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[nycserialdater]

Zach

Zach seemed promising. 6’4, hazel eyes, curly brown hair. Such a cutie. We had matched a few times on bumble and this time we finally made a connection and went out for drinks. We met at a bar in soho. Super trendy spot. It was going really well. We had a lot in common and there was a lot of sparks flying. An hour and a half into the date we started making out. 👌🏼Goooood kisser. He was being so cute and affectionate. I was definitely into him. I wish it ended there but it didn’t. Here’s where things get a little odd -but I did it so I guess I’m partially to blame.

After about 45 mins of making out -he told me to go into the bathroom, take off my panties and leave them there for him. I was a little drunk, a little turned on- so I did it. He then went into the restroom when I sat back down at the table. He texted me from the restroom and said he had my panties around his cock. Honestly. At the time I was into it. We make out some more at the bar then decided to have him back to my place. Except one more thing at the bar- he put his card down for a tab. He asked to close out so I offered to split since I’m polite. He said sure. And I was surprised so I just said... really? And he was like oh well why don’t you just get the Uber to yours and we’ll call it even. Look I’m a feminist but that doesn’t mean I don’t like being treated like a queen. I just thought it was odd that he even considered splitting.

Back at my place things escalate - he was super dominant and I was into it. He definitely had some odd requests tho. He took his pants off and my panties were still around his penis. That’s not odd right? It WAS odd when he got naked and then put my purple thong on. Yes. He literally put my thong on. I was in shock. My mouth was dropped open. I was so confused. My purple mesh thong was on him. In his butt. He was really into the dirty talk so I played along. I’m not a prude and I’ll truly try anything once but at the same time, I know what I like. Anyways - we’re hooking up and he asked me to say things like ‘I love America’ and ‘Make America Great Again’ while I came. I didn’t even know how to respond. Probably the strangest thing someone has asked me to do or say. Regardless of political views that’s fucking weird. If a dude told me to say- I love Bernie Sanders as I came I would still be like wtfffff. I kinda just mumbled a few things while I moaned and called it a day. When it was all over I started yawning and saying I was tired so he’d get the hint and leave. Thankfully he did. I really don’t know how I’m feeling because the first half was A+ and the second half was W+ for weird. I don’t think I’m going to accept an invitation for a second date. I truly don’t know if I should. What I do know is that my purple thong is now in the garbage.

[nycserialdater]

Mario’s

The Night of the Double Feature

First off, I swear they really were both named Mario.

Friday night I booked a double feature. Mario 1 for drinks then Mario 2 for dinner.

You gotta be careful with double features ladies, let me tell ya. Sometimes you’ll find yourself in the predicament of liking the Mario 1 and wanting to stay with him all night. But if that happens you should leave. Play hard to get. It’ll work, trust me.

This was not one of those situations. I was not into Mario one. He had a double chin which was not visible on his bumble profile. He also had a big cut on his lip and I hate to be like that, but boy. Don’t go on a date with a cut on your lip. Nobody wants to kiss that shit. Even if I did like him that would still gross me out. He also had not sexy vampire vibes with black hair and dark circles under his eyes. So clearly, I was glad to get out of there after one drink. The issue with this though- he saw it as me playing hard to get so keeps texting me and has since added me on snap/insta. I told him I didn’t feel a connection. Which is true.

Nowww on to Mario 2

I wasn’t too invested, I’ll be honest. I didn’t even search for social media before. He makes us a reservation at a surprisingly nice Italian restaurant on the UES. He said he goes there with his mom lol. Cute? Idk. We share a burrata with prosciutto which is my favorite thing and then I got salmon and he got pasta. Two glasses of wine each. The conversation was good. Very politically charged which can be controversial but we agreed on most topics so it was fine and it was attractive how passionate he was about something other than video games and drinking like most guys our age. He pays for the whole thing which was so sweet. I did the purse reach and he was like no, no I got it. I suggest we go to a bar. So we’re walkin’, talkin’, drinkin’, a little make out in the corner of a dark bar. It’s going well. He invites me over and says I neeeeed to see this docu series. Sexy. He lived near by but said his moms apartment was near by too and she was away for the weekend. Now I know what you’re thinking. He must live with his mom right? That’s why he said that? But no he didn’t. The apartment was way too clean for him to be living there. Also the second bedroom was really an office vibe with a pullout bunk bed. I forget what the actual term for that is. It was a nice apartment and he fist bumped the doorman which I thought was cute. When we get in the apartment he took off his sweater which he was wearing the entire time. Under the sweater is a hideous blue Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt. I was shook. Like dude. Why are you wearing that? You’re on a date. Anyway- he put on the docu series and we’re making out. He’s like trying to hook up but not aggressively. I was good. No clothes came off. He was like - do you wanna cuddle? This is where it’s weird. He wanted to cuddle in the pull out bunk bed. I was like in your bunk bed? And he said ‘well I guess we can go in my moms room’..... and I just said. Actually I’m gonna get going it’s almost midnight. And he was like. What?!! Now?!! And then I just left. I’m really not great at the ‘goodbye’ at the end of the date. I’m noticing a pattern with me and goodbyes. I wasn’t like smitten or anything but it was a fun date, I’d see him again. I’m glad Mario double feature went off without a hitch. I really was picturing a Charlotte York catastrophe. Damn I’m so proud of myself.

[nycserialdater]

Joe

Now my friends this is going to be more of a ‘Master Class’ in dating. To this day- still the best first date I’ve ever been on. He did everythingggg right. This guy is my type to a T- except he’s from Jersey- I looked past that because at least he’s Italian. Now he lives in the East Village. He works in Real Estate and his energy is so positive being around him just made me happy. He made it very clear he was only looking for something casual which I am not so in retrospect maybe I shouldn’t have gone on the date but I knew it would be a one time thing and I was okay with that. He just broke up with a long term girlfriend. They even lived together. That alone I knew what he was looking for.

He told me he planned a whole night and to be at his place at 7:30 for the 8 reservation. My number one rule is to meet in a public place but there was just something about him that I trusted. I get to his place and we have a glass of wine. His apartment was sooo east village. I felt like I was at someone’s NYU dorm. Yes-shitty. We get going and he puts on his Burberry scarf because I was wearing a Burberry scarf and he wanted to match. So cute 😍.

He made reservations at this little Mexican restaurant a few blocks away. It was super dark and romantic. He was so excited to show me the restaurant cause it was kind of a speakeasy. He orders everything for us which was cute and we ordered two cocktails we wanted to try so we shared them? I thought that was odd but I knew we’d be making out later so whatever. The sparks were already flying between us.

We finish dinner then go to another bar. It was February so a super cold night. We were walking across a busy street and got stuck in the medium while waiting for the light to change again. He grabbed my face and said, “wow you’re so beautiful” and kissed me. Fireworks. It was amazing. One of the most romantic first kisses I’ve ever had. We go to another east village bar. Super kitschy. We get a drink and are talking and making out. I was kind of drunk at that point. So honestly don’t remember too many details. We then went to a different bar that was about to close. I was really tired so I said I needed an espresso. We also got White Russians with cherries. He insisted on getting them. Obviously I made fun of him for being like an old lady who wanted to get White Russians. We say a cheers and I always say- health, happiness, success and wealth as a toast. He goes; “omg I say that too from the espresso beans!” (That’s what the three espresso beans mean in a glass of sambuca- if you didn’t know) We both couldn’t believe that we both say that. Then I took the cherry and did my old party trick of tying the stem with my tongue. He then kissed me and took the stem from me. We were being that annoying couple at a bar that make out. Ugh I hate that couple when it’s not me.

It was then like 1am at that point. We head back to his apartment. He thought he was like mike the situation I swear. He asked if I wanted to borrow some pajamas. I was like umm no thank you. I don’t sleep over anyone’s house. I don’t even like sleeping over at a friends house soooo no. We get in his bed and cuddle and make out. There was definitely some touching but that was all. Time really flew because then it was 4am and I decided I had to leave. We met again that Sunday after the date for a drink. We made out again but that was all. He ended up moving to Florida for real estate. I think he’s now living between NY and Florida but we haven’t spoken. I definitely secretly hope to see him again but I still think about how great that date was so I don’t want anything to ruin that memory. I still get 😍😍 when I think of him.

[nycserialdater]

Dimitris

Now this is a tale I’ve told everyone and their mother so I’ll share. Dimitris the Greek boy. We matched on Coffee meets bagel and set up a date for the very next day. So very little talking before the date. He lived in Hoboken so we went to a bar near the ferry in Hell’s Kitchen. I had a prior engagement at 8 so I said we could meet at 5:30 for a drink or two to get aquatinted. To set the scene- it was a very hot June day. I started sweating the second I left my apartment. We meet up. He was very... European. I’m not sure how to put it. He had dark black slicked back hair and very light skin. Honestly he reminded me of a vampire but not in a weird way lol. He was wearing a sweatshirt wrapped around his waist which was kind of strange and feminine but he was dressed nicely other than that. Conversation was super awkward at first. His English was great but he didn’t really get my humor. He said he wasn’t familiar with American common sayings. It did get a lot better towards the end but I had to go meet up with my friends for a going away dinner. I lived near where we met at the time so he walked me home. As we were walking the conversation got so much more comfortable so I decided to invite him up to see the roof. He said sure so we went up. I was trying to give him a chance to kiss me because the sexual tension was building. We go up to the roof and nothing happens so I took that as a sign he wasn’t interested. He was stone cold poker face. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. We go back into the elevator and I press my floor as well as the lobby. We get to my floor and I’m like okay bye have a good night. I went in for a hug and he went in for a kiss that was awkward then it turned into more of a make out as the elevator doors closed and went down to the lobby. It would have been better if we both weren’t so sweaty from the heat. He said- ‘Wow I should have done that sooner.’ He asked to see me again and we went our separate ways. We texted a little throughout the night but he clearly isn’t big on texting based on how it was.

A week goes by and there’s radio silence. I didn’t think much of it. I just thought he lost interest or got preoccupied. About two weeks after the date I get a text from him apologizing for being MIA. He was super vague and just said he had an accident so it was hard to text. I was picturing a full body cast because what else could inhibit one from texting. A few texts over the span of a week he reveals that he got his finger stuck in an automatic door and had to get it amputated. The fuck???? His mom flew in from Greece and he’s been at the doctors constantly as well as filing a law suit against the building with the automatic door. We finally set something up. He said he didn’t wanna go anywhere too crowded incase his finger got bumped. I suggested just coming over for a drink and a movie or something. I was so curious about what this finger was going to look like.

He comes over. Not sooo bad. Has a huge cast on one finger and then something holding it up. He looked so so cute tho. The date was good. Nothing crazy. We hung out for a few hours. It was a good date. I definitely enjoyed his company. Still a cultural barrier tho. We definitely had chemistry. When we were making out he had this lion like look in his eye and honestly I’ll never forget it. I also won’t ever forget this part- I had the air con blasting in every room cause it was hot ass June. He asked if we could turn it off. Believe me it wasn’t that cold. I’m wondering if he has some sort of heat fetish. Or maybe it’s a Greek thing. We went on one other date the week after then he moved back to Greece I think? Or he went back for a month and now he’s back? Honestly I have no idea what happened to him. For all I know he’s in a body cast for real somewhere in New Jersey. It was a fun couple of dates tho.

[nycserialdater]

Chris

Oh boy poor, poor Chris. His stats- 6’2, 24, A special ed teacher in the Bronx. Met up with this guy at a bar near grand central for happy hour drinks. He was superrrrr awkward from the start. He seemed nervous which made me uncomfortable. I like to call myself a mirror. If I’m with someone awkward- I start feeling awkward. So I was feeling awkward but I tried making him feel comfortable. He seemed to warm up to me and I later find out this is his first date after a 5 year relationship. Ohhhhh boy. He was sweet. Kind of like a timid bear with cute curly hair.

We had a few rounds, shared some edamame and tacos (yes I know weird combo — also tacos are horrible first date food) and the conversation was getting a lot better. We get going and I ask him if he wants to come over. Whatever yoloooo. We kiss a little bit outside then grab a cab.

Get back to mine and have a drink. We go to my room and start hooking up. He. Starts. Crying. Yes. Sobbing, even. I thought he was laughing but then I saw the tears. He told me he just wasn’t over his ex yet. So naturally, we stop hooking up and start a little therapy session. Look he really was a nice kid so I was patient and nice and listened to him talk. He stops crying then kind of goes in to kiss me again. I’m like woahhhh dude nahh you should go now. I felt bad because he was so embarrassed but it is what it is. He texted me the next day apologizing for everything that went down which was nice I suppose. Probably the most awkward date I’ve been on. 😬😬

[nycserialdater]

Andrew

Helllo. Today I’m talking about an Andrew. I met this guy on hinge, my dating app of choice next to bumble of course. We spoke for a couple weeks before meeting and followed each other on insta/Snapchat. This is always an awkward situation- but I noticed all of the pics on his profile are incredibly outdated next to his Instagram. He looks about 60 lbs heavier, at least than in the pics on his hinge. I’m not judging, look I definitely fluctuate myself. It’s not an issue - buttttt he seems to have a MASSIVE double chin in snapchats. That’s kind of a turn off for me personally. I like a dad bod- but I’m super picky about the face. I’m still going with it. We finally plan a date. He’s going to take me to a Mets game! My first Mets game at citi field! I was really excited. He said he has season tickets for the night we planned on so it would work out. I get the CUTEST Mets outfit together of all time. Classy, casual and cute all at the same time.

Day of the date- he sends me a mirror selfie... that is nooooo bueno. He does not look attractive at all. At this point I’m freaking out. At the same time I’m not superficial and I’ve enjoyed our convos so far so whatever. I’ll give him a shot. I was still nervous though because I was going to queens for this guy! Alone!!

I get to the stadium first. He sent me my ticket electronically so I could get in without him which was sweet. We have access to the delta club. I go up to the bar to have a drink to take the edge off. These two guys hit on me! Which was very flattering.

- side note. Does anyone else feel like you get hit on more when you’re either on or going to a date? I feel like this all the time. When I’m alone or out with my friends - not one cute guy. Thennn I’m on a date and they all appear! What the heck!

Anyways back to the date. This kid is like 40 mins late but he was coming from work so I get it. He shows up and he was actually a lot cuter in person and so tall! I was shocked. We get a round of drinks and then sit in our amazing seats. He’s explaining the game to me which I liked because I know nothing about baseball. He then asks if I wanna share some chicken fingers and fries with him. We order it at our seats along with some beers. The food comes and there were 5 chicken fingers and he cut one in half so it was even and honestly I know that is the smallest thing but I thought that was so so cute.

The game was super fun! Conversation was great, not awkward first date talk at all. We decide to go in and get another drink and watch the end inside at the bar.

We’re up at the bar *the only ones there*. He buys us a round and I bought us a round of shots. He was sitting on a stool and I was standing in between his legs. He kept acting like he was going to kiss me then wouldn’t. FYI at this point I’m super attracted to him. I said, “ look I’m not gonna do it.” And he goes, “well I’m not going to.” So I said,” I guess we won’t kiss then.” Then he pulled me in and we had a cute little kiss. Honestly great kisser. I was impressed. The game ends, Mets lost obviously so we go to a nearby bar. The whole time we were holding hands and kissing. Ya know regular stuff. It really wasn’t crazy. Very PG. Then he gets a call from his roommate. Apparently his roommate who’s like a brother to him had a seizure so he had to run back to the city. We get a cab back to the city to drop him at the hospital then me at home.

Meanwhile in the cab we start making out hard core. Honestly I need to stop making out in cabs I’m starting to realize here.

Fast forward we get to the hospital. He’s super apologetic and sweet. Asking if I’m free during the weekend to hang out again and makeup for the ending. He also offered to pay for the cab to my place after but I said no obviously. He goes- okay again I’m sorry I’ll text you later bye! And I say. 😑😬. I say “okay bye love you! “

Yes.

I said bye. Love you. Like I was hanging up the phone with my grandmother or something. Jesus. I am a moron. I was really hoping he didn’t hear. I still don’t know if he did!

We’re texting throughout the night and his friend is okay so that’s good. He’s still being really sweet and nice saying he had a great time and blah blah blah.

Cut to the next day. I get a notification through an external app that he BLOCKED me on Instagram. But he’s still texting me. So what the fuck. I am not one to beat around the bush so I straight up asked wtf. He then proceeds to tell me how he’s really sorry but he wasn’t feeling it. He said it went 0-100 right when the game ended and that it felt like a relationship already but it was only the first date and it freaked him out how quickly we were moving. Meanwhile at that point of the date I was just drunk and wanted to make out so I’m guessing that was an excuse for another reason. I’ll never really know. Look I respect him for coming out and saying it instead of being a dick ya know. It kinda sucked at the time cause I didn’t even like him and then I did. Part of me still hopes I’ll hear from him again but even if I did I don’t wanna date a guy who’s gonna be a pussy about making out in the back of a taxi. Oh well- you win some, ya loose some. Now that I think about it. Maybe he did hear the ‘bye love you’. Ughhh 😑

[nycserialdater]

Doug

Like most men I go on dates with, I met him on a dating app. Bumble to be exact. Now my age range is set to 31 at the moment. I’m 24. I match with Doug. It says 30 but I later find out he’s 33. Okay less than 10 years no big deal. He’s exciting. Different. Has something mysterious about him. I can’t quite explain it. We switch over to text and the conversation is bouncing. We decide to go on a date on Sunday. (Its currently Wednesday). Cut to Thursday- I get out of work super early so I decide to get tickets to a concert at MSG I was dying to go to. Nobody could go with me so I decide to hit up Doug. He said he loved spontaneity so I thought perfect. We meet at a bar near by for a couple drinks. He’s cute. 5’10, curly brown hair, green eyes. The conversation is easy and we definitely have chemistry. So far I don’t like that his jeans are WAY too big on him. He looked like Marky Mark in the 90’s. He also kind of has crazy eyes at times which is odd. Andddd he as a gap between his two front teeth. Eh I’ll deal with it.

We get to MSG. While waiting on line to get through security we share our first kiss. It was honestly amazing. Really is something about kissing an older man. They just know what they’re doing. At one point we went into the stairwell to go down a flight because all of the escalators were going up not down. He pulled me in and moved me against the wall as we made out. Not gonna lie it was pretty hot.

Throughout the concert we could not keep our hands off of each other. Granted I was drunk. Yes I’m a creep but he took his phone out a couple times and of course I’m looking because we’re sitting next to each other. HE’S TEXTING OTHER GIRLS. Sure we’re not in a relationship but that’s so disrespectful. I’m kind of turned off at this point and stop being so affectionate.

The concert ends and we walk out- he asks if he can come over for a drink, because I live closer. ‘Yeah, sure’ I say. I was still a little bitter about the texting bitches yes or no situation. We get a cab- making out continues along with some heavy petting. (No judgement now- I get really drunk all of the sudden) I ask him to take his dick out. In the cab. He pulls it out and much to my surprise... he’s .. un..circumcised. Now this is uncharted territory for me. I’ve never seen one up close before. I was shocked. It didn’t look thatttt different but it basically looked like it was wearing a turtleneck. At first I thought it just wasn’t fully hard. But it was... it was so thick. I was so confused lol. We get to my apartment. He pays for the cab and we get out. Always so embarrassed to look the doorman in the eye when I take a boy home. He knows.

Up in my apartment, I make us some drinks and we’re talking. He’s a little presumptuous. Definitely thought we were having sex but I wasn’t down. He goes, okay let’s go cuddle naked in your bed. Now this isn’t some erotica fiction situation here with this- so I’ll keep it short. I’ve honestly never experienced so much ‘dirty talk’ he was really into it. Don’t get me wrong, it was hot but he had this crazy look in his eye... it was bizarre. We did some things and I let him sleep over. Now I do not let ANYONE sleep over. I’ve let 2 other guys sleep over before in my life. So this is really unlike me. Even more unlike me. I didn’t want him to leave in the morning. We hooked up (my version of hooking up, no sex) again in the morning. It was kind of gross making out with gross morning breath considering I met this dude yesterday. His dirty talk continued with the sun shining in my hung over face but eh whatever. I asked him if he was ever embarrassed about being uncircumcised- which maybe I shouldn’t have asked butttt he kind of got short and said; ‘what?! No why would I?!’ So that was awkward too lol. I’m not great at this, clearly. Anyways he got dressed and left for work.

After the date: we texted throughout the weekend a little. He got sick on Sunday so canceled. I went away the next day for a couple weeks, then he went away. So haven’t seen him. Writing this now I’m reliving the crazy look in his eye and I’m still pissed about the texting bitches yes or no. Maybe I’d see him again but eh not that interested. See you on the next one!

[nycserialdater]