obsessiveorpheus

[obsessiveorpheus]

While trying to survive, I lost myself

When I was younger, due to some circumstances, my friends were older than me by at least two years. They were very kind to me and set my standard for coolness, they were all alt and welcomed me to a community I was new to. I wanted to be that for other people, but I don't talk to anyone anymore.

My English elementary teacher was always so cheerful and creative, that inspired me to pursue English as my major and one day be a good teacher just like her. Right now, I don't know if I can be in front of students and be as dedicated as her.

Yes, I survived and adapted, and I am proud that I got up on my feet, but now I look back, and I hurt for the things I had to sacrifice to be here. I don't necessarily hate who I became, but I was supposed to be better, brighter, stronger.

Instead, now I am gloomy and serious, I do only the necessary to get by and feel tired around people.

I will achieve the goals a different version of myself made for me.

Maybe I should have lived my life slower, I feel like I lived a lot, and felt even more, I wish to rest and that makes me sad. My life has barely started, and I am already pleased with what I have done.

I was supposed to die at 19 and now that I am still here I don't know what to do or how to yearn for more.

[obsessiveorpheus]

Lmao they hid my post and now I can't see what posts people are interacting with (I erased the names and pfp), also I think they flagged my profile so... should I make a new account just in case?

I don't know these things because I was always a lurker.

[obsessiveorpheus]

[obsessiveorpheus]

I feel so empty, like all my passion has been drained from me. I've been aimlessly living day by day. It has been a long time since I liked someone and now I just feel like I will never feel love again, I even stopped having obsessive thoughts because I have no one to cling on to.

I just want to feel like I am crazy in love, that my body is on fire from all the lust and I can't think straight because I can only think of them. I want to feel like dying when I am not around them and the craving of their touch or even just being seen by them. I want to fantasize of me tasting them, consuming them, conquering them and owning them.

I just want someone to reignite my passion.

[obsessiveorpheus]

I just want to destroy something beautiful, let it be you ♡

[obsessiveorpheus]

[obsessiveorpheus]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Just so you know, no one is perfect. If you don't mind me asking, do you know what was the first trigger of your recent misfortunes? Like was it someone or a specific object? If you don't want to talk about it, we can talk in private too :)

- 💕 anon

I don't want to get too deep in here, but I think it's that I realized Uni is so boring to me, it is not hard but it is so tedious and slow, and I don't feel like I am learning that much either, I feel like I am wasting my time even though getting a degree is the best thing I could do rn, my brain is a mess dw, I am getting better.

Thanks, though, it's nice of you to ask.

[obsessiveorpheus]

Are you gay?

I prefer the term bussy buster but whatever, I like all genders (or none at all) identities and expressions. 👍

[obsessiveorpheus]

What manga is this https://www.tumblr.com/obsessiveorpheus/704951811238428672/dont-worry-darling-i-love-when-you-stalk-me?source=share?

The Neighbor In Room 203 Disappeared Leaving A Key Behind. By Uruh Aqua

[obsessiveorpheus]

Lately, I haven't been able to sleep.

I was good for some months, maybe a year or so but now I feel so bad.

I've been making the same mistakes I did a couple years ago when I let my life go to waste, but even if I recognize it I don't have the energy to change it again.

The nightmares have come back and I wake up constantly during the night but I can't remember what the nightmares were about.

I don't have a goal to work for, all I know is I have to keep going because that's the best for me, but I don't have any motivation.

I've been dissociating a lot more, i thought it was over but I guess it isn't.

I don't know what to do, I have done everything right and still is not enough, I am so tired.

[obsessiveorpheus]

I hope you are having a lovely lead up into the fall months 💖

It's already fall 🖤 It's my favourite season.

Thank you for the good wishes, hopefully you enjoy this season as much as me :)

[obsessiveorpheus]

WOAH 🤩

It worked. Quite fast if I say so myself.

Don't tell me you were waiting for me to beg you to come back....

Admit the truth sire!

💕 anon

I wish I was this egotistical but no, I wasn't waiting for you to beg me to come back xD

I was already planning to come back but your ask was so cute it motivated me, so thank you.

Also, I knew it would be funny if I came back in less than a day since your ask, so I tried to hurry up.

[obsessiveorpheus]

I haven't solved my Photoshop problem, so I have been using gimp and some websites to edit, but doing it like that is so tedious.

Still, I really liked how the last edit turned out, the only thing I don't like about it is the hair of the girl has a weird "gradient", not smooth at all... and the tail looks kinda grainy and there are a lot of gray spots I didn't paint pink ugh I hate it here, but I was tired already

[obsessiveorpheus]

I recently surpassed 100 followers, thank you everyone but just so you know I will start to spam some text things because I said I would use this as a vent blog, and then I got shy lmao

[obsessiveorpheus]

[obsessiveorpheus]

[obsessiveorpheus]

Please come back! I miss youuuu.

💕 anon

Alright, only because you asked so nicely.