offwithxhishead

[offwithxhishead]

secret relationship starters

Feel free to alter to fit muses.

“I am not ready for them to find out about us!”

“It’s cool, [name] promised to cover for me.”

“My roommate’s out of town. Want to stay the weekend?”

“We’ve got to stop being so careless.”

“Look, if we get found out, I could get fired!”

“It’s hard to believe you actually care about me when you’re so hellbent on keeping this from all your friends.”

“I can’t tell them! Do you have any idea how they’d react?”

“Jesus, with all this sneaking around, it’s like being closeted all over again.”

“We have to tell them sooner or later.”

“Let’s tell them the truth. Tonight.”

“I’m only dating [name] as a cover. You’re still my baby.”

“[Name] agreed to ‘date’ me until we’re ready to tell everyone.”

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“I spent two hours hiding underneath your bed until they left!”

“Shit! Someone’s coming! Get in the closet, get in the closet!”

“Let’s just tell them! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“No one can know about us.”

“Let’s just keep this between us for now, okay?”

“People wouldn’t like it if they knew, you know that.”

“I’m not ashamed of you, I’m just not ready to tell anyone yet.”

“You still haven’t told your parents about us? But you promised!”

“It’s kind of fun, having a secret.”

“Let’s go out of town. Somewhere where nobody knows us.”

“Yeah, so… I may have accidentally told [name] about us…”

“I don’t care what you do, just get [name] to promise to keep quiet. Pay them if you have to.”

“I’m tired of being your dirty little secret!”

“Once I break up with [name], then we tell people.”

“But you’re going to divorce them soon, right?”

“This isn’t a relationship! Relationships don’t involve one party climbing down a fire escape because the other is too ashamed to admit they’re dating them!”

“Okay, fine, but can I at least tell [name]?”

“If I don’t tell someone, I’m going to go crazy!”

“Shhh, be quiet. Remember, someone’s still downstairs…”

“Fuck it. Let’s get a motel.”

“Either we’re open about this, or I’m ending it.”

“When I said I liked you, I didn’t expect to be sneaking around all the time.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why haven’t you told your friends about me? Is it because I’m not as well-off as you are?”

“This was fun at first, but the novelty’s worn off.”

“It just feels really shitty, to be the secret boyfriend/girlfriend.”

“Look, either we date secretly, or we don’t date at all.”

“I’m not supposed to be dating, period!”

“If my parents found out about us, they’d go ballistic.”

“Just one more year until I’m out from under their roof and I can date whoever the hell I want.”

“Dating in secret never works out.”

“Where are we even supposed to go for our dates?”

“Just once, I’d like us to go on a date that didn’t end in us having to get a motel room out of town because we don’t want to get caught.”

[offwithxhishead]

Send ‘💋‍’ to kiss my muse on the neck.

 - Or send ‘❤️‍’ for my muse to kiss your muses neck.

[offwithxhishead]

“F’I were on assignmen’, we wouldn’ be chattin’,” he assured. Usually when on assignment, Ciaran went completely incognito. Mainly so when his head came off, it minimized the risk of anyone who shouldn’t be seeing him from seeing him. “Mainly here for me self. Came to check in on m’sis. Don’ usually see ya far from the king. Wha’ brings ya ‘round?”

@offwithxhishead

“Ciaran,” Durn greeted with a small nod, it had been a few decades since he’d seen the other, he rarely left his kings side and orders usually got passed down to the Dullahan rather than directly. “On assignment or simply taking time to yourself?”

[offwithxhishead]

RP starters: Miscellaneous angst

content warning: suicidal thoughts.

“I shouldn’t have left you.”

“I’m here for you.”

“I’ll kill that son of a bitch who did this to you.”

“Please let me help you.”

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

“Don’t you dare to leave me, not now.”

“You didn’t deserve any of this.”

“Please tell me this is a nightmare.”

“Shh, it’s okay.. you’re safe now.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I can’t believe I did this to you.”

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Talk to me.”

“I fucked up, alright? I’m sorry.”

“Where were you? I was so worried!”

“Stop saying you’re fine when you’re obviously not.”

“Seeing you like this hurts me.”

“I don’t want to live anymore.”

“Can you please just.. go away?”

“I’m worthless.”

“I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m going to die.”

“It’s nothing, I swear.”

“I don’t want to talk about it so just drop it.”

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

“Nobody would care if I’d just.. disappear.”

[offwithxhishead]

nsfw / smut starters

“i want you to fuck me.”

“you’d look better with those clothes on the floor.”

“you feel so good.”

“i’ve been thinking about you all night.”

“i need you so bad.”

“take your clothes off.”

“fuck me like you hate me.”

“i need to feel you inside of me.”

“i need to be inside of you.”

“beg for it.”

“bend over.”

“get on your knees.”

“i love the way you touch me.”

“i love the way you kiss me.”

“how bad do you want me?”

“do you know how bad i want you?”

“you’re so sexy when you’re hot and bothered.”

[offwithxhishead]

Sharing A Bed Starters

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"I had a nightmare."

"There's plenty of room for the both of us."

"There is not enough room here for both of us."

"It's cold. We should try to conserve body heat."

"You're not even going to notice because you'll be asleep!"

"We've only got the one bed between the two of us."

"Quit stealing the covers."

"Quit kicking me."

"It's better than sleeping on the floor."

"It's either this or you sleep in the tub."

"Alright. Get up here."

"We're sleeping in the same bed, not together!"

"Please go to bed."

"Sleep is for the weak."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Dutch oven!"

"You sleep on top of the sheets."

"I'll sleep on top of the sheets."

"I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"

"You're scared? You can come sleep with me, I guess."

"I have to sleep closer to the door."

"I can't sleep this close to the door."

"Stop getting up so early. You always wake me up."

"Stop staying up so late. I can never fall asleep."

"We can cuddle."

"Just don't try cuddling me or anything."

[offwithxhishead]

how about them single parent!au's??

im on the bus and my 2-year-old won’t stop crying, except you just smiled at them and they did

i asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again

you asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks im married with a baby 

we are friends and my child’s first word was your name and im jealous but also kind of endeared

you’ve been sleeping at mine because your house is being renovated and we aren’t even dating, yet every time you wake up to the baby crying and sigh, “i’ll go” i feel like we might as well be married

we’ve been on a few dates and my child just asked us when we are getting married

our children are in the same class and we both hate their teacher, eventually the parents’ evenings are just us competing who can call out snarkier comments

we are the only two parents who agreed to attend the school trip (bonus: “so i guess we share this hotel room?”)

our children are best friends….yeah

“i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”

you crouched down to coo at my baby but i forgot to tell you their favorite thing to do is to play with people’s hair and now they won’t let go of you

[offwithxhishead]

Kink/nsfw related sentence starters

“You can stay, but your clothes must go.”

“Please, use the ball gag.”

“Spread your cheeks.”

“Take your clothes off.”

“I wouldn’t misbehave half as much if I didn’t like the punishment.”

“Let me blindfold you.”

“Is that all your mouth is good for?”

“Do you like when I touch you there?”

“Quiet down or they’ll hear us.”

“I liked that sound you made.  I’ll have to make you make that sound again.”

“That’s sexy.”

“How do you feel about hot wax?”

“It’s just an ice cube.”

“Which dildo would you prefer?”

“Want to try a new position?”

“I want you to lick the cum off the floor.”

“Call me mommy/daddy.”

“I’m going to spank you.”

“You are so cute all tied up like that.”

“Beg me to let you cum.”

“I’m your master/mistress and will be addressed as such.”

“Dominate me.”

“I’d rather dom.”

“I like your ass.”

“Pull my hair.”

“Please, have me.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Harder!”

“I hope your nipples aren’t too sore.”

“We should do it somewhere else other than a bed tonight.”

“I want you to count as I spank you.”

“I want you to cum in my face.”

“How about I give you a massage?”

“Oh fuck yes!”

“I want you to bend over the bed.”

“Please, not the nipple clamps!”

“You’ve been good, so I’m going to let you cum.”

“Bend over”

“Which vibrator would you prefer?”

“Use your mouth.”

“Get on your knees.”

“How about some whipped cream?”

“I love it when you moan like that.”

“Rougher!”

“Public sex turns me on.”

“Fuck me.”

“Play with my pussy.”

“I want you to ride me.”

“I’ve been naughty.”

“You’ve been naughty.”

“Spank me.”

“I love it when you play with my nipples.”

“Please, tie me up and have your way with me.”

“I’d rather sub”

“Home is too far away. No one’s going to see us here.”

“I know how to make you relax.”

“I want you to tie me up and blindfold me so I don’t know what’s coming while you use me.”

“We are going to watch a porn together for ideas.”

“I’m gonna tie you up and have my way with you.”

“I want you to beg.”

“It’s really not that kinky.”

“That’s kind of kinky.”

“Put your ass in the air.”

“I’ve been waiting here on the bed naked for a while now.”

“Just sit back and let me give you a show.”

“Why don’t we count the hickeys?”

“Submit to me.”

“I don’t care if people are around or not, take off your clothes.”

“I’m going to record this so we can watch it together later.”

“I’m going to go get the nipple clamps.”

“Yes Mistress.”

“If you wouldn’t make so many noises when I pull your hair, I wouldn’t have to do this”

I want you to go down on me

Fuck me harder!

I’m gonna cum!

“Bite me!”

“Do you like when I play with your nipples like this?”

“Spread your legs.”

“I’m gonna ride you.”

“I love this collar.”

“Play with my cock/pussy.”

“I’m going to sit on your lap and play with your cock/pussy.”

“Don’t cum until I say it’s okay.”

“You are all mine pet.”

“They’ll never notice.”

“I love looking at your ass after I’ve spanked it so much.”

“Let me put this ball gag on you.”

“I’ve got your collar ready for you.”

“Keep it down or I’ll have to use a gag.”

“What would you think about adding a third party?”

“I like it when you bite me.”

“Open up your ass for me.”

“Yes Master.”

Lick it all up.“

“You are my little bitch.”

“Fuck me until I can’t walk.”

“Touch yourself for me.”

“Blindfold me.”

[offwithxhishead]

soulmate au prompts.

send a number for a starter / drabble based off a specific soulmate au!  most are taken from this list.  feel free to add more if you want!  (can also be adapted to fit poly ships!)

the one where you only see color once you meet your soulmate.

the one where you have your soulmate’s name written on your body.

the one where you and your soulmate have matching marks on your bodies.

the one where you and your soulmate have matching marks and the marks glow when you’re near your soulmate.

the one where you don’t know your soulmate until you touch them.

the one where when you dream you’re seeing whatever your soulmate is currently experiencing.

the one where you and your soulmate share an emotional link.

the one where your soulmate’s first words to you are written on your body.

the one where your soulmate’s last words to you are written on your body.

the one where you have a timer on your wrist that counts down to when you meet your soulmate.

the one where soulmates share extreme physical sensation — if one gets hurt, the other gets hurt, and etc.

the one where soulmates can heal each other’s injuries.

the one where only your soulmate can kill you.

the one where color appears on your body wherever your soulmate first touches you.

the one where every lie your soulmate tells you appears on your skin.

the one where anything written on your skin appears on your soulmate’s skin as well.

the one where your soulmate’s name is on one wrist and your enemy’s name is on the other and you have no clue which is which.

the one where whenever you get a song stuck in your head, it’s because your soulmate is singing it.

the one where soulmates are reincarnated and keep finding each other throughout their different lives.

the one where you don’t know your soulmate until you hear them say your name.

the one where you can talk to your soulmate in dreams.

the one where it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate.

the one where once you meet your soulmate, it’s physically uncomfortable to be apart from them for too long.

the one where you have a compass on your body that leads you to your soulmate.

the one where you have the date you’ll meet your soulmate on your wrist.

the one where you have the date your soulmate will die on your wrist.

the one where you can transfer any injuries/pain your soulmate has onto yourself.

the one where some people can see the red string of fate and follow it to their soulmates.

the one where your soulmate’s ghost haunts you when they die.

[offwithxhishead]

Affection Starters!

“Your hair is so soft…” 

“It’s too cold! Get back here…” 

“No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.” 

“You’re so cute when you pout like that!” 

“C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working!” 

“Surprise tickle attack!” 

“Share your jacket, I forgot mine.” 

“Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.” 

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” 

“I didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long—come here, I missed you.” 

“Are you wearing my shirt?” 

“Ssh, you’re safe. I wont let go of you.” 

“What, does that feel good?” 

“HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?” 

[offwithxhishead]

Send me a ★and I will generate a number for what my muse will say to yours.

SEXUAL TENSION VERSION (can be nsfw, better used with ships)

1-20

Keep reading

[offwithxhishead]

Put "Oops!" in my askbox

I’ll use a random number generator and respond to…

1. Your character walking in on mine naked. 2. Your character walking in on mine on the toilet. 3. Your character walking in on mine having a tea party with stuffed animals. 4. Your character walking in on mine in the shower. 5. Your character walking in on mine waking from a nightmare. 6. Your character walking in on mine kissing a stranger. 7. Your character walking in on mine making a shady transaction. 8. Your character walking in on mine in a revealing costume. 9. Your character walking in on mine in bed with someone. 10. Your character walking in on mine being attacked by a masked assailant. 11. Your character walking in on mine waiting in bed for them. 12. Your character walking in on mine singing at the top of their lungs. 13. Your character walking in on mine watching pornography. 14. Your character walking in on mine in the middle of a mental breakdown. 15. Your character walking in on mine piss drunk. 16. Your character walking in on mine having a heart attack. 17. Your character walking in on mine having an embarrassing fall. 18. Your character walking in on mine throwing up. 19. Your character walking in on mine masturbating. 20. Your character walking in on mine… [mun’s choice]

[offwithxhishead]

The NSFW Meme List

Send in * for my muse’s reaction to yours slapping mine on the ass

Send in ♔ for my muse’s reaction to yours pushing mine up against the wall 

Send in ✺ for my muse’s reaction to yours pulling mine up over their shoulder

Send in  √  for my muse’s reaction to yours blindfolding mine

Send in $ for my muse’s reaction to yours groping mine

Send in ☏ for my muse’s reaction to getting sexted by yours 

Send in ☼ for my muse’s reaction to yours sliding their hand up mine’s thigh

Send in ✆ for my muse’s reaction to yours propositioning them for a good time

Send in ✘ for my muse’s reaction to a booty call

Send in ⁇ for my muse’s reaction to walking in on yours while bathing

[offwithxhishead]

Sexual Sunday

Well, it is that time of the week again folks! Please feel free to load up my inbox with:

suggestive pictures

probing questions

tasteless pick-up lines

smut drabbles

requests for smut drabbles

kinky daydreams

favorite positions

fornication proposals

filthy talk

graphic descriptions of what your muse would like to do to mine

graphic descriptions of what you would like my muse to do to yours

In short, send all the sexy things. This blog is flagged nsfw for a reason. Please abuse it.

[offwithxhishead]

nightmare starters

“Wake up! Wake up! It’s just a dream!” “What were you dreaming about…? You were shouting…” “I woke up because you were screaming so loudly.” “Shh– No, no, don’t panic, love. You’re safe now.” “It was so real! I swear! He/she was here!” “I don’t ever want to sleep again. What if– what if I dream about that again?” “If you tell me, it’ll go away. That’s what my mum/dad always told me and it’s never failed me.” “Do you want to go back to sleep, or shall I make you a cup of tea?” “I don’t want to go back to sleep…” “I’m so scared… I can’t stop seeing what I just saw. It was so vivid!” “There’s really nobody here, okay? Do you need me to show you around to prove that to you?” “How do I know I’m not still dreaming? You’re acting really strangely.” “Let’s get you to the shower, you’re covered in sweat.” “There’s really nobody else here.” “You’ve got a really bad fever. That must have caused those weird dreams.” “I don’t even know what a peaceful night’s sleep is like anymore.” “I can’t do this anymore. These nightmares have to stop…” “Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real.” “I can’t go back to sleep after that. I need coffee– no, I need a drink, a stiff one.” “How long have you been having these nightmares?” “I’ve had nightmares all my life, but they’ve been really bad recently.” “You get so worked up before you go to sleep, maybe you should try to relax a bit more. Maybe then you’ll get some rest?” “I’d kill for a peaceful night’s sleep.” “A dream catcher? Honestly? I’m not a child.” “Nothing’s ever helped this. I just need to learn to live with the fact that sleeping will always be a nightmare, literally.” “I’m so tired… but there’s no way I’m going back to sleep after that.”

[offwithxhishead]

Psych — Season 6  {Sentence Starters}

“Yet, no one’s behavior has been as utterly confusing as yours.”

“Spoiler alert! I’m making you a wallet.”

“Well, much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.”

“Don’t you just hate people that kill you?”

“Just because you put syrup on something don’t make it pancakes.”

“We take our hand-held entertainment very seriously.”

“Does someone want to explain to me what happened last night?”

“I don’t even know what that was supposed to mean.”

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

“As far as I’m concerned, you’re no different then the thieves who robbed you of the thing you robbed.”

“Oh, great. Now we have to carry two guys out of here!”

“Oh, my gosh! You disgust me! You make me sick to my face.”

“I cannot thank you enough for believing in me!”

“Partners do not lie to each other, because partners put their lives in each other’s hands.”

“I can’t help being a gorgeous fiend. It’s just the card I drew.”

“What. In the hell. Are you wearing?”

“Sorry, I was too busy James Bonding it up in here.”

“Everyone stop whatever you’re doing and only pay attention to me.”

“Please explain to me again we’re doing here. As opposed to doing anything else in the world.”

“Oh, my God. This is worse than my nightmare. You like it here.”

“Get this; I have some good news, and some bad news, and some good news.”

“I’m gonna keep doing this! I’m gonna keep drivin’ around in circles until I get hungry!”

“Your life has been so starved of honesty that the second you feel it creeping around the corner, you are out the nearest door.”

[offwithxhishead]

Scrubs {Sentence Starters}

“Ahh. Uncomfortable silences and alcohol. Just like thanksgiving at home.”

“You have no chance of being normal.”

“Don’t ever be afraid to come to me with stuff like that.”

“A person doesn’t have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.”

“It’s the kid inside of us that keeps us all from going crazy.”

“I don’t dislike you, I nothing you.”

“Nothing’s worse than a ninja - they’re masters of every style of combat.”

“Have you been in the supply closet, crying?”

“It sounds like you’re asking me out on a man date.”

“There’s a good chance I’m gonna kill someone.”

“The only way you could be more useless right now is if you actually were the wall.”

“Gosh, now I’m too proud of you to be mad at you.”

“Relationships don’t work they way they do on television and in the movies.”

“Sometimes it feels like you’re holding back.”

“All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long!”

“We’re only four seconds in and I’m already regretting my decision.”

“I can’t believe you lost our bottle opener.”

“I think we both know there’s a little more to it than that.”

“Does this lipstick make me look like a clown?”

“Why don’t I ever listen to me?”

“Well isn’t that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day.”

“Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“I can’t help but notice you love telling jokes.”

“Do you want to be alone?”

“You’re telling me that you actually made a decision that had a positive impact on your life?”

“Can you get that for me? I can’t reach it.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“I refuse to be judged by a grown man wearing a hockey jersey.”

“That was my mistake. I keep forgetting that you’re a horrible, horrible person.”

“Why are you so afraid of loving me?”

“Do you want to cry a little?”

“Why do you have to jump out and scare me all the time?”

“What do I know about good relationships?”

“Newsflash! You can’t drink and then come to work!”

“Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?"