ofleaguesandofmilestones - Tumblr blog

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

do things from love, not for love

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

I miss him extra today

So I’m sending him love and light, and then I’m gonna drop it.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

They say people don’t usually get it right the first time.

For the past few days, I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out if we’ll make it. That’s when I stopped to think that maybe I was trying too hard to make the pieces fit.

Gerard used to say that in his prayers, he would ask God to give him signs if that person is not right for him. He would say, “Lord, kung hindi siya, give me a sign.”

I’ve forgotten how it is to surrender to Him. I’ll let Him set the pace.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

It sucks when it’s the people closest to you who shit on your dreams. I fucking like dreaming. You can’t take that away from me.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

What image are you trying to project?

It’s not just social media. Even during normal social interactions, I believe lahat ng tao may gustong image na i-project.

I don't think it's inherently healthy or unhealthy. I think it's just human. I see this projection as a way of inching closer dun sa gusto nating maachieve na persona. Parang "fake it 'till you make it" pero siguro try to imagine it in a way na mas maganda sanang pakinggan. Haha.

Ako, I try to maintain a sweet and sensitive exterior kasi I fear na at my core, I'm really cold-hearted and emotionally unavailable. Sadnu? Ba’t di totohanin.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

Lowkey wished I’d see him in the run today.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

He was willing to listen to my quarter life crisis ramblings at 10pm when he hasn’t even reached home from work yet. That made my chest ache a little.

Thank you.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

May namatay na ba sa kahihiyan?

Abangan.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

Disorientation

I need to remind myself that cutting corners shouldn’t be an option even if I feel the world shifting beneath my feet.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

Nakasabay ko mag-jogging si pro-imperialism high school crush.

Na-realize ko na kung ngayon kami nagkakilala, I wouldn’t have liked him as much as I had before. I mean he’s still wonderful and all pero he’s probably not “my” type of wonderful right now.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

Nagbook ako ng Cebu trip for July 2017 as Christmas gift para sa parents ko. Kaso based sa mga kaganapan ngayon, hindi ako sure kung buo pa rin pamilya namin by then. 😥😥

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

To Be Perfectly Candid

I'm happiest when I ride my bike. There's no pressure to be okay, as if it were completely inhuman to feel despair at certain points of your life. There's no need for unnecessary small talk to fill the void of every silence. There's no room for pretense since your basic instincts are preoccupied with riding. I'm exhausted. But I've learned not to wrestle with my demons anymore since they only learn to fight back stronger. I'm not even sure if I could take any more beating once all of this is over. So I've learned to gracefully accept them as part of me. I've learned to acknowledge their presence so they wouldn't have to shove it to my face. I've learned to open the door when I see them coming so they wouldn't have to wreck the jamb on their way in. I've learned to offer them some tea and to engage them with some pleasantries so they wouldn't have to overstay.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

I used to be afraid of taking up too much space--of consuming other people’s time, and of being too much for other people to handle. But now, I’m learning to stand my ground.

It does get better eventually. Thank You. :)

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

May girlfriend na si pro-imperialism high school crush.

You know that inexplicable urge to do something significant with your life when you find out about milestones in relationships of your old friends? Well, this is one of those times.

Now I think I know how Ted Mosby felt during Mashall’s proposal to Lily. *sigh*

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

Still, a people pleaser. I’m losing myself.

[ofleaguesandofmilestones]

I have a theory.

When motivation doesn’t come waltzing to your door like it usually does, maybe you could skip the waiting altogether and do the waltzing yourself--with your own improvised music and spontaneous choreography.