noxus-the-venomous-blog

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Singularity

Whatever we care to be

Mock biology

-dd

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

2.3 forwarding audio

“NO I WILL NOT BE QUIET!!!” Big Problem shouted at the small annoyed security guard, “SLAP A BOB AND ME AND CALL ME BECKY CAUSE I'M GONNA NEED TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

“Sir there is no manager, it’s a security team. You can call the security company and file a complaint but you still have to move along.”

“I'm not leaving here till I talk to someone.”

“The only way that would happen is if I call in backup and i'm not doing that for you to complain.”

BP’s eyes lit up with fiery inspiration. “SO I'M NOT WORTH CALLING IN BACKUP?!” He reached forward and grabbed the man by the collar. As his hands touched the man's clothing, BP’s power activated. The guard became lighter and BP lifted him high into the air. The frightened man scrambled for the radio sheathed on his chest.

“Uhhh guys we have a situation in the front!”

“Are you going to need backup?”

The man's eyes widened as BP holds him closer. “I think you do boy.”

--------

Mission 64 Equipment Live Test #50

Noxus and Tranquil waited patiently in the corner of the facility. He was fiddling with the PDA looking object he had purchased. It had a horrific appearance of old parts and new parts loosely wired together. It looked like something he would have made himself except more reliable. Let's see. He turned it on and waited while it slowly booted. He was tapping the side of the unit anxiously making small patterns to distract himself. Once fully loaded, he began navigating the small screen.

~~WelcomeNoxus~~

>Select Function (eg 1-9

>1

>initializing

>forwarding audio

“Someone call the cops this guy can't be human!”

“We were ordered to not call the police under any circumstances!”

“THEN WHAT ARE WE… SIR DROP THE BEAM! SIR! STAND DOWN SIR STA…(static)”

>3

>Replaying

>Forwarding Audio

“STAND DOWN! SIR”

>1

>Writing

>Clip saved

He then nodded at tranq, letting her know they were ready to move on. The lobby was empty now and a door left open by security made it much easier to proceed. They went through the main room and up the stairs to a large empty room, likely a banquet hall or conference area. They took a silent position in the storage room. Tranq tapped a device on her ear twice, signalling to big problem outside, as Noxious re-established radio connection.

>1

>Forwarding audio

>.....

>Transmission closed

>Forcing open coms

>Forwarding Audio

“AND THAT'S IF YOU EVEN WALK AGAIN! COME ON YOU SCRAWNY LITTLE PRETZEL STICKS I CAN DO THIS ALL DAY! IF THE LAST THREE COULDN'T TAKE ME THEN WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOUR GOING TO DO!”

>4

>Closing open transmission

He glanced over at Tranq and held up five fingers. She then checked her palms where the number six was scribbled and gestured the number one at him before pointing all over the room. Five distracted, one unknown. They moved a slowly out of the room out into the hallway, walking back to back, checking each room meticulously before moving up to the next floor. They quickly split up however when they saw the moving light of a guard patrolling the hallways. Of course this is where they would patrol.

Tranquil ducked into a small but terrifying room filled with children's toys and lab equipment. There were crayon drawings fading on the wall and small dashes on door frames marking heights. Noxious always takes her to the nicest places... She moved through the room, carefully going around small tables with permanently affixed loop games and tiny wooden chairs. What a nightmare. She made her way to the doorway and watched the man move. Two tapping sounds came across her ear piece. He had a plan, now it was her job to figure out what. She readied a small syringe they had bought to deal with live targets and held it out. That handles one potential scenario. She hovered her hand over the pack at her side, gently coming just close to touching the button on the small smoke grenade, to be ready for another. All she could do now is trust that Noxious had a plan.

“Yeah those guys are getting their ass kicked,” the guard blurted into his radio, “sounds like they’re fighting a bear.”

>6

>Forwarding audio to port two

“No not like a real bear… You idiot it's a metaphor. I'm saying I think it's a really big guy… No way i'm going down their i'm just waiting for the backup car to get here… That's way too long, tell them if it takes longer then 10 minutes i'm getting out of here before this place gets overrun… Yeah well if your so damn noble why are you at base?”

>7

>please select file

>12

>Transmitting Audio

“WE NEED HELP!!!”

“Screw that guys y'all poked it y’all can deal with it”

“HOLY CRAP… He’ s… EATING… GREG”

“Are you screwing with me right now”

“NEGATIVE… We have a situation… COMING UP THE FRONT…. BACK AWAY”

“SCREW THIS! I'm outta here. This job was sketchy from the beginning.” the guard started briskly walking away.

STATUS

“Radio Scrambler.” Passed.

“Weaponized Acepromazine.” Undetermined.

“Distraction gas.” Undetermined.

Tranquil took off her mask, winding down the truck window and shivering as cool air chilled the sweat on her face. Noxus kept his mask on but she knew he was smiling under it. A job well done.

“Y’all missed the whole thing. At one point i hit a guy with another guy. How in the hell they didn't call the cops is beyond me!” BP joked from the front seat.

“They were ordered not to. Probably some sort of illegal business going on there. That's what makes these places perfect to target,” Noxious said, retying the rope lace on his glove, untying it, and retying it again, “that pace was weird as hell. I spent some time in a room with nothing but cameras and pictures of old people.”

Tranq leaned in and held down his knot so he could tighten it. He moved and flexed and wiggled his fingers, admiring the much better fit than previously. It made her happy to help but her smile faded. “When you were in their i was some type of strange ass kindergarten from hell. Half mad lab, half daycare drop off. Where do we find these places???”

BP cracked his knuckles on the steering wheel.  “Hey i don't ask any questions about the job other than where, when and how. It's weird work but y'all can't deny the little toys he gave you make life easier. Keep working with this guy and you two will be pros in no time.”

Tranq liked the sound of that. They had been working hard at this and leaving a lot behind. It took a lot of sacrifice but they were starting to make decent money, and when they weren’t on the scheduled assignments BP set up, her and noxious were making some real progress fixing the minds of broken people around them. She smiled and glanced over at him. He was still rotating his palms, still bending his fingers, still impressed at the tied knot. She took his hand and put it into hers.

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

1.03 mostly controlled chaos

Mission 9 Equipment live testing Session 7

Noxious crept up to the side of the security booth. A lone guard sat inside of it, sleepily entranced by the hypnotizing glow of his phone. He peered over the window, scanning the room slowly. He saw the hand radio sitting on the table near the window. This was better than he could have asked for. He leaned a hand in slowly and placed a small magnet on the back of the antenna, hidden by the base. He then backed away from the building and behind the cover of a tree. He was out of breath and his heart was racing but all things considered this was going well. Phase two. He tapped his earpiece and waited a moment.

Meanwhile, down the road a hundred yards or so, Tranquill heard the feedback from the radio click so she tapped hers in response. Time for the fun part. She pulled the heavy shopping cart out from behind a sign and lined it up on the road. She then began running with it. It moved sluggish, weighed down by bricks and rocks and water jugs but as it gained momentum it got lighter and lighter and started moving faster and faster until it was out of her hands. She quickly tapped her earpiece twice and retreated back off the side of the road.

The guard rose quickly when he heard the noise. Noxious began fidgeting with his goggle. First comes uncontrolled organization…

The guard grabbed the radio and called it in, “hey something's moving forward. Sounds like bike or something… Shoot it's going pretty fast can anyone hear me?”

Second comes controlled chaos.

The cart smashed through the small barrier arm jutting out from the guard post. The guard anxiously set the radio down and rushed out the door. Noxious quickly dashed into the room now left abandoned. He grabbed the radio and dropped a small object into the guard’s coffee which dissolved quickly. He made his way out of the room and back into hiding while the guard was still chasing the now very quick and terrifying cart.

Mostly controlled chaos.

He sent off two clicks from his headset and made his way back into the forest to rendezvous with his partner.

STATUS

“Magnetic interference.” Passed.

“Long range telegraphing headset.” Passed.

“Weaponized MDMA dosage.” Unconfirmed.

Mission 9 Equipment live testing Session 9

This has not gone well. Three guards actively search the surrounding trees of the complex. Their flashlights cutting through the still shadows of the dense foliage. Noxious and Tranq lay motionless under a utility truck encircled by them. They would have been caught had the guards considered that the threat might be inside waiting to leave not outside waiting to enter. They knew an intruder was around and there was no chance of waiting for them to settle and get lazy again.

A simple mind is distracted simply.

Noxious pulled out the stolen radio and began tapping the morse button. Two guards near them froze in place when they heard their headsets give feedback, then silence, then feedback, then silence.

“Hey who's doing that? Check in!”

“I'm here and Tim’s with me.”

“Yeah we’re right outside the treeline.”

The tapping continued.

“Could it be the front entrance?”

“Think Marko’s screwing with us?”

Noxious began to sweat, anxiously listening in to their radio comms through his headset. He kept up the tapping.

“Marko ain't checked in when’s the last we heard from him?”

“I got a message about a bike or something earlier but he sounded like he was underwater.”

“Well it's gotta be his radio sounding off, I ain't touching mine, and Tim shut his off to eliminate feedback.”

“Shut up for a second, maybe Marko can't talk maybe he's trying to tell us something… Crap can the two of yous go to the front and check on him? I'm gonna stay in the building and keep checking cams.”

“Rodger.”

The two men began walking away from the truck. Noxious tapped Tranquil on the shoulder and she leaned her head out, then back under the vehicle gesturing with her pointer finger. Noxious slowly adjusted a small device in his hands then switched it on, shining a small laser upward toward the security camera she had pointed out. He placed in on the ground, balanced to keep shining that laser at the cam, canceling out its infrared sensors.

“Hey the cams are being buggy, you guys make it to Marko yet?”

“Yeah sort of. He ain't here. There's a shopping cart on the ground next to his checkpoint but nothing else out of the ordinary.”

“Shoot that's weird. Something definitely up, make your ways back here and we can establish a perimeter.”

He stepped outside to check on the camera but by the time he made it out their the two villains had made their leave.

“Noise based panic.” Passed.

“Infrared interference.” Passed.

Mission ????? Five equipment testing ?????

"Dude I think I feel sick..."

The Conduit leaned over on his desk woozy. His boyfriend put a hand on his shoulder to console him. "It had to be the food, you don't have any allergies right?"

"I gotta go throw up."

The Conduit rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Noxus smiled a twisted grin behind his mask has he put the binoculars away and shut the curtain in the hotel room across from The Conduit and his boyfriend.

"Weaponized charcoal distraction." Passed.

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 3.02 Where is your head?

“This is a joke right?! I literally just came from the Science Division,” Ed said in frustration.

“And they sent you here? They radioed us saying they sent the load to engineering but needed something else taken that way.”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

“Calm down poison puff,” the rank two grumbled with little patience left, “it means you need to head back to Science and get the new load, should look like a clipboard, then take that to Engineering who will give you the package for Science as well as the new keycard you’re going to need.”

“Wait… Isn't this Engineering?” Ed felt a slight twitch in his eye. His heart was beating like a war drum.

“Nooooo this is S Division. It's like a legal department.”

“So I have to walk all the way back to the first cave elevator?” he sighed admitting his defeat. When he had signed up to infiltrate this place he expected an exciting game of psychological cat and mouse, instead of a ridgid trip to the proverbial villainous version of the DMV. Or was this the cat and mouse game?

“Don't go all the way back to the elevator, that's the long way. Follow the signs for H Division up around P Division. It takes you the back way. When you get to H, turn around by the smoke fountain and head down the corridor between the mess hall and the lazertag center.”

“Wait there's….nevermind. Ok I’m on it.”

“Also, gimme five bucks” the rank two said with a serious set of eyes peering over the respirator.

“Is… This a robbery?”

“Nah man. I forgot my lunch and I totally just spent like 10 minutes helping you. Gimme five bucks.”

“Ok fine,” Ed handed him the money requested, still completely sure this was just a robbery. Then off he walked, following the directions given by the rank 2 from the Subversion Division.

The place was entirely too complicated. He made his way as far as he could go following colored lines on the ground but each of them led to buckets of paint, where apparently someone had forgotten what they were doing and walked away. He then checked a map posted on the mall. After studying it for a few moments he realized it wouldn't help him. It was a map of the eastern New York area. Why? He was ready to give up until he saw someone with a full face mask. Ed knew little about the complicated rank system but the rule of thumb was the more mask the more rank. Hopefully.

“Um, hello?”

“Yes,” the masked rank 3 said to him.

“Yes what?” Ed stammered.

“Just looking on the bright side! So where is your brain thinking it's going?”

Insane… “Science?”

“That's by the elevator. Just go past the poison mushroom field, and cut by…”

“The weird corner with the jugglers and crap that's what i thought but someone said going around the smoke fountain is faster” Ed insisted. He wondered if his tone was bad for speaking to a superior but at this point he was grinding his teeth into calcium powder.

“The jugglers aren't weird… Anyway why would you walk away from science and think its a shortcut?” the woman said, tilting her head as if the helmet was heavy.

“I just…. Basically paid five bucks for wrong directions i guess”

“People make mistakes when they’re hungry, come with me lost little lamb” she insisted, dragging his arm to the cafeteria. The day was about to become a lot longer. She slowly introduced him to each member of the food prep staff, a dull looking bunch who seemed eager for the two of them to grab a tray and leave. She then gathered him and a few other new rank ones and made them each say something positive about themselves, but the rank 3 kept getting distracted and instead doubling back to the same two after repeatedly complimenting their hair. She then dragged him to the entertainment corner where she taught him to juggle. This was the most surprising part of the day since he actually picked up on it quickly, and despite his deep frustrations, realized he made a competent juggler. The joy of this was vacuumed out when she saw a cloud of gas and made Ed chase it, claiming this was a stamina building, motivational exercise. He couldn't see the supposedly running cloud of gas she referred to so what actually occurred was him running in circles while the Rank 3 woman laughed at him and shouted directions. She was in the middle of telling him to use a stranglehold to subdue it when Ed noticed a familiar face. James ran up to the two of them.

“Division leader Haze,” he said panting, “forgive my interruption! You are needed in the laser tag room right away!”

“Oh no what is it?”

“Someone looked absolutely depressed. They kept talking about being hungry and not sure if they should love or believe in themselves.”

“GASP!!!” haze said instead of actually gasping “IM ON IT! You’re on your own for now little lamb. But before i go.” she held her hand to out in front of eds face, “look at this interesting glove,

He stared at it for a moment, having a hard time focusing with it being so close to his face. The moment he saw the small distinguishment on the palm, a tiny hole, it was too late, as a little puff of mist shot forward and into his face and eyes. The toxic effect of the mist muffled the noise and lights around him. She leaned in “Edward… Where is your head?” She then did a hundred and eighty degree twirl and began skipping away.

He turned around slowly. The steady rhythm of ambient noise around him began to go off beat. Sounds of people talking in the distance melted into a blur the footsteps all around him seemed to multiply into a dark applause. He was nearly in a panic until an arm on his shoulder jolted him out of it.

“Hey she won't be distracted long, get to wherever you need to go.”

“Yeah… I have… Who is she?” Ed mumbled.

“That was Haze. She's not so bad once you get to know her, just very….. supportive. You doing ok? Im guessing you didn't expected to get sprayed your first day.”

He steadied himself against the wall. “I feel like i'm going to fall over.”

“It wears off quick,” James added, “you likely just got a little dose of what they call the happy spray. After a while you learn to love it, like a morning cup of coffee. Although it was Haze, so small chance she used the clown spray. No one enjoys the clown spray….”

“Clown spray??” Ed said gasping. He was just thinking he was ready to tap out but if there was any doubt in it, any question of whether or not he was in over his head, it was just clarified in two words. Clown spray.

“If it was i imagine you would have noticed by now. Anyway you said you were headed to Science so get over there before she comes back. “

Ed began stumbling away, had he said he was going to Science? Had any of that conversation even happened? He can remember the conversation but with each step he took it seemed more like he made it up in his head. He made his way backtracking the way he came, wondering if he had passed the jugglers or not. But why? Why was he thinking about them. Why does he know how to juggle? Where was he going again? That's right, to the Science room. Hadn't he just come from there? He kept walking hoping someone would run into him. Hoping someone would hit him to the ground and stand over him and explain who he is. He nearly got his wish when he was knocked to the floor by running into a rank two who he hadn't noticed had stopped walking in front of him.

The decently sized man leaned out a hand to help Ed up. “Thanks i jus…” Ed was cut off by holding a finger up to silence him. He then pointed at one of the nearby tv monitors. The image on the screen was a thick swirl of moving green smoke. It all slowly faded revealing Noxious leaning forward in a dark room. Ed had seen this person many times when being briefed for his mission but the descriptions seemed outdated based on what he was seeing now. The masked figure leaned into the camera and began to speak.

“What is fear? We all have things in our life worth being afraid. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of letting many people down. This is why i try harder. In each step of my life i was afraid of how id make the next one. This is what guided me cautiously through a dangerous world. Fear and concern can aid us, but when insecurity is present then our fear loses its beneficial nature. Insecurity makes us hesitant. Insecurity makes us doubt. Insecurity drives us to more dangerous roads as we seek to run away from the causes. What causes insecurity? Violence, despair, needless aggression, needless hostility. A world where people shout. A world where people take for themselves and give to no one. A world where a fair chance is a contaminated concept.” Ed looked around the wide open courtyard to see that everyone had stopped and this entire little underground city had halted to give attention to the various scattered monitors bearing their overlord’s face. If evil was a feeling he sensed enough of it around himself to grow sick with it.

“What makes people so selfish? What makes human beings so hostile? It's not our broken souls, or a broken culture. It's a broken brain. Can't it be said that the people who prevail in such aggression are just doing so out of their own insecurities? If you have depression people encourage you to get treated right? Well i have seen this world and diagnosed it with aggression. Lets help it. Lets get it on a proper medication cycle. Let's cure this flawed world so it can't hurt us any longer. Breathe deeply friends...” The monitors shut off one by one.

“I'm new here what was that?” he asked the large man he had accompanied in watching it. The man said nothing, merely offering a thumbs up and walked away. Was this one of the so called “quiet soldiers” he was warned about? He still felt trapped in his thoughts from that spray but at least the weird brainwashing tv message had him distracted long enough for some of the side effects to wear off. It was time to get serious about why he was here, and so off he rushed to the Science department.

----------------------------------

“No.” the mousy rank 2 said, not even glancing up from her keyboard.

“I don't know what that means,” Ed said in frustration.

“You don't know what no means? That's a terrifying thought.”

“No i don't know why you’re telling me no. i was just sent here from Science, to S Division and then back again.”

“That's your problem. The so called ‘S Division’ isn't around to give you the good directions. You were here this morning and we told you in detail to go to Engineering. If you took advice for others along the way that's your problem.”

“Is there anyway i can just speak to someone in charge?”

“This isn't a department store puff. You can't just… You know what. Nevermind your timing is great. We have three division leaders right over their and i'm sure they have all the answers you need,” she said slyly, gesturing her hand to wave him off. He went passed the reception desk and towards the back room she referenced. Half way down the hallway he felt a wrenching in his stomach, lingering effects he assumed of the toxic spray. It drained his energy and made it feel impossible to think or even stand. He fell to his knees and puked on the sterile white flooring.

“You’re lost little girl,” a woman told him. He could only see her boots.

“I'm not a girl...” ed stammered.

“It's a metaphor,” the woman corrected.

“Lynn that's not a metaphor.” A second set of boots joined. He still only had the strength to look at the floor he had sullied.

“Actually CT, Its a reference so technically it falls under symbolic language” a third voice insisted, again accompanied by another set of boots. This time the voice sounded male.

“Thanks DD, although i think were crowding this poor little puff,” the one called Lynn said. They all then took a step back in a unified manner that Ed found to be robotic and unsettling. With the extra space he took a deep breath and stood up. Before him were the three division leaders. From dossiers he could put together who was who. The one known as Lynn was recognizable from the propaganda videos. The other female was an easy puzzle to solve since he was in the Science Division and the division leader used the monicor ChemTrails. CT. The male however was a coin flip. The Dossier had multiple names on file for the three known male division heads. This DD one must be one of them. Still though, a bit of prodding would come off as curiosity not investigation so he decided to prod.

“Who are you guys?”

“Guys and girls. Or so i can tell,” DD chimed.

“‘Guys’ can be gender neutral nowadays,” Lynn said adjusting a valve on her suit.

“Objectively it cannot.”

“But contextually it can. It’s a word devolved into sland,” CT added, “also none of you are answering the poor puff’s question. I'm ChemTrails, of the Science Division. That place you seem to have spent all day trying to walk back to. This is Evo-Lynn of Propaganda, and The Diabolical Mr Dave of Engineering.”

“A pleasure to meet you… um… Ed?” DD smiled, his mask hanging from his neck gave him a more laid back and inviting look then the rest of them. He had a charming smile but Ed couldn't help but feel like he was being played.

“How did you know my name?”

“You’re damn near famous today. The video is going around of you sitting on Haze’s shoulders juggling like a pro.”

“Oh right…” Ed had no memory of this. “Wait why do they call you Diabolical Dave or whatever?”

“The Diabolical Mr Dave, you have to say the whole thing to really get the effect. It was a college nickname and with my current line of work i figured it was appropriate enough to keep.” Dave said, further unsettling Eds now fragile sense of what was even happening.

“This is all a lovely chat by the water cooler but before we regail ourselves with any more wonderment, Ed, do you have the part my people gave you to give Engineering?” CT asked, “Since DD is right here we can skip the walk,”

What was she talking about. Was he given a part? In all the chaos of the day he had forgotten exactly why he was ever sent to engineering. Is this why there are so many unfinished lines painted on the ground? Are the fumes of this place so mentally infesting that everyone here is doomed to just wander aimlessly from one task to another? Is this the paradise the Noxious Agenda promises? A world so sedated it can't war but neither can it function? And if this is the WAIT WHAT’S IN HIS HAND? ITS MACHINERY AND ITS HEAVY HAD HE BEEN CARRYING THIS THE ENTIRE TIME AND NOT NOTICING? WHAT IS THIS PLACE??

“Yeah this. Thanks champ” DD said with a warm smile. He took the large part and brought it over to a desk. CT followed and Ed saw this as his chance to leave until Lynn grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the table as well. Their DD added components to the device one by one as it started to take shape.

DD leaned in, placing each part carefully on. “The attachments are magnetic and self bolting. The magnet holds the legs and establishes a current. Once the legs feel that current they rotate the small bolts, holding it in securly. With a press of a button it can remove all of the legs and dismantle itself. The legs can pop off in seconds and be replaced with tracks or even gyros for flight!” Ed was fascinated by this small machine. He had seen drones before but this man DD described it with such childish glee that he couldn't help but look at it with the same excitement.

“What controls it?” Lynn questioned.

“Artificial intelligence,” the proud Engineer said. He noticed a worried look on Eds face so he reassured, “not likely what you’re picturing rank one. It’s AI in the way that i programed algorithms and it finds its own data. Much like a popular online search engine. I collect data from the personalities of people randomly found around the lair and then let it manifest into a code for the drone to follow. Watch,” he leaned over and flicked a small switch.

The robot stood up and a gritty simulated voice began to speak, “NOXIOUS AGENDA! GAS THE SHOUT IN A WORLD THAT PEOPLE!”

They all stared with wide eyes. DD reassured, “this is expected. It uses the words people here use most. It seems weird but as the code refines it will be less eccentric”

“RANK ONE DETECTED! SUCK IT PUFF! CURSE YOU NEWB!” the robot then shouted at Ed as a small cannon emerged, a small flame sparked from it and then much larger jet of fire shot out, scorching the Eds clothing. In a split second CTs mask began to move and swish, then a small liquid tendril protruded out the side and across the room, grabbing the fire extinguisher and returning it to Chems hands as she put out the burning spy.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!!!” Ed screamed from the floor.

“Just a flaw in the coding… It is a prototype” DD confirmed.

“No no no… Did an arm just crawl out of that mask??”

CT leaned down in front above Ed “Sometimes you don't want to be on a short list of people who know certain things. Especially if people in the future ever want to make that list shorter.”

“I told you you’re lost little girl,” Lynn said. Ed made his way out as the three of them giggled and spoke about the potential of the robot. This was surely valuable enemy data but he was having no more of the three of them. He made his way to a quiet alley between cave walls and a dark building. His daily objectives were a complete failure. He never bugged the servers, never checked out the exits and never made visual confirmation of this cult’s boss, unless a vague image on the screen counted. Did it? Likely not. He can only assume he’s been too intoxicated for any of his report to carry validity. None of the challenges in this hellish place were predicted and thus none of the challenges met. He was ready to start crying at the anguish he had felt when he heard encouraging words.

“Jeez Eddie why the long face?” A man said next to him. He hadn't noticed anyone sit down but at this point company wasn't the worst thing he could have.

“Today's my first day and all i'm doing is messing up. This is all just too much i feel like i can't breathe.”

“That sounds like anxiety, friend. That's normal for a first day. Do you know what causes anxiety?”

“Yeah all these OH MY GOD YOUR A CLOWN!!!” he shouted, nearly falling out of his chair at the sight.

“Now that's not very nice Eddie. Anxiety can be one of two things, a chemical imbalance or an effect of over stressing circumstances. Do you feel overstressed friend?”

“I… Yes i do.”

The clown leaned in and put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you feel like you spent the whole day not doing what you planned to?”

“Yes exactly. I can't get my thoughts straight. I feel like such an idiot.”

The clown leaned in further. “Whose side are you really on…”

“Wh...what?”

The clown leaned back, relaxed. “You can't call yourself an idiot like that. You might be venting but your brain will always take it serious. Don’t be against yourself. You had some setbacks but you learned from ‘em right? Tomorrow will be another day”

“You know for a clown you got some pretty good advice,” ed sighed.

“Why do you keep calling me a… Oh right, clown spray. Let me fix you up” the clown then reached into his massive gag pockets and pulled out three small colored vials and a tiny machine. He examined each vial then put them in the small device. He punched in some numbers on the side of it and the machine began to vibrate, mixing them together. He leaned the machine towards Eds face an a small gas release came out of it. The instant he inhaled a portion of it his head felt like it was on fire. He lost control of his muscles and his head fell into his palms, doing everything he can to not fall of the bench he was sitting on.

“Breath Deeply Ed, this will fix you,” the former clown said, his voice now more raspy and muffled. Ed summoned what strength he could to raise his head to the man, but the clown was gone, and replaced with something much worse. The modified gloves, the glowing mask, the shoulder vents. This was Noxious. “You'll be ok Eddie. Just keep doing your best here and who knows, maybe we will grow on you?” The boss said before getting up to walk away.

SUPERSECRETSPECIALOVAENDING

DD “how long do we have to keep being mean to the rank 1s?”

CT “wait were we being mean to all of them? i thought it was just those two new ones”

Tranq “its just the one called Ed. we are attempting to draw them out.”

DD “oh.... i have a lot of crispy rank one’s to apologize too.....

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 2.02 KICK THE WORLD FACE

"YOU MOCK MY LAIR?!" Noxus grabbed the man by the collar. "You dare come into my place of dwelling with lll words?!"

"We're really doing this?" Big problem asked with a sigh as he watched his smaller friend building up steam to torment the man in his clutches.

"I will reach inside of your meager brain."

"Yeah now I know we're definitely doing this." BP sat down, awaiting a long monologue.

"And when I'm finish twisting and turning every spark in your meager mentality…"

"Oh come on this is often the funnest part of the day!" Tranquill said to big problem, poking him in his gorilla like shoulders.

"...and when all that's left of your brain is the shallow pleadings of a child's mind you will kiss my boot and beg for me to end your life."

"Dude I'm not even the one who gets to keep the rent money I just collect it. The management decides the when the inspection happens! They only pay me like 50 bucks a month," the young man grumbled, held tight in the rubber fists of Noxious.

“Is it worth your life?” “Fine dude we can do the inspection next week. You need to be on medication bruv,” he remarked as noxious loosened his grip on him.

“The whole world needs to be on medication…” Noxious said slowly as the man walked away. He then turned around to face his audience who was already snickering at him “That was Jeff, the supers assistant. Good kid. So let's get down to business”

“To COMPLETE! The PUN!” Tranquill shouted, smiling widely. Her joke found no success however, in a crowd where one was too old for reference and the other was too uncultured.

“Is this really the place to talk… Private? Like that dude weird girl across the road has been sitting there filming you for the past twenty minutes.” BP pointed across to the set of parallel storage containers on the other side of the lot.

“That's um…. That's my PR TEAM! FOR FILMING PROPAGANDA!”

“YO BIG GUY TAKE OFF YO PANTS!” the woman yelled.

Big Problem shot her a puzzled look. “Lets go to my place Nox. This place smells like raccoons and sadness.”

“You have a place?” Tranquill asked as she grabbed her coat.

“Yeah of course. Do you guys think i only exist in the world to help ya then when i'm done i teleport to another dimension and sit around waiting for you to need help again??” “That would be very useful” Noxious replied.

“SHAZAM!” Tranquill added.

“Well that's not my power. Although i met a guy like that, nice dude, gay as a rainbow on a unicorns butt, now can we go to my place?”

“That's homophobic” Tranquill accused.

“Im quoting the guy, besides i'm a villain, social standards are the laws i’m LEAST worried about breaking.”

“We shall ride to your lair and resume our business there,” decided Noxious, “Um…. we need a ride though.”

“Heh… I'll bring the truck around but you’re going to be a little cramped.”

The truck putted down an empty highway, bellowing black smoke out from its aged, rusted exhaust. It slipped and stumbled in momentum each time Big Problem had to jam the clutch down and shift. The old metal shifter smacking into Noxious’ leg every time the lowest or highest gear was used. Tranquil, leaned in on Noxious’ shoulders affectionately, squishing him closer to BP who already took up most of the truck.

“Ok so we can start talking now. I need to know how seriously you two take this. How focused are you?”

“I take it very seriously,” Tranquill said.

“Well now you do,” Noxious contradicted.

“Well ok sure for the first few months i was pretty sure we were larping but im totally caught up now. I share his passions for this world and this work. I agree with every word of his personal diary.”

BP raised an eyebrow. “You guys share your diaries?”

“Define shaRE-” Noxious was cut off as first gear needed to be used again.

“What you two need is money.”

“We’re not greedy though,” Tranquil rolled down the window slightly, noticing her boyfriend sweating a bit due to his awkward seat status.

“OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT! You’re poor. Greed is a rich man's game. Look you don't have to have a mansion in the hills, but no one accomplishes change in the world without money. I know a guy who works for a place. That's not me being coy that's literally how you refer to his business. Anyway, he can really make the difference for you guys. How do you currently wash your money?”

Noxious spoke up before Tranquill could make a joke, “we basically don't. But we don’t make enough to require it. We have been seeking out some form of fence for jewelry or other valuable things that are easy to sell.”

“That’s adorable. Yeah just sign up at the evil guildhall and they introduce you to ye olde jewelry fence. Look little guy...”

“I AM AVERAGE SIZE!!!”

“That's why you’re sitting in the middle then?” BP says as he rams the shifter into Nox’s leg and slows at a stop sign “Anyway, hear me out. You don't just run around town looking for random junk worth money, you’re a villain not a crackhead. You need to talk to the right people, the ones i'm going to introduce you to, and find out what they would want. Sometimes it’s an object, sometimes it’s a service. Sometimes it might be something right up your alley like gassing someone or making menacing threats.”

Tranquill chimed in, “this is what we need, he makes so many menacing threats for free currently.”

“Exactly. Now if ya find a bar of gold on the ground, or happen upon a car made of diamonds, then sure you bet your ass you take it and just give it to the guy and he’ll give you credit. But nothing compares to what you can make by finding them just what they need at a given time… Ok we’re here.”

The truck pulls up to an old iron security gate. Before them is a long driveway, weaving through clusters of lavish landscaping. He presses a button on the worn out sun visor then shuts it as the fabric nearly tears. The gate in front of them opens and he begins driving through.

“Wait… When… What…” Noxious stuttered, “ARE WE ROBBING SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?!”

“Yeah cause if we were, im wanting you to just scream about it,“ BP joked, “no this is my house, and it's nice to know you seeing it makes you want to rob it. Guess i'm doing a good job with it. Were gonna pull around back, wait, how the hell would i have a gate opener for a place i'm robbing?”

“I don't know…. Stole it ahead of time? Hacked it?” noxious knew he was digging his own grave deeper.

They pulled around to the back of the quite sizable home and into a ramp leading to a parking garage, one story below ground. This presented a stark contrast to the lush gardens they had recently passed. This basement was empty and plain, with a sofa on one wall crowded around a large tv, and a bed across the way on the adjacent wall. BP slowly pulled into a parking spot next to a luxurious looking car.

“See look at this place we have WAY more privacy to talk here. The whole place is sound proof. I'll have Alfred order a pizza and we can start talking about real business.”

“No you have to explain first,” Noxious insisted.

“Explain what?”

“EVERYTHING!”

BP leaned back on the broken tailgate of the truck “Uhhh… So in the beginning there was nothing, then BAM than mars and stars and cows and shit.”

“How about first WHO’S ALFRED?”

“The butler.”

“You have a butler named Alfred?” Tranquill giggled.

“Yeah i thought it would be funny.”

“What would be?” Noxious asked, getting dizzy at all he's had to take in.

“To name my butler Alfred.”

“WAIT YOU NAMED A BUTLER?” Tranquill protested in sheer confusion.

“You guys have a hard time staying on topic.” BP guided them over to the rather homely couch and they each took a seat. “So missy. I'm gonna ask you again. How serious are you about being a criminal.”

The tone of the room became more serious all of a sudden.

“I would follow him wherever he goes. Seriously. Even into the bathroom.”

“She’s like a cat,” added Noxious.

BP interrupted them. “You need to quit your job.”

 Tranq looked at the ground for a moment. “But… My debts. I worked hard to get a job in my field.”

“And you'll never be worse off for it, you'll take those skills with you into whatever you do but do you really wanna be working an office job when the cops show up? You guys have to start living this, it ain't the kinda lifestyle someone does on the weekends. You gotta be done with the nine to five, done with the rented storage shack and done with the BS small time jobs. I want you guys to move your lair in here, i want you guys to start taking jobs with me and get yourselves a proper home. I want you guys to win on this and i'll help but if it's not what you want, what you truly desire, then you gotta walk away before someone gets hurt.”

“This is…. A lot.”

Noxious stepped forward. “My burden of fixing this world is not something i want dragged into.”

BP stood up to outmatch noxious in height if not determination. “You’re not going to get what you want without help.”

A moment went by. The two of them stood in a quiet stillness like an old western movie. The energy seemed aggressive but it felt more compassionate than that. Noxious knew that in this moment BP was not questioning his motive, but instead he's being forced to question it himself.

“I want to quit my job,” Tranquil broke the silence, “I want out of that stupid storage container. I want the neighbor girl to stop whistling when i wash the van. I WANT TO GET RID OF THE VAN! I HATE THE STUPID VAN!”

“I HATE THE VAN TOO!” Noxious matched her energy “I HATE THE STUPID SHIFTER KNOB! It has no button and my thumb sits on the side of it funny.”

“I hate my job. I hate my debt. “

“Even if the button didn't function, it should still be there.”

“I hate all of my co workers. All of them. There's not one redeemable thought made in that building all day. I hate work i hate school and i hate everyone. That’s why i'm here. I want to wreck this world not just live in it.”

“THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! LET'S KICK THE WORLD IN THE FACE!” BP grabbed a beer.

Noxious moved his hand in a ‘kinda’ gesture. “I'm more on the fixing it side… With gas.”

“YEAH let's tear down society!!!” Tranquill exclaimed.

“I'm like… Chaotic good if anything.”

“LET'S KICK LIFE IN THE BABY MAKER AND MAKE OUR OWN WAY!!!”

Noxious looked at both of them. “Screw it, burn the world down” he said as he reached down for a beer for him and Tranquill. They all clanked cans, BP and Tranq opened and chugged their beers. Noxious paused for a moment, then opened his beer, pulled up his mask and met their pace.

-----------------------supersecretspecialdeletedpatreonexclusivelike&subscribeOVENDING

“He was choking me man. He threatened me!”

“Who?”

“The little gas mask guy. The one from space 25.”

“Oh him. Leave em alone he just talks that way.”

“BUT HE THREATENED TO GAS ME!!”

“Out of everyone in this whole park he's the only one who visits my mom. No clue how they met but she loves the little guy. He's got a big heart. Since he's been around her depression is unnoticeable. She's baking more, laughing more. Seeing her happy and tasting her food again has lifted my spirits too. Leave him be, he makes people happy.”

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Solutions 1

A father smacks his child. Not because the father hates the child but because the father loves the child and doesn't know how. The father is afraid of the mistakes the child might make in the future and out of this fear comes aggression. Out of all fear comes aggression. We are not neanderthals and in our modern day Society we know enough to know that aggression is not how you raise a child but however you raise them you bring them to a world filled with aggression. Why not stop it at the source. Why not medicate The Human Condition and eliminate aggression

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 1.02 Fix Them

“I recognize this neighborhood,” Tranquil remarked as she stared out the passenger window. She was tired and each passing light post contributed to her delirium.

“You should, you lived here at some point,” Noxious commented while glancing over at her. She saw his face briefly as a rushing streetlight spread a quick flicker of light into the enlarged van windows. She smiled, she doesn't get to see his face often anymore.

“I worked all day, what do you expect?”

“Don't remind me...” he said with a stale gaze in his eyes, pretending to be extra focused and unable to face her again while speaking. “I hate that you have to go do that.”

“It’s a paper pushing job, you’re talking like I’m selling my body for scratcher tickets.” She smiled and looked back to the street, small memories of the neighborhood starting to come back to her.

“No it's a good job I just hate that you have to work. Each day that you have to go work is a result of me not doing what I need to do. After The Conduit robbed that rickety bank him and his boyfriend went into the work full time. They were both making fun of me outside that shady pawn shop that makes my wrist launcher…”

“Awh what did they say?” Tranquill was balancing on the teetering point between compassion and a violent mother hen.

“His boyfriend said you’re made up and that my only girlfriend is a can of bug spray,” Noxious mumbled, glancing down at the shifter. His hand was resting on the top but covering it on the side with his thumb. His last car had a button there to engage shifting but this older van did not. He corrected it quickly, relaxing his grip in a shape more fitting to the round chrome ball then focused again on the road.

Tranquill huffed and waved a hand, “screw short circuit, that ratty little dork has no idea what he’s doing half the time. He has a power and can barely pull off an unguarded bank job.”

Noxious’ eyes darted between her and the road. “I just… Once I'm ready to pull in more cash grab jobs you can quit then we can work together on this. I’m getting closer there’s just a lot of testing and a big learning curve.” He readjusted in his seat “That’s why i brought you out here. Remember that uncle you’re always complaining about?”

“Yeah,” she said as her eyes glazed over slightly, she forgot to breathe for a moment, “yeah what about him?”

“That's who were going to see.”

“Why?” she asked sharply with a grit to her voice, “that guy’s an ass. He used to scare the hell outta me as a kid and we never really met a lot as adults.”

“Yeah well, why did he scare you?”

“Just his temper. He was always yelling at his wife and us kids and he always seemed like he was about to throw a punch. He’d back us into corners just screaming ‘till the tears kicked in.”

“Well sure but why do people do that? No one just becomes a raging lunatic overnight. Sometimes hatred and aggression is passed down through years of abuse. Did you know he used to hit his wife? I dug up some police reports,” Noxious stated proudly.

Her stomach sank. “I guess I always figured.”

“But what you didn't figure was his dad used to hit his mom. And him. His dad dislocated his arm yanking him off a bike in the seventies. You know how hard you have to hit a kid to get a police report filed in the seventies?” Noxious explained with more glee and pride in the investigation he had done, oblivious to how uncomfortable it was making Tranquill feel, “so he was raised in a violent household as the victim and now he victimizes others. I did some recon 6 months ago and caught him in the act of hitting the woman he’s staying with. I think his wife, anyways, were almost here.”

“What did you do…?” Tranquill asked, her voice cracking, knowing no good answer could come from that question.

“I fixed him.” he said as he pulled the car over into the sickeningly familiar driveway. He took a moment placing his hood and gasmask on, securing each strap slowly and then loosening it to attempt to secure it again at a better position. Tranquil watched in shock, wondering if all of this was a dream or some nightmare she had conjured out of catharsis. She stepped out of the car and made her way for the door, him catching up by the time she reached it. She wanted to turn around and leave this horrible place, this menacing feeling, but before she could run off he knocked on the door. There was a silent moment until he broke it unceremoniously. “Heh… Knock this. Noxious. Nox….ious…..knock….this…”

The door opened.

“Hello welcome to the…. Wait a moment”

The uncle spoke then paused. His eyes were clouded and unable to focus on Noxious or Tranquill. He lost himself deep in thought as he stared at her. “You look really familiar. Did you used to live in this neighborhood?”

“I… No. No i didn't...” she was lost in the moment of the false face and words he was giving. His voice was different, his tone different. Softer, more aloof, more distant… calmer? But also stupider.

“You look like Cindy,” the older man stated, incorrectly digging through his broken memory for a relatable name.

“Can we come in? It’s cold out here” Noxious said trying not to ugly smile despite his face being completely covered.

“Yeah no problem. Who did you say you were again?”

“We’re Cindy’s friends. She wanted us to see how you’re doing.” He walked past the man and drug tranquil by the hand into the man's house and towards the bedrooms.

“Cindy was a nice girl.” The uncle deadpanned and waited by the door for them.

Once they had arrived at the bedroom Noxious pulled open a few drawers then eagerly turned to Tranquill “Ok so the top left one here? Used to be filled with whiskey. Like always. The top right one is where he hid the bottles. Just like his dad, he found the fuel of his rage in alcoholism. Now look in there.”

She moved to the dresser and stared into the drawers. Nothing but stacks of papers.

“He has a full time job now. He’s been off the sauce for weeks and he hasn’t missed a single day. Come this way.” He dragged her onward through the small house and into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator “Look at that. All good foods and ingredients. Him and her have been cooking together.”

Her? Tranquill’s hair began to stand as she glanced over to the corner where she saw her aunt sitting. She was so still and so quiet she had gone unnoticed until now. The sight of her gave Tranquill a jump-scare. Noxious then grabbed the gallon of milk from the fridge and walked over to the aunt. Tranquill stared at him “What did you do?” she said softly “What is wrong with her?”

“Besides kidney stones? Nothing. Nothing now anyway. Before i intervened she was struggling with depression and trauma.” He kneeled down and placed a hand on the aunt’s shoulder. “How are you feeling today Barbra?” Her name was not in fact Barbra.

“It’s Terry sweetie, we've been over this. I'm doing ok i was just sitting here thinking about my childhood.”

“Are you happy Terry? How have you been feeling today?” Noxious said holding the older woman’s hand

“I feel wonderful. Summer is around the corner and i'm going to plant sunflowers. I used to love sunflowers so much as a child...” she prattled on.

The uncle had joined the room and thus the conversation “They’re friends of Cindy the old neighbor girl. They’ve come here to see how we’re doing. “

Terry raised an eyebrow. “No silly Cindy wasn't the neighbor girl she was your brothers’ child. Remember they would stay with us in the summertime”

Tranquill’s curiosity and fear walked hand and hand as she watched them fumble with thoughts and half truths. The name was wrong but the rest was starting to add up.

“Well we best be going. Want us to send Cindy your love?”

The uncles eyes became sad. “I wonder if she ever forgave me.”

“What?” Tranquill blurted, not intending for it to be out loud.

The uncle continued, “I don't think she ever forgave me. She lived at the neighbor’s house with this mean old sun of a bitch. The guy used to drink heavily and just scream all the time. She would sit outside with the sunflowers and pick their petals off one by one. She didn't think i saw her. She was always crying and i never did anything about it. I watched this mean old brute just brow beat her with cruel words day and night and i never did a damn thing. All i did was watch as it got worse and worse. She knew it was my fault too. I never meant to yell and never meant to hurt anyway i just didn't know how to treat people. Every day my life would get worse and all i did was keep digging my pit deeper and deeper so i could drag everyone down with me.”

“No use dwelling on it honey,” his wife said as she placed his hand on hers, “it's in the past now.”

“You’re right. What was i talking about?”

“Cindy”, noxious chimed in.

“Oh yeah. I just hope she knows i cared. I remember she was the girl across the street but she lived with this mean old man who always yelled at her… Hey ya know you look just like her. Doesn't she terry? I've never seen her without tears in her eyes but i'll be damned if you don't have her nose,” he looped on.

“We really do have to go now. Remember to live well,” noxious said as he guided tranquill out of the home and back into the van, “So… What do you think?”

She immediately began to cry. A flood of emotions and memories caused her nose to clog, her eyes to water and her shoulders to rattle slightly. She then took his hand and removed the glove to hold her skin against his “Thank you. Thank you so much. I don't know what you did but thank you.”

“I fixed them. Just a few small doses over a long period of time. Best part is i haven't dosed them in 2 weeks and they’re still making more and more progress. I think they just understand how to be happy now.”

“I just… His memory was so shot but… He seemed so happy. I've never seen him happy before, i've never seen my aunt smile i've never felt good in their house until now.”

Noxious smiled wide as he slowly took the mask off and pulled out of the driveway

She continued, “will there memories come back? They seemed so loopy.”

“Not sure if that’s a side effect or result of age. I need more testing.”

Her eyes widened. “Yes. I know others. We have to fix them all” she placed his hand on his atop the shifter. “Let's fix the world.”

                                       super secret ending

the conduit stepped out of the the small car and approached the super market. he was interrupted by the loud harsh voice of tranquil from across the parking structure . she held up a bat “HEY SHORT CIRCUT YOU FAT F*** GET OVER HERE!!!”

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

I want the whole van

Part one: seven years ago.

……………………………………….

“We steal a van. Like a creepy van. And then we make it into a mobile lab!”

“They track those,” Noxious mumbled while staring obsessively at Tranquill’s small paper pad as she ran unamused lines over it, “they have vin numbers… We would need a chop shop.” Was she drawing a van?

“Don't chop shops just break the vehicle apart? I want a whole van,” she demanded once again, ereasing a line and recreating it.

“I think they break it into parts to sell off record then give you credit towards a different van with no trackable parts.”

“So you need more than one van to get a van from them? What is it gamestop? I just want the van I stole!” Tranquill scooted her chair back and stood up for a moment. She took a few steps over to the large metal roll up door and tapped on it a few times thinking. “We rob a pharmacy!” she suggested with excitement. She then slapped a hand over her mouth, realizing they were discussing crimes far too loudly seeing as the storage unit they were plotting in was still open to the public at this time.

“I could use so many things from there… Do they have security?”  Noxious stared at her, the blank circles of the gas mask fitting the surprised expression of the even wider eyes under it.

“There’s a tiny little one like a block away. Should be closed, probably no security.” She wandered back over to the planning table and started scribbling again.

“We should walk by and take a look.”

“Sure thing. Street clothes?” she asked as she started to draw a lid on the rectangular van shape she had doodled down, making it a pill bottle or some version of.

“I'm going to wear my mask. If there's no security I can smoke out cameras and pop in real quick. You should go in street clothes,” he clarified as he stood and walked to a small metal lock box, retrieving a few items that looked like modified road flares.

Tranquill slid open the container door slowly, making sure no one was in the immediate vicinity. They both excited and hurried out of the storage park. The pairslowly and methodically made there way downtown through alleys, empty lots and across abandoned roads. They planned each stop and each forward movement tediously making sure not to cross the line of sight of any potential witnesses. By the time they got to the city it was dark and distracted. They waited quietly scanning the parking lot. No traffic, no foot traffic or occupied cars. It was a good take. Through the window they could see the red night vision light of one camera and deemed it avoidable via hand gestures. They were about to move in when Tranquill put a hand on her boyfriend’s chest, stopping him. She pointed slowly at a security guard coming around the corner.

She pointed at the guard and then at herself and made a talking gesture. She then pointed at Noxious and gestured around the side of the building. He understood the plan. She left the bushes and made her way to the security guard.

“Excuse me sir can I bother you?! Sir?!” she shouted across the parking lot while approaching him, “you got a minute?”

“Sure ma’am but we’re closed.”

“Yeah I know... But I was walking to the bar down the road, like so I don't have to drive home, and like there was this dude following me. I don't see him now but the bar is just like a block away and it would be freaking manly if you would walk me there i don't want to get jumped and stuff...” she said, playing the perfect ditsy damsel.

“Uh yeah no problem” he answered, looking around her for an intruder. “I can only be gone like five minutes though so let’s make it- “ he was interrupted by a small crackling sound coming from behind a dumpster on his six. Tranq’s heart dropped as the both of them looked over to see smoke billowing from the location. At that moment she realized that her back up team just had a premature detonation.

“Oh shit fire!” the security guard sheathed his flashlight and reached for his radio. Now or never, she thought, lunging forward and grabbing for his belt. Noxious peeked above the trash can to see the two of them struggling. He reached for a piece of metal laying at his feet but gave up when he heard her yelp. He glanced back right as she fell to the ground. He hit her… He left the scrap metal and ran full speed at the guard, who heard his footsteps and turned to face him just in time to put his guard up and block the strike from noxious. He held the gloved hand of the toxic villain, grit his teeth,  leaned back and clocked him in the face, breaking the eyepiece on the mask. Noxious saw the fist, then the streetlight then the sky. Then he saw nothing at all as he faded into unconsciousness.

-----------------------------------

Part 2: Five years ago

-----------------------------------

“There look at that place it's freaking perfect! Shoot ya got the abstract name, Bioco, you got the shady security guards, you got a sketchy reputation AND it’s away from the busy part of the city. The place is jus’ screaming ‘oh noxious. Please rob me! I long for your wear plumbers gloves and touch all of my chemical bits!” Big problem exclaimed, doing some terrible thing he called his “lady voice”.

“Please don't do that” Noxious said staring at the empty parking lot. He was feeling a sense of deja vous. Had he robbed this exact spot before? Was he becoming predictable? He leaned in and began adjusting his eyepiece, fastidiously turning it to the left and right. It had worn lose over years of him fidgeting with it when he was nervous

“Holy crap crackers does your goggle zoom in?”

“.......Yes.”

“So we doing this or what?” big problem asked, ‘compassionately’ grabbing Nox by the air filter and turning him face on to say ‘let’s do this’.

“No we need to plan and do like… Recon. You don't just take a stroll and rob a place because you happen to be near it!”

BP scratched his head. “You don't? I do it all the time.”

“What if they call the cops?  What if you’re followed? What if a guard shows up and fights you?”

“I hit people and their heads come off, I aint worried about it. Besides you’re the one always saying you wanna learn close combat. Come on there's like one guard this is the best chance you'll ever have.”

Is…. That guard familiar? Noxious shook his head wishing his memory was better. “How about we-”

“No,” BP interrupted, “listen closely. From behind. Step slow, step sideways. Reach over with your entire arm just like how I showed you.” Noxious nodded, remembering pathetically practicing on the mans massive neck. “Once your arm is locked in lean back. It will go quick. Once he's out we tie em up, tape his mouth and slip him a big ole smile for his cooperation. If he breaks your lock fight him. I'll be running toward you if and when. Tight fist, follow through.” he assured then placing his hand on Noxious’s shoulder.

Noxious crept through the bushes and lined his body up behind the guard. He began to shadow him, mimicking his movements to mask the repetitive sound of his footsteps. r]Inching closer with each step. When the guard stopped he stopped in sequence, then pulling the small rubber straps back on his wrist. the band was pulled back and the metal ball loaded, then he fired off at distant trash can. The guard quickly looked over, Noxious closed the distance behind him and wrapped his hand around his neck, locking his grip.

He tried to lean back but was not heavy enough to pull the man his way so instead he forced his hold even tighter. The man struggled and shook about and with one slipping finger at a time, he lost his grip. He quickly put up his hands up as the determined guard turned and threw a blind punch. Nox ducked out of its way and struck the man across the face, inciting a daze, then tackling him across the parking space. He wrapped his hands around the man's throat. Noxious stared at the mans face and tightened his grip, lost in the moment, strangling every bad memory he thought the man gave him. The guard kicked and flailed and stretched his arm out reaching beyond Noxious’s sight. Banging and crashing sounds echoed as he kicked the trashcan and continued reaching beneath it until his arm fell numb and his eyes glazed over. The skin on his neck slowly unstuck from the sweat that built up on leather gloves. Noxious was out of breath, sweating. He looked over to the trashcan where the man's hand lay dormant. It was still slightly wrapped around a small piece of metal scrap.

“How was that for ya little guy?”

“Hey I just thought.... You know what would be a good name for a super power? Deja vous. “

Big problem grinned down at him. “You already told me that one…” His smile widened. “Get it? Get it? Im a damn hoot.”

--------------------------------=

Part Three: The present day

--------------------------------=

“Fall back!!” the rank two shouts crouched behind cover. She preppeds a smoke bomb and threw it down the hallway. Through her goggles she could see the outlines of rank ones running out of the smoke towards her. They passed her by and fell behind cover. “You know the drill freshies, they use bullets we use the boss, get out of here!” she popped two more bombs and slid them towards the gunfire, permeating thick red and blue concealment smoke.

She turned her gaze behind her to see the last of the rank one Toxins make it around the corner. She pulled out a small device from her gauntlet and pressed a button on it, causing it to blink as she threw it on the floor and made her way down the hallway to join them. At the turn she glanced to her left and saw green smoke pulsating around a corner and getting closer to her and the group. “Pick it up, he's here!” she belted as she ran by them.

The blue and red smoke had dissipated as the guards stood on overwatch, waiting to see the result of their enemy’s retreat. From around the corner they saw a small ground level phantom of green smoke slowly cross the intersection, growing larger and thicker by the moment as traces of toxic gas trickled around the bend. Trickles became a wave and a wave became a flood as Noxious turned the corner. Vents around his mask and across his shoulders flooding the putrid air into the room until it was thick enough to drown in. then men could no longer see their hand in front of their faces as they crouched into their palms. Noxious quickly dashed behind one and wrapped an arm over the man's shoulders and around his neck. Once gripped, Noxious let his knee drop, the heavy metal knee pads pulling both men to the ground. While the man kicked for air the toxic king saw a boot take a step near him. He triggered the mechanism on his wrist mount, pushing a small syringe head out of his forearm guard which he then punctured into the man's thigh, delivering a measured dosage. The man hit the ground within seconds as he released the other man's neck from the noose his arm held it in. He sprinted forward to another guard as they were rising the sight of a gun in his direction. Noxious raised his arm, ejecting the empty syringe at the man, distracting him enough for the boss to hit him across the jaw, sending him crashing to the ground. He flexed his wrists, reloading the syringe device. He then plunged it down into the man's leg putting him slowly into a blissful sleep. He then looked at the man's ID tag. “Bioco…” That gave him an inspired idea for a superhero name.

Rank ones and twos lined up outside the door. It opened slowly and as it did they each kneeled, forming a line. Noxious walked by them in triumph and then gestured them to move in and pilfer the now secured building. A car pulled up to him and  one of his soldiers opened the back door for him. He entered and sat next to Tranquil.

“It go well?”

He nodded.

She smiled. “Glory to the agenda.”

----------------------------============

Part 1: Seven years ago

===============----------------------

Light from the window gleamed across his eye as he slowly looked around the hazy room. Where they moving? Where was his mask? He jolted his body up and felt his face, irritating a cut near his eye.

“Oh thank goodness you woke up. Do you have amnesia?” Tranq questioned curiously, glancing back at him from the driver;s seat.

“I don’t remember...”

“See that was funny, your fine. Your mask is up here.”

Noxious crawleds to the front of the slow moving vehicle and retrieved the mask from under a small notepad. It then dawns on him what had happened. “Are you ok?!” he asked in a panic, touching her shoulder hard enough to make the steering wheel veer slightly .

“Yeah he barely touched me. You got hit hard though.”

“What did you do?”

“When he saw your smoke bomb go off I grabbed for his taser. I figured that was the plan,” she lied, hoping to rewrite how he remembered it, “then when you distracted him with that punch I zapped his ass. Never used a taser before so I just held it down till he peed himself. Sick stuff dude.”

He was relieved. His mind was foggy but her words made sense. The mission still clearly didn't go well. “Did we at least steal… Whatever it was”

“HELL YEAH and it's way better than i thought it was.”

“Good,” he smiled, moving the broken mask and notepad, containing a poorly drawn picture of a van, made to be a pill bottle with wheels then made to be a van again. “It won't be like this again. Were gonna get good.”

“I know.”

“Seriously. Everyone starts at the bottom” he said impassioned. He put the broken mask over his head when he felt tears pooling up in his eyes. “One day we will make this… It will be bigger. We will be better.”

“I know,” she agreed, leaning over, putting a hand on his knee.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-

Super secret bonus feature extended director's cut deleted scene after party special ending.

Present day:

“So like…” The CEO of Bioco leaned over his desk. “Seriously? What the hell did i ever do to this guy??” (noxious in know way condones murder, violence or theft. dont imitate fiction)

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 3 The Noxious Agenda

“Um...hello?” Ed’s voice broke as he tried to speak; his throat had dried in the long walk through the desert.

He had found himself at a small shack that gave him a heavy ‘get off my lawn’ vibe. But he had followed the directions to the letter and was convinced there was more to this place than he was seeing. He took a few steps slowly towards the door. With each footstep he shifted his weight slowly, checking for pressure plates in the ground or beneath the scattered wood scrap. When Ed reached the door he placed his hand gently on the doorknob and slightly wiggled it to check for traps. He rubbed his thumb along the mechanism. The more he stared, the more he prodded, the more slight movements he made the more he slowly realized that he was wasting his time fondling a perfectly normal door knob, and with the correct amount of shame and embarrassment he sighed and went inside.

The shack looked somewhat lived in. There were a few fake dead fish on the wall, although the smell of the room itself made you consider the possibility they were still alive. A coffee table bearing an amber ashtray sat in front of a small TV made to accept antenna signals the world no longer offered. But this couldn't be it. Ed wasn't new to this type of world and began to search the place for whatever he thought might open it up. A secret ladder under a carpet, or maybe a fake vent with a crawlspace. As his search turned up nothing he decided he’d even be satisfied with a spinning bookshelf, but everything he touched was dull and ordinary. Pictures of family, fishing magazines, television remotes that outnumbered televisions, but no buttons switches or mechanisms. He stepped outside in frustration and then saw dust on the horizon. A small snake of raised dirt signifying someone was approaching. He sat on the porch to act casually and began to think up lies to explain why he's there.

He was a traveling salesman. Since this land clearly belonged to a dirt farmer he was obviously there to sell shovels. Why does he have no shovels you ask? Because they would be heavy and hard to carry but he sells a service to help people order the shovels. Why does he not have the paperwork and order forms? Did he say he sold shovels? No he means he repairs them. In our modern day too many people buy new things and throw the old away. That’s why he’s here to offer cheap repairs on shovels and all dirt farming tools. Where is his equipment you ask? He is an all natural smithy who uses sand and rocks found in yards to help his trade instead of spending money on fancy tools. Edward decided this was an easy lie to argue, and that was a good thing, since by that time a small shabby car had made it to the stoop he trespassed on. Time to sell some shovel service.

The window rolled down. “Get in quick scrub the homeowner is on his way!” The side door opened. Ed was elated to see the masks he had familiarized with Noxious agents. Without fully understanding what was happening he quickly jumped in the car and sped off. The driver started laughing and the passengers, Ed included, contagiously joined in. there was an air of excitement in the vehicle.

“That was damn close. Thats old man Adam’s house and he's really big on the no trespassers lifestyle. You went left at the giant V shaped rock instead of right didn't you?” the driver said glancing from Ed to the road and back.

“Yes sir,” Ed confirmed.

“I swear we’re handing out the wrong directions to potentials. Last three new agents went the same way and caught a fate worse than death. Name’s James by the way,” the man introduced himself as he began to loosen up his shoulders and his driving habits.

“A fate worse then death?” Ed asked as he felt his stomach sink into the seat as some form of near death car sickness.

“Yeah. I heard they got converted into nationalists and are made to hand out anti-Jewish pamphlets at the mall,” james said with a sarcastic smile. He was a sturdy looking guy but had a soft face. His purple medical mask hung from his ear, allowing him to smoke a cigarette. His well-worn green hoodie hung off the back of his head as it draped over a semi ripped black t-shirt. He seemed to take the uniform as seriously as he took his driving considering he continued to make great eye contact with the conversation while pretending to watch the road.

“I heard they missed Adam’s house and wandered through the desert and got lost and eventually became coyotes. That’s how all coyotes are made!” a woman in the passenger seat exclaimed, turning her body to look back at Ed. Her mask was pink and she had a loose hood hanging from her shoulders. The theme was becoming apparent. “My name is Misty. Not really but get it?” she said enthusiastically while leaning in towards him, then leaning further.

Ed had concluded that if he did not answer she would soon be in the back seat. “Yeah I get it,” he lied, “so you guys work for the Noxious Agenda? Venoms right?”

“Toxins,” the young man to the sharing the back seat with him clarified. He seemed to be the only one with the uniform in order as the hood met a pair of goggles both a seemingly unintended shade of black. He mask secured tightly, a white scarf of some sort. “Rank one, name’s Oin. Like coin without the C,” he said before pulling out a phone and focusing in on it.

James again recklessly glanced back.“Yee Venoms are rank two. They’re the paper pushing assholes we all hope to be one day. Were called Toxins, rank 1, and we do the real work! The stuff worth bragging about! The front line adventures!” he said proudly, describing what clearly seemed like disposable heroes. “Youll learn all of this in orientation. What made you join?”

“People. The way they act. I saw a speech from Noxious online describing the problem with negative mentalities and I was inspired. I hit the world with a smile and motivation but felt like it gave me nothing but hostility in return” Ed continued his somewhat rehearsed speech, as he expected this and a few other basic questions and wanted to seem enlightened on the matter, “then the speech made sense to me. The people who met me with hostility would have chosen positivity if they just saw how it could help them. Lord Noxious would have them breathe in positivity and see how all of us would be happier,” he explained, hoping all important notes were mentioned.

“Wow Lynn would love you. You could be a star in the propaganda department with a backstory like that sheesh.” James looked back at him with a humble smile. He sighed, “so the reason HOLY CRAP NO!!!” he shouted as he swerved to not hit a small family of daring rabbits jetting across the street, “poor little dumbasses. Anyway I dig ya story. It’s intense. I’m only here ‘cause Noxious personally gassed my dad and he quit drugs and i was like omigosh that’s the answer, sign me up,” James explained, glancing back having not learned his lesson.

“Fight drugs with drugs,” Misty added while leaning her chair back slowly, stealing the precious few inches of room Eds knees was resting at.

“Hey it worked. Ok we’re almost here so get good,” James said as he pulled his mask up and secured it. Him and misty seemed synchronised in pulling there hoodies up and like that both of them were transformed from a car full of menacing young adults into a band of knaves with concealed features. Ed felt exposed with no mask but he was somewhat prepared. He pulled a scarf out and wrapped it over his mouth then covered his head with it. It was black and lime green, his attempt to fit in better with the color scheme he had seen on tv. They pulled up to another random shack not too unlike the one he had just been whisked away from.

They parked the car and all walked cautiously towards the door. Ed was stopped in mid step by James who pointed to the ground in front of him. Ed peered at the small plank by his feet as James’s hand held him in place. When he squinted he finally saw it. A very small wire peeking out of the side of the wood. A tiny glimpse of a mechanism. Ed was as happy as he possibly could have been. THERE WERE FLOOR PAD TRAPS! No one had ever been so excited to almost be murdered by a machination. It made him feel terrified and yet reaffirmed. He passed over it with the rest of the group, careful to only step on visible dirt and not trash or any stray objects. When he got to the door he began studying the doorknob, this time with gleeful excitement. He turned it slightly and felt around it till he found a small opening on the top of the brass sphere. He faced away from it, covered his mouth and nose with his elbow and gave it a full turn as gas suddenly shot out of the hole to where his face would have been. He looked back at the other agents. James was soundlessly clapping and giving obnoxious thumbs up gestures. Ed could see a smile behind the mask, warping its shape.

Ed entered the small shack. Deja vous. On the wall were pictures of the fat man prototype nuke from WW2. This felt better he thought. He walked over to the small coffee table and felt under it... There it was. A small toggle switch. He flipped it and heard machinery as the room adjacent to him began lifting, revealing a stairway below the floor.

“Took me ten minutes to find it when I was first here, what about you?” Misty asked, walking in with Oin.

“Way less,” Oin replied, “the coffee table is out of place, there's nowhere to sit near it.

“JAMES HURRY UP!!!” Misty yelled then looked towards Ed, “hey go rush him he's behind the car.”

Ed made his way out there but then slowed down as he heard the streaming sound of James relieving himself.

James looked at him. “Hey i'm on my way. You might wanna use the tree next, once we go underground there's about a ten minute walk down till we get to a bathroom”

“Yea that would be best...” Ed said, walking over to the tree. Ed started to play with his zipper then looked back at James who was leaning on the car. He looked again at his zipper and again at James.

“Nervous wee wee. Gotcha,” James said before walking away.

Ed waited a moment till James was out of sight then pulled a small sphere out of his pocket, making sure to keep it in front of him and out of view. He pressed a button on it and the sphere blinked twice. He knew this meant the tracking functionality was working. He then hid it in his pants and made his way back to the shack. The day didn't start well and clearly bad intel was shared but at the very least the button to release the hidden stairway was right where his boss had said it would be. He only hoped everything else in this infiltration would go as smoothly so he could get away from this cult as fast as possible.

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

noxious takes over world

republicans "HE DESTROYED MY CIVIL RIGHTS"

Democrats "HE MANIPULATES FREE WILL"

hippies "HES A LIZARD MAN"

decent people "CLEARLY AN EVIL DICTATOR"

noxious "this is bullshit, cant people be happy that IM happy???"

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

A man with a gas mask fears no air. Unless it's a sneeze

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 1 Toxic tranquility

“Alright I'm checking the hallway,” Frank said dishonestly into the walkie talkie hanging from his shoulders........

He instead adjusted his position on his chair, fulfilling only the spirit of his duty by glancing at the security monitors in front of him. Nothing as always. “Looking all clear from my end.”

His earpiece mumbled acceptance, then asked for more in depth clarification.

Frank briefly sighed in annoyance. “Yeah I went out into the hall but I haven't been to the lobby. I’m on my way.” He slowly stood with a grunt and exited the small security room. He chuckled to himself and spoke into the receiver, “hey maybe Bob’s back and messing with the security system… You don't know Bob? Also remember to say over, I have to hit a button on my end how do you not know that?”

He switched a few lights on and proceeded down the hallway slowly, glancing into each room, his  footsteps echoing a hollow sound across the narrow corridor. Offices, laboratories, storerooms, nothing out of the ordinary that he could see.

“Ok so full story, Bob was a techie who fixed computers around here. You have to have seen him, mousy little dude tiptoeing to servers and scribbling in a notepad. So like last week the big bosses from the science department come in and start making cuts in IT and this dude was on the list. But when it happened he didn't take it well. He started crying… Yeah really crying. Saying he won't leave, bringing up his kids… Three I think.”

Frank reached the lobby, a dim and soulless room. He took a seat at the receptionist desk and began booting up the computer.

He continued to elaborate on his story while waiting for the dated grey relic of a computer to load.“When he was walking out we all just stared. If this was grade school we would have laughed and threw paper balls, but no one flinched. In that moment we all felt his pain. I'm no wuss but I don't think I would have handled it better in his shoes. He trudged into the elevator and no one saw him again.”

Frank finally was able to check the cameras, each small was screen empty and unchanged.

“Nope no Bob…” He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean did you not get any part of the story? The guy was broken. We have a betting poll on what day he comes back to shoot the place up… Ah you’re just naive, it’s absolutely possible! And if he does im the one left dealing… Hey we got a flicker on ground floor… That's when a door or window sensor says its open then closed then open. Is this your first night?”

His supervisor’s apparent airheadedness aside, it was probably nothing. Sensors misread all the time. But as he started walking away from the computer a feeling in his gut stirred. He glanced back at the monitor, focusing on the small flickering pixels slowly blinking on and off.

Frank hung his head back in resignation and pressed the button on his receiver. “Nah I’m gonna check it anyway, its annoying though… Its cool I dont mind, besides if Bob’s back i wanna catch him tonight, or tomorrow, I bet on the whole week.” He then changed his course, heading in the opposite direction towards the origin of the problem.

------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------

The man fumbled in his chair, sitting alone at the diner.

A waiter walked over and asked, “sir? Are you waiting for anyone? You haven’t ordered.”

He nodded his head wordlessly and stared deeply at the cheaply stained wood table. He began to tap his fingers on it but that quickly escalated into scratching a small line into the wood. He gazed at the line he was his nail was carving so deeply it took him a full moment to realize the man was still standing there. He stumbled over his words a little, “I’m… I’m sorry im just...”

“Nervous?” The waiter sat down across from the customer and placed his notepad in his lap. “It’s a big date isn't it?”

The customer nodded without looking at the man across the table. “She's almost here and we need to have this big talk that she doesn't even know she needs to have…“

“Want my advice?” the man offered with a smile. The nervous patron met his eyes. “If it’s a request then ask it with boldness, If it’s a confession then say it with humility and if it’s a declaration then be ready to mean it. “

The corner of the man’s mouth twitched. “Hm… that works. Thank you.”

“No problem. Does she have red hair? You’re going to wanna take a breath.” The waiter then stood up to help seat the woman who had just entered. She was guided over to the now much calmer man sitting in the booth, who had conveniently slid a napkin over the small scar in the table.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No that was the old company name, they changed it after it got sold… Yeah why do you think this place has downsized so much lately? New owners new problems,” Frank grumbled as he continued through a small empty cold storage room.

“I used to have a security team to back me up. Three on each shift. We had a real job to do too back then. Kids from the university constantly sneaking in after hours. Sometimes for some mischief but every now and then just to squeeze some extra time in to finish whatever assignment they were stressing over,” he explained while walking to towards a window to check the sensors. A small solid green light on each sensor let him know the equipment was functioning and the windows were latched shut.

“That’s room 204 clear too, are you sure you’re looking at the map right? None of these rooms could be were the flicker is coming from.” This wild goose chase was starting to become annoying.

He walked out of the room and in to the hallway, slowly scanning in both directions. He swore he had already checked each cluster of doors, and their interconnected rooms.  

“Hey I think I might’ve missed 209. I’m gonna check it out just to say I got all of em…” the voice in the earpiece protested slightly. “No I see your point but I’m here so I may as well check all of them. Besides I have nothing better to do. At least you're more talkative than the last dispatch. We should get drinks some time, I'll pay for it. You don't work a job this boring without a few drinks.”

He approached the room slowly and paused just before he entered. Something didn't seem right. He saw computers and monitors set up around the rooms perimeter. Dust had acquired on each keyboard as they waited for future fingertips to bring them back to life. He glanced to his left and saw the the window sealed and the indicator light green. He glanced to his right and saw no other windows or any other types of exits. But something still didn't feel rightl.

“Does the flicker look like it matches 209? No way I just walked out of 204 I’m telling you something wrong with 209. There's like a cold chill in here... Wait a second… it's cold in here. Like a breeze.” Frank’s eyes widened, he rushed over to one of the monitors at the desk and slid it over, revealing a window wide open. The sensor hanging off of it, damaged and blinking sporadically. “We’re gonna have to talk drinks another time. Bob’s back.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The food here is sub par,” the young man says nervously, trying to form an N shape in his mashed potatoes, “but it’s affordable to a degree that makes its quality seem better.”

“The chicken is bomb though,” the woman leaned over with a piece of meat on her fork, dipping it into her boyfriends mashed potatoes. His eyes widened staring at the streak she made in his nearly finished starch sculpture. She gave a flirty smile.“And you went through that burger like a lion gnawing on a squirrel.”

“When would a lion meet a squirrel?” he said with a smirk as he began scultpting what's left of his potatoes into an O shape.

She pointed at him with her fork. “City lions. People with bad vision think there buying a house cat but it never stops growing.”

“Who doesn't have that one crazy lion lady in the family because of that?”

They both stared at each other for a moment and then giggled. The woman leaned forward and spoke quietly, “so what has you so nervous. Your food handwriting is off its game, that Q looks terrible.”

He glanced away from her. “It's an O… I’m just… I have a reason to invite you here.” He looked over at the rest of the restaurant, then back to her and lowered his voice, “I have something to tell you but there's no sane way to say it. You’re going to think i’m crazy and then your going to think lying but when you realize i’m not you’re going to be angry. When that happens all I ask is that you hear me out and let me tell my side of the story. Will that be ok?”

Her smile had faded. She leaned in with gravely serious expression. “Ok but… I want to guess. I want two guesses before you say anything and that's the only way I'll hear you out.” The man almost replied but then just nodded his head. She continued, “ok… You’re going to propose to me?”

He shook his head.

“Ok then… I’m gonna go out on a limb here… You dress up in all black, wear a gas mask and steal from science factories under the name Noxious in an attempt to take over the world.”

His heart dropped. He couldn’t breathe. His pulse raced and his vision blurred. When a comet rushes through space it plays many roles. Sometimes it orbits a planet as a satellite. Sometimes it collides into mass and creates a planet. Everything it becomes will change eventually and over billions of years it will slowly play every role it possibly can in the stages of the universe. In that one shaken moment, Noxious wished desperately that that comet would play the role of destroyer and take the entire restaurant out.

He stammered ‘I... Its not-”

“I’m in.” She smiled sweetly at him.

“In what?”

“I want to join you. I want to be your partner in crime” she stated proudly while awkwardly finding her drink straw with her mouth.

This wasn’t real, was it? “How did you know?”

“I checked your computer under the folder marked ‘Noxious Agenda’ and I even corrected some grammar in a few of the documents. You have good use of metaphor for your journals,” she spoke proudly, showing she was far more prepared than he thought to accept his “devastating” news

Noxious could barely believe what he was hearing. “Wait when did you use my computer you've never stayed at my house?”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I wandered in at some point. I’m so bad about fidgeting with other peoples electronics.”

His jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you’re ok with this. I thought you would leave me and report me to the police. We have so much to talk about and so much to plan.” He felt light headed and giddy. This tremendous weight had been lifted off him. He felt so relieved that she understood his scenario that he failed to see the down side of his girlfriend admitting she broke into his home and spell checked his manifesto. He felt accepted. More so he felt affirmed in his conviction. He now had a partner to aid him in his wicked remodeling of a broken world. They were both strange and off putting, and his is why they worked.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frank scrambled around the storage room, checking the inventory. “How long until the cops show up im getting my ass played over here! Three boxes of materials are already missing and I can’t find a trace of Bob! Hello? Dispatch dont do this to me. Alright that’s not working,” he said in frustration as he returned his radio to the holster to his belt.

He reached for the cell phone in his back pocket and the moment he couldn't feel it an annoying thought dawned on him. He had left it on the security desk. Frank was all alone as he searched each room, following seemingly just behind the trail of the mysterious intruder. His concentration was broken when he heard a door shut from down the hall. He ran over and pulled out his sidearm. All he could see was more corridors of shut and open doors. He came up on one slowly.

He clutched his radio and hit the button. “Ok not sure if this is going through but Ive narrowed down his location to three doors. If it's Bob then he's manic. I'm gonna start kicking doors down and corner the rat.”

Frank flinched at a reply in his earbud. He took a deep breath as he heard the news. “Shit don't do anything, and don't confront him! Bob ain't crazy but he may have snapped, i'm running to your post as fast as I can!” He booked it.

With all the urgency he could muster he took stride down the hall, through the lobby and then down another hall. He glanced over at his security booth mid stride but couldn't see his phone immediately. Deciding to ignore it he continued up the stairs and rushed down the painted tile path until he could see the security dispatch. The place was covered in smoke, bellowing out the open armored door.

He covered his mouth and rushed in, scanning the thick smoke with his flashlight in order to find dispatch or the source of the smoke. Finally under the desk a piece of warped plastic caught his eye. It was a tube covered in tape and burnt at one end. An improvised smoke bomb.

As he saw it the door shut and latched behind him. He kicked it twice causing his firm boot to boom like a drum off the metal door. When that didn’t work he searched through the thick smoke to find the control panel. He tried the electric door release, no luck, instead he turned on the air circulation.

As the smoke began to suck out of the room he began to see two shadowy figures forming outside of the bulletproof glass observation window. Frank gritted his teeth as their figures became clearer, he pressed the intercom button and yelled, “who the hell are you two?! Get me outta here! So help me if you hurt the dispatch lady !'m gonna shove my pistol up your ass and play hide the lead!”

The two figures were fully visible now. On the left was a man with a dark hoodie, gloves and a black leather gas mask. On the right was a woman in a similar concealed outfit with a small lock of red hair falling over her goggles and respirator. She leaned in and pressed the equivalent intercom button on her side, speaking in a familiar voice, “it wasn't Bob… Over.”

----Writen by poison, edited by chem trails

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Gas inhaled, softly deeply

Breath in let the poison eat me

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Art?

the best artist in the world, may not be on the stage they may be closer to you they may be working minimum wage tricked by commercial voodoo

they may have given up, the tools of the trade to trade it for a trade and tools they dropped the paint and a bucket when told that their dream was for fools #FIXALLTHIS

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Part 2 Problems and Solutions

“Welcome to Broadsiders, the evilest bar on earth. Can I start you off with a beer?”

Noxious tilted his head. “I feel like that makes this place sound more cheesy than evil. Also i'll take two beers.” He rests on the barstool and pulls out his wallet. The table he leaned over was surprisingly clean despite the aesthetic around him. Multiple shades of wood panels made up the walls around him as if this was where Theseus’ ship was stranded. The setting also seem to oppose itself; along with pirate themed paraphernalia and expected things such as oars and anchors, robotic heads and lit up circuitry boards could be seen dotting the walls.

The bartender shrugged. “Yeah but the managers stress that we say it every time, especially to people in costume. Domestic or imported?” she asked while approaching the tap. Her appearance, like the rest of the bar, was a contradiction. She looked as though a cyborg was wearing a Halloween pirate costume. A cheap tri-corner hat sat atop over braided hair, while a corset and Naval jacket only slightly covered a body tattooed with cogs and machinery.

“Domestic… No imported.”

“Too late, already pouring.” she spoke snidely holding the glass with a glove meant to look like a futuristic prosthetic

“Blasts… Wait what do you mean costume?! This isn't a costume!” he insisted while running a gloved finger over the rubber of his mask, “this is a required safety tool in my profession. I mix chemicals that can undo the world and warp your mind into a brainless-”

She cut him off. “Where are they?”

“What?”

“Did you bring these chemicals with you? Are they here now?”

“No…”

“Then you don't need the mask and wear it anyway. That’s a costume. Besides, a good a trenchcoat and an old gas mask ain’t exactly modern science apparel,” she said smugly while handing him a beer, “don’t be offended, if it weren't for people into dress up this place would close down.”

Noxious looked around the shabby bar to see all manner of obscure personas. People with fake halos, fursuits, anime cosplay and facial adornments. “This place is like a comic book convention… But without the oxygen, optimism and joy...”

“Yeah we were going for that. I think the owner got rich off of collecting comic books. It's a nerd watering hole,” she explained pushing the drinks forward.

Noxious gazed down at them grimly. I’m not a nerd...

The woman walked away to serve other customers. Noxious pulled out a small black tube he had rolled and banded in his coat and began straightening it out. He attached it to the rubber port on his mask, let the other end fall into the beer and slowly took a sip.

He crinkled his nose up at it. “Too cold..”

Noxious then removed the tube and placed it on a napkin in front of him. He stared impatiently at the condensation forming on the glass as a rather bulky man took the bar stool next to him.

“Both those beers for you?” the large man said, leaning forward and resting his elbows across the dusty wooden bar. He was shirtless and dotted with scars. As Noxious stared at him from the corner of the plexiglass goggles, he couldn't help but wonder if the man had been sweating or was just naturally shiny. Noxious decided he didn’t like either of those explanations.

“Yes...” Noxious uttered, degloving his hand to feel the temperature on the side of his glass.

The big guy chuckled. “I like that tube thing. You look like an anteater when you use it” He gestured the bartender over to them.

Behind his mask, Noxious rolled his eyes and continued to feel the glasses.

“Beer ain’t gonna bite you kid,” the larger man said with a smile, “at least the first two won't. Name’s B P, pleasure to meet you.”

The goggles on nox’s mask fogged for a moment as he felt a tingle on his neck. “Your voice. Your size. I know you, your that guy who beat up all those security guards at that bank… Crap I shouldn't have said that so loud!” he stammered, wondering if he just made an enemy.

“Heh, don't worry about it. The people here… Well excuse my french but they dont give a yiff about what you say. Everyone here is either roleplaying, or playing a role if you get my meaning.”

“Yeah...” noxious agreed, although he in fact didn’t get what the other man meant.

“Anywho I think I know who you are too. You’re that blurry guy on all those security cameras whenevers there's a science related break in... Toxic?”

“Noxious.”

“You still should consider the ant eater,” BP suggested as the bartender finally returned. “Hey let me get two beers just like my friend here.”

She began to pour from the same tap. “Also me and him are big time villains so we shouldn't have to pay”

A now embarrassed face hid behind the rubber mask. Noxious began to imagine if it was possible to lean back far enough to vanish inside the mask like some sort of phantom turtle.

The bartender rolled her eyes. “Yeah yeah I'm sure. Table fifteen says they work for lord vader himself, Table four is a vampire and the guy in the lounge says he can travel through wires and live inside computers. But here in the real world drinks aren't free. And we don't take coins or magic currency either.”

Noxious let out a sigh of relief. Now he understood why this bar was recommended to him. He leaned over and felt his beer, realized it was the right temperature and quickly re-assembled his straw. He downed each glass as fast as he could, pulled that straw out and tried to catch his breath.

BP seeing this growled, “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED,” and began inhaling each of his beers.

Noxious just blinked. “You can't drink slow with a straw. If it’s too cold it would have hurt my head but another few moments and it wouldn't have been cold enough.”

“You know what you like, I'm all for that! So what's your angle? Poison the world?” asked the heft villain while gesturing for more drinks.

“...I feel as though the world needs to be medicated and im trying to invent the perfect plan on how to do it.”

“Crap that sounds nobel.” BP stated as the bartender slid them four more drinks. He stroked his spiky beard curiously and asked, “then if you’re pro chemicals why wear a mask that blocks chemicals?”

“This mask is modified… In the chamber is a small atomizer giving me a slow release of my own toxins. It makes me build a tolerance to the fumes I have to work around,” noxious explained, proudly, he had always wanted someone to ask him that.

“I thought you were gonna say because it looks cool, which I would have accepted, but your answer is way better. So how are you not high as a kite during that process?” he leaned back in his chair, eying Noxious curiously.

“Unavoidable. On my way over here I could see sounds...” Noxious trailed off staring up at the ceiling. “But it will all be worth it.”

“Damn right it will be. Believe in the road you pick or spend your whole life feeling lost.” BP stood up and downed one of the beers. “When I was a kid I was always a problem. Parents couldn't take me anywhere. Never did good in school. When I got work, everyone figured if things went wrong I would be the problem. If matters required delicacy I would be a problem. My whole life I've been called the problem of any situation i find myself in. So I decided own it. Wear it like a badge.” He beat his chest with one hand proudly. “I AM WHO I AM AND THAT WILL ALWAYS BE A BIG PROBLEM PROBLEM TO SOMEONE!” He paused. “...But I don't have to make that a problem for me.”

“You seem like good people BP… Wait… BP… “ Noxious recoiled.

“Yeah. BP stands for big problem”

“I knew that.” noxious grumbled, although he did in fact not know that until now.

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

Product of chem trails

[noxus-the-venomous-blog]

A product of chemtrails