numbatyourtouch

[numbatyourtouch]

“And in another year, everything will be different all over again.”

-Excerpt from a book I’ll never write, 108

“365”

[numbatyourtouch]

They say that you cannot heal in the same place you were broken, but I’m trapped in a poisoned body. I don’t know how to separate myself from the pain, it has become another limb.

I must cut the sadness off inch by inch

d.n.

[numbatyourtouch]

What’s worse? How many times you broke my heart or how many times I let you?

-My loud thoughts

[numbatyourtouch]

[numbatyourtouch]

Good enough.

I've buried the girl who cared about everyone before myself.

I’m done treating myself as shit.

Instead of seeing if i’m good enough for someone.

Its time i see who’s good enough for me.

Fuck what everyone thinks.

I’m done.

[numbatyourtouch]

Crying at 3 am.

I miss you.

For everything.

But

I can’t have you back.

Even if i ever had the option to take you back.

I wouldn't.

I’m soo tired of this life.

I’m sorry.

[numbatyourtouch]

How can you live with yourself.

Inception is something that once an idea is planted into a person’s mind then they start to focus on it a bit too much.

And

Are consumed completely into it.

This causes the person to lose themselves and reality.

They will become so obsessed that their whole life will be fucked.

This is something you did to me.

And

Then in the end told me that everything was a lie.

How the fuck does someone do that?!

[numbatyourtouch]

What is Reality?

The World you and I built was beautiful.

It was everything we both wanted it to be...

That even thinking about leaving that world scared us...

We had no idea that as long as we remained and built our fantasy 

We would lose ourselves.

All of a sudden, 

One day you decided to leave me all alone there.

And

I slowly started to loose reality.

And 

Got consumed into our obsession.

Now, After a long time I’ve finally come back to reality and have realized that everything you and i had was just a beautiful dream.

It wasn’t real.

But, It was so Perfect. 

That now if you ever end up wandering into that world again and I as well.

Then....

Let’s just say.

We wont Survive.

[numbatyourtouch]

Karma.

You say that you don’t care.

And Don’t worry.

I believe you.

But,

One day karma will be a bitch

And 

Come back at you 

And 

You will feel the pain i felt because of you.

And

That’s when you’ll care.

And 

That day, I will be the one to say that I don’t.

And 

That’s when you’ll suffer like i did.

[numbatyourtouch]

Selfish bitch.

I want to be a selfish bitch who doesn’t care what other people say.

But,

I cant.....

I try to..

But, I still cant.

Why?

Because...

I’m a girl who cares too much.

Believes too much.

Loves too much.

Trusts too much.

Helps too much.

Cries too much.

Hurts too much.

And because of all of these...

I’ve slowly started to loose sight of who i really am.

[numbatyourtouch]

Therapy.

Tomorrow,

Is a new beginning in my life.

My Therapy starts!

I don’t know what i feel about it though.

I’m scared that what if no one understands me 

Or 

That no one will relate to me

Or

What if they also say that i’m like this because i’m selfish.

And

That after everything in the end 

I’ll once again regret opening up to someone who can’t help me.

But, 

I’m also happy

because

What if they do understand me 

And 

Understand the pain I’ve felt 

And 

Why I've become like this.

I hope that they help me deal with my problems

And

Help me communicate in a more sensible way.

I hope that tomorrow I find out what my problem is and why I've become like this and understand how to deal with myself and also to finally learn who i really am.

I wish that tomorrow is a good day.

[numbatyourtouch]

Be Careful.

Love and Hate are both scary.

And

Can get a person 

KILLED.

[numbatyourtouch]

My problem.

My parents want to find out what my problem is.......

However,

I don’t even know what my problem is.....

What is my problem?

[numbatyourtouch]

Truth untold.

People say that love

Makes you feel happy 

And

Free in the most Unexpected ways.

But,

All i have ever felt is lonely and sad.

Why?

Was it even Love?

Or

Was it all a Lesson?

Whatever it was....

I have become terrified of love

Because what if it does......one day......make me happy......

It will all go away at some point.

[numbatyourtouch]

Trying to forget.

He wants me to move on.

Forget my past.

My pain.

And You.

But, how can i?

After all the shit i did for you....

After all the pain you put me through.

After all the fights i had for you.

After finding out that our whole relationship was based on a lie.

After finding out that you never loved me.

Or

That you had planned how you were going to leave me.

And

After finding out that everything you told me or made me feel was a lie.

HOW

          AM 

                 I

                    SUPPOSE

                                     TO

                                         FORGET?

[numbatyourtouch]

My Death

When I die

I don’t want people to remember me

As a girl who had Depression, Anxiety and Paranoia.

I don’t want to be remembered

As a sad suicidal girl who hurt others and herself.

Nor do i want to be remembered 

As a girl who felt unloved and hated.

I want to be remembered

As a girl who used to be so happy that she would make others smile as well.

I want to be remembered 

As a girl who gave so much love and cared about everyone.

I want to be remembered and missed.

Not for who i became,

But

For who i was.

[numbatyourtouch]

Sleeping my days away....

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I want to do so much..

Yet, whenever i try to do it

I end up hurting myself or someone else.

Therefore,

I’m sleeping my days away.....

And

Letting the pain take over.