offbrandjesus - Tumblr blog

[offbrandjesus]

[offbrandjesus]

My mom denies she had any part in my depression, and the fact I’m even depressed, even after I spent a week in the hospital for five suicide attempts. You wonder why I don’t come to you for help. You wonder why I resort to drugs. You try to claim you are in more pain than me. You try to claim I am the only problem in our family. I just want to walk out the door and never come back.

[offbrandjesus]

Reminder for self: never fucking open up to my mom ever again.

[offbrandjesus]

me: why are you destroying earth!!!

aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak

me: thats fair i understand

[offbrandjesus]

its fucked up how your own mind can pick fights with you. like bitch the fuck not now im tryna live

[offbrandjesus]

starbucks soccer mom

which are u: wine mom, beer dad, or vodka aunt

[offbrandjesus]

can’t stand those dumb teenagers who insist on using “da” instead of “the” because they think it’s cool. leonardo DA vinci? seriously? it’s obviously leonardo THE vinci, you uncultured swine

[offbrandjesus]

so this guy at school has a 3d printer and he’s been secretly selling these

kirbies with legs

and i got mine today

here’s the handmade package

i open it and

oh

[offbrandjesus]

brain: u gotta be… The Best™

me: ok so we’ll work hard then?

brain: no work… only Best.

[offbrandjesus]

Abused kid things #38

Not wanting to have kids because you dread that you will turn out just like your parents and hurt them.

[offbrandjesus]

Abused youth thing: When you set an alarm and turn it off .5 seconds after it goes off because you're terrified it'll wake up your dad in the next room. Who isn't really a morning person

Same

[offbrandjesus]

1998 nickelodeon trade ad

[offbrandjesus]

“van gogh ate yellow paint because-” he was suicidal, karen

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[offbrandjesus]

this is how you fight capitalism

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I love this so much.

[offbrandjesus]

wait………….

is THAT what “smash mouth” means?