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Writers suffer from tinker bell brain they need constant applause or they start believing everything they’ve written is horseshit

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they call me normal man on account of my normal nature

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obligatory post today

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Sometimes it feels like you've lived your whole life in a house that's always a little bit on fire. Like it's usually just in one room and you make sure to wet the walls around it so it doesn't spread and that usually works. You were expected to take more responsibility over fire containment when you were like seven because it's not like you can expect your parents to always be 100% on guard about making sure the whole house doesn't catch fire, and you figure that's just how things are like.

And sometimes as a kid you visit your friends' homes and some of then whisper to you - grimacing with embarrassment - about how they're not supposed to tell anyone this, but there's a whole room in their house that's currently on fire. And you're like yeah it's ok I'm not supposed to tell people about the way our house is a little bit on fire all the time, too. And then you visit some other friend's house and there's no trace of fire anywhere, and you think "wow, these people are really good at hiding their house fire."

And one day you show up to work like "hey sorry I'm late, I forgot to wet the walls before going to bed last night and my whole house burned down", and you're startled by the way people react, acting like that must be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. And you're just like "chill, it's been years since the last time this happened, and it wasn't even that bad this time", and that just makes people more shocked, acting like that's the weirdest and most concerning thing they've ever heard anyone say, which only confuses you more.

And then someone tries to explain to you that people aren't supposed to have an ongoing house fire. Most people actually never experience a house fire in their lives. Like not even once. Not even a little bit. The normal amount of having your house be currently on fire is zero.

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Weed gummy should cost 50¢ and be sold out of vending machines and at corner stores

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this is amazing 🐈 ♥️♥️

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I'm kind of obsessed with the way sheep are handled. So efficiently. It always looks kind of unpleasant at first and then you notice the sheep are fine with it. They're always being flipped upside down and rolled down a chute or some shit. A shepherd will be tossing that thang in the air and spinning it like pizza dough & the sheep just lets it happen

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@man-of-many-moths

big shoutout to the handful of blogs who follow me for one specific organism and every time it appears they go hog wild

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dnd is like basically bdsm if you think about it too hard

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mind if I come over and behave somewhat like a scared animal before I adjust

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wehehehe

HI MYSTIIIIC WAVING AT YOU

(upends a bucket of aquarium gravel in your inbox)

:D

HI CARDS HIII- oh

. . .

man i cant even complain this stuff's pretty as fuck

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one of two things has been happening in my neighborhood today:

1. one of my neighbors has been standing motionless on his porch for six+ hours

OR

2. one of my neighbors has placed a mannequin on his porch, which has been there for six+ hours

about to go find out which. if i dont report back, assume the mannequin got me

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do YOU have a DISORDER? CALL NOW to receive a second one FREE OF CHARGE!

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me, eating a pile of nuts, cheese, and apple: mmmm tasty

the medieval peasant in my head watching me eat: thou knowst what would MAKETH this meal? dried fruits.

me, getting out the raisins: god damn, etheldred, you are SO right

the medieval peasant in my head: yet thou art still not heeding mine words regarding the blasphemy