nowwatchingstuff

[nowwatchingstuff]

OHM PAWAT as PHUKAO 

10 YEARS TICKET | EPISODE 3

[nowwatchingstuff]

MARCH 22, 2000 HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY, OHM PAWAT ♡

[nowwatchingstuff]

trying to set up a twt account to talk about bbs again because i keep thinking of writing the same things here 😔:( they got me

also can't even watch new shows my attention span is close to zero

maybe it's my anxiety because my exam results are due tomorrow maybe and i'm dying inside so i want to fixate on something else this period

[nowwatchingstuff]

the scene where pran's mom listened to the music coming from pran's room and smiled (finally) got me thinking of something. the song. pran was playing "just friend?". the song from their high school music concert. the one he wrote about pat and most importantly, the one his mom interrupted back then and sent him away after. did she recognize it? did she understood that moment what that song meant? did she realize finally what she did when she ripped them away from each other?

i like to think she did. and one day she will apologize on her own.

[nowwatchingstuff]

again with ep5 appreciation posts but this time i want to talk about this scene, the realization.

i don't think i mentioned this part before but what i love about this part is how it's done, acted, directed, edited in the context of the story.

two things in particular do stand out the most tbh everytime i rewatch it and specifically when i rewatched it the first time. because when i was so high on my emotions at the live premiere and pat's hand touched pran i thought "YES THIS IS IT HE IS REALIZING NOW" but then later i thought "wait? did he really start realizing when their hand touched? did he count those signs at the moment? wow so convenient but that'd be too much right away?" then when i focused on the rewatch i gathered every bit of attention i had left to see the context and wow i was stunned.

1) it was the first 3 signs happening back to back. a touch, a look into the eye that he couldn't hold and wondering if he was dating someone. pat really got slapped on the face with it. pran attitude also dismissing him regarding that last question was it. he questioned himself on it too after him and then it hit! THREE SIGNS PAT! if it was just one sign or if pran replied with a simple yes or no i don't think pat would've questioned himself to this point. to the point where he got an answer.

2) pat actually was in touch with his feelings. those 3 signs are 3 different emotions and to reach the point of naming them you've to actually had identified them before. this scene was not just built on a new found attraction. it wouldn't work. this was pat FINALLY finding the right name. he was so in love that it was so easy to identify those 3 randomly back to back thr first time he meets pran after paa's lesson. that's another moment to appreciate the brilliance of ohm's portrayal of pat because you're sold. (you already knew this before him so this is amazing to experience and you never question it.)

those two among other things make this scene so great narrative-wise but all the others are mentioned and appreciated. i wanted to give these two their flowers.

[nowwatchingstuff]

since i’ve never actually left the roof, i’ve been thinking a lot about episode 5 lately and i still can’t believe the buildup and emotional bomb that was that episode

you’re coming in from the end of episode 4, heartbreak in your throat, you’re thrust into this semblance of status quo where pat and pran are still just messing about, lighthearted, and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. you follow pat in his crush for ink and you just have to sit there with this boy, knowing already that he just needs to realize but he’s to thickheaded. we were all just waiting for the oh moment

and then the music store scene happens. he’s looking and he’s slowly realizing and it’s exhilarating! my heart started pounding at that moment, i got butterflies and they didn’t stop until like an hour after the episode was done. he knows and they’re finally on the same page but there’s so much between them and you’re pushed on this roller coaster of highs an lows (pran sings for him, but wai is there, pat waits for pran, but wai is there again funnily enough)

but then pat goes to the rooftop and pran is there and they’re finally alone and you think, maybe they can just admit for once they’re actually some type of friend, at least. but then pat goes there and says is! he says the song is important to him, that he got jealous, and any other show would leave it at that and drag it out but fuck pran also goes there with his “you can’t keep doing this to me, we’re not a thing”

after pat’s amazing monologue you can see pran is incredibly touched but he thinks pat will just pull a “we’re friends” and he’s so fucking tired of it, so he asks, daring him “do you want us to be friends?” and pat is so silent for such a long time, you can see pran nodding a bit like “yeah, that’s what i thought”

i kept yelling “mai mai mai mai” at the tv, hoping, and then he really did, fucking finally he says “mai” and at this point i’ve already lost my shit. my heart has been hammering in my chest for a solid half hour, you realize this is really happening, there’s no going back from this and then they actually fucking kiss???? remember how we thought we might not even get a kiss? and then feral pran pulls pat back in and you’re just sitting there like what the fuck is happening, what just happened to me??? tbh the kiss part was a complete blur to me, i couldn’t even process that pran left the rooftop for a second

after the episode ended i was just pacing around my apartment for the rest of the day, shaking with adrenaline, it was insane. when will another show ever? i think it won’t

[nowwatchingstuff]

when that shirt first showed up in ep1 the director's choice made it look like, looking at that smiley face pat remembered pran or in particular he remembered the memory of him saving paa.

for the longest time actually i kept thinking if this had a reason that we'll see later on. like the shirt associating with pran maybe. or was i wrong and it was an unimportant detail?

there was another option i didn't think of (judging myself) which was the smiley face itself AND that pran must have been using it before the transfer. of course it's not a new thing. it's all over his room. but there was still a lost connection. how would pat know its meaning for pran if he's not actively using it around him? that it's not just pictures in the room?

i was rewatching ep2 in the week before the finale and yeah i found that connection i was looking for. here. look at his bag.

[nowwatchingstuff]

thinking about the comparisons made between these two scenes before the final episode:

most of talk around the break up was about how pat really did break up with him this time. and while ep12 ended that discussion i still want to go back to it.

one of the questions i kept asking after the end was about pat's tears in front of the house. what does those tears mean? is he sad because they didn't run away? because they came back home? or because he is going to act like they broke up once he steps through that door? because he is going to back into hiding after fighting so much to be out on the open?

just look at those two scenes and you'll get it. in the first one, on the top of his head, when all options to get wai to speak to pran failed, pat offered to "fake breakup" publicly. it was breaking his heart even as a suggestion but he put on a smile to assure pran.

now what was pran's reaction at the time? i never read a rejection of the idea itself in his eyes and i don't know about others but to me he was shocked first that pat would think of this and offer it. and he didn't let him act on it because he saw the heartbreak behind those sad smily eyes. it was not the time for such a choice but it surely is a choice.

next is ep11 and now that we know it was the time they took that choice i think those final tears are pat letting himself show how he really feels about that choice. he's not smiling. he isn't acting strong. his heart is breaking to make this choice. and he'll let himself cry those last tears.

that's why i think pran was stronger than him. he didn't cry. he maybe knew all along that it'll come down to this choice. to hide a part of himself again so he can "live with it". and he'll make that choice. pat too made that choice with him and for him. ep11 was him navigating through those two expressions: a sad smile and a teary eye.

[nowwatchingstuff]

thinking about the comparisons made between these two scenes before the final episode:

most of talk around the break up was about how pat really did break up with him this time. and while ep12 ended that discussion i still want to go back to it.

one of the questions i kept asking after the end was about pat's tears in front of the house. what does those tears mean? is he sad because they didn't run away? because they came back home? or because he is going to act like they broke up once he steps through that door? because he is going to back into hiding after fighting so much to be out on the open?

just look at those two scenes and you'll get it. in the first one, on the top of his head, when all options to get wai to speak to pran failed, pat offered to "fake breakup" publicly. it was breaking his heart even as a suggestion but he put on a smile to assure pran.

now what was pran's reaction at the time? i never read a rejection of the idea itself in his eyes and i don't know about others but to me he was shocked first that pat would think of this and offer it. and he didn't let him act on it because he saw the heartbreak behind those sad smily eyes. it was not the time for such a choice but it surely is a choice.

next is ep11 and now that we know it was the time they took that choice i think those final tears are pat letting himself show how he really feels about that choice. he's not smiling. he isn't acting strong. his heart is breaking to make this choice. and he'll let himself cry those last tears.

that's why i think pran was stronger than him. he didn't cry. he maybe knew all along that it'll come down to this choice. to hide a part of himself again so he can "live with it". and he'll make that choice. pat too made that choice with him and for him. ep11 was him navigating through those two expressions: a sad smile and a teary eye.

[nowwatchingstuff]

god i know we've talked about the fight scene and the rooftop and the oh moment...but god...the scene in the bar in ep 5. it's a study in tension.

it's pran instantly feeling that something is off about pat. because pat isn't like this. this isn't a pat he recognises. the pat he knows is always teasing, charmingly annoying glint in his eye. this pat looks like he's frozen over there's not a crack through which pran can see what he's thinking or feeling.

and that's terrifying cause he can't predict anything now. their friends are here and while usually pat and pran are together in controlling their friends he's not sure what will happen here. it's not like pran can predict anything when it comes to pat but...this scares him. cause most of the time he's in on the story, in on the joke but it's like he's been left out this time.

this pat just looks at him blank. he'd prefer the pat that looked at him with stars in his eyes over his kitchen counter even though he'd unknowingly broken Pran's heart just the previous night. because at least then he was sure he'd been on good terms with this guy. but now he's not very sure if he's on any terms with him.

what makes it worse is that he doesn't know why.

this pat stops korn from starting shit, doesn't even rise to the bait wai hangs mockingly. this pat is simply...cold. he says "I've had enough for today" as if the whole day had been an ordeal. he walks away and pran feels worse somehow.

because sure he may have pushed pat away more times than he can count but pat has never walked away before on his own accord.

only he had. he had started to ever since pran met him at the music store and pran is lost, love sick, heartbroken just trying to have one evening without the heartbreak weighing him down but nothing ever goes his way.

[nowwatchingstuff]

ep 12 as a sequent to ep 8 and pranpat's decision

i think many ppl that are upset about pranpat's ending are ones that have terrible parents but aren't asian. and ur allowed to dislike it, to be upset about it, this isn't to say ur not. but i wish they'd stop calling the ending pointless or gmmtv's bait or character development being negated or whatever. bc its not. whether it's been interpreted as such or no, it is a happy ending. this isn't just a love story you've been watching, it's a v asian love story about two thai boys so ofc this kind of ending is the one that makes sense. it makes me upset bc this is a story told by a gay asian man for other gay asian kids, and every step in the story making process was a carefully thought out, conscious decision. this story was meant to give us the message of hope, that things will be alright, not now necessary, but once ur grown. and that was message i really needed to hear.

onto our leads: pat was the kind of person who didn't like hiding, while pran was the kind to hide behind his lies and secrets. pat didn't lie bc he found them pointless having never dealt w the consequences of the truth, while pran too hated lying but knew he had no other choice to protect himself.

but pat doesn't actually mind lying or hiding. he does this again and again when he tells his father he'll play rugby, when he tries to hide the truth from uncle tong. pat recognizes where the truth can be conflicting and will hide it, while its pran who inherently hates lies. pran won't lie unless its to protect. pat won't speak his truth unless its necessary, unless it matters to him. and pat has few things that truly matter to him. that's why he hates hiding pran so much. bc pran is the most imp piece of his life, pran is his past, present and future, pran is a half of him. and pat can't lie if it means concealing parts of him, bc to him that's an act of injustice towards himself.

in ep 8, pat doesn't mind lying to his father at all, bc here he knows its necessary. then he's discovered and for the first time he's faced consequences, i.e., his dad's disappointment. and thru that we're shown how much power his father holds over him. in ep 12, he still doesn't mind lying to his father, but this time it's bc he's lost that kind of respect for him. its bc he doesn't think he owes his father the truth anymore, that his father isn't a big enough person for it. and this itself is growth. earlier, even when pat knew his father was wrong, even when his father would push him into doing things he didn't like, pat wouldn't argue, would simply nod along. bc he put his father above everything else.

the revelation caused his veneration for his father to plummet, but its not the revelation itself that causes pat to set boundaries w his father. its how in spite of it being in the open now - that ming caused the family feud and all - this man still won't set his ego aside and allow pat to be w pran. its that heartbreaking moment where u first see ur parent in clear lights, and realize they're not even close to the divinity u imagined they were, that they're just some nasty, ugly human. and so pat doesn't care about lying to him anymore. he doesn't deserve pat's truth. for the pat who asked pran if he should quit the play for his father to become the pat who works for his father but not with him - that itself is growth. tossing his father down that pedestal finally was pat's development.

then, from pran, he learns that hiding this from others doesn't make him less true to himself. when pran tells him about his intent to become a musician in the future, pat learns that sometimes swallowing ur truth isn't an act of violence towards urself, but one of defiance towards the world. that if ppl refuse to accept a part of u, its pointless to tire urself out fighting them, its okay to bury that part of urself for the time being. it isn't ur loss, its theirs. he learns his love isn't larger if it's announced to the world, and can be just as humongous when its silent, that shouting his love from rooftops can be cathartic but isn't absolutely necessary in order to substantiate it.

also in ep 8, we see pran reacting violently to public hand-holding, to pat taking pictures of them, to pat posting stories that are too revealing, to pat wearing his shirt in open. its his fear, here, that everything will be snatched from him if they reveal it, that he'll lose pat again if someone were to find out and he can't tolerate the idea of it, won't confide to pat the depth of his fears, so it ends up as a conflict btw the two. in ep 12 thou? pran will hook his pinky with w pat amongst a throng of unknowing friends, pran and pat have a whole picture wall in their flat, pran sends alcohol to pat's father, pran allows pat's laughter to boom across a room just a floor above his mother.

pran's no longer afraid. he knows nothing in the world could separate him and pat, he knows this won't end in heartbreak, so he's the one that becomes unabashedly open. he continues to lie like he always has, but where he'd leave his guitar outside their home for his mother, he serenades pat into his room now. more than lying, he's taunting. its that conversation he had w his mother from ep 10: about asking for but hating the truth. its the culmination of that: now pran lies to her, then openly goes behind her back to say 'this is what u wanted, r u happy to see me live life on ur terms?'

pran lived his whole life locked in the safety of a shell he'd built around himself. by the time he realized the shell was weakening his heart more than it was shielding it, he'd forgotten how to crawl out of it. its pat who guides him back out, one step at a time. pat becomes his knight in shining armor, rescues him from the locked tower. its from pat that he learns to vocalize his feelings, pat who doesn't lash out at him unexpectedly, who simply imbibes his truth. its pat who teaches him that sharing ur load w others isn't burdening them, but lightening each of ur loads. pat is the one who taught him that it's possible for him to be accepted just as he is - with all his beauty and ugliness intact - the way he's always accepted others.

ep12 was such a perfect mirror to ep8. where pat couldn't bear to keep them a secret and pran was too afraid of being found out, pat now learns their love doesn't need to be announced to the world to remain valid or for them to stay true to themselves, while pran understands why pat wanted to be loud about his relationship, he's the one who doesn't hold his laughter, the one to send his father-in-law gifts.

pat still resents that he can't enter thru the front door. and pran still prefers keeping romance to themselves, unwilling to share it w their high school friends just yet. but this time its out of his own choice not his fear, this time pat accepts bc he too finds this game fun, not bc he thinks its a sacrifice he needs to make for pran.

they've reached a middle ground, one they've had to repeatedly built being such different ppl. they're good at it when it's just the two of them, when they haven't been forced out in the open. they take small, small unrushed steps towards the other, going at their own pace. pran adds a fourth wonton to his noodle soup and pat tidies their bed in the morning. pran cooks for them and pat's the designated driver. when it's btw the two of them, there's no real obstacle in their path, bc for how different they are from each other, they're just as willing to reach a compromise.

so its alright. they both know this isn't permanent. they're no longer financially dependent teens that have to return to their parents. once pran comes back from singapore, i doubt they're gonna keep this lie up much longer (esp w marriage on the table). once pran returns home, they'll probably bring the other home and be like, 'yeah lol we got back together' and their parents won't be able to do shit about it (nor would they want to).

no, this isn't a sad ending for them. to go back to keeping a secret that was hurting them, bc now it doesn't hurt them, now its on their own terms. they're from a society where shunning parents - who aren't outright criminals - would make them bad ppl, where they're told to live their lives the way their parents want for as long as they're under their roof. and so pran and pat obey. defiantly.

what's important is that they don't do so for society or their cultural values or even their parents. if they'd chosen to temporarily breakup they wouldn't be able to carry on w/o each other. if they'd chosen to keep fighting, they'd be the ones who'd suffer. and when they'd return to each other battered , the sharp splinters of their broken bones would cut the other. it'd lead to fights like in ep 8 and ep 11, fights caused by their inability to separate themselves from the very external factors they're defying. in doing so, they'd put their love on stake, their love would dim carrying the blunt of those blows.

what pran and pat did was choosing each other, choosing their love above everything else. ofc it was a sacrifice they had to make, returning to hiding when neither of them wanted that. but they also no longer mind. ofc its unfair that'd they'd have to return to that after fighting so much. but its bc they've fought so many battles, they knew that wasn't a war they were prepared to win. they knew they'd get hurt again and again, they'd have to watch the other in pain too. and their sacred, euphoric love would be torn apart till it would turn into smth possibly irredeemable. so they readily made that sacrifice. they put cherishing their love over all else, even their freedom. they chose each other above everything else. that was their happy ending.

p.s. also want to point out that in asian cultures all forms of love center around compromise and sacrifice. whatever path pran and pat took they'd end up sacrificing smth - forsaking either their parents or each other. compared to that their freedom was a much smaller price. the ideal to us would be the parents acceptance, while to western audiences it'd be fighting or abandoning their parents. the latter really isn't much of a choice to us, fighting is tiring, abandoning is impossible when there's so much love interwoven w that pain. the former wasn't immediately possible bc p'aof wants us to know that pran and pat's parents are not good ppl, their love for their children isn't above their pride. they're not good ppl but pran and pat love them, that's why this was the best outcome.

[nowwatchingstuff]

tumblr has the worst takes on bad buddy i’ve ever seen and i see twitter opinions . it also has the best takes but when the take are bad They’re Bad

[nowwatchingstuff]

“Unknowingly, from two people who couldn’t be friends, we became two people who were more than friends. We might not be able to change the world. All we could do is adjust to it and live happily. We might not be able to change the people around us—but they couldn’t change the two of us either.”

OHM PAWAT as PAT NANON KORAPAT as PRAN

BAD BUDDY (แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน) October 29th, 2021 — January 21st, 2022 dir. Backaof Noppharnach

[nowwatchingstuff]

bad buddy's conflicts started out w pranpat frightened of the disapproval of others, both the faculty and their own parents, but those conflicts weren't concluded by them getting/earning said approval, it was by them learning so much about themselves and love and happiness thru each other that they said 'fuck it. we don't care about ur approval.' they defied 'we don't care if it upsets u that we're together we won't let go of each other no matter how much we love u bc we love ourselves more.' bc in choosing each other it was their own happiness, themselves they chose.

bad buddy wasn't about forgiving their parents either. there was no forgiveness in pranpat's actions, like when they told them they broke up and their parents were relieved that too was an act of violence against them. that's why they had no qualms about lying anymore. bc why should we care. why are we the only ones that have to care, why can't you care about us more? why should we be the bigger person when ur the adults? and so for the first time in their lives pranpat openly lie to their parents. 'u hate lies so much but can't stand the truth? whatever that's not our problem anymore. we told u what u needed to hear to stay happy, so now, u either drop the curtains on us urself and ruin ur own peace and quiet, or u shut ur ears to us going behind ur back.' they said 'now that's their problem not ours', like it's always been, like it should have been, they should have never had to worry about their parents and now they decided they won't.

bad buddy wasn't about love bridging the gap btw two enemy states thru ill-fated love (that ended up being smth those ppl resolved on their own in the end). it's about two ppl who fall in love in spite of those circumstances, who thru their love unlearn that deep-seated hate and defy the world and their upbringing by constantly choosing each other. like no they don't wanna hurt their loved ones. but they also need each other and they won't make such a huge sacrifice for ppl who simply need to put their egos aside. their love isn't some huge dramatic tale of tragic, forbidden love, it's a simple everyday story of how love is healing, how liberating choosing ur lover can be, how love always wins.

[nowwatchingstuff]

Pat and pran really said love is singing together, love is a song you wrote for the other when you were 15, love is a string telephone, love is an old watch, love is lame excuses to spend the night together, love is a decade old guitar pick, love is keeping your "mortal enemy's" guitar with you for years, love is pretty handwriting in pretty notes, love is standing too close on the elevator, love is trying to help them out in any way possible, love is a rooftop, love is a teary kiss, love is a playful bet to avoid facing your feelings, love is enduring everyone's hate and judgement if it means you can spend time with them, love is flirting in between rows of books in a library, love is homecooked food, love is confessing your feelings through a character in a play, love is the hand holding, love is getaway trips to create a little bubble of love for yourselves, love is cuddling, love is forehead kisses, love is lying to your parents to get them off your back, love is rushed cheek kisses, love is stolen dates, love is intertwined pinkies, love is sneaking into your boyfriend's house in the middle of the night, love is being all lovey dovey in front of your friends, love is tackling each other, love is enjoying every second together. They said love is patience and promise and faith but more importantly, love is also all the little moments it's made up of. It's about you and me and everyone else's opinion be damned.

[nowwatchingstuff]

I understand why they did what they did tbh

I see them so blatantly still dating and their parents knowing as a way of them saying Fine, you don't want to see us together then you won't but you can't control us and we'll do whatever we want and it's just gonna be another part of our lives you won't participate in and that sucks for You and you only. And for me that's still very in character.

This is them putting their love first. This is them believing in each other and ending another cycle of anger and guilt that they didn't have anything to do with in the first place. This is them saying that yeah, they couldn't change other people's perspectives, but to hell with it. They all can't change them either. And that's just how is.

I saw a lot of people saying that it's not realistic because they suffered so much and fought for their relationship just for them to "go back to the closet/hiding" and that is literally not what happened lol the most important people in their lives know they're still together and they're all cool with it. They get to visit each other's places, go out together, go out with their friends, do whatever the hell they want and honestly good for them. What else could've they done? Fight their parents even more? Hold grudges for the rest of their lives? This is what they would do. This is what they did. And Pat and Pran are not their parents.

They are so good, that even if their parents don't like the idea of them being together (even if they don't say anything about it anymore, because they know it's happening anyway), they are still considerate. Pran gifts his damn father-in-law imported liquor. They keep going with their lives together, and if their parents ever want to be the bigger person for once, they'll gladly accept them to this part of their lives.

I said this earlier on another reblog, but sometimes that's what life is about. I don't want to keep arguing and fighting and having to remind myself I'm doing that. I don't want to hold grudges. I want to have a peaceful life with my partner, have a good time with our friends who love and support us unconditionally, and that's it. The ones that will be by our side, will. The ones that won't, sucks for them. I will keep doing me and there's nothing they can do about it.

I'm so happy for them. I'm so happy they get to have that, that they get to have each other and they never ever thought of parting ways because of outsiders. They deserve that so much, I wish them eternal happiness and hope that, someday, may Pat get to enter Pran's room back at his parents' house without having to sneak in. If only to spare his clumsy ass.

[nowwatchingstuff]

hello? who’s there? — just a friend, buddy. are you really just a friend? — that’s right. because you don’t tell anyone i’m your boyfriend. what’s that? did you say …boyfriend? — yes, buddy.

OHM PAWAT as PAT & NANON KORAPAT as PRAN BAD BUDDY 1.12 (2022) dir. Backaof Noppharnach