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July Lippie Haul

If you’re following me on Twitter and Instagram, you probably saw my recent purchase. Last Friday, I finally decided to buy LA Girl Matte Pigment Gloss and LA Splash Lip Couture. Both are liquid lipsticks in matte finish. To be honest, I suck at applying liquid lipsticks. I don’t have a talent in tracing or marking lines. Every time I highlight words when I am reading, it always seems like the lines are going nowhere. Haha! Well, I bought the liquid lipsticks because I have heard that they have superb staying power like a PAINT. Yes, a house paint! And you know that I need a lipstick that is very, very long lasting when I am at work. So anyway, I have been contemplating on what shade to get because all their shades are stunning and absolutely gorg! However, not all shades do suit me well (especially the dark ones) so I have to choose the safe-for-work-safe-for-daily-use ones.

So here are the swatches of LA Girl and LA Splash from their websites:

For LA Splash Lip Couture, my favorites are Rose Garden, Latte Confession and Ghoulish. I already have the Latte Confession. I also have pre-ordered the Rose Garden but still waiting for someone to push me to buy Ghoulish. If you google the swatches of the latter shade, it has this hypotensive *feels* because it’s super nude. Even though it looks lovely on some girls, I don’t want to look like I am more pale than my patients so I didn’t order that in the mean time.

For LA Girl, I love all the shades here ~ from Fantasy to Black Currant! But since I am on a tight budget, I bought the Rebel first and still waiting for Dreamy and Timeless to be shipped to my house. One at a time! Hehe!

So for now, these are what I have: LA Splash Lip Couture in Latte Confession and LA Girl Matte Pigment Gloss in Rebel.

Swatched them on my forehand. Top: Latte Confession; Bottom: Rebel.

Now, here are my comments:

1) LA Girl dries up faster than LA Splash. You can obviously see it on the pic above. I applied LA Splash first than LA Girl.

2) It’s like you’re applying a real house paint though LA Splash’s smell is stronger than LA Girl’s. 

3) Their wand applicators are too long which makes it more difficult to apply in an even manner. (Or maybe, it’s just me?) I like Nyx SMLC’s wand applicator better.

4) Very, very long lasting! Hands down to its matte finish! This can last until you brush your teeth, I suppose? The shade stays even after eating except on the inner part of your lips which is more moist than the outer part.

5) They’re both drying to the lips so I tend to apply lip balm first.

This is me using LA Girl. I applied it only once because of its very dark shade. I tell you, it’s darker IRL. I don’t have a pic of me using LA Splash except the pic of my lips that I posted on Twitter the other night.

Will I buy again? Yes! Definitely. Can’t wait for the other shades!

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Novena

I admit that I don’t regularly attend the Sunday mass anymore. I usually work during the weekends (#becauselesstoxic) and I am ashamed to tell you that I could not even give an hour of my time to go to church. It’s not that I have lost my faith in Him. I prefer praying on my own, I guess? Or did I just get tired of listening to sermons related to politics instead of the real Word of God?

Last May, I decided to give novena a try because I am in dire need of the Lord’s guidance. I badly want to get that job, pass the interview and the exam. I am not a St. Jude follower but I told myself that it won’t hurt if I visit the church for the hopeless cases for 9 consecutive Thursdays.

On my 8th Thursday, I begged for help because I felt like I wasn’t prepared for my interview. It was unbelievable that even if I haven’t finished the novena yet, half of my prayers were already answered. 

This morning was my last for this novena. Even if it was raining hard, I still went to the church after my night shift duty. The winds were strong but my motivated and determined self was tougher than the storm. Usually when the weather is bad, I get too lazy to go out because I don’t want to get wet in the rain (lol, arte). However, this morning turned out very different. It was freezing cold outside but I didn’t mind it at all. 

What made today’s novena extra special was this heart shaped wax that I saw when I lit the candles after I said my prayers. I know this might sound sappy but after seeing it, I couldn’t contain my joy. I felt God’s presence and assurance that He will answer my prayers one day at a time.

I am thinking of visiting the church regularly even if I am already done with my novena. Like what I said, it won’t hurt to go there regularly to thank the Lord (and St. Jude) for the blessings.

Again, thank You.

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Lippie Addiction

I guess, I am really a late bloomer when it comes to using make-up. I remember back in 2009 during my volunteer days in Ospital ng Maynila, all my group mates had to go to the restroom for a “retouch” after our lunch break. That time, I had a lot of pimples and there’s no use for me to wear makeup. They taught me how to use one and because of peer pressure... lol kidding, I was just curious... that’s when I started buying powder, blush, lipstick, brushes, etc one at a time. I also watched different make-up tutorials on Youtube (though I still cannot perfect my eyebrow makeup). I later then realized that wearing make-up isn’t bad at all. It actually enhances your beauty. But then again, make sure not to over-do them.

Lately, I got addicted to drugstore cosmetics because my salary as a nurse here in the Philippines cannot afford to buy the high end ones.

The lippies below are from Jordana. They are part of their Modern Matte Lipstick collection. I like this better than Wet n’ Wild because of its long lasting effect. This can last up to 5 hours especially the strong colors. Usually, when I wear WnW, my lipstick tends to transfer on the surgical mask that I wear at work. However... this one, though it stains the mask a bit, has a good staying power. But after drinking/eating, the color fades so there’s a need to re-apply again. Presently, I have 7 shades. My favorites are Bare, Classy and Goddess.

This is me using Jordana Modern Matte in Bare.

I also recently bought Colourpop but because I decided to include it in my shop, I have to control myself from hoarding. There are only a few online shops that sell Colourpop (including mine! Hihi!). I am actually thinking about putting up a stall that sells Colourpop exclusively. I’ll have to think about that. #businessminded

The shade I am using right now is Lumiere. It is a dusty mauve pink in matte finish. This was the shade I used for my interview yesterday. It also has a good staying power and miraculously, it didn’t fade after I ate mashed potato and tuna fettucini yesterday for lunch. This lippie could last up to 8 hours.

I also have Nyx Soft Matte Lip Cream, Wet n Wild Megalast (as mentioned) and `Revlon Balm Stains but I don’t have a pic of them yet. Will do a review once I get a free time.

I am currently eyeing on the new Colourpop collection, the Ultra Matte Liquid Lipstick. Too bad, they’re still out of stock. Also waiting for my LA Girl Matte Pigment Gloss and LA Splash Couture. I can’t wait to lay my hands on them!

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The Interview

Yesterday was totally a nerve-racking day for me. It was my first job interview for abroad wherein they don’t usually ask your strengths and weakness, why they should hire you or what can you contribute to their company. Dude, you can actually google the best answers for that as I did the day before - hoping that they would ask me the common questions. Hehe! We were told that the interview would be about your clinical experience as well as situational questions regarding nursing interventions of cases you have handled in your unit/ward.

So anyway, as I was advised during my mock interview, I wore a business attire in navy blue, a semi-subtle make-up (dusty mauve pink lippie from Colourpop) and pearl earrings. I remember, I was asked to wear heels but I insisted to use flats instead. Though, on the day of my interview, I changed my mind. I chose to walk with a pair of silver sandals with heels.

The interview took place in Shangri-La Hotel in Makati. You can feel the tension and the anxious vibes inside the waiting room. Most of us were tachypneic. I can almost hear their palpitations.

When I was called inside the interview room, I greeted Ms. Katherine, my interviewer. She smiled at me and asked me how I was doing. I said, I was nervous. Why would I lie?  Thankfully, she was able to provide me a calm environment by starting to ask questions about my first name. She told me that my name is usually used on boys and she was surprised to see a lady in front of her. I smiled and told her that I get that a lot even when I was in school. Then she also asked me about my work gap because I graduated in 2006 but I started working in 2011. I had to tell her about the leakage issue 9 years ago when the answers in our board exam was allegedly leaked by some people.

Unexpectedly, she liked my English accent. She praised it and I think that was the time I calmed a bit.

Then came the most dreaded part... Clinical and situational questions!

The first question was: What if the doctor went inside the room of a patient without washing his hands? What would I do?

I answered, “I will tell the doctor to wash his hands first before going inside the room...”

Then she commented, “What if he insists not to wash his hands?”

I said, “I will suggest to use the sanitizers instead...”

Then another follow-up: “What if he doesn’t listen to you?”

At this moment, I really don’t know. C’mon, in our hospital where I work at, we don’t usually ask our doctors to wash their hands first. In the Philippine culture, usually the nurses just bow down to what the doctors tell them. My interviewer is an American. The nurses in US definitely have a say when it comes to their patients. The doctors listen to nurses. Here in our country, not all doctors listen to us. Sad truth, I know.

So I answered, “If that’s what he wants, then I’ll just respect it.”

BOOM! I don’t think I impressed her. I know that what she wants to hear is to reiterate the protocol of hand washing.

Next question, “How will you know if your patient is deteriorating?”

Funny thing is that whenever I am on duty, one of our patients deteriorate! So this question was really easy for me. I told her that in our unit, we base it on the vital signs of the patient. Next question was on the nursing interventions for a deteriorating patient and protocols in reviving. (LOL! Habulin pa rin pala talaga ako ng code kahit sa interview!)

The last set of question... “Your patient is a 3 day post-operative and you noticed that her temperature is 39, her BP is very low, her pulse rate is around 100... What do you think is happening to the patient?”

Oh, yes I got this!

“The patient is having a septic shock.”

Good! (She smiled.) What will you do? 

I enumerated all the possible answers I could think of. Man, I should know this! Lagi akong nagcocode sa work! Lol!

Then lastly, she asked me what appropriate laboratory exams should be ordered for this patient?

I answered, “CBC - complete blood count and Blood Culture...”

“What is blood culture for?”

“This is to know what type of bacteria is present on this patient and to identify what antibiotic is resistant and sensitive for this case...”

“VERY GOOD.”

WOW. That ended my interview. As soon as I left the interview room, I got a bit teary-eyed because I know I nailed it. I can feel it!

After probably 10-20 minutes of waiting, I was finally called and handed my job offer.

Thank you, Lord for guiding me and thanks to my angels too for whispering the easiest questions to my interviewer.

I can’t wait to work in CCAD!

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Emotions

My shift started quietly and smoothly despite choosing 12 patients of the lower wing over 6 patients of our higher wing. I decided to choose this wing because I don’t have NGT feedings and most of the patients on that wing are ambulatory and can eat orally. NGT feedings take most of our time as nurses especially if you’re in a ward. In the higher wing, there are 4 NGT feedings there. Time consuming, I know.

I was about to do my last rounds at 4:30 am when a patient’s relative called for assistance. I went immediately to the room and saw that the patient, about 85-90 years old, is restless. I asked her what the matter is; she said that she wants to go home. The patient looks very pale and her hands were ice cold. I assumed that her blood sugar have dropped and anytime, this patient may faint. I assisted her back to her bed and checked her vital signs which yielded 80/50 mmHg and as I expected, her blood sugar dropped to 64 mg/dl (normal is 80 – 120 mg/dl). I immediately called the attention of my charge nurse and in a few minutes, our medical resident doctor came in to assess the patient.

The old woman started crying when our resident asked her a few questions. She whined continuously like a toddler and started calling our her late husband. Her daughter at her side, teary-eyed, called up her siblings to visit their mother. As ordered, I gave IV sugar which caused her to cry more when she felt the drug running through her veins. “Nurse, ang sakit. Tanggalin mo na ito!” She complained. I told her to calm down and that everything will be okay but she just replied, “Hindi naman ikaw ang nasa kalagayan ko. Di mo alam ang nararamdaman ko!” She’s right. I don’t have the right to say that everything will be okay when I have no idea what she is going through and what she feels about her life and her family.

Meanwhile, in another room, my cancer patient pulled out his NGT. This tube, which is connected to a bedside bottle, serves as a drainage of excess toxic fluids inside his stomach. We have no choice but to reinsert it again since this would alleviate his gastric upset. When the medical intern came in, she tried to re-insert it on his right nostril but he kept on coughing  which resulted to another attempt. The medical intern said, “Sir, lumunok po kayo. Wag nyo po lalabanan ha.” Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the patient shouted at her and said, “Wag mo ako pagalitan! May cancer ako! Hirap na hirap na ako! Hindi mo alam yung nararamdaman ko! May cancer ako, alam mo ba yun?!” I didn’t know what to say. The only thing I did was touch his hand to make him feel that I do understand what he is going through.

When I was still a student nurse, our instructors reiterated that nurses should have empathy. I applied that up until now. But sometimes, no matter how you try to put yourself in their shoes and make them feel that you understand them, it doesn’t really make them feel better. I can attest to that because I am also in and out of the hospital because of my endometriosis. Despite my positive outlook in life, I can’t deny that I still feel sad about having this type of illness. Sometimes, I just see myself crying when I’m suffering from excruciating pain. Fortunately, I am surrounded by people who are very supportive and understanding. It makes my life a bit easier and brighter.

I guess, these two patients lack the support system. I don’t know. Maybe yes, maybe not. There might be some point in their lives that they feel no one understands what they are going through, that no one really cares about them. We have a few geriatric patients whose relatives don’t even bother to visit them. Whenever I ask their maids, they would always reply, “Busy kase sa business nila…” I don’t get it.  I know that they need to work hard to pay for the hospital bills and medicines but a daily visit, even for an hour, would make a difference. Sigh. These are indeed sad stories in the hospital. I wish that these people would realize that life is short and that we should tell our loved ones how much they are loved and cared for.

If you have a family member who is in the hospital, do you mind if I ask you to visit them and cheer them up? I would really appreciate it.

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Pull Out!

A week ago, we had a power interruption in one of our hospital’s buildings. Unfortunately, our ward is located in that building. As a result, all of our patients were transferred to different wards. And because of this, we were also pulled out to those nursing units. One of the things that I do not like when we have low census of patients is being pulled out to another ward. I don’t have problems in socializing with other nurses but sometimes, I can’t help but feel out of place. We always say that it’s better to be toxic in your own area rather than get bored in an unfamiliar place. It’s more fun when you work with your closest colleagues whom you treat as a family.

So anyway, just want to share with you one of our photos before we were disseminated to other areas. Haha!

The photo above was taken the day before my minor surgery. Thank God I was assigned to an area with the lightest workload. :)

As of yesterday, our unit already started admitting patients. Here’s a billboard-ish pic of us that says, “Welcome to N5! Happy and ready to serve!”

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The Nth Comeback

As I have tweeted earlier, today is one of those days that I want to go back to blogging. But every time I hit the POST button, I tend to be inconsistent because of work load. In the past few months, I have been busy with my online shop as well as my application abroad.

Yes! I have finally decided to apply abroad. I applied as an immigrant somewhere in North America. The last time I fixed such thing was 7 years ago when I tried my luck to be a nurse in California. Too bad, it was’t for me. I guess, God has other plans. And maybe this is what he has been planning, right? Yes, I am claiming it.

Right now, I am currently on sick leave. I underwent incision and drainage at my right gluteal muscle. I know right, that’s kind of embarrassing. Until now, I still cannot understand how in the world I got an abscess on that part without noticing. I just thought it was muscle pain/spasm.

While on a sick leave, I am trying to learn a new language, French. I need to learn this for my application. It is required that we know how to speak and understand French. I am still contemplating whether I will enroll in Ateneo or UP. Alliance is another choice but the thought of going to Makati discourages me. I don’t like the hassle of commuting from Quezon City/Manila to Makati.

Yesterday, I watched Amelie, a romantic-comedy French movie about a girl who changed lives of the people around her. Of course, I had to download subtitle. Then this afternoon, I watched The Other Woman, a comedy film about a guy who cheats on his wife and other girls. It’s funny that the “girls” of that guy were able to get along with each other in order to get back at that cheater. I am not sure if that happens in real life.

That is all for now. I hope that I would be able to blog again if I have updates.

Salut!

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Limit Hiring

I don't understand the reason behind of not hiring nurses in the hospitals. The only thing I can think of is that these hospitals do not want to shell out money through employees' salary. They just let these employees maximize the resources that they have. But the thing is, we get tired.

Last night, we were understaffed. We lacked one staff (though ideally, we lacked two staffs). Every time I get in and out of their rooms, I hear them say "Kulang ba kayo ng nurse? Ang tagal kase kameng puntahan eh. Kanina pa kame tawag ng tawag ng nurse." Another one said, "Parang kulang yata kayo ngayon?" I had to explain everything to each of my patients that we are understaffed and that we weren't given any help from the nursing office. How sad is that?

If only I have a lot of time to blog, I want to correlate some studies here regarding nurses' burnout and nurse-patient ratio. It's already a fact and an obvious reality that a nurse cannot work effectively when she handles patients more than the workload she could carry. And this results to errors. As much as we want to be IDEAL, we can't help but do everything in a "shortcut" way just to be able to attend to other patients' needs. These lack of staffing results to dissatisfaction from the patients. They would always say "Bakit ganito sa hospital nyo? Bakit ang laki laki ng kinikita ng hospital nyo pero hindi naghahire?" The patients see what's going on in our world. How come our bosses are being blinded by the income they get from their "business".

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Bye Angkong.

There are times that our medical-surgical ward turns into a geriatric ward when most of the patients we admit are oldies. Sometimes, I can't help but get attached with them because I am/was never really close to my grandparents (both sides). I only have one grandparent left who is my nanay (father side) but she's in the province so we don't have the chance to bond together. Recently, we had a patient we call angkong (grandpa in Chinese) because he is definitely like an angkong to us. He's very moody but when you try to woo him, he follows.

After a week of staying in our ward, his health deteriorated. The second to the last time I handled him, he got mad at me for doing a skin test. "HINDI KA GANYAN SA AKIN DATI! ANG BAIT BAIT MO SA AKIN!" He shouted at me as soon as I injected the needle to his skin. He said those words as if we've known each other for such a long time. Very funny angkong! Before I went home, I endorsed 0 (zero) output to the next shift which is not normal because I have fed him 500 ml of osteorized feeding and also infused approximately 200 ml of IV fluid.

The day after, I was surprised to see him in a more deteriorating phase. I had a feeling he's gonna die any minute. I just didn't want him to die during my shift. His blood pressure was very low. It went down to 80/50, went up to 90/60 then down again to 80/50. I monitored angkong thoroughly not only because it's my job to do that but because I wanted to save him. (Ironically though I am being teased in our ward as the death angel - pinaganda ko talaga yun term, pero sa totoong buhay "may kalawit" daw). At 5:30 am, when I went back to his room to check his blood pressure, it dropped to 60/40 mmHg. I immediately called our resident, and hurried back to the room with my co-staff. Surprisingly, in a very short span of time, I saw angkong's breathing changed. My co-staff checked his BP immediately and she couldn't appreciate it anymore. No more pulse, no more BP. I told our resident to call for a code. He didn't say anything. I was so mad that he was obviously out of his mind!! I kept on telling him that I'll get the emergency cart and my co-staff will start pumping the patient but still, he was undecided! I got really furious that I almost shouted at him and said, "Doctor, ano na po ba ang gagawin natin?!" He probably went back to his mind when he shouted CODE!!!

Damn! It was a very disappointing shift. The medical interns were so slow, they didn't know what to do. I had to tell them to don some gloves and help me in hyperoxygenating the patient. On the other hand, our medical resident was speechless and panicking. Though the relatives weren't aggressive to revive the patient anymore, I knew that we could still save the patient if only things were done immediately. We were able to bring him back to life for a short period of time but angkong gave up eventually.

A part of me understood what happened to the medical resident. He probably got a mental block. And definitely his first time to call a code... But still, we lost a life we could have saved. We lost one of the cutest angkongs I have handled in the ward.

Rest in peace, angkong!

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Am I not credible enough?

So, I was asked to evaluate one of our nurse trainees in the ward. I, together with one of my co-staff, gave her low scores. Why? She doesn't have an initiative. When the clock strikes 2 pm, it's as if she is in a hurry to go home. I was even told to give her low scores because we were NOT impressed. She didn't give her best shot. In fact, we saw her sitting and texting until she is asked to do some tasks.

Why am I blogging about this? Well, I heard that she learned about her low grades and that she complained about it. "Minsan ko lang naman po nakasama si Ma'am. Bakit niya ako binigyan ng mababang grade?" I was partnered with her once but I had the whole week to observe her because I was one of the charge nurses. I don't care if she has a backer... Mind you dear, I also have a backer. But back when I was still a trainee, I didn't put in my mind, "Oh, may backer naman ako. Makakapasok din ako kahit di ako kumilos..." I gave my best shot in everything. I volunteered to do the tasks for the staff because I want to practice working on my own. It's not only about pagpapakitang gilas. It's about learning new things everyday. To be honest, I felt like my backer only helped me to enroll in this training program but not to get in as a staff nurse. I am proud to say that I worked hard for it. I trained for 3 months and volunteered for 6 months. Though I am still thankful that I got a help from a good guy. =)

So anyway, back to the story... Last week, I learned that another evaluation form was sent to our ward to RE-EVALUATE that girl. Call me sensitive but wasn't that an insult to my part? In fact, I wasn't the only person who assessed her... I was just the one who signed that form! This is the first time that I appraised a trainee/volunteer that seemed like it wasn't reliable enough for the nursing office. I don't know why they did that but that definitely HURT my feelings.

Let me clear that I have always been objective in judging a trainee. If I know that I don't have much to say, I don't accept the form. If I do that then that wouldn't make me credible. I know how hard it is to find a job in the hospital so I wouldn't take evaluation personally. Sigh, that trainee wouldn't learn if she is being tolerated by the office.

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I'm still here.

Everyday, I still wonder why I took this path. It's been a decade since I asked that question. Why did I decide to become a nurse when I had a lot of options to quit back in college? I sometimes think that I was just being submissive to my parents that I was too afraid to fail them. I remember back in my third year, I cried in front of my mom and told her that I don't think nursing is for me. She asked me if I wanted to quit, I just said, I want to. But then, I didn't do it. I continued to study.

Despite these frustrations I have, ironically speaking, I have been compassionate in taking care of my patients. I was once a patient. Errr, no... Let's say from time to time, I also become a patient. I know how it feels like to suffer from pain. I know how boring it is to stay for more than a week inside a hospital room. A professor once said to treat our patients like a family member. Ever since, I know deep in my heart in spite of all those insulting words I hear from some of our patients' relatives, I have been true to them. It's not only protecting your license, but also it's actually the fulfillment of saving a life. 

I made this blog because I wanna go back to writing all my frustrations and joys in this profession. It's actually therapeutic for a struggling nurse like me. NOTE: I will say what I want to say. I know there are lot of bad vibes in the nursing world especially here in the Philippines but this is not to attack anyone I am going to write about. I'll write here what is really happening around us in my point of view. Again, the title of this blog is OF SAVING LIVES and not OF RUINING LIVES. Thank you.

Oh how I missed blogging!