nullkg - Tumblr blog

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i tried out recovery for a minute but i'm back on my bullshit again i need to lose 15 pounds in a month or else i'll hate myself forever

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You’re allowed to eat. You’re allowed to be lazy. You’re allowed to take breaks. You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to take care of yourself. You’re allowed to live for yourself.

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Hello Kitty Shinkansen 💕

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anyone else notice how they say or think things ed related and they have to remind themselves it’s not normal?

like i was watching to the bone and i’m like omg i wish i was as thin as her? like the movie is supposed to scare you and it motivates me?

or i’ll meet someone new and i’m my head try and calculate how much they weigh? i’ll never say it aloud because that’s so rude but why! big or small i try and figure out their height and weight or bmi? if someone did that to me i’d cry.

or i’ll find weird body parts attractive. not like feet fetishes or whatever lol but i’ll be like woah she has really nice collarbones or knuckles? like that’s so fucking weird to be thinking of someone knuckles!

i also constantly think about food. even when i’m eating i’m still thinking of my next meal and how to avoid it or eat as little as possible.

i’ll also eat the most disgusting foods. bone broth? rice cakes? green tea? black coffee? i hate all of those things and honestly it’s so bland and gross. but sugar and spices are usually too high.

that’s another thing- i use calories like a point system. today i had a popsicle and i ate it within like 10 mins and i caught myself thinking ‘that was the worst waste of 70 cals ever’? kind of like spending money- the temptation, the guilt and repeat.

or when someone says ‘i haven’t eaten in five hours i’m starving!’ and me on my 20th hour of fasting has to be like ‘yeah omg that’s the worstttt’

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to any black or indigenous wlw that follow me this is a reminder that the wlw community and this space is explicitly for you.

you are not an afterthought or included to a baseline, you are foundational. the LGBT community and the wlw community is fundamentally yours and you are important.

the sapphic community, the lesbian communuty, the bi community, are all too often whitewashed and eurocentric and that is a false image. you should not have to chose between being a gay person or being a person of color, you should be accepted fully in both your communities.

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what if i….. never said a single word ever again 

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there’s no way im still in that body

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双葉杏 ♡! requests open

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