o384e9-blog

[o384e9-blog]

The only thing that matters is now.

Forget what happened in the past already. Forgive that person, those people or whoever. With closure or without it, learn to carry on. It’s all done and over. All the emotions and feelings, hurts and regrets; lead up to this point right now. It’s either you dwell on whatever it is that hurts and you keep hurting yourself or you recognize the hurt, deal with it, heal from it, and move on. So make your move.

[o384e9-blog]

This place is not home.

This is the place where you don’t want to be, yet you keep yourself there. This is the place where you draw up conclusions of what could have been, what should have been, and what never was. This is the place where you have a grand tug-o-war with the things you “want” and the things you deserve. It’s the place where Past, Present and Future argue with each other about who’s the strongest and to see who would ultimately win in the end.

I don’t know about you and what’s going on in your life, but I’m going to tell you, that this place shouldn’t rule your life. This place shouldn’t be permanent. Don’t let fear of your past and/or future scare you from doing the things you are called to do. Yeah, you’ll pass by this place a lot, but don’t make it home. There’s more out there, so get out of that place.

[o384e9-blog]

Get there.

Its been a long time. And I'm getting better. Better self control. Better thoughts. Better me. But things are still tough. I miss you like crazy, but im trying not to anymore. Maybe one day things will come around and we'll meet again.

[o384e9-blog]

Whenever.

Whenever I get some progress, something happens to pull me back to where I started or that's what it feels like. I can't seem to distance myself from you. You're everywhere I want to be. We have the same friends. We like the same things. We made so many memories in various places. I can't seem to get that out of my head.

[o384e9-blog]

Nevermind. I'm stronger than that.

I can’t keep letting you win, its been way too long. I can’t keep caring for you, because you don’t for me anymore. I can’t let you into my head, because once you’re there my mind goes haywire. I can’t be held back any longer, because greater things are yet to come. I am going to get through this. I am stronger than this. It’s been almost a year already and the progression is slow and painful, but worth it right? It’s worth all the tears and heartache and not talking and pretending like we’re strangers and ignored glances at each other and those “my stomach hurts because its too much to take” feelings that I go through. It’s all worth it because one day, one day I’ll be quite alright without you. I’ll look at you and feel nothing, not because I’m numb of the situation, but because I’m finally over you. 

[o384e9-blog]

To you...

It's hard to look forward to this weekend. Your event is this weekend and I won't be there. I really don't want to screw it up for you by me being there. It bums me out though, that everyone (my friends, my small group) is going to be there. I've gotten a lot of asks about me going and such, It sucks to say no. But anyways, I am really proud of you for committing to this and making it happen. Its a great cause and I know why you picked it, I bet she's really proud of you. I wish you the best for this event. You're capable of so much, don't let anything bring you down alright? 

[o384e9-blog]

skateventures.

[o384e9-blog]

The cycle.

I can go for days without giving a crap, but then again, I can go for weeks with trapping myself in my own thoughts. Thoughts of you mostly. Once again, I hate that I miss you so damn much. I miss your presence. I miss you calling me just to see whats going on. I miss your voice. I miss being your friend. I miss chillin' with you. I miss laughing at dumb stuff with you. I hate that I miss you. It absolutely kills me. Every now and then I get pulled back into this cycle of me being all "depressed" and "emo" and whatever. No one sees how I really am. I'm so weak on the inside, I just try to play it cool when everyones around. 

Stupid feelings...

[o384e9-blog]

Family...

Spending time with family is one of the greatest times of my life. I may not agree with my parentals and/or siblings all the time, but I cannot deny the joy I get when I spend quality time with them. Just doing the simple things like watching tv or playing a board game makes me appreciate them all the more. I love my family. If I didn't have them, I would be so lost. 

[o384e9-blog]

I hate missing you.

Why should I? Why should I care about someone that is perfectly fine without me? Damn, I tell myself all the time to get over it and move on. I believe people when they say "Easier said than done", because its so true. I can talk all I want about getting better, moving on and whatnot; but if I don't do anything about it, nothing will happen. Ahh, I'm so weaksauce when it comes to you. Like every time I see you, I get super tense. My mind races at first glance of you. Thought of anything and everything I remember about you. Its pathetic, really. I'm on edge every time were in the same room. I don't know how to act, but I try so hard to play it like I don't care. Lame, huh? I hate missing you, because it makes me act all stupid around you. 

I wonder if you even notice how much this kills me?

[o384e9-blog]

Morning meal.

[o384e9-blog]

And so it goes...

Life just keeps moving along. Stopping for no one, but in no hurry at all. It moves at its own pace, but the way we interpret this time can either save us or destroy us. Slow and steady, fast and painful. Its all a choice. You either take time to notice the things that appeal to you, catch your eye, make your heart skip a beat; or you can get lost in the blur of the fast lane. Find meaning, find inspiration, find knowledge, find yourself. Take a break. Read a book. Listen to the ocean. Figure out a riddle. Take a walk. Put your phone away. Stargaze. Bird watch. Draw. Paint. Sing. Laugh. Cry. And always remember that life stops for no on so make the most of what you have.

Let time save you, it's so worth it.

[o384e9-blog]

The third.

Its the third day of the year and I feel no change as if it were three weeks ago. I'm trying to move on and fill my time with other things, but at the end of the day, the thought of you consumes my mind. It's been almost a year since we ended whatever we had, but its still so fresh in my head. I see you every once and a while and every time I do, my emotions take over. You don't talk to me, you don't acknowledge me, you look away when you see me; damn, why do I even hold on? Everyday I try to fight off my feeling towards you. As of right now, I would take you back in a heartbeat. I'm stuck in this situation where I want you back as a just friend and I'm telling myself that I don't need you.

I see that you've moved along just fine...that kills me. I want what you have, I want this so called "freedom" that you feel. Just to numb yourself from your past. I honestly don't know if you even healed from what happened between us. I really hope you did because I really don't want you running from this. I want you to face it and be done. I don't want you to run to someone else just to mask the past. It won't work, because it will come and sneak up on you one day and its going to hurt. I don't wish this hurt for you, but I don't want you to ignore your past like it never happened.