nvrissa

[nvrissa]

phantvm‌:

“ so ? i’m being courteous by waiting for you, i’m just letting you be independent. ” eros remarks with a shrug of his shoulder. “ you have to use those twig arms for something. ” he adds with a snicker, watching narissa waddle her way up the walkway with mild amusement. his eyes mirror the roll her’s had moments prior, form leaning against the door. “ you know a moment without you is just plain AGONY. ” eros sighs, head tilting to the side, palm raising to settle on his chest. “ without the sound of your obnoxious voice in my ear, how do i know i’m alive ? or the way you lean heavier on your right foot when you walk, making it so apparent you’re the one practically stomping your way across every hotel or bnb we stay at ? ” when she’s within range he turns, hand unlocking the door so they can step inside what would be their temporary home. eyes sweep the house with a quiet hum of approval, glove covered fingers settling against his chin. the first floor is more than stunning, but he’s on the prowl now, setting his sights on the kitchen and leaving his luggage aside the entryway. 

“ do you think we’re the first ones here ? ” eros yells from the space as he ransacks the cabinets. “ or maybe everyone already left to go somewhere else…” he mumbles more to himself, giving an ‘ ah ha ‘ when he finds what he’s looking for - the alcohol. pouring himself a small glass, he begins to roam about now, poking his head around the corners. index finger taps the glass beneath it, a tick he’d developed as the years went by - a sign that he was beginning to get nervous. it’s as he examines his new accommodations that eros starts to realize that this was what he would be doing for the next weeks to come - living without schedules or a purpose. and as this dawns, he clears his throat and goes back to find narissa. she would keep his mind off it. “ how do we know who’s room is which ? ”    

rather than letting him garner a reaction out of her, narissa opts to try and ignore him, still being able to feel the way his beady eyes linger as she struggles to move with all her luggage. she supposes he’s only waiting for her to agitate her some more , the insults he’s throwing at her childish, but that was the standard for their bickering. to onlookers it seemed ridiculous, but for narissa, she felt she had every right to be peeved. “ it seems like you pay an awful lot of attention to the way i walk, ” she begins, finally reaching the door of the apartment. it doesn’t cross her mind to be thankful as he opens up the door, to caught up in their arguing to admit at least that one gesture was helpful.  “ obsessed much ? i’d say i’m flattered but i’m really not. ” she’s about to say something else when she’s distracted by the interior of what would serve as their home for the next few weeks, everything about the style exactly what she had been picturing. for a moment it felt like a real vacation, not just some getaway acting as a forced reunion for a group of ex friends. and then she hears eros’ voice calling out from another room, the illusion all but shattered. narissa sighs, dropping some of her luggage near where he’d left his, only her purse staying on her arm.

 she heads straight for the base of the stairs, her head craning up as she attempts to take a peak at what lies at the top of the spiral.  not having answered his previous questions, narissa doesn’t expect it when the other suddenly materializes beside her, the realization causing her to jump a little. “ jesus  –––––  ” she lets out, eyebrows furrowing.  “ you should get a collar. one with a little bell. ”  her gaze then falls towards his glass, lips pressing into a discontent line. wherever eros went, alcohol soon followed. she wouldn’t exactly consider herself concerned over the fact. that would require a certain level of empathy narissa was sure she could never harbor for the other. no, she’d add it to the list of things about him that were infuriating instead. for good measure she swipes the glass from his hand, sneaking a sip before he no doubt takes it back, the burn of the liquor making her nose scrunch. leave it to him to have horrible taste, she thought, before starting up the stairs. “ supposedly our names are on the door of whichever room is ours. you know, like dorms in college or something, ”  she answers, finally making it to the top of the stairs, what seemed like an endless hall awaiting.  “ well, this is where we part ways, ”  narissa announces, the happiness in her tone unable to be masked. of course, the feeling is short-lived the moment she finds her room, the name eros jung written unmistakably underneath her own.  “ oh you’ve got to be kidding me. ”  

[nvrissa]

☾  ╱  ᶜˡᵒˢᵉᵈ ˢᵗᵃʳᵗᵉʳ ᶠᵒʳ  micah.

a week had passed since the last time she’d had him in her bed. with everything that was going on with the brat pack and this reunion, narissa had been feeling especially anxious about their summer trip, but it was that one brilliant fact that kept replaying itself like record inside of her head. a week had passed since she’d last been close to micah, these past few days at the milan apartment like a game of hide and seek for the ex couple, a waltz between two ghosts who wished not to be seen by the other. but it never lasted for too long ––––– one of them always caved, a house of cards folding in on itself, the aftermath a mess of bed sheets and emotions. it was strange, really, how perfectly she could still recall his expression the night he’d claimed he didn’t love her anymore and suggested that she moved on. the memory was a permanent stake in the chest, one that only got deeper and more twisted with every night they spend together after their breakup. even if narissa had believed a single word that had come out of his mouth all that time ago, she didn’t think it’d matter. she loved him still, loved him enough for the both of them, loved him enough she’d come all the way to his door in nothing but her pajamas, bleeding heart on her sleeve. she doesn’t knock because he was expecting her, the knot in her stomach that was wound so tight after barely seeing him all week slowly coming undone as she opens the door and gets her first good glimpse of him. she’s not able to look at him for long, fearing she’d want to do something stupid like throw herself into his arms and knock him backwards with a kiss. there were things off limits still, this temporary intimacy they’ve crafted feeling as fragile as their actual relationship had.  “ hi, ” she murmurs, tugging at a dark lock of hair, one of her nervous tells, one micah would no doubt be able to recognize. “ where’s your roommate ? ” she asks, scanning the room for sunwoo, even the thought of seeing him here making her chest feel tight. 

[nvrissa]

phantvm‌:

it had been what eros considered an EXHAUSTING, car ride to the villa. from his moment getting off the plane with his faux friend, to the stuffy taxi ride, he was itching to get out. to leave and free himself from the small confines of the space he was forced to share with narissa kwon. it was of course, for appearances sake, as the two were joint at the hip in the eyes of the cameras, and even the slightest slip up could be cause for catastrophe - but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it when no one else was looking. it was funny how of the kwon siblings, the one he was supposed to be friends with he detested more than life itself - and the one who he had minimal public appearance with he secretly held in a warm place in his heart. that was what he called cruel irony - the fates above laughing as they held the golden string of his life in their hands. 

but eros knew the power of her name, the pedestal she sat upon, and a big part of him ( one which he repressed to the deepest pit ) envied that, despite his own popularity. so to her he stuck like gum on a shoe, plastered her name across his instagram in every tagged post, made sure that all of his followers knew that he had bagged the spot as nari’s right hand man, even if it was through a rose tinted lens. perhaps there was something else there too - a desire to know what it was like to be the kind of person she was, teeth that chewed at the thought of wondering what it was like to know oneself the way she seemed to. it could very well be a facade, he knew all too well about the masks that could be worn day to day, but still, to him, she was a script waiting to be read. 

his inner monologue stops when the taxi does, and with a nonchalant toss of money toward the driver, he gracefully flees the vehicle, grabs his suitcases, and begins to walk away without giving his partner a second glance. “ best hurry up narissa, i want to know who i get the pleasure of bunking with for however long we’re supposed to be here - and a glass of wine. ” eros laments with a sigh, and a look of boredom, as though the two minutes he’d given her to follow him were enough. “ no, please, move at a glacial pace. ” 

to say narissa was accustomed to the feeling of a perpetual hand at the base of her throat, squeezing her airways shut, was no understatement. she swore she was born with it, that it was something she’d inherited the same way she had her father’s nose and her mother’s eyes. the sensation, while uncomfortable, was perfectly bearable now with all her experience ––––– that was, until she was in the presence of eros jung. most days she wonders if she had the chance to go back to the very moment her publicist had suggested the false friendship, would she have said no, knowing all she does now about his sour personality that only seems to grow worse with time ? her answers were often inconsistent. a yes on the days he was being especially insufferable ( which was most of the time ) , a no on the days a photo of them together generated enough loving comments. today was most definitely a no day. the flight they’d taken together to milan had been bad enough. she’d tried to sleep through it, but to no avail, a part of her paranoid maybe he’d take unflattering photos of her then try to blackmail her later. that was the way her mind seemed o wander in his presence. she was always assuming the worse. 

the car ride was even worse. she felt suffocated by the vehicle, too distracted by her own discomfort to even be glancing out the window. their driver was cheerfully yapping away in italian about the city, but all narissa could offer were some appropriately timed hums to signal she was following along. she wasn’t, of course. it was with a tight-lipped smile she was forced to paint her companion as the culprit for her rudeness towards the well meaning driver, her gaze flicking momentarily only to be even more peeved by the lack of enthusiasm in eros’ countenance ––––– and jesus, did he have to be so tall ? she was positive his ridiculously long limbs had something to do with how tiny the car was feeling. after what had started to feel like a very foreboding eternity, their ride was over. narissa is gathering her things when eros quite literally throws money towards the drivers seat, her horrified expression missed by the other who has already exited the vehicle with all the confidence of a certified asshole.  “ mi dispiace, ”  she says with a small smile, extending her hand for a shake.  “ grazie per il passaggio, ”  she adds before getting out of the car, moving on to collect the rest of her luggage from the trunk. 

she’d over packed. there was no way to deny it, not with the way her delicate frame was clearly struggling to carry everything as they made their way towards the house. eros was far enough ahead it seemed he thought it earned him the right to start making snarky comments. she was tempted to chuck her purse at his head.  “ we don’t all have giraffe legs, ” she huffs, pausing to lift the strap of a bag that was slipping back onto her shoulder.  “ feel free to be the gentleman we both know you’re not and help me carry something if you want me to go faster. ” narissa rolls her eyes, something that was practically second nature to do whenever they were together without the cameras.  “ i’m not the one complaining you’re leaving me behind here though, do you realize that ? it’s you that’s oh so eager to walk together. ” she’s barely a few steps closer, although shes eager not to struggle too much in front of eros, just in case. of course, just because she was having a hard time didn’t mean she couldn’t tease him, too.  “ having separation anxiety already ? i knew it was only a matter of time before you couldn’t stand to be apart from me. ”

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[nvrissa]

She spoke softly. She was eloquent with her body. She believed that certain illusions are life-giving.

Anaïs Nin (via rabbitinthemoon-blog)

[nvrissa]

She’s titanic, her deep blue soul drown me, eyes like her can insure you a ticket to heaven just by staring at them.

Fawaz maarouf  (via wnq-writers)

[nvrissa]

Her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget…

The Great Gatsby, Daisy Buchannon (via songbirdsmelodies)

[nvrissa]

🌹 ‘SOLO’ M/V #2 “Innocent and delicate.I’m tired of pretending”.

[nvrissa]

[nvrissa]

She was very charming, but seemed tormented in some way – I couldn’t figure out why. Something profound was bothering her. She talked very fast, all in a rush, as if she was thinking too fast, and sometimes after she’d say something she’d contradict herself totally, but it was still a marvelous conversation.

Marge Neikrug (via wordsnquotes)

[nvrissa]

[nvrissa]

She’s like smoke: you think you’re seeing her clearly enough, but when you reach for her there’s nothing there.

Ryū Murakami (via musingisms)

[nvrissa]

[nvrissa]

tag drop !

╰ ♡ . 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒐 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆  ── isms !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒔  ── aesthetic !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒘𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒆  ── vanity !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈  ── edits !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒏  ── tweets !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒔 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒚  ── ask meme !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏  ── texts !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏  ── convos !  

╰ ♡ . 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒔  ── ooc !