numberonebladeefan - Tumblr blog

[numberonebladeefan]

Ok less brooding and moping and analysing and lethargy and melancholy and inertia more ACTION even within the limited field available to me. More leaving the house more discipline more drive more fire more relentlessness more joy!!!!

[numberonebladeefan]

has anyone else noticed that being alive is like. not the most dignified experience ever

[numberonebladeefan]

Dealing with my fear of rejection by never asking for anything, and my fear of being a burden by never doing anything that involves other people. Foolproof.

[numberonebladeefan]

[numberonebladeefan]

The Loneliest Job in the World

by Tony Hoagland

As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me? you are completely screwed, because the next question is How Much?

and then it is hundreds of hours later, and you are still hunched over your flowcharts and abacus,

trying to decide if you have gotten enough. This is the loneliest job in the world: to be an accountant of the heart.

It is late at night. You are by yourself, and all around you, you can hear the sounds of people moving

in and out of love, pushing the turnstiles, putting their coins in the slots,

paying the price which is asked, which constantly changes. No one knows why.

[numberonebladeefan]

i don't have an astigmatism. my sight is just blurry because of the love. love softens things around the edges

[numberonebladeefan]

"girl math" "girl logic" "girl measurements"

[numberonebladeefan]

[numberonebladeefan]

Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness

[numberonebladeefan]

Mahmoud Darwish, Life To The Last Drop

[numberonebladeefan]

Cock shame, pussy to the world

[numberonebladeefan]

truly i would die so fast if vampires were real because i’d start getting lightheaded to the point of danger while they’re feeding and just be like “well they are clearly very hungry and who am i to deny them a meal. everyone deserves that. Also this is so intimate and beautiful” and then i’d just fucking die because they drained me dry. such is the way of things

[numberonebladeefan]

me ranting to myself about the parallels and relationships between my OCs (it's 1am)

[numberonebladeefan]

Having your own OC as your Blorbo is great because you will never have to see a bad Fannon brainrot take or awful but inexplicably popular ship involving them, but also I Have To Do Everything Myself Around Here Augh

[numberonebladeefan]

thinking too much about your own OC is part of mental illness actually

[numberonebladeefan]

CHALLENGERS (2024) dir. luca guadagnino

[numberonebladeefan]

having OC’s is crazy for real because no one else gives a fuck meanwhile you’ll be at the function thinking about them (guys who are not real) like