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The Black Horse Courrier: DAEDRIC FREELOADERS!

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"I just chugged thirty-two bottles of Skooma. Ask me anything." -M'aiq the Liar, to a congregation of lettuce.

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If you side yourself with more than three Daedric princes by completing quests for them and obtaining their artifacts, Akatosh will challenge you to a 1v1 cage match.

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2020 can't possibly get any worse. (One of the few times a post ends up getting dated for the joke. If memory serves me right, this was right at the end of the year, a few days before New Year's Eve.)

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The Black Horse Courier is named after the black horse that kicked the head of the person who wrote the first story for the paper, mere seconds after completing it.

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Talking smack to the local guard captain is a great way to get your ass kicked... At level three, anyway.

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The sheep of Cyrodiil are always aware of what you do and keep track of your crimes and murders. They maintain an active tally of your current bounties but choose not to take action.

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Try not to die an embarrassing death like herniating a disc in your back or choking on a hot dog.

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You found South Madison Youth Center.

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You can use books to repair your armor, alchemical ingredients to level up skills, and repair hammers to make powerful potions... Wait a minute.

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Skeletons found in Ayleid ruins have a twelve percent chance of knowing the spell “Emit Queso” and will spray liquid cheese from their eyes. The spell deals no damage.

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While technically a form of assault, hitting someone with a pizza is not considered a crime. It is also an excellent way to level up your Hand to Hand and Athletics skills.

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The Master level Alteration spell Become Potato is permanent and can only be cast once.

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Well, then what are the Elder Scrolls even good for? >:(

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You can hear banjos in the distance.

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Some shops in Anvil will accept fists full of hornets as payment for goods and services.

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Skeletons have a well-documented weakness to adventurers laughing in a Santa suit.