official--dirk--strider - Tumblr blog

[official--dirk--strider]

hi dave

wait where am i

why are all these cartoon characters suddenly real

whats going on

[official--dirk--strider]

techpriest no. no purging children

Does anyone have any steel I could use, I am running out

[official--dirk--strider]

did you know? touching clowns are a crime now apparently

[official--dirk--strider]

thanks

i’m very gay and I would like a few dollars

[official--dirk--strider]

i’m very gay and I would like a few dollars

[official--dirk--strider]

i do

does anyone want to come over for a movie night?

[official--dirk--strider]

majestic bird, with two fluffy angel like wings, and satyr legs.

*the wings popped out of his back, and ripped his shirt. his legs no longer has the correct anatomy to support he pants, so they fell down* oh sON OF A FUCK

[official--dirk--strider]

i’m from Texas

WHERE THE HELL AM I, THIS AIN’T HQ

[official--dirk--strider]

Terrible? Transformation Curses

Send my muse a curse to transform them for a day (or however long the mun/sender decides). Feel free to combine curses to create a terrible, or beautiful, monster!

Third Eye: The muse has an eye placed anywhere on their body that is often visible (forehead, chest, hand…) and this eye has the ability to see glimpses of the future, another dimension, and/or supernatural entities.

Horns: The muse has horns sprouting from their head. The size and number of horns is completely up to the sender!

Slither: The muse now has a long, serpentine tail and has lost the ability to walk on their legs.

Cloven hooves: The muse has to walk with a pair of hooves instead of feet. Add furry legs for a classic ‘satyr’ look if the sender wishes.

Lovely locks: Instead of hair, the muse now has … something else up there. Snakes, tentacles, spines, dripping slime - the sender can use their imagination!

Gaping Maw: If you have two mouths, can you eat twice as many tacos? Let’s hope. The muse has a second mouth placed anywhere on their body, either hidden or visible, and it’s full of razor sharp teeth.

Fangs: The muse’s ordinary mouth now sports sharp vampire-like fangs.

Jaws: Hell, since when is two sharp teeth enough? The muse now has an entire mouthful of razor fangs. 

Scratch: Instead of fingernails, the muse now has long, pointed claws. Be careful with those things. 

Thwump: Who doesn’t want a tail? Now the muse has their own tail. It can be cute and delicate or heavy and covered in spikes depending on the sender. 

Hiss: The muse has a long, long tongue. Tapered or forked is up to you!

Porcupine: Porcupines are cute, but a little hazardous when annoyed. The muse now has sharp spines placed anywhere on their body (back, elbows, legs…).

Swamp beast: The muse can breathe easy under water with a new set of gills, and why not webbed fingers and toes to go with it?

Majestic birb: Now the muse has the power of flight with their own set of wings. Are they fluffy bird wings, leathery bat wings, or buzzing insect wings? 

Piercing Gaze: Whatever the muse’s original eye color is, they now have something different and unusual. Pure black eyes, milky white eyes, bright red eyes - it’s up to the sender!

Snout: The muse has swapped noses with any type of creature. Give them a beak, a pig snout, a feline button nose, or even a canine muzzle. 

Solid, Liquid, Gas: The muse’s entire body is made up of something other than flesh! Turn them into a gooey slime monster, a red-hot lava monster, a hard rock beast, or even a wisp of person-shaped fog.

Leathers and Feathers: The muse has more than just smooth skin now. Add some scales, feathers, fur, or an exoskeleton!

Size Difference: Grow or shrink the muse either a little bit or a whole lot.

Chameleon: Give the muse bright neon skin, wild colors of hair, or exotic stripes and patterns. Plaid? Go for it.

[official--dirk--strider]

yo what’s up. welcoem to the officialverse, where everything’s fucked to Texas and back.

WHERE THE HELL AM I, THIS AIN’T HQ

[official--dirk--strider]

❛  stuffing  your  face ,  as  usual .  ❜ ❛  i  gotta  have  a  good  meal .  ❜ ❛  you’re  going  into  orbit ,  you  stupid  mutt .  ❜ ❛  i  hate  alarm  clocks .  ❜ ❛  i’m  am  hungry ,  i  want  some  lasaga .  ❜ ❛  enough  with  the  chit  -  chat ,  let’s  get  some  grub  going .  ❜ ❛  i  ate  thos  food .  ❜ ❛  now  where  could  my  pipe  have  gone ?  ❜ ❛  ARE  YOU  THIRSTY ?  ❜ ❛  do  you  want  some  bottled  water ?  too  bad ,  i  got  warter .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  need  friends ,  they  disappoint  me .  ❜ ❛  i  feel  like  a  deer ,  in  the  headlights  of  love .  ❜ ❛  honey ,  you’ve  got  a  big  storm  comin ’ .  ❜ ❛  can  i  ask  you  kind  of  a  weird  question ?  ❜ ❛  i  can  see  the  statue  of  liberty  from  here .  ❜ ❛  you  could  stop  at  five  or  six  stores ,  or  just  one .  ❜ ❛  we’re  just  blonde  boyz  doin ’  what  blonde  boyz  do .  ❜ ❛  here’s  a  one  -  way  ticket  to  the  blonde  boy  zone .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  a  couple  of  hobbies  besides  being  blonde .  ❜ ❛  i  like  to  drink  soda  &&  hang  out  at  the  mall .  ❜ ❛  i  like  to  lift  weights  &&  wear  sunscreen .  ❜ ❛  spf  -  100 ?  i  hope  it’s  in  stock ,  ‘  cuz  i  rub  it  on  my  nips  &&  the  bell  end  of  my  cock .  ❜ ❛  bought  me  &&  the  boys  some  blonde  hair  dye .  ❜ ❛  now  i  get  the  ladies  wet  like  a  slip  n ’  slide .  ❜ ❛  i’m  just  another  blonde  bro .  ❜ ❛  as  the  hot  one  of  the  bunch ,  i  tend  to  stay  erect .  ❜ ❛  if  you’re  thinkin ’  three  inches ,  then  you’re  thinkin ’  correct .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  the  thickest  yogurt  -  slinger  of  our  bleach  blonde  dongs .  ❜ ❛  enough  about  your  cob ,  man .  ❜ ❛  the  sun  was  shining .  ❜ ❛  it  got  real  toasty .  ❜ ❛  i  need  iced  cream ,  or  i’ll  fry .  ❜ ❛  my  two  lovely  uncles  -  they  went  away ,  to  blessed  syria ,  for  a  holy  vacay .  ❜ ❛  a  letter ?  from  the  president  of  the  united  states  of  americus ?  ❜ ❛  you  got  coleslaw  on  my  adidas !  ❜ ❛  no  dnt  leeve  me .  ❜ ❛  i  think  i’m  really  dying .  ❜ ❛  are  you  fighting  the  urge  to  make  out  with  me  right  now ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  really  into  this  pizza , though .  ❜ ❛  uhhh ,  i’m  not  finished .  ❜ ❛  oh  my  god ,  can  you  let  me  do  what  i need  to  do ?  ❜ ❛  i  look  poor.  ❜ ❛  don’t  lie  to  me  bitch ,  i’m  not  cute .  ❜ ❛  whatever ,  fuck  you .  ❜

[official--dirk--strider]

Old: hanging out with Calliope

Gold: beating the shit out of Caliborn and then having Callie surface again to mess with her

[official--dirk--strider]

huh. i’m mostly waiting to see if the rest of the midnight crew shows up. i mean wouldn’t it be sick knowing the Midnight Crew members are real?

dang im bored

it would totally suck if someone talked to me right now

[official--dirk--strider]

yo john what the diddly fuck is up

dang im bored

it would totally suck if someone talked to me right now

[official--dirk--strider]

a cat: *touches me with its small hand* me: *eyes tearing up* thank you

[official--dirk--strider]

oh hey Jakey McNopants welcome to the officialverse. it’s pretty fuckin wild

@official–dirk–strider

say dirk can you be a gent and give me the tiniest bit of a hint of where i might be.

[official--dirk--strider]

M!A: you and the rest of the homestuck officials are now in trickster mode

hey go fuck yourself

( @official-jade @sollux-captor-official @ the rest of y’alls)