked permission if I could have the rest of the day off from Jo and she allowed me. Went to the gym and did a sorry excuse for a back day. The Gym in Bloomsbury isn’t that equipped with back exercise-based machines.

I’ve researched how to update my NMC revalidation and I’m getting so stressed about it. I must do it soon because my time’s running out. If they don’t book me a bank shift on Friday, I have to get started on my papers.

Bought some ingredients for a beef noodle dish that I cooked when I got home for lunch tomorrow. Scrolled through some reels before calling it a night. It’s a Thursday tomorrow. It’s either I’m working with God or the devil. There’s no in between. I hope I’ll be happy with my allocation.

[now-we-say-c0ral]

January 30, 2024

Oh, goodness! I had the weirdest dream last night. I can’t exactly remember how it went but I just know that it was weird. I’ve been having a series of weird dreams lately. Might be the cold. Research says that we tend to have nightmares the colder the ambient temperature is.

I was assigned in Th12 today with Sam, Rosie, and Katy. I did the 8 plate exchange and Rosie did the trigger finger. I wish I did the hand one. I miss doing hands. Our 2 cases finished fairly early because they were just short cases. After lunch, I helped Rosie arrange the loan kits for our sets. I thought I could go home early today but then I was reallocated in Urology where it finished 5:30pm. Wherever I go it always finishes late and I hate it. I wish I could have gone home early today.

Went to the gym and did chest, triceps, and abs. There were a lot of people in the gym today and not one of them let up on the benches. I’m feeling kind of frisky today I don’t know why. I wish to control these urges because a girl might get pregnant. The girl being me.

Got home around 8pm and just settled in bed. No nightmares tonight please!

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January 29, 2024

Ed said that I had a nightmare last night. I was stomping on bed and was mumbling to myself then he gently patted me and he said that I turned to hug him. That’s sweet of him. I think it was a nightmare of me trying to get to work but I’m late as always.

I’m assigned in Th14 today with Kuya Victor and Ate Socel. I’m a bit apprehensive doing orthopaedics but I tried to prepare the theatre as best that I can because the consultant today is very meticulous. I was tasked to scrub the first part but then Ate Sou just asked if I didn’t mind doing both procedures (in one patient) because she just got back from her sick leave. I didn’t mind it. I’m no expert and that’s why I’m taking this time to learn from him and not the other consultant because I like scrubbing for him more than the others. It was hard especially when he dropped a bomb saying that he wanted to open new sets for the left side. Opened 9 sets and arranged them in 20 minutes only. Scrubbed from 9:30am-5:30pm. It was such a good feeling to learn from him. Kuya Vic also commended me for my leadership and support in the theatre though I am scrubbed.

Got some stuff for pasta but the kitchen was busy so Ed just bought some burgers for dinner. Ate my lunch this evening because I didn’t have a chance to eat earlier and now just chilling in bed waiting for 9pm for us to sleep. It’s been an okay day today.

[now-we-say-c0ral]

January 18-28, 2024

It wasn’t the best time for me. I haven’t felt that good. Missed workouts because of my low energy levels and mood and when I did try there were just too many people in the gym that I didn’t finish working out. I feel better now. It’s getting warmer and I feel like my old self now. I’ll get back to writing tomorrow.

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January 17, 2024

Thank goodness that I’m in Th12 again today. It’s an almost all-white cast today except for me. I’m with Sam, Shaunie and Sara today. Sam’s been borrowing me because they have a shortage of staff since three of them are in asia having their annual leaves. I’m not complaining. I told him that he could borrow me any day especially if it’s a Thursday!

I didn’t even scrub today. I was just busy circulating. Sam really said, “We need to stop with you, you’ve been doing the major cases lately.” I kind of chuckled because Ate Imelda was serving me every major case that she could give me. It’s been a busy day. We did 4 cases and canceled 1 because of time and bed issues. We ended the day with pizza. Nicole and I also had some time together in the cafeteria. I told him that last night Ed was thinking about getting our own mortgage. I’m incredibly happy. It means I won’t have to leave him. I told myself that I can’t keep playing house with him. I need something to lead me on to him like future plans. We’re aiming by the end of next year so around 2025-2026. I really hope so. I don’t want to rent to my landlord anymore.

Got home around 6:30pm and cooked salmon for Ed and me tomorrow. Watched 2 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy then called it a night.

[now-we-say-c0ral]

January 16, 2023

Is there some kind of boot camp where they train people to rise at 6am for no apparent reason and just stay awake after because that’s how Ed is and I literally have no idea why I can’t do it myself. Cuddled for 30 minutes before I actually got up.

I was late on purpose today because there was a protected teaching session today to which I really did not attend. It’s a glorious day today because once again I’m assigned in TH12 doing SNAPS with Ate Imelda, Tanya, Sam and me. Thank goodness. I did two lap cases and we canceled one case because there just wasn’t enough time to do the case. It was all good. I’m getting a bit bored now doing laparoscopic cases but I’m not complaining as long as I’m not doing orthopaedics, everything is better.

After the shift, I went to the gym but there were so many new people that it kind of felt suffocating to be even there at the gym. Some were just sitting on their benches not doing anything. I’m happy that we’re all trying to be fit and healthy but many people have lives after gym and they’re hogging all the equipments and not doing any workouts. I got kind of annoyed. I just jogged for 20 minutes then bounced.

Got home to Ed cooking our meals for tomorrow. Took a shower and watched 2 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and slept like a baby afterwards. Today was an okay day.

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January 15, 2024

Weird that I feel a bit motivated to work today. I realized why when I got to see the allocation because, again, I’m not doing orthopaedics. Thank goodness!

I was assigned in Th12 with Tanya, Sam, and Anika. My baby girl Chin was supposed to be with us but she stressed that she was supposed to be on rotation so she was sent to Urology. That’s fine. I did the same thing we did on Monday with a few additions. It was like a 5-in-1 procedure and I was laughing when Sam was ticking the procedures we were done with. It was tiring standing up for 3 hours but it could have gone longer if it weren’t Prof doing the case so I guess I’m just grateful. I’m happy I’m learning so much in SNAPS. After handing over the patient to PICU, had lunch, and expected that the list would be done by then but they were just starting. After, I asked Leonie if I could have some time off and she allowed me because we had enough staff to cover.

Went to get me a smoothie then proceeded to go to the shops to buy something for dinner and got some stuff for an improved banana brownie. Got home and made Ed some noodle stirrfry and had some myself. Made a better, gooey-er protein chocolate banana brownie which is now a real brownie but it could have been more fudgey in my opinion but it’s a start.

Watched some Grey’s Anatomy then proceeded to sleep. It was an okay day today.

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January 14, 2024

Woke up at 10am and didn't feel like I had a good night's rest because Ed came home at 5am in the morning from Makoy's party last night.

Got up and prepared brunch which was yesterday's lunch and proceeded to cook some adobong atay and some tuna for my lunch tomorrow which I made 2 of each so I don't have to cook tomorrow when I get back from work and I also attempted to bake a protein banana brownie which tasted more like a banana bread to me. I shall try again next week to make it more fudgy and chocolatey. I like the taste, really, it just wasn't a brownie.

Watched S2E6-S2E13 of Grey's Anatomy after and took a shower and prepared for my working day tomorrow.

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January 13, 2024

Woke up at 8am today because I had a secret tattoo appointment that I didn't tell Ed about because I was going to surprise him with a tattoo on my wrist, I guess.

Ended up taking an Uber because I was already late for our 10am appointment. I met Jego and he was pretty chill. He charged me just 50£ for this cute Pokeball tattoo! It wasn't that bad, the feeling. It was just mildly weird and uncomfortable. 2/10 pain, if you ask me. I'm very satisfied with how it went. I couldn't be any happier that the first tattoo I got was a pixelated Pokeball. If there was anything that's constant in my life, it's Pokemon. I think I was in second grade when I started playing and I haven't stopped ever since so it's only right that I inked myself that first.

On my way home I bought a samosa and a canned coffee drink in Osterley Station and took two tubes to get home. It was so cold this day and I think I was a bit underdressed. Got home and Ed cooked some chicken estopado and it was delicious. The saba is such a nice touch.

Watched Greys Anatomy S1E1-S2E6 and I slept at 3am in the morning. This is such a cool show. I missed out on this. Today was a good day.

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January 12, 2023

It's my last day at work this and I'm so glad that I wasn't put in Orthopaedics because I was bank shift today. Instead, I was put in SNAPS. Thank the heavens!

I was assigned in Th12 with Tanya, my baby girl Ally, Anika and Viktor. After the brief, I was asked to run a Dental list while Raman was gone. I loved running Dental Lists in Kingston. It's basically free therapy but I haven't done one in GOSH but I happily obliged. I had such a good time there speaking with the dentists and the rest of the team. They were so welcoming and open and kind. I guess this is why I love working with them. It's generally pretty chill and nothing dire or critical is bound to happen. You go to work happy and you leave happy. That's about fucking it.

My girl Shaunie relieved me for break and after eating my lunch for 10 minutes I was called to scrub in for a laparoscopic fundoplication case back in 12. Kuya Francis said, "When you're called, you're called." and I get that. It's fine. I get to scrub a new case and I'll be supported by Ate Imelda which I'm most happy about. The surgery was long but it went pretty well. The surgeons are even happy about my scrubbing because I did it so well. I've done laparoscopic but not this kind so it was kind of the same. I did give them the wrong suture. I heard Prolene not PDS when they asked for the latter. Good thing my common sense kicked in when they were using it to suture the belly button. They weren't mad. They just appreciated it that I spoke up and I'm glad I did too. I could sleep better at night. Went to the gym after but didn't finish legs. I'm just not up for it this week. I'm just not feeling like myself.

I passed by my favorite turkish shop and bought some wings while Ed made pasta and that was that. I had a good day today.

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January 11, 2024

It’s getting worse, really. I can’t just blame this on the weather and the amount of sunlight that I get in a day. There’s something insidious going on that’s been sucking the joy and life out of me lately but I just don’t know what it is. I’ve been very lethargic and irritable lately and it’s not the usual out-of-mood Ian, it’s something else.

I was assigned in TH2 today with Ieron, Rosie, and Katie doing that deplorable man’s list. I hate being in the same room as him. Ieron scrubbed for the difficult case. Rosie made us choose what we’re doing and I instinctively chose the one where he wouldn’t be scrubbing. I’m not wilfully submitting myself to verbal abuse when I’m on a list with him. I was supposed to be downstairs doing Spines but there were some staffing issues so changed had to be made. The list ended rather okay but it would have ended differently if I was scrubbed with him because I will not really tolerate being talked the way he talks and I’d have my own remarks as well.

Elli approved my May annual leave to go to the US and my December annual leave to spend Christmas and New Year back home. That’s so generous of her.

Helped out in Theatre 15 with Spines because they were overrunning. Shift ended at 6pm. Decided to cancel gym today because I really wasn’t feeling like it and I felt that if I forced it, I’d just go home dissatisfied. I just got some protein smoothie and some protein balls from my favorite smoothie shop.

Got home at 7pm. Slept around 8pm. I’m not feeling like myself, really.

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January 10, 2014

Slept for 10 hours, I think. Woke up with a full bladder. I’m still craving for more sleep but I really have to get going now. Caught the train just in time and got to work at 8am. I was assigned in TH15 with Ate Imelda and my baby girl Ate April. It’s been a good, busy shift. I just did 1 lap and a fistula repair. This day took forever because 1 patient had 3 joint procedures. Otherwise, the day was pretty uneventful. Again, I’m learning so much from Ate Imelda. She’s been such a good support and a good ate to me. I really appreciate that.

Went to get a smoothie and went to the gym after. I did chest, triceps, and some abs. It was a bit difficult doing the sets while doing chest. I was okay with them last week now it’s been a but difficult trying to finish them. I did finish the sets but I wasn’t happy with the way I was lifting. No matter. Winter blues is the one to blame.

Got home at 8:45pm and cooked my tuna cat food dish for tomorrow. I have to apply for a Band 6 position in Kingston just to piss off one person. I have to do it by tomorrow because it’ll be closing on the 12th. It’s been an okay day. 2 more days and then I’ll finally have the weekend for some ME time.

January 9, 2024

This weather is literally not doing me any good and I’m having an even harder time waking up. I got to work a bit late but it’s fine because it’s our protected teaching day. It’s boring. Another “what to do in a fire” seminar. Lateral exit my ass. I’m going out of the damn hospital.

I was assigned in TH12 with Ate Imelda and our new HCA Miah. It’s been an okay day. I’m learning so much from Ate Imelda. She’s a god-sent, really. In the afternoon, Janefer was with us so it was even more fun. A lot of gossip and shenanigans are bound to happen whenever we’re together. I did one lap case and learned how to use the Olympus when we’re doing OGDs. It’s been honestly a real good experience especially when you’re with people who support your learning. NMCs emailed me that I should do my revalidation really soon. I honestly don’t know how to do it since it’s my first time. It’s going to be an interesting weekend for me trying to sort this shit out. I’m really done with paperworks at this point in my life and I’m only 28 years old. Honestly, it takes the life out of me.

I didn’t go to the gym today because 1. My body’s just not feeling it and 2. I’m really not in the mood emotionally. I’m just done today. It’s so hard to move in this cold. The only good thing about proceeding is that everyday the sun will set 1 minute later than yesterday and that’s giving me life but I need more motivation now than ever because it’s really difficult. My asian mind and body is just not happy with what we have at the moment.

Got home at 7:45pm. I just slept from 8:30pm.

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January 8, 2024

Thank goodness that they canceled the tube strike today! Woke up at 6am because Ed’s mom called at 6am to tell him that the package he sent them has already arrived. I didn’t get up until 50 minutes later because I had to ‘pre-wake up’ to be able to start my day.

I arrived at work on time. I was assigned today in TH14 with Al, Monica and Viktor. It was a fun shift in orthopaedics. It’s apparently chill as long as you’re with Al. When Rosie runs it, bless her heart, it’s a bit stressful because she’s so particular about everything. My chill and laid back attitude is triggered. I should be more like Rosie but I’m not at that age yet, I believe. It’s one of the shift that I enjoyed the most in orthopaedics. Scrubbed for the longest case but it was okay today.

Didn’t go to the gym today but bought a protein smoothie from the Smoothie Factory in Brunswick. I’m becoming a regular now. It’s slightly snowing in London now. I hate it. My fingers are so cold I think they’re going to break off any moment now.

Got home around 7:20pm and I’m cooking some seafood noodles, beef bulgogi, and my cat food for tomorrow. It’s been an okay day today!

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January 7, 2024

Woke up at 9am today. Slept soundly last night but I had a hard time sleeping last night. Probably because of the coffee that I have been taking before going to the gym. Ed and I had the tuna bake that he did yesterday for breakfast today. I made some mung bean soup with the mung beans that I left soaking overnight yesterday. It tasted so fine. Everything tastes better with coconut milk.

I just played some Pokemon Unite and called mommy and Aira afterwards. It was getting colder again. Last week the temperature was around 10-12 degrees celcius but now it's dropped to 4-5 degrees. I kind of hate that.

I went to the gym and did my shoulders, lower chest, triceps, biceps, and my abs. I was there for more than 2 hours. I'm just getting my time now because I won't be going to the gym tomorrow because my body needs to rest. It's been 6 days now this week that I've been going to the gym and I have to stop overdoing it. It might not be doing me so much good. Took the bus home which took 50 minutes because of traffic to which then we had to reroute.

Ate the mung bean soup with Ed and prepared our lunch for tomorrow. We're watching Saltburn now. We're working tomorrow and there's a tube strike. I hope it won't be too busy but even that's wishful thinking. Good luck to us!

January 6, 2024

Ah, my day off! I woke up around 8:30am for some reason. It was such a lazy morning for me and I didn't want to do a thing. I got up around 10am when Ed called for breakfast. We had the pasta that I asked him to buy yesterday from PaStation because I was craving for it so badly. I had too much spicy chinese food from last night and now my butt's paying the price. I pooped like three times in the morning and my goodness I was literally praying for it to stop because my butthole hurts so much already from the spices that were put. They literally weren't kidding when they had three chilli emojies on the chicken options.

I went to the guy around 3pm and did legs and back. I planned to do my triceps but I was just too tired. It was a good session and my heart is speeding so fast in my chest I thought it was going to explode.

Went home and Ed made a tuna bake for dinner. It was so good. Just spent the night folding the laundry and just chilling. It's been a good day!

January 5, 2024

I think I've had it begging people to let me in because I lost my badge. I was assigned to do the Haemonc list in Th2 but it wasn't due to start until 9am. Went down to security and secured my temporary badge and told Raman to make me the paperwork for my badge because Elli was off sick, bless her, she works so hard.

The Haemonc list was busy because of how fast the pace was but overall it was okay. There were just a lot of crying from the parents. It didn't faze me. I probably won't understand how it would feel because I won't be a parent because I'm gay except when I decide to adopt but as of right now, I'm just not fazed at all. I'm just there to do my job as good as I can. At lunch break, I finally collected my new badge and I can get through doors on my own again thank goodness!

Went to the gym but just did 20 minutes of cardio. I didn't feel like working out at all. Just went home and just played Pokemon. Ordered some spicy chinese takeaway from Oodles and it was so good! I feel so full though. My intrusive thoughts won tonight. I was supposed to be fasting but I was hungry, too hungry, for some reason. It was an okay day for me.

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January 4, 2024

Woke up around 8:30am since I'm off today. Would have been better if I woke up at 10am but the morning tea from Kezia and Sophia is so juicy that it made my early start worth waking up early for. I saw a message from Sophia asking if she could call and I called her. We talked for like 2 hours straight about each other's lives and how we are. A lot of tea has been spilled for instance my 'best friend' is already engaged for some time now and I didn't know anything about it. I guess me and Honey have just been growing apart and it's kind of inevitable. I miss Sophia so much. She says she'll be working in the UK and she'll try to come here as soon as possible and maybe within the year. I hope so. I can't wait to have my best friend here! It'll cure half of my depression. Called mommy and my little sister Anna after calling Sophia and it's nice to hear that everything's going fine at home. I told her that I might be sending less because I'll try and save for a house here in the UK. That's what I've been craving strongly lately. I really want a place of my own. That's the reason why I opened a savings account to help my money grow.

Went to the gym and did chest, though it wasn't really a good session and I feel weak today, biceps, and some abs. It was still a good session, nonetheless. Maybe I feel weak because I went hard on shoulders yesterday. Went to Morrisons and bought some rice and protein essentials since we're out already.

Got home and cooked some spaghetti for dinner. Went up and recorded myself singing "One Jump Ahead (Reprise)" by Brad Kane of Aladdin. This has got to be my favorite Disney song of all time. It's a very sad song. I think I sing sad songs better than happy songs. Today's been a good day.

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January 3, 2024

It was harder to get up this morning. So much for the motivation that I had yesterday but life must go on. I was trying to find my badge last night in my old bag but I couldn't find it. I've already flipped the whole room and I still couldn't find my badge. I guess I lost mine. It's going to be hard getting into the places in the hospital without my badge now. That said, I know I'll get in the hospital early but might not get to where I want to get on time so I just called in that I'll be 10 minutes late.

I'm assigned in TH14 with Al and Keith doing general cases. It was a fun shift with them because we were just three friends bonding and vibing throughout the shift. I love working with them so much I wish every shift could be like this but it's just wishful thinking. I emailed Elli about the annual leave that I've requested so she can approve them beforehand because I'll be away for nearly three weeks on May since I'll be going to the US when my tourist VISA will be approved. I also emailed her that I need the paperwork to collect my badge that she must make since she's my line manager.

The other day my old 'friend' sent me a message asking if I could lend her some cash. I lent her cash year 2022 and she promised that she'll return it when she's able to but never reached out afterwards. I told her this time that I didn't have any left and if I did I would lend her without a doubt but she just left me on read. I was kind of taken aback that she'd leave me on read. No greetings, no saying "Happy New Year" or anything of that sort. I felt like since I didn't have what she wanted that I meant nothing. I cut her off just like that since I felt used. I texted her to give me back the money I lent and she didn't reply nor read my message which kind of irritated me. If I won't see a reply when I wake up tomorrow, I'll text her again. It's not really about the money she lent me, goodness, it's just a small amount. It's been almost 2 years and I've completely forgotten about it. I lent her the money because we were friends and she needed it but since I feel like we weren't friends anymore, and she rightfully owed me what she borrowed, I'll just ask for it back. I guess it's as simple as that. When she gives me the money back, I guess it's back to how things were.

Went to get a protein smoothie after my shift. Went to the gym and did legs, shoulders, and some abs. Nothing really gets me sweating and my heart racing like doing legs. 170b/min? That's a lot. Got home around 9pm and watched the final episode of Chainsaw Man with Ed.

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January 2, 2024

Woke up a bit energized today for work. That’s probably because I’ve been off since the 26th of last month. I pray, I fervently pray that I can maintain this kind of energy. I got to work on time but I was navigating the hospital because I forgot my ID at home. It’s probably in my other bag since I’m using a different one but it’s unlike me to not put my ID in a bag that I’m going to be using.

I was assigned in Th2 today with Rosie and JP. I scrubbed for Miss Eastwood’s case and it was okay. It was just some soft tissue stuff so it wasn’t really that eventful of anything.

At lunch, I had some of my tuna and Ate Soucel’s Filipino Spaghetti. It was so good and the exact flavour that I’ve been craving for. I think I had three servings.

In the afternoon I was in Th5 with Miss Smith doing hands. This reminds me of Miss Middleton back in Kingston. I miss doing hands with her. Shift ended at 6pm but I didn’t go to the gym because I’ve been working out for the past 4 days now. I took an alternative route going home because of the severe delays with the Elizabeth Line due to the strong winds today. Trees were apparently being blown down by the wind. I took the westbound Picadilly Line towards Green Park and took the eastbound Jubilee Line towards Canning Town then the DLR towards Custom House. Three fucking changes. I’m tired of this.

Got home by 7pm and cooked my tuna meal for tomorrow’s lunch. I used Ross and Carl’s Christmas gift and this poncho hoodie is really comfortable to wear and I love it. Ed and I watched Chainsaw Man before sleep.