oftarotandnoodledragons

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

The Renewal

Never, never rest contented with any circle of ideas, but always be certain that a wider one is still possible. -Richard Jefferies, The Story of My Heart

So here we are. The 78 Tarot cards, in whatever orientation they were set in my deck ten years ago to the day, have each been addressed, researched, discussed, and I sought to find the message that each one was telling me. Sometimes I saw it straight away. Other times, years would pass before it would occur to me. I feel like those years may not have always been necessary for revelation to come: had I applied myself sooner, then I would be further ahead and more experienced than I am now. The process of writing each card was supposed to only take a few months at best: I would have been done somewhere in the later half of 2013.

That's not what was in store for me, though, and now that I look back on it, I am thankful that I took the time. Over ten years ago, I feel like I was playing with matches. Potentially, I was playing with matches in a fireworks factory in some cases. It was always my goal to get through the deck and learn it. In the first instance, I was limited by time to get my notes made and thus I had a slapdash, slipshod notebook where I felt like I was pretending when the time come to divinate. In the second, I had the Sun-inspired revelation to make this blog and restart. And after the third, which is the one that took ten years, I feel like I have a better appreciation of the deck that the first two attempts would not have given me. I do recall that on the second run, the first card I drew was Temperance, and now I see that it was meant as an admonishment. The deck was telling me to take my time, to temper my enthusiasm, and to come at the cards with a maturity that I did not have when I first started.

Yet, these 78 cards have helped me grow as a person as well over the past decade. It confirmed that maybe university wasn't for me after all and that town planning was not where I was meant to be. It kept me focused and showed me problems from different angles and that I was on the right path to solve them. I am where I am now, and I feel like I now deserve the Tarot's guidance when it comes to other people not just because I've gone through the whole deck, but I've seen facets of how each member of the deck can apply, and thus I've gained a more intimate knowledge of each card. I have wisdom that I did not have. At the same time, I now have the temperance I lacked back when I was getting my toes wet. I'm no longer playing with matches. I'm hearthing the fire.

I have thanked the Tarot Nova deck, finger hooked with Azane, and now I have washed that deck. It feels liberating that, after all this time, I can use the cards again and not feel like I have to keep them in order, untouched, for the sake of my journey.

With the end of the journey I did make a few purchases. Tomorrow, my Tarot of Dragons deck arrives, along with the Star Dragons Oracle Deck. I am very much looking forward to using these decks for other people. Additionally, while I was at FWA a month ago, I came across the Foxes in Love deck, which I felt drawn to. That deck, though, doesn't exactly allow reversals, and a lot of the symbology present in other decks is not present: in a way, the simple representations form a sort of joke inspired by the meaning derived from RWS. And yet, as I held it in my hand today just after washing the Tarot Nova, I feel like I don't deserve to use it yet.

My journey through the deck took ten years and, as part of the process of running through the deck as it was shuffled on June 13, 2013, my observance of each card and its meanings was scattered. I had the meaning of the card in front of me, but not always its relationship to other cards.

That is now what I want to focus on with this blog. Oh yes, it's not going away, at least not just yet. It's all well and good to talk about the Six of Wands, but knowing that it's triumph after the disagreement of the Five of Wands, and correlates to the caritas of the Six of Pentacles or the period of respite of the Six of Swords, and also ties in to the harmony of The Lovers, is a much more useful thing to have. One can divinate with the Tarot one card at the time, but to see and feel the connections between cards is where the true power of Tarot lies. And then to apply that in a spread, and see the links, the reinforcing and diverging energies, is how one improves as a reader.

So, the plan from here is to cover the following things, though not necessarily in order:

The Fool's Journey: You can find a variation of this anywhere with any Tarot teacher, as it helps explain the Major Arcana. I feel like I would be going over very well-trod paths, but I feel it is my duty to explain the Fool's Journey using my perspective.

The Minor Arcana: As I've gone through my journey, I've learned that each suit, in its run from Ace to Ten, tells a story similar to the Fool's Journey. Over half of the deck is devoted to this component, and rather than have my very piecemeal entries explaining each card one by one, I want to synthesize it all into one location so that it can be seen all at once.

The Court Cards: Ooh boy, this one is a doozy. Like the Minor Arcana, this too ought to be seen in one place at one time. Not only that, I feel like this is my weakest area of the deck. I feel like I only have a partial understanding of these sixteen cards, so through combining them and making comparisons and drawing links my knowledge will improve.

The Celtic Cross Positions: As I've grown, I've learned that not everything has to be spread in this format. Indeed, I don't think I've yet seen a reader on YouTube use this spread. With that said, though, I like how comprehensive the spread is and allows explanation of an issue from ten different places. Like the cards themselves, the positions in this spread have nuances, and I want to be able to better master it.

On top of that, I may document some readings and other Tarot experiences in here.

So, like The World, I feel like I have graduated, the apprentice is now the journeyman, and the cycle begins anew: knowledge gained is applied as the World spins and I am taken to new places. The journey continues, for sure, but along different roads.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Eight: Ten of Wands

If a golfer who insists on playing during a lightning storm gets hit by a stroke of lightning and is killed nobody says, 'There's golfers dying by the droves being hit by lightning!' You can overdo what you really like, and if you're unbalanced you go overboard. -Gary Gygax

I slept and dreamed that life was Beauty; I woke, and found that life was Duty:— Was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -Ellen Sturgis Hooper, Duty

Struggling. How many people in life have it easy? I don't care what you do for a living. I don't believe I'm gifted, like Clemente, or Cedeno, or Mantle. About 10% of the ballplayers are gifted. For the other 90% of us, it's a struggle. -Horace Clarke (in response to, "How's it going?")

So we've reached the end of the road. Well, almost. We've got to get through this card first. But what a parting shot it is. I had hoped for the World as the final one, given its ending and renewal of cycles and the acquisition and application of one's lessons. I'd have settled for the Four of Wands, with its celebratory theme; the Six of Wands with its triumph; or maybe the sunshine and rainbows of the Ten of Cups. Even Death would have been comfortable. But no, the cards had a different idea. At least we have a Ten, ten years almost to the day after I started this journey, and the last card in my book the way I've organised it. The Cups have a happy ending. The Pentacles have a happy ending. Swords? Yeah, unhappy. As for the Wands...

Spoiler alert, it's not the best.

Let's start with Paschkis vs Colman Smith because there's one very big small detail that's different. The traditional image has the bearer carrying the Wands, head down. We cannot see their expression but we can assume they're probably unhappy. Paschkis has a wandbearer too, with six Wands strapped to his back and four in his arms, with leaves being shaken off as he walks. But Paschkis's bearer has a very calm expression, almost peaceful. I suppose perhaps his smile could be seen as wan at certain angles, but I get a sense of calm, like we're in a forest and we've just stumbled on a woodsman taking branches home to feed the fire in his cottage, or maybe to use as clothes props.

This picture of calm feels at odds with the energies associated with this card. Bunning, Thirteen and Esselmont at least all agree on it, and that is the feeling of being burdened by responsibilities. Indeed, Thirteen likens this card in comparison to the Eight of Wands, which we just had, which she describes as being the optimal number of wands, with their energy limited and channeled and thus transcended to keep one busy and on top of things. Now the things are on top. Ten is Too Many Wands. Rather than moving forward like in the Eight, the energy is there just to preserve the status quo. Bunning's second theme agrees, in "feeling burdened"; but first she associates this card with a theme of "overextending". One's doing too much. She talks about meeting our responsibilities and holding out until the next downtime, but then that next downtime cannot be used to relax because the overload just continues through it. To that, she adds a third theme of "struggling", the obvious extension from overextending to meet one's burdens. In fact, Bunning suggests that the card may signal a time when one has to take the lion's share of responsibility because they're the only one capable enough, or be found holding the bag; definitely a path to further struggling. Even Fairchild chimes in with suggesting that aggressively pursuing one's goals will lead to "serious setbacks with superiors", unless one applies the lessons of the Eight of Wands, and to "break out of stubborn patterns and look for new approaches".

Then we turn to Esselmont, who identifies the struggling and burdening with the symptom of feeling exhausted and with burnout. She then also states that the extra burden may be only a temporary thing, so as to accomplish a goal and reap rewards later. Or, focusing on it being the end of the cycle, she states that the end is in sight for reaching a goal, the final steps are being trod, and even if one collapses in exhaustion at the end it's all going to be worth it. Indeed, this is a view that I've also taken from Ediya, and it's recoloured my interpretation of the card. Hope, sweet hope in the middle of this bleakness? Alas, no — even if the goal is achieved, there's now a stark awareness of significant commitments and responsibilities: the duties to ensure that the success is ongoing. Every one of my mentors here returns to a business analogy: it's become successful but to maintain it the owner-creator is now putting in so much time and effort to do so and is struggling to delegate responsibilities, or has become so narrowly-focused that their work is all-consuming and not balancing their life with other interests.

So I think I've clarified the Upright fairly here. In Reversal, Thirteen starts with this business-owner analogy but states that in the Upright everything was done right, despite there being too much demands of their time. So when it is Reversed, she likens it to someone trying to shirk their responsibilities, the one who says they'll carry the load but passes it to somebody else to bear, or doesn't deal with the aftermath: they give the bag to someone else to hold. This is one of those cards where I am glad now that I have other inputs because Thirteen's take seems very limited. Fairchild discusses focusing one's energy and having an objective because otherwise it's wasted, very succinctly. And to this we can tie that into Esselmont's suggestion of trying to do far too much by oneself, that one is trying to be everything to everyone which is an impossible task. She also goes on to say that perhaps the burden is unnecessary and may be lightened, or that the burden is a personal one that is being kept secret: either way, the solution is to share the load. She also even suggests that it could be a sign of decluttering, both physically and also through simplifying one's life.

Okay, but yet again, the card is Upright (for once, and at the last), so the message is a lot more defined. I'm seeing a lot of the different strands and themes of this card being very relevant. Indeed, I'm feeling that this has been an overarching card for a very, very long time. The Ten of Wands is at the end because it's the summary. I have felt weighed down by a lot of responsibilities, and I've not felt like I've been able to relax. My downtime has been filled with the need to keep busy, to do something, to push another project forward even if it's just an inch. A day spent doing nothing but resting feels wasted. And thus, I feel myself stretched thin. Sure, there's some responsibilities that I used to have back home, such as the choir, my Ingress community, and the like, that I don't have to deal with over here anymore; however, with my promotion at work I feel like the time I used to have available has severely diminished. I need time to decompress. I need time to sleep (and that doesn't always refresh like it should). As it is, I just sent off my Father's Day card home late. But in regards to my personal projects, I feel like I have many derelicts weighing on my soul. Getting through the Tarot has been my main creative goal since late last year, to the detriment of others, and it's obvious that I've made significant progress since I restarted. Here's the finish line and I'm a couple of paragraphs away from it.

But then Esselmont's warning comes up, about the stark realisation of further responsibilities. I will be talking about this in my next post where I will discuss the where-to-from-here. The Ten of Wands caps off the past where I have been pulled by responsibilities left, right and centre. And as for the future, I do have responsibilities that I must maintain so as to keep my knowledge of the Tarot alive. This has not been a project for where I get to the end of it, put it up on a shelf, and then bring it down and look at it with a nostalgic grin (remember, nostalgia is pain): no, this whole project has been because over ten years ago I felt something stir within my soul as I pored over a little set of cards with pictures that drew from a vast tradition, rife with symbology, and I realised that this was something that I could do, that I might have some sort of talent with. The Tarot is not something that I want to stuff away and forget. The Tarot is something that I want to use. And if all the work that I've put into this blog and this book is going to have any meaning, then I've got to pick up the cards and use them, to keep the knowledge alive.

I return to the quote that I started with:

Knowledge is proud that he has learned so much; Wisdom is humble that he knows no more.

- William Cowper

And yet, in the midst of all of this journey, Paschkis's calm wandbearer is me. I acknowledge who I am: one who bends under the weight of what responsibilities I've taken, but always leaning down to pick more up. I have felt enriched by learning about these 78 cards, but I recognise that there is always so much more to learn. The cycle is complete, and it's time to go for another spin.

By the way, I just pressed the button and bought these cards and these cards. I'm committed to Tarot, and this is my reward so that I may pass my knowledge on to others.

It's done, but it's not over.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Seven: Eight of Wands

Our grand business undoubtedly is, not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand. -Thomas Carlyle

All's well that ends well; still the fine's the crown; Whate'er the course, the end is the renown. -William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well

Stay a little, and news will find you. -George Herbert, Jacula Prudentum

I suppose I could sum up most of the above quotes with the simple proverb, "Strike while the iron is hot". I've used it before in this blog, and now I have drawn the card that is literally all about that. So here I am, running to the end of the race and expending the energy to do so. Entry's over, and now it's time for the—

No, that would be doing this card a disservice, and also me a disservice because it has been so long since I've had an Upright card (the King of Pentacles, late last year) and it would be good to at least discuss something with this perspective for once.

The Eight of Wands is one of those onion cards that seem deceptively simple but as one gets deeper, it feels more meaningful; or perhaps, more specific. The traditional RWS image shows the Eight Wands in flight; Paschkis shows the Wands forming a spinning wheel with a clock at the centre, and I feel this is a good reinterpretation, and it's certainly coloured mine. In a nutshell, this card is about things coming in thick and fast with time of the essence. It calls for alacrity. Be speedy. Be prompt. Be eager. Everything is happening, and to be successful one needs to be alert and limber. Yet, I feel like I haven't properly grasped this card until now. This card was one of the first set of 25 I wrote in my book before I started the blog, and I feel like I'm missing either more nuanced approaches here, or maybe I'm not quite on the mark: precise, but not accurate.

Bunning, Thirteen, Esselmont, and even Fairchild have very similar interpretations of this card, which in this case is both a blessing and a curse, the latter because I feel like I don't have much wiggle room. Thirteen's interpretation is the easiest to summarise, in that she (YES, I just found an old forum post where Thirteen states they are female; any reference to "he" has been in the generic sense and not intended to be harmful) says that the card is about making the best of use of energy with nothing wasted: the querent knows how their energy works and what their limits are (because the Eights are all about transcending limits), so things happen efficiently. And a lot of things are happening. Esselmont says it's a time of "good busy", to go with the flow — because to slow things down would be to waste that aforementioned energy — and to be "laser-focused with your intentions and actions", so as to manifest what one desires. Even Fairchild agrees here, with a prescription of one's plans being able to move forward, opportunities to get what one wants coming out of understanding people and their problems, and even friends and nature helping where one is ailed, as if to further that ability to proceed. While Esselmont is comprehensive, Bunning is similar but more succinct: she summarises what I consider the card's main energy as "taking quick action". Thirteen alludes to it too, but Bunning takes a literal view of the RWS card with the Wands "in the Air" before they return to "Earth": in other words, things are speculative and then they are realised. Right now, the Wands are sailing through the air but they will land. And that component of the RWS imagery is something I also draw on to interpret this card. Things are coming in thick and fast. Rapid progress is being made. In a way, it's a snapshot of the point between the attack of the Seven of Wands, and the defensive wall of the Nine of Wands.

Bunning, though, goes further. She doesn't stop with the Wands mid-flight, but also associates the landing, and these points I find interesting. Firstly, she brings in the concept of "receiving news", which is an evolution of being at the receiving end of the flying Wands. She says that the news may be disguised and calls to stay alert. From a more personal perspective, I take it to mean that a lot of information and news of events are coming in, and it's up to the querent to take that quick action to deal with it all. That's probably the summary of my main interpretation of this card that I've held. But to it, Bunning then adds on the fact that the Wands will land, and that is the theme of "coming to a conclusion". On an obvious, outward level, reaching the end of this journey through the deck is definitely part of my current energies. Bunning, though, goes on to talk about how once the dust settles, one will see how one's plans fared. It really is that snapshot moment right now: the dust has not yet settled, but it will, leaving things for better or for worse.

It feels strange to be discussing this card's Reversal without it being the current energy, after so many cards being in that state. So, first to Fairchild: scattered energy, a call to think before acting, and to not ignore the chain of command. The first point lines up neatly with Thirteen's take: sluggishness, a lack of energy and slowness. Externally, there may be delays. Internally, one is tired and lacks motivation. Fairchild's second point of thinking before acting co-aligns with Esselmont, who talks about charging ahead without due care, or without a plan. The scattered energy works into what Esselmont calls "shiny object syndrome", something that I am definitely guilty of if my litany of half-finished projects is to be believed. She also suggests that it could be a call to hold off from one's activities until things stabilise, or using her trait of Reversal to mean an internal force, that one is getting things in order so that they can move ahead.

So what's it all mean for me now? Other than nearing the end of the journey, I see a lot of correlation between my main take of receiving news and having to deal with it. This has especially been in regards to my work, where I have to keep a lot of things in mind and deal with them especially in regards to managing my team. I'm moving ahead and being alacritous in dealing with it all. At the same time, though, I feel like I've not necessarily been doing things well, and it's Fairchild's uncanny ability to say something relevant out of the blue with "friends and nature bring remedies for what ails you". My immediate boss reassured me that I am going along well and to not be so hard on myself, which has boosted my confidence.

Reflecting on this card, I feel like I've got a grasp on it, but it still feels somewhat slippery in my fingers. I feel like my main interpretation is effective, but these other facets of interpretation that I've not yet mastered feel like they would be more relevant at times. This is why I have my notes and this blog, after all, because my wisdom only goes so far and my knowledge is limited: here is the rest of the information I need. Still, though, I know that the cards will continue to surprise me, I will find new interpretations that will be attuned to the moment that my intuition will latch onto, and I welcome this as I move on beyond my occasional reports into this blog.

So now we reach the last card: the Ten of Wands. It's not a card I've been looking forward to, but like this card, it's one I feel I have somewhat of an understanding, but not a great depth to the pool. Somehow, it's eluded being written in my book until now; not only that, of all the cards' placement in the book by suit, it is the final one, the last page. It's an apt energy as I move to cross the finish line.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Six: XVI The Tower (Reversed)

Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.… Most of us are about as eager to change as we were to be born, and go through our changes in a similar state of shock. -James Baldwin

There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man. -Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man's Fear

In the days of her affliction and wandering     Jerusalem remembers all the treasures     that were hers in days of old. When her people fell into enemy hands,     there was no one to help her. Her enemies looked at her     and laughed at her destruction. -Lamentations, 1:7 (NIV)

When at some point in our lives, we meet a real tragedy – which could happen to any one of us – we can react in two ways. Obviously we can lose hope, let ourselves slip into discouragement, into alcohol, drugs, and unending sadness. Or else, we can wake ourselves up, discover in ourselves an energy that has hidden there, and act with more clarity, more force. -Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

So here it is. The big one. The deadly venomous snake in the grass. The black edifice. The portent of doom. The harbinger of dread. Oh, Tower, how fearful is thy lofty crown; oh, lightning, how thy shock freezes the heart. The themes of this card are unsettling. The energies are disquieting. And sometimes, that's what is needed.

I daresay that anyone who has looked into Tarot has a history with this card. Mine, is that on one of the first occasions when I was exploring the deck to see what message it had for me, I was using the Celtic Cross spread, and this card appeared at Position IX, the position of hopes and fears. Yes, I am afraid of this card and what it could mean. My allusions to it throughout the blog so far has come from it. I was worried that, throughout the last parts of the journey when I was able to identify what cards remained, that I would pull The Tower, it would signal a shock, and one of the minor arcana cards would reflect what that shock was, be it a sudden lack of resources of the Five of Pentacles, or the heartbreak of the Five of Cups. But now that I've reached this point, I've grown even in the past ten months and come to realise a truth that I knew was there, deep down, that this card is not all doom and gloom. Hey, that's one of the card's themes; more on that soon.

I feel like this card is so well-known that my analysis would be superfluous and superficial; but as I intend to use this blog to be a reflective reference point for my own divinations in the future, it behooves me to put my own interpretations of this card based on the knowledge and insights I have gained (and since I've been preparing myself for this card, I feel I've been able to make this entry in quick time). Since Paschkis's depiction is just a simplified version of Smith's depiction, let's start with Fairchild, since it is with his words that my journey began: "Everyone wants to be admired." Um. This is a very strange tack. Okay, this is typical Fairchild here, talking about something that I feel is tangential (but hey, maybe one's Tower is to make one seen and be above the rest). Let's move on: "Others embellish the truth, but what's necessary and real will prevail." Okay. Now we're getting back on track. The prevalence of the necessary and real. Keep that thought in mind. "Illusions will be shattered, enemies revealed. Don't be upset if things don't turn out as planned. Try to compromise and see others' points of view." This is a somewhat sheltered view of the card from the furious storm that its energies tend to be otherwise. Bunning is the key to describe these energies: "going through sudden change", "release", and "downfall". The release portion I see as a sort of catharsis, outburst, or violent resignation. And as for sudden change and downfall, they're very self-explanatory. It is these two themes in particular that scare me about this card: the shock of the lightning's sudden flash out of nowhere, and then the plummet and destruction.

Surely such a drastic, dramatic thing seems needless and unfortunate, right? Well, no, and that's the hard-to-swallow medicine that is the true heart of this card. Where the Tower once stood, built by dodgy craftsmanship using the bricks of falsehoods and the mortar of lies, is the foundation of truth. Without the Tower blocking the way, one can see the beautiful vista. One can see things as they really are, the impurities have been cleansed, one is left with the bare necessities; and Bunning's fourth theme of "revelation" comes to the fore. Thirteen and Esselmont both expound the severity of the situation and destruction but also that what is destroyed is the falsehoods. The shock, the release, the downfall, doesn't happen to someone, it happens for someone. And what lies in the ruins...it's a somewhat backhanded blessing, but oh, the sweetness of opportunity is a balm for the tears. The chance for renewal. The chance for hope: after all, The Star is the card that follows in the Major Arcana.

It is this pursuit of truth that, for me, colours the Reversed Tower and underpins its themes. Oh, don't get me wrong, Thirteen is right in saying that it could be that the status-quo is maintained, the Tower is being kept safe from destruction, or the occupants are the ones hurling the lightning at the sky as if to thumb at divine will; the truth remains covered, regardless of which way it is interpreted. And Fairchild is right to opine inevitable delays, a likely fall from glory (which is more an Upright theme, in my opinion), and to meet the abundant opposition and lack of co-operation with compassion and charity: once again, tangential, but indicative of a time of upheaval and a potential dark night of the soul. And then there's what I consider one of my most profound interpretations: the figures aren't falling to the ground but falling into the sky, with the unpleasant disruption not seeming to end for some time.

But nothing compares to Esselmont's view here, at least in regards to personal resonance at the moment; and the sad thing is, the entirety of space I had in my book for this card is taken up with Bunning and Thirteen's views since I wrote it before discovering her site, so I can only hope that this blog will serve to remind me of her gracious viewpoints. Firstly, she suggests that one could see the impending danger of disaster and is taking steps to avoid or mitigate it: this view is given with no judgement. Secondly, and more in line with my resonance, she suggests that the change is not coming from an external force, but from within. In one of Ediya's readings last year that I felt applied to me, she gave me the idea of The Tower not representing the usual shock-release-downfall view, but more of going ahead and stripping one's ego of what is undesired and incongruent with where one wants to go. "Gentle", was her word, and that seems oxymoronic when used in conjunction with The Tower but that right there was the beginning point of letting me see this card anew, not as the looming spectre of terror but as the blessed outcome. Not all downfalls are unwelcome. Not all releases are violent. Not all change has to be a shock.

This is where I am right now. I am working to change myself. But, as Esselmont also points out (and goes in line with Thirteen), that change is being resisted. I want to change things. I know I need to change things. But change is hard, after all; yet, I am trying, despite what it may seem on the outside, to be better and to do better. I am examining those parts of myself that I want to improve and rather than meeting myself with scorn and disdain, I am winning over that voice in my head: I hear it but refuse to let myself be affected by it. Even if I go two steps forward and one back, I am still making progress. Yes, it is hard. But I look back even ten months ago and I am not the same person then as I am now. I am getting better. The false bricks of harsh self-criticism that once made up me are being removed one by one. The Tower Reversed has been active, if not signposted, for me for quite some time, and dare I say it, I have welcomed its presence.

Will The Tower continue to frighten me? Yes. Will The Tower continue to represent sudden shocks and violent upheavals? Yes. But I've been blest to have this new view, one where the Tower falls not because of the lightning that comes out of nowhere but because one has called the demolition company, even where the owner of the Tower is driving the bulldozer. The Tower has a positive side to it, after all, hidden beneath its reputation. Having this card so late in the journey has given me the opportunity to have this more mature view of its energies. And tied into it is a sense of relief: what I thought would be an impending storm turned out to be welcome rain in fertile fields, and with its passing, the last two cards on this journey will be under sunny skies. Yes, the next card is the Eight of Wands (ah, so we know what the last will be), and while it and the one that follows have their share of slings and arrows, the relief I feel will make up for any pains, and the insight that The Tower promises is the food I need to energise my final steps.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Five: XXI The World (Reversed)

He had the charm of all people who believe implicitly in themselves, that of integration. -John Fowles, The Magus

Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

From labour health, from health contentment spring; Contentment opes the source of every joy. -James Beattie, The Minstrel

In this string of final hurdles or challenges, I now come to a card to which I have felt unfamiliar, and a lot of that feeling stems from a deeper feeling of unworthiness. The World has, throughout my entire Tarot journey, been a card that has remained elusive both in terms of occurrence, so that I've not had the chance to more readily familiarise myself with it like some other old friends, and its themes haven't been readily applicable. Or have they?

This card, to me, has felt like it's been put on a pedestal, somehow elevated from the other cards in the Major Arcana because of its inherent glories. It's the end of the cycle of the Fool's Journey, where the Fool returns to where they began wiser and more experienced, and when they take that step off the cliff, they soar. It's like this card is the meta-goal for the rest of the Major Arcana: everything leads to this hallowed point. Indeed, when I signed off on the last entry I said of this card: "I thought [it] would be last, the redeemer, the nice departure for the blog...", words which were written unmoderated from my subconscious. The "last card" and "departure" point are inherent explanations given this card's position at the end of the Major Arcana. But the "redeemer" comes from a point in my psyche where I wanted the energies in this card to show that, for all the ten years (and more) of experience with the Tarot and assigning meaning to energies signposted by its depictions, that I would be able to close this chapter of my creative outputs, as if with a blessing from the cards themselves, and that my efforts would not feel that they are partly in vain. And I think that viewpoint of "desired redemption" is what the Reversal of this card is talking about.

Alright, I've jumped to the contemporaneous relevancy without the analysis, so let's pull it back to at least show what I've learned; or at least, tried to learn about this card. Let's start with the concise: Bunning ascribes themes of "integration", "involvement", "accomplishment" and "fulfilment" to this card; but her leading example is the contented feeling of finishing a Thanksgiving dinner with everything in its place. Something like that for me seems rather minor; Thirteen and Esselmont, more rightly in my view, tie this card to completing projects, big goals, studies, relationships, and even travel. Bunning's view comes from a satisfied, contented happiness and closure that may come at any time, from a simple task to receiving accolades on a global stage, hence the last two themes. But it's the first two of her themes that I think have an even greater importance and relevancy when this card is drawn and it's best explained by Thirteen, who says that the card is a cycle, but unlike having the vertical zeniths and nadirs of the Wheel of Fortune, this cycle is lateral like a carousel going around and around. For things to work together in harmony and for one to be truly content, happy and fulfilled with their achievements, one has to give of themselves to the World, to contribute to and be engaged with it. To use a rather specific metaphor, a few of the rides at the Magic Kingdom do not come to a complete stop to let people on and off: they are always moving and one has to put effort in to speed along a conveyor belt so that they can catch their seat. Such is the World: it is always moving and the reward is taking people on the ride to far-flung corners of it, to see it all. The Fool stepping off the cliff and soaring is something that Thirteen identifies when they talk about how they're going around again through the cycle (indeed, possibly the whole Major Arcana) but with a new frequency: the student is now the teacher, the trainee is now the professional, the beginner is now the expert, the apprentice is now the master. They will be called upon to impart their experiential wisdom to those who follow. Esselmont's focus is more on the closure and completion aspects of this card, especially when she calls for a reflection on what has been accomplished, gratitude for the harvest and creation, to take time to celebrate so the next project doesn't go off half-cocked, and to tie up any loose ends so new beginnings may flourish in their space. It's all very cyclic and, importantly, always moving on. Touching on Fairchild, he comes from this loose ends view, but not really one of completion and fulfillment: his call is to look at both sides, surround oneself with those who truly love them, don't get shaken when others undermine confidence in one's strengths and abilities, not to give up anything for anyone, and (finally, in line with everyone else), that rewards are on their way. Basically, he says to stay the course, and I feel ignores the associations I think are more apt for this card. Even Paschkis seems to be more on point, except in her depiction the central figure is holding the world in their hands: one has come through it all and now the world is their oyster.

I should also expand on the theme of travel associated with this card, where one will go out and see the World, be away from home for a long time but yet find comfort and welcome wherever they may be, and the formation of a universal understanding and appreciation for different people and cultures. Drawing from my own experiences I can relate to this, having spent eight months previously travelling the United States in 2009, forming the foundations that would lead me to being here today. This view is mundane: but that word itself is self-referential, coming from the Latin word for the world. While this view is very self-relatable for me, it's the "higher meanings" that I've had difficulty relating with. Thirteen aptly summarises their experience of the card into usually being these three things: the travel aspect, but also the feeling of everything coming together, and the shift from apprentice to master. I must not straightjacket myself into accepting only these three paradigms, though. Rather, I think the feeling of accomplishment, contentment, and the cycle continuing calling for involvement and integration at a new frequency is what I will take from this card.

Congratulations, you might say, the card is understood. No, I don't think that's the end of it. Even though we're not at the finish line and looking back over the entire journey, I've come to recognise that what I have learned about all of the cards so far is that what I do know about them is partial, for there will always be more interpretations, more lessons, more applications than what is here in this blog. The cards will continue to offer more surprises, and that is one of the reasons why I have delved into the deck to get a greater understanding of them. Maybe my aims have changed along the way, but as it stands, I've sought and continue to seek familiarity, not extensive rigid and restrictive structures to explain the entire gamut of each card. I think this card, in particular, will continue to offer surprises. I feel like it will sink into the deck and its appearance will continue to be marked with an air of reverence.

Despite reaching this point of familiarity, the message The World holds for me right now is the altered Reversed view. Forty-eight of the seventy-five cards so far have been in this state, which for me means that I've had many lessons to learn. The World indicates that my World has been a rather topsy-turvy run over the past ten years. That aside, there's more than that to this particular Reversal. So, let's get into it. If we take Thirteen's prescriptive Opposite, Blocked, Inverted Image views, we get one who doesn't leave their comfort zone, the scholar with faulty or presumptive knowledge, and the project is only beginning. Or, circumstances are such that one cannot complete their project; Thirteen even suggests agoraphobia. Esselmont's evolved Reversals are similar, especially in regards to project completion, suggesting that one may be taking the helicopter to the mountain peak rather than hiking it and thus learning from the experience of the trail, a frustrating delay in a critical piece thus needing creative solutions, or to let go of the past and move on as they seek closure on a personal issue that may involve a rather intense personal journey. Fairchild's prescription, meanwhile, suggests a going within, calling one to not be too trusting, to have faith in oneself and to pamper oneself and their "object of affection", and to seek intimacy and personal happiness in all one does. It's definitely an opposite to the outward focus of this card. Lastly, he suggests a more "standard" view in that resolutions are on the way but will come more slowly, and thus be more worthwhile - nascent and incomplete energies rather than current energy.

But, what is the sign pointing to right now, for me? Guided by Thirteen and Esselmont here, to me I am reminded of the many irons in many fires I have, except some of those fires are now smouldering or gone out. I have come to realise that I've been measuring my self-worth through what I have achieved and accomplished, then measured to what I feel I ought to have achieved and accomplished, or still want to achieve and accomplish. Many of my projects have become derelicts, and as time has gone on and I have aged, I don't have the time and energy for all of them anymore. A critical moment came once I drew this card the other day: my husband suggested that I sell the piano that I "don't use" and is taking up space. I have tried to write stories, play and compose music with various different instruments, create online content through playing video games, learn languages (especially Latin and Japanese), and then there's other things like reading certain books, learning to play golf, playing D&D, drawing and visual design... and then there's learning the Tarot. I've dabbled in so much that I feel like I've not been able to commit and gain expertise in anything, and that's what The World Reversed is talking about for me right now. My goal has always been to have something that gives me renown, if not fame, and as I stand on the brink of entering middle age, and I feel like much of the past two decades have not been spent creating something worthwhile, I ask what have I really done? What have I really achieved? And moreover, what would truly make me happy? Why is it that I can't commit to a project, to something creative that has no end – why do I keep getting off the carousel before I get to a point of accomplishment? Why do I keep giving up? Why do I try to ride the helicopter to the top? This is the "desired redemption" of which I wrote and why I sought it with this card.

Trying to complete this project, though, has a definite end point, and in typical fashion, I've put other things on hold while my mind focuses on it and the last three cards. Sometimes I feel like the delays in this journey has been sheer neglect, rather than waiting for an answer to come. Right now, though, I am charged with the finish line being right there. Just three more cards. But, as The World Reversed also says, it's not "the end", just the beginning of a new cycle. The end of this blog is not the end of my journey, because I will continue to look into the beauty that is Tarot. I bought a deck that appealed to me at FWA a few weeks ago, and the reward I will give myself for finishing card seventy-eight is a dragon deck and dragon oracle deck. It's not over: the carousel continues to turn, and the ride takes me to another corner.

It's that card. You know. That card. I have mentioned its name throughout the blog. I have thought about this card long and hard before it would make its appearance, to psych myself up for it. Each card has been drawn with trepidation as to whether or not I drew this card:

The Tower Reversed.

It's time.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Four: Five of Pentacles (Reversed)

Real cases of suffering ... tend to go unheard. This is not only because people who are genuinely suffering typically lack the resources with which to publicize their condition, but also because ... many forms of suffering deprive people of the very ability to express, sometimes even think, the fact that they are suffering. -Jamie Mayerfeld, Suffering and Moral Responsibility

He had a fever when he was in Spain, And when the fit was on him, I did mark How he did shake; 'tis true, this god did shake: His coward lips did from their colour fly, And that same eye whose bend doth awe the world Did lose his lustre. -William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

When a rule is enforced, the person who is supposed to have broken it may be seen as a special kind of person, one who cannot be trusted to live by the rules agreed upon by the group. He is regarded as an outsider. But the person who is thus labeled an outsider may have a different view of the matter. He may not accept the rule by which he is being judged and may not regard those who judge him as either competent or legitimately entitled to do so. -Howard S. Becker, Outsiders: Studies in the Sociology of Deviance

Have I stopped misposting? Okay. Good.

The overarching theme for the home straight of Tarot has been that of challenges. The Two and Five of Cups were the challenge to look at the undercurrent of much of this journey, that of coming to terms with my self-esteem; a process that is continuing. This card, the Five of Pentacles, on the other hand, is a reminder of another challenge for me: the ability to synthesise and find the meaning and application of the cards. Being of the Pentacles, and the last of them, it is apt that it talks to the physicality of the cards in this regard.

So, while I'm still looking to June 13, the blog's tenth anniversary, as a "deadline", I've not felt ready to deal with this card; and now I have a scant two weeks for the remaining four cards, some of which I know will require a lot of work (I feel like that this will play into the Eight of Wands, when it appears...). The challenge since returning to the blog post-migration is that I feel like I've not been able to tap into my intuition, that it's been dulled, and thus I've not been able to address the card and its energies in a way that I feel is fair and deep enough to crystallise my understanding and be a guidepost for future reference; similarly, some of the cards for me are faded memories and have regained unfamiliarity. That's why I lament when I feel like my posts become academic exercises, like a lecturer has asked me to "compare and contrast the approaches Bunning, Thirteen and Esselmont have on this card". But sometimes, that's all I can do, because I don't know the card; yet through that, I find some understanding.

The Five of Pentacles is a card that exemplifies this. In the way that Temperance was the first card I drew when I made my notebook, the Five of Pentacles is the second. Its notes are lacking the depth and maturity of the past ten years of experience, and partly because it was before the blog, I don't have a memorable, relatable moment to attach it to. My notes' depth of interpretation is weak, and the format I've written here seems incongruent with the standard that has since emerged; yet, I remind myself that much of the writing has come from my intuition rather than my intellect, my subconscious speaking to my conscious. The interpretations written in my book are just one foundation to my Tarot understanding: this journal is, as I intended long ago, designed to flesh this out and provide a means for new insights and greater familiarity.

Existential writing aside, let's actually take the time to look at this card. So be it, then. Extending beyond my usual four muses, Smith's imagery in the RWS version is apparently regarded as one of the most famous; I would disagree since it didn't really strike me outside of Tarot, but I would rather call it one of the most iconic, and that goes back to the very root of that word as well: icons. Given that Tarot is full of symbology, this image forms the basis of many, many interpretations of this card. Rather than derive at a meaning from my muses, I'm not going to source my interpretation because it seems so prevalent, and because it's taken from the story the card tells in the RWS imagery: two ailing peasants in the cold, trying to fend for themselves and suffering in the process outside the window of a church that they don't even look to, where there is warmth and sanctuary. That then lends itself to views ranging from lacking emotional security of one's childhood (thanks Ediya) to being too proud to accept help from others and failing as a result. From this central artistic theme is where we can then look at how my muses address it.

Let's start with Thirteen, because they discuss their cards systematically in the context of the whole. The card is a Five, and it is the instability that follows from the stability (or stagnation) of a Four. Just like the Page of Swords, they tend to be humbling challenges that will strengthen those who go through them. So since the Pentacles are that of the material realm, this card feels like it is the brother to the Five of Cups: if that one is the card of loss (and how one deals with it), then this is the card of lack. Lack is what Bunning focuses on with her themes: "hard times", especially financial hardship, "ill health", since Pentacles relates to the body after all, and "rejection", the lack of social acceptance. Esselmont expands on these, but then adds her own take: that of a "lack mindset" or fearing one doesn't have enough, where one focuses on what they don't have rather on what they do. To this all, Thirteen suggests that to deal with these energies, one should reconsider their values and focus on what one has; that the hardship teaches who one's friends truly are, who is honestly generous, and what really matters to someone.

And then we get to the Tarot Nova and Fairchild and Paschkis. Fairchild just gives all of this a glib, seemingly off-handed remark, with the majority of his prescription being that of one's hard's work and devotion to others not paying off and that one should let others know what one expects in return. That seems to go rather at odds to the accepted "canon" here. Indeed, Paschkis throws out the traditional imagery and doesn't allude to it at all: she shows a crocodile with five Pentacles on it as if it were a constellation. Compared to the richness of the RWS image I find it lacking (hah); however, the image of the toothy crocodile coming to consume is one that I can see linked to the more common themes of the card.

In my head I had thought that this card would be linked to The Tower or some other sort of loss and I was fearing it; but, this card has come out Reversed and this is one of those times that I feel like a Reversal is like night and day. Of course, that means I should temper my view to not be in complete opposition, but more in terms of the day following the night. Thirteen, in typical Thirteen style, focuses on the church and the ability of being that sanctuary; except nope, it ain't there, the peasants are on their own, cold and alone. And that's not what I'm finding right now; that's not day after night. So Fairchild and Esselmont are where I go again. Here I find more resonance, and it's woven through a lot of their prescriptions and analyses. The thought of not having enough expands into a "poverty mindset", where one feels unworthy because of their lack of possessions, that they do not deserve expensive things, that their money is spent on the trivial and not on what one desires; the call here is to determine if "I can't afford it" is a truth or a limiting factor, and that one will make it happen if they truly value it. I've been a little more outgoing with my money as of late, especially since I just went to a convention, yet I know I have debts that must be repaid. Speaking of this: Fairchild talks about a new source of income, and Esselmont talks about the end of hard times. I applied for a credit card for the first time ever and after a few weeks of silence, I was approved. Of course, it's not really a source of income, but a means to delay payments; I'm naturally cautious about it but considering that the bank offers cashback, it's a nice thing to have, and will help allow me to get a credit rating and potentially bigger purchases in the future.

But Fairchild leaves one of his esoteric yet resonant prescriptions: to learn the value of self-discipline and teamwork since they will bring rewards, and to express oneself as they choose despite others trying to make one conform. I feel this is related to my work, and it is something that I have been working on as I move through my new managerial position.

So the thing I've learned from this card is that I shouldn't be afraid of Fives; I should treat them like the Page of Swords and think of them as a challenge. Also, with this card, I've completed the Fives and also the Pentacles. The thing about the Pentacles is that it feels like it has a narrative that runs through the entire pips, and that the Five is the turning point of the tale. I would argue that it's my favourite of the four suits given its themes and internal reflections based on this critical mid-point: everything after this point is redemption and success with mature, positive energies in the Upright compared to the immature energies that come before this one.

Four cards remain and I must press on, finally feeling ready to do so. The next challenge lies with the card that I thought would be last, the redeemer, the nice departure for the blog: XXI The World. But it's Reversed. And as it is, of all the cards in the deck, The World is the card that I currently know and relate to the least. Herein lies the challenge.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Three: Five of Cups (Reversed)

Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, But cheerly seek how to redress their harms. -William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part III

Grief tears his heart, and drives him to and fro, In all the raging impotence of woe. -Homer, The Illiad

Regret, they say, is the most expensive thing in the world, but it’s a lie. Regret is free; you get to have as much regret as you want. And then, when you’re done wanting regret, you find it’s yours to keep forever. -William Barton, Down in the Dark

It's the final straight in this steeplechase and I'm determined to see it through, even if I don't feel as ready as I could be with each card between now and the end. June 13 would mark the 10th anniversary of me starting this journey and I don't want it to come to that before I make it through. Right now, once more, I've been given a challenge to surmount, but, like with the Two of Cups, the challenge lies in its message more than coming to terms with the meaning of this card.

Moreover, the meaning of this card is quite clear: | |i || |_. If that sigil doesn't mean anything to you, welcome to the internet. The Five of Cups is about loss and, as I interpret it, how one deals with that loss. Being of the Cups, it naturally lends itself to the emotional aspects of it, with Bunning's other themes being that of "bereavement" and "regret"; of course, the main theme she identifies is the big one associated with this card. I feel it would be a purely academic move to contrast what Bunning, Thirteen, Esselmont and Fairchild each have to say about the card when their messages are very similar and their perspectives are like different prescriptions of lenses in the same frame design. Though, as this blog is a de facto review of the Tarot Nova then Fairchild does need to be singled out, especially when he states that things are not as they seem, to keep one's emotions in check, be wary of deception and illusion, reinforce one's beliefs with facts and demand others do the same and to take care of unfinished business. Whew, that's a lot to associate with "loss", "grief" and "regret", isn't it?

This is where my summary interpretation of "how one deals with it" comes in. If we look at the traditional RWS image, the grieving figure is looking down at the Cups whose contents were lost, and cannot see the two behind them. Paschkis takes a different route: a figure is under an umbrella as four Cups rain down on them, with the fifth upturned in their hand. Other than depicting responsibility for at least one of those Cups, the thing that strikes me about her image is that the figure is disguised by that umbrella and is so deep inside it that they cannot see out of it. This is, as Bunning puts it, the most acute pain of loss and, as Thirteen and Esselmont allude to, its blinding and seemingly all-consuming nature. The blindness here is how I interpret Fairchild's response: more as cautions one needs to take in this state. Yes, sure, given what the loss may be one may be drawn to feel compassion for the depicted figure, be that the querent or another subject, but it must be kept in mind that not everything in the figure's universe is lost. The choice right now is to wallow in self-pity, perhaps even due to some old wounds and self-blame, as Esselmont puts it, and while dealing with one's emotions is naturally healthy, the way forward (says Thirteen) is to have the strength not to look at what was lost, but what one still has.

It seems rather prescriptive to have just this answer to the card's energies, but I feel it's really at the core of dealing with its energies. Even if one doesn't feel they have the strength to look at their upright Cups, the answer does form another guise: forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very powerful counter-energy here, and doing so does take a lot of strength; but in a way, it's also a catalyst. One of the ways that this card can refer to loss is in disappointment with another, and that blindness can be to that other person's good qualities: here, forgiveness is vital to moving on. Finally, as Bunning and Esselmont write, a loss is an opportunity for change, and loss is the emotional response to change, but one can (perhaps in time) see the blessing in disguise as new opportunities for growth have presented themselves. A plant that has been pruned will put its energy into new growth.

The Five of Cups has a very easy Upright interpretation and response, so what about the Reversal? Fairchild prescribes to not be overburdened by chores and responsibilities, to rise above petty politics and while friends may be supportive one should take time out. I see it as an evolution of the Upright energies, perhaps, in a more muted tone. Of course, doom-and-gloom Thirteen opines that everything is lost, but that is such a basic and limited view to have. I am so thankful that I have found Esselmont's interpretations because here I'm finding resonant energy, and until I took in what she had to say I have to admit I was fearing this card because it presented such a damning energy at face value regardless of orientation. She suggests that perhaps one's had a setback of some sort, or made a wrong choice, and they want to keep it secret; but, they're suffering from it and she prescribes turning to those one trusts for counsel. It could also be that one needs to accept that the past cannot be undone, or even that they're now in a state beyond grief where they're learning to open up once more, or that they've realised the lessons learned from the experience.

But what I found resonance with was Esselmont's other interpretation, that of self-forgiveness. Coming off the back of the Two of Cups' call for self-love, this card reinforces the message of the other for me. It's a process that is part of this metamorphosis that I've been undergoing for some time, where I'm coming to reconcile with myself, with who I am. Learning to let go of the emotions that I've harboured for many years is difficult and forgiving myself is challenging. Hindsight is very clear and having that clarity is what I hold myself accountable with and judge myself by. That, I can see, is not a healthy thing to have, even if I feel like I should have known and should have done: because "should" is a word that denotes obligation from somebody else. That somebody else is, well, myself. I spoke about the high standards I hold myself to: the feeling that I need to be 120% so that the extra 20% makes up for feeling of being worth only 80%. I am my own worst critic, and while I have made strides in not listening to that voice and not giving in to the negativity, it is very difficult. The blessing of this card is that I now see, perhaps clearly for the first time, that self-forgiveness is a key to my happiness. I don't feel like I can just write "I forgive you, self" in response to last post's apology and all will be fine and dandy, though. It needs to be an ongoing process. I need to regard my mental self-flagellation as a chronic disease that I must tend to, both the symptomatic scarring that's resulted, and putting down the whip. I've gotten better with the latter, so as to not make any new wounds, but tending to those old wounds (hey, that's an aspect of this card) as well is something that I feel like I've neglected in the hope that they'd go away. Well, they haven't. Self-forgiveness. Work on it. Do it.

With the end of the Cups, the suit of emotions, comes an emotional breakthrough. I feel this journey started very strongly in the Suit of Cups, where I was dealing with some very strong emotions but, in the course of ten years, I feel like I might be getting somewhere. Of all the Cups to provide clarity and closure, it's the one that I ended up fearing the most. In and of itself, I think that is a pertinent lesson to take out of the journey.

And journey on I shall, into the last five cards. And with five cards to go comes the last Five, yet another card I've been wary of: the Five of Pentacles. And, guess what? It's Reversed too! The cards have much left to teach me. Bring on the challenge.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Two: Two of Cups (Reversed)

She might yet be able to help him to the building of the rainbow bridge that should connect the prose in us with the passion. Without it we are meaningless fragments, half monks, half beasts, unconnected arches that have never joined into a man. With it love is born, and alights on the highest curve, glowing against the grey, sober against the fire. Happy the man who sees from either aspect the glory of these outspread wings. The roads of his soul lie clear, and he and his friends shall find easy-going. -E.M. Forster, Howards End

The church says to the lion and the lamb, "Here, let me negotiate a truce," to which the lion replies, "Fine, after I finish my lunch." -Walter Wink, Jesus and Nonviolence: A Third Way

Love is the expansion of two natures in such fashion that each includes the other, each is enriched by the other. Love is an echo in the feelings of a unity subsisting between two persons which is founded both on likeness and on complementary differences. Without the likeness there would be no attraction; without the challenge of the complementary differences there could not be the closer interweaving and the inextinguishable mutual interest which is the characteristic of all deeper relationships. -Felix Adler, Life and Destiny

Like I said in the previous entry about the Page of Swords, the remaining cards are all going to be challenges. Fortunately, we're starting off the home straight with an easy one; the challenge is in its message for me.

The Two of Swords is one of the easiest cards to read, especially based off the RWS depiction: even Paschkis, in the Tarot Nova, has a very similar image. Here we have two people ready to share their cups with one another and as for Paschkis, the two figures are holding onto a vine with the cups growing from it. The card is all about the mutual benefit of two people coming together: Bunning speaks about "connection" and "attraction", even calling it the Minor Arcana version of The Lovers. Thirteen focuses on the romantic aspect of two people drawn together, but also suggests a pull towards a new creative endeavour or spiritual path, and Esselmont talks about mutual benefits and synergy of two people coming together in romance or business. Bunning does stand apart from the other two and adds a theme of "truce", which Fairchild reflects in a diagnosis of it being a good time to make peace with those who did recent wrongs. Fairchild then goes on to expect happy surprises in the form of love letters or new relationships and to not buy into social pressure. Straightforward and cut and dry, right? It's not usual for me to able to summarise a card within one paragraph so easily. New relationships, mutual benefits, the time to right wrongs, new applications of creativity or spiritual energy.

I'm drawn towards that comparison between The Lovers and this card, though, and the most stark difference: The Lovers is a card with a lot of air energy, Swords matters of the intellect, while this one is more within that realm with which we associate love: the Cups. Does this mean that we should negate The Lovers for speaking about, well, lovers? No, definitely not. Bunning associates relationships with others and expressing sexuality with The Lovers, but those airy intellectual aspects of establishing personal beliefs and determining values are the other side of the coin. I see the Two of Cups as heavily supporting The Lovers should both appear: a new relationship or pursuit that demands that the querent seriously think about it (of course, depending on placement).

So then, as has been the norm for quite some time, this card came to me Reversed. Thirteen is fairly succinct and limited in his view as to its energies: our two lovers repel one another, or keep passing one another and don't have a chance to connect. It's to Esselmont that I turn here, who seems to take a view with this card that a Reversal means going to the next number down in the Minor Arcana in the vein of a "lesson unlearned". She talks about a potential disconnect in a relationship, even as far as a break-up or falling out, possibly through lack of emotional connection, trust, communication or being open with another, and offers the solution of talking about one's feelings with another. Moreover, though, it is her main message in regards to the Two of Cups Reversed that I have been drawn to, and it's that of self-love. Esselmont talks how it is through the love for oneself, self-acceptance and self-respect, that one is able to then love others.

That, there, is the challenge of this card which the Page of Swords said was coming. It's taken a while for me to write this because it is difficult for me to do so in regards to this topic, and has added to the delay because it is a painful subject that I would rather avoid. In that, I then realise that I've got a long way to go, when I thought I was already further down the road; but I guess this road is one without end. I feel I have alluded to it throughout the course of this journey, especially when I was first starting out, but perhaps it is clear especially from that time that I come from a place of lacking self-esteem. Having one's transgressions, compounded by my difficulties, met with tirades and being told that one is lazy, selfish, untrustworthy, unreliable and stupid, and suffer other emotional abuse, is prone to make anyone feel worthless. People wondered why I didn't "give up" when I was bullied relentlessly in school. At least now, as I've travelled down the road to recovery and self-acceptance, I've learned not to give in to those negative feelings and to cut them off before I spiral into that whirlpool; but I'm still trying to find positive things to replace them with. Right now, rather than affirmations, my self-negativity is met with denial and stoic silence. I still have incredible difficulty finding and identifying my strengths, but can find every perceived weakness with alarming ease. While I don't necessarily fear being incorrect, I still fear being wrong and that cripples my decision-making at times. I hold myself to high standards as a result, perhaps too high: going on twenty years ago, my music teacher said that out of everyone he knew I was the one who was the hardest on theirself. I'm learning to forgive myself, but it's very hard when I feel like when any transgression is apt and appropriate to land me in hot water. So, there's still a long way to go until I'm comfortable living with this brain and this self-esteem held together with sticky tape, string and spit. I feel as if the Two of Cups Reversed has been a reminder of this fact, and in a way, it's also a key to get through things. The Page of Swords's challenges, after all, are ones that will give character and improve one's resilience, so I need to work on this base of having self-acceptance to fall back on. Whatever progress I have made, as small and trivial it may seem, is progress regardless, so I can continue to draw comfort in that I am not the same person as I was when I began this journey through the cards, I am better and overall I feel better, and things will continue to improve as I reconcile with the demons of my past.

Fairchild says that it is time to make outstanding apologies, to not be insensitive, relieve tension creatively and to not let anything or anyone increase one's blood pressure; i.e. not to let anger get the better of them. When I've been angry and disappointed, it's been a very natural path for me to redirect that anger towards myself, and I know that it is very unhealthy and achieves nothing except exacerbating negative feelings. So, to my self, I am sorry for hurting you. You've already been through enough and it's not fair that I keep adding more.

As I begin to move out of this long expedition through the deck, this is one of the lessons that I need to take with me. I feel that each remaining card is a challenge, a reminder, of the lessons I need to take with me. And so we move on to the last of the Cups, the Five Reversed. Even though I know these cards are coming, I still find them bitter pills to swallow; yet, I must remember that I will grow through these challenges.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-One: Page of Swords (Reversed)

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. -Oscar Wilde, The Portrait of Dorian Grey

Well, we've finally reached a couple of major ends. Here is the final Court Card, and also the final card of the Suit of Swords. And what a doozy. For some energies, I feel like there's an ongoing hum, while others is like a wave breaking on the shore, there in a moment. This one felt different, though, like it was the wave gathering energy and strength as it crests. And in this state, it's easy to see the wave, but not the effects. Since beginning this entry, I feel like the wave may have broken, but the energy lingers.

So, what is the Page of Swords about? Well, just like the other Pages, this card comes in three forms (says Thirteen): a message, an environment, or a person who is a child or child-like. Or maybe, in some ways, a combination of two or all three, even. I feel the accumulation of the three forms is present in the energies right now, and I'll get back to this later; but for now, let's look at each one in turn since they complement one another.

Firstly, the traditional role of a Page is that of the messenger, thus the card itself signifies a message in the realm of Swords: itself is communication, and thus it is information. According to Bunning, this fits hand-in-hand with the other Pages' messages of opportunities for love, prosperity and passion; but unlike the others, this Page carries a message that challenges. This is, after all, the Swords, and that blade has sharp edges. But, the silver lining in the message, is that the challenge too is an opportunity, one that will make one stronger and more resilient provided one uses what the Swords "promises": honesty, reason, fortitude and integrity. Thirteen adds that the message should be checked for truth before it is passed on. Keep this in mind as we move on.

So if it's not a message involving challenges, it could be an environment of mental stimulation: novel ideas, lots of discussion, thoughts quickly manifesting into reality, new projects, new approaches, new intellectual pursuits... while Thirteen and Bunning list these out, Esselmont goes further to caution that because the energy is immature it's going to need something else to follow through. In a Celtic Cross spread, if this appeared at the 7th or 8th Position I'd probably lean more towards this take than a message or person.

So, that then leads us to the persona of the Page of Swords. Here Bunning and especially Thirteen take the fore in their description of the "Earth of Air". Just think of that phrase for a moment: it's contradictory. As a result, it shows an instability, a challenging aspect, and Bunning mentions that the relationship one has with this person may be troubled or difficult. Add in Thirteen's description of this person: tendencies to argue, to be a know-it-all when clearly they're not, and perhaps alarmingly, a tattletale who'll want to know everything and rattle it off to someone else. For the Upright aspect, I take this last part to not be necessarily malicious, but it is a warning to watch one's words and to not blurt out something that should remain unsaid. Still, this is the Upright aspect, so there is a positive side to this character: smart, enthusiastic and quick to learn about the world, tends to be good with technology and puzzles – they're exploring their ability to communicate, to share ideas and to gather information.

One theme I've seen come up repeatedly in my research is based off the RWS depiction, and that's of the seemingly defensive nature of the Page. His sword is raised while he looks the other way, as if he's trying to hold something off from coming. At the same time, I notice that his left hand isn't exactly holding the Sword securely - perhaps a moniker of his immaturity. It's definitely an element I should keep in mind. Paschkis, on the other hand, has a somewhat more aggressive, active Page, where they are slashing with the Sword while behind them is a lightning bolt: I take that to mean inspiration, like I described about the card's environment. The slashing Page goes with Fairchild's diagnosis: "Do you resent the intrusions of others in your life? Make a break. Assert yourself. Those who truly love you will continue to stand by you." I can definitely see the tie-in to the other described energies here, though it feels like a more active take of his Queen of Swords's advice.

Well, that was a lot said about the card Upright; perhaps there is a wordy energy active here. Despite this, I drew this card Reversed, and although these energies are active, they are definitely altered. This is the lesson I'm getting from all of these Reversals and I'm trying to steer away from the simple good/bad dichotomy. I feel like I've been somewhat misled, if not poisoned, by Thirteen's takes on Reversals because he tends to go to the negative extreme when I've now seen Esselmont's take to generally be the more altered approach. Still, there are times when the negative applies, and I think that Thirteen's lens is still apt for breaking apart the Reversed aspect into the Card's persona, message and environmental energies.

Rather, where Thirteen is descriptive, Esselmont is prescriptive. Thirteen's Reversed persona is a liar, gossiper, untrustworthy with secrets, a false braggart, while Esselmont suggests that maybe one ought to look at one's line of questioning and challenging of ideas that seems threatening, and to be more constructive in their approach. Thirteen's Reversed message is one of malicious gossip, untrue or inaccurate stories, illness or negative legal matters; Esselmont's message is that one may be holding back from expressing their truth publically, but may be expressing it privately, and suggests to let it be known. And then, Thirteen doesn't even talk about the environment, but Esselmont suggests that it could be a time of all talk and no action, to which she suggests holding people accountable, including oneself, or that it's hasty action without thinking, to which she suggests tackling one thing at a time. Additionally, Fairchild's prescription is similar here, with one changing their course of action as they go, which isn't bad so long as one keeps focused on their goals, and to decline friends' excessive demands kindly and firmly. I feel that I ought to go back through the cards and make addendums with Esselmont's takes, because many times I've limited myself to Thirteen's dour analysis and I feel like I've missed out on something deeper to understand Reversals.

But right here, right now, is the altered energy of the Page of Swords, and it needs to be addressed. To be fair, part of the lesson of this card applies, to watch my words, and writing this entry in my journey is part of it, for sure. Part of the reason for me breaking the card into the three energies is because I have felt a combination of all of the above, especially in regards to work. Interestingly, I've had an Upright Page of Swords personified in one of my workers: she has been very inquisitive, perhaps too inquisitive and upfront, but never really knowing when to keep her mouth shut; and then she suddenly tells us she has a new job and is quitting that day. Other than that, the Reversed Page of Swords has been at the fore: I've felt like I've been hasty without thinking, and I'm trying to tackle things one at a time. I've been changing my course of action but keeping focused on my goals. And then there's been the persona and message aspects. Gossip and drama has been rife amongst the team, and us management folks are trying to keep everyone focused on what they ought to be doing instead. The work environment has, to refer back to Bunning, been challenging, and it's not necessarily been a pleasant challenge at that; however, I feel like things will get resolved, and I'm going to come out of this stronger and more resilient, as promised. I just need to act with integrity, with fortitude, with reason, and with honesty.

Thank you, templates of Bunning and especially Thirteen, for breaking this and the other fifteen Court Cards apart, because I don't think I'd develop as deep an understanding as I have. While I feel my knowledge of some cards has retreated to a more superficial level, I know that there is a depth ready to be unlocked, and the templates are the key to doing so. I feel drawn to discuss the Court Cards from more agglomerated viewpoints once this journey through each card is over, so watch this space.

And with that, the Suit of Swords is done. I feel like, too, each suit will get a summary; or maybe just all of the pips with comparisons between the suits. The Swords has, and remains for me, a suit of challenges: much of what it has to say is not always pleasant, but what it offers is often a promise of building one's character. And I think that, throughout its various guises, should be what I take out of this, my least favourite of the four suits.

I think it's also apt that it was the Page who came last. It's one final message, a warning, from the Swords, and that is a message of challenge as I enter the home straight with the last seven cards. Of these seven, and of what little I already know of them, I see challenge ahead with each one, be it a lack of familiarity with the card, or the message that lies within each one. It's not going to be an easy run to the finish, and it starts with the Two of Cups Reversed.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy: Queen of Swords (Reversed)

For her own breakfast she'll project a scheme, Nor take her tea without a stratagem. -Edward Young, Love of Fame

As I write these words right now, I feel like I'm rounding the bend before the final straight and The Sun is giving me momentum to continue. Part of me feels like the little dog in The Fool is barking out the warning that I may be a bit too eager and I should wait for this card to sit, to try and implement its lessons as I have done with other court cards (in some cases, years); however, I've been blessed by a resonance with this card and thus I feel confident to at least start my analysis.

The last Queen of this journey is, as Thirteen puts it, the most-Queen like of them. This is odd, considering that the Queen of Swords is the "Water of Air", and the rational world of the Swords is often at the other pole from the emotional world of the Cups. He says this, though, because the energy of this card exudes a cool yet alluring demeanour that fascinates and threatens. While the King of Swords is more about mental alacrity, the Queen of Swords is more about mental acuity. And along those lines of being acute, she knows her tongue is her spear. In some cases (especially Reversed), she can be a viper. Regardless, this is the Queen who gets straight to the point and expects others to do the same, who can't be fooled easily, sets clear boundaries and expectations to be followed, and thus their opinions are respected and are sought out for advice and clarity. Bunning, Thirteen and Esselmont all entangle themselves together into these interpretations, while Fairchild's advice is simple, in verbatim: "Let others suffer the consequences of their actions. Be your own person and you won't get burned." The King of Swords may be the master of intellect, but I find that the Queen of Swords is someone I wish I could embody due to that poise, that clarity, that respect, that self-determination. Thirteen sums her up as a "strategist"; compare this to the King's "Judge" summary.

Bunning describes this card's energies (and persons) as "honest", "astute", "forthright", "witty" and "experienced". The last two seem to be at cross-purposes with the reputation of the Queen of Spades (the more well-known parallel card), but Bunning explains that the Queen is not as aloof as she appears, with knowledge and experienced based in worldliness. The sharp wit comes out of that experience paired with her cutting intellect. There is a human side to her; it's just that, as Thirteen explains and Esselmont expands, she sees more value in using the head rather than the heart, to understand rather than to empathise, to employ curiosity rather than compassion. Their softer side is protected until their trust and respect is won.

Of course, as per Bunning's and Thirteen's templates, a Queen is also a development, and here it is the development of intellectual ideas, speeches, papers, or the spreading of news. Indeed, Bunning's atmosphere suggests frank communication; and thus Thirteen takes this to suggest means of communication in and of themselves. I think it's also this idea that Paschkis interprets: the Queen, clad in robes of Spades, holds a Sword in her left hand and a falcon perched on her right. That falcon is calling out: communicating. Bunning, like her other court cards, says that this card can be a sign that a querent needs to consider (cf. a Page's message and expression, a Knight's examination of extremes, and a King's action) those themes she presents: seeing humour in things, getting to the point, if one's being fooled, what's really going on, and most importantly, whether or not the querent is being completely honest. I do not think I've seen exact instructions in Bunning's other card interpretations that say "examine this first" like she says for this one, but the need for the querent's complete honesty is paramount for a successful reading. In light of this, maybe the Queen's appearance should be taken as a sign to check this, and is another specialty of this card I will have to consider, like the Six of Pentacles' exceptional method and the Nine of Wands' paradoxical question.

But like so many cards I've drawn since resuming my journey last year, the Queen of Swords is on her head. All of these Reversals, I think, are a message not to treat the cards as "Upright = Good" and "Reversed = Bad". Rather than the more streamlined interpretations of an Upright card, I have to discern among the many Reversed interpretations. I've come to realise that it's not 156 depictions I need to learn, but a myriad of ways that 78 depictions can go "expectedly" and can be "altered". Trying to learn the cards by rote is never going to work for me: I spoke of being more gentle and intuitive in my learning. I have to let the cards themselves speak from the framework that I'm learning: it's the mortar that holds the brick wall together.

So what does the card tell me? Well, let's work out what things it can tell me. Firstly, I see my mother and my mother-in-law among this description of Queens of Swords and, admittedly, I was fearful of the card being drawn such because one classical interpretation is that "this person is out of sorts". But I don't see that here. I don't see it as being a person this time, so no "Queen Bitch", no "Viper"; nor is it a tactless, harsh and nasty argumentative win. Thirteen's interpretations colour this, as well as the blockage to communication: the latter is something that could be a warning, with technology crashing, means of communication being cut, and possible miscommunication. So then there's Esselmont, who suggests that maybe emotions are getting in the way of judgement when clear-headedness and objectivity is needed, or that one is pushing people away via their viper-tongued behaviour. No, not these either.

But then I found the resonant thread. Fairchild seems to be like Esselmont here too in agreement: a recoloration of the Upright energies. He diagnoses doubt from heavy demands (which I'll get back to), but the main part of his recoloration is when he says to assert one's own mind and that one doesn't need anyone else's approval, linking back to his more forceful Upright diagnosis. And then Esselmont, too, calls for confidence and assertiveness to achieve success. As I've moved into this new position at work, I've stumbled headlong into the "office politics", and I've let some decisions been made for me by one side that are at odds with what the other side wants, the side that I feel is right. Through my bad or non-assertive decisions, the landscape has been made clear to me that I need to navigate. The Queen of Sword's lesson, right now, is that I need to be more assertive, especially when it comes to saying "no", and to think like the Queen of Swords. Being Enterprising, Adept, Reliable, Supporting, and Steady has only got me to this point. The Queen's Honesty, Astuteness and Forthrightness is the way forward. Wit and Experience will follow. The demands of me may now be heavy, but I must not doubt. I have the tools I need.

Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes the Reversed Page of Swords. The final Court Card appears, and with it comes a lesson of its own.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Nine: XIX The Sun (Reversed)

Zen masters use the word satori to describe a flash of insight, a moment of no-mind and total presence. Although satori is not a lasting transformation, be grateful when it comes, for it gives you a taste of enlightenment. You may, indeed, have experienced it many times without knowing what it is and realizing its importance. -Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

...[B]e not afraid of greatness: some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. -William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

The most solid advice for a writer is this, I think: Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough. -William Saroyan, The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. -Steve Jobs

I've had this card on the go for a while as I've tried to discern its energies. When I drew it at the end of last year (yeah, I know, it's a cliché, but let me get it out of the way), I certainly did not felt radiant. I was varying degrees of unwell over December, mixed in with the shortest and coldest days of the year. I did not find as much joy in the things around me, despite the Christmas season; my presents from Australia to me remained unwrapped until almost the New Year.

As for these entries, writing them has also slowed down, partially because I'm finding it quite difficult to find an "in", that spark of inspiration that sends me down the road to finish writing. I think part of that has been a lingering fear of what the remaining cards could signpost, too; but otherwise, I'm having trouble seeing what the signs are pointing to. The Sun is considered to be the most positive card in the entire Tarot; and yet I'm finding difficulty in working out what that positive energy is. A Reversal on this card is still typically seen in a good light (unless you're like Mr Doom-And-Gloom Thirteen). Therefore, what is the lesson here? Is it really just the feeling unwell and malaise that I had? Have I lost my touch when it comes to the Tarot?

I feel that much has been said about The Sun and I'm not going to add much to that body of work, like I can only communicate a tenth of the positive energy of this card and even that is a generous assessment. With that, let's go merrily down the Bunning path and dissect her themes since I feel that's the core to understanding this card. She recommends that the querent feels like a sun god and asks what they would do. That's some pretty powerful stuff and while I don't think I would necessarily go that far, it helps frame her four themes of "enlightenment", "greatness", "vitality" and "assurance". These are some extremely positive themes - this is not a card for the meek and retiring, she says. She goes on to suggest that the card's energy is that of light, its power and glory, that a room is illuminated by light just as a mind is en-light-ened, to find and see and comprehend the truth. And then it also reflects (another light word) the moment of achieving prominence, being joyful and enthusiastic and healthy, and being totally confident without cockiness and trusting in one's abilities. Looking at Colman Smith's imagery, one cannot help but see this repeated over and over with elements of purity and passion; Paschkis has a young child riding a rooster rather than a horse, but still has a blazing sun above them (I'm surprised there's no sunflowers given the other botanical themes of this deck). Fairchild, for once, has a similar rosy view of the energies of this card: personal growth through self-expression and saying what one feels when one feels it, to accept criticism and admit mistakes, to be enthusiastic and self-assured, and even suggesting a promotion (more on that later).

Jumping over to Esselmont, she speaks of a warm, radiant energy coming from within that draws others, that provides strength, and also is a portent that difficulties will soon pass and one can feel confident because things will work themselves out. This is much in line with what Bunning says, but it's Thirteen who summarises everything into one helpful phrase: "the Apollian ideal". Yet another sun god in reference, but a good framework to describe the energies he identifies as "young, healthy, new and fresh". Of course, the milk is slightly sour with him: he suggests that one could go as far as to have "too much sun", ignoring the shadows, being too rational, and even getting sunstroke from one's own radiance. This is actually one of Esselmont's Reversed themes, to which she adds too much enthusiasm and unrealistic expectations. Despite this, that Apollian ideal thought could be seen as the seed that grows into Bunning's themes: the Page of the Sun compared to the King.

So all is well and good and peachy under The Sun's gaze. But what if The Sun is at the bottom? Well then, the first place to go to is Thirteen, where the sky is falling and chaos and disorder reign. Well, not that extreme, but he suggests that poor logic and bad reasoning could prevail, and there is a disorder of things falling into place incorrectly. Or, that The Sun is setting, reason and logic are rejected, one's youthful energy cannot be recaptured – Esselmont relatedly chimes in and suggests getting in touch with one's inner child – and things prefer to stay in the shadows. Furthering that shadowy theme, we then have what he defines as a Blockage, where things are illogical and make no sense, enharmony is disharmony, and even suggests problems with getting on with children. He calls that an "eclipse", and it makes sense; but I feel like Thirteen's dogmatic strictures of Opposite/Blockage/Reversed Imagery are too limiting, and yet it's what I immediately go to. Then I remember the expanded Blockages and realise that nascent energy is one of them. Esselmont says that The Sun is never negative, so things may just take a little longer. The time was not yet right. An eclipse is only temporary.

When I drew the card in December, things were in a dip. But now, the eclipse has passed. I've received my promotion and I'm taking on the new responsibilities with caution but enthusiastically. My work hours mean that my finances are on the up. On a more spiritual side, I'm starting to explore the I Ching and Tao Te Ching, hoping to add this to my repertoire of divination. And, I return here to my journey through Tarot. The Sun has come out from behind the clouds.

Nine cards remain. I feel there's a vital energy to draw on, and I feel I may need it as the Reversed Queen of Swords shows her face...

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Eight: Ten of Pentacles (Reversed)

Where could I find enough leather to cover the whole earth? But by the leather of one pair of sandals the earth will be covered. -Santideva, The Entrance into the Life of Enlightenment

In the inescapable flux, there is something that abides; in the overwhelming permanence, there is an element that escapes into flux. Permanence can be snatched only out of flux; and the passing moment can find its adequate intensity only by its submission to permanence. -Alfred North Whitehead

Tradition is a set of solutions for which we have forgotten the problems. Throw away the solution and you get the problem back. -Donald Kingsbury, Courtship Rite

Progress through the last few cards is a lot slower than I first anticipated. I wanted to get this all done by the end of the year and while possible, it's not probable at this stage. I feel like I run the risk of coming to each card and just viewing each one as an academic exercise rather than something deeper. Still, an inch of progress is better than no progress at all.

So here we are at the ultimate end of the Pentacles, the Ten, and I find myself feeling somewhat lost. The themes of this card can be identified, but I'm finding a lack of self-identifiability with them, so writing this card and looking for its energies has been difficult. The draft of this analysis had been sitting here for weeks with barely anything written past the quotes. I'm used to the modesty of the Nine of Pentacles, the culmination of the suit, rather than the splendour of this card, the Pentacles' completion. But completion doesn't mean a termination, especially here: Thirteen likens Tens to being like the Wheel of Fortune, continuing to turn after it makes its full revolution. Bunning herself sums it up with the theme of "affluence". Esselmont talks about wealth accumulation. Thirteen even refers to Crowley, that dark horse of classical Tarot interpretations, calling upon his name of "The Lord of Wealth" – having something so abundant that it's viewed differently than when it was rare. Esselmont says that there is no more wanting. That wealth, now that the Pentacles have reached their completion, is ready to be passed on anew, or set up in a way that it benefits others, if not indulging them. Esselmont suggests one feels a compulsion to do so. It's not the caritas of the Six of Pentacles, but more about leaving legacies: one's accomplishments and rewards are now used for others to enjoy; or, perhaps creating the bedrock and consistency for this to occur in the future. Bunning and Esselmont dance around one another when we apply the other two of Bunning's themes here: "seeking permanence" and "following convention". The energies are about following the status-quo, doing the tried-and-true, not rocking the boat: the sorts of things that "old money" will do when change, that antithesis of a solid earthy rock, is inadvisable.

And yet that seeking of permanence is contrary to Fairchild, like so many of his diagnoses. Incredible imagination, demanded talents: express yourself. New goals when others are attained. Prudential and confident. I don't see a lot of the others' energy in his words, except perhaps to "make plans and refuse to be deterred from your new objective", which suggests some degree of permanence and perhaps making convention. Rather, Paschkis's image of a treasure chest overflowing with coins is more in line with the traditional RWS imagery. Even then, I've seen in Colman Smith's depiction that the Pentacles are set up in the manner of the kabbalistic Tree of Life: something that I've touched on recently in my own meanderings, but not something that I've found of much consequence yet. Perhaps there is something here to find in the future.

Don't get me wrong in that I am completely unfamiliar with this card: I was really looking forward to it, especially if it was Upright, because it has such positive associations. But its talked-about wealth is not something that I am familiar with, nor perhaps I may never be: this card is Reversed, after all. Thirteen's quick judgements are about the wealth being wasted or taken away, or even none to be left except debts, or even breakdowns in the family over squabbling. Esselmont's gentler words are more oriented towards the individual: setbacks with financial or family stability being the most succinct of them, but the rest is focused on the trappings of wealth and stability. She asks if one's desire for stability is actually bindings against what one actually wants, even when one is seeking status, or staying put: the permanence is stifling desire. As for wealth more directly, it may suggest dissatisfaction with what one has, and yet one is burning through their reserves to keep up with their lifestyle; is one's feeling of self-worth tied to their wealth? I see this as a pertinent question should this card come up Reversed in a reading. Fairchild doesn't offer much help: busy helping others, recommends keeping one's goals in mind, friends will show true colours, and watch out for legal entanglements. I wish I knew what his interpretation of this card was because it seems like it comes down a completely different path, what with these suggested energies being somewhat removed from what my other mentors suggest. Then again, there's other cards I wish I knew his mindset for, too...

Personally, in this Reversed state, I see my future not being financially sound, especially the distant one. I've resigned myself to the fact that I won't have a retirement, not with dipping out of the compulsory Australian superannuation scheme when I moved and being unable to set up my own retirement fund over here so far. My parents don't expect to be able to give me much of an inheritance. In a shorter-term mindset, though, Paschkis's treasure chest has been emptying itself: Christmas presents, new tyres for the car, a new computer monitor (which is making writing this so much easier)... it has made me think about what my money is doing and what I'm doing with my money more closely than I usually have. Esselmont's comment about the wealth trap is also cutting deep: can I really afford what I have, and will I be able to in the future? My suspicions suggest not, but I don't know where to begin to ensure that things continue to go smoothly in the future.

Yes, perhaps this analysis has been academic, and I've not felt strongly about this card, possibly because I've felt the energies are about the future and not about the here and now, like so many other cards have been. But we're another card down, and into the final ten. And it is the card that started this journey onto Tumblr, The Sun. But like so many others, it is Reversed. What does this mean?

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Seven: King of Pentacles

Many a man acquires a fortune by doing his business thoroughly, while his neighbour remains poor for life, because he only half does it. Ambition, energy, industry, perseverance, are indispensable requisites for success in business. -P.T. Barnum, The Art of Money-Getting

Okay, so there's been a bit of a stall in getting these posts out. As much as I wanted to jump on this card and get its analysis written, I felt I needed to wait for something to at least start to resolve in regards to it. That, and maybe part of it is trepidation in regards to the other cards still remaining in the deck... I mean, the Fives of Pentacles and Cups, and the Tower are definitely ones I'm not looking forward to; but, still I press on in the faith that the pre-interpretation I'm giving them is not the energy I expect.

The final King shows his face, and one I was looking forward to not only because it's the King of a suit I like, but also because he had not yet been written down in my book. With this, my Court of Pentacles is complete (all Courts except the Swords now) and perhaps I can see the progression up and down the chain between them. I have to admit that I don't feel like I can get a good write-up going here like I did for the King of Swords; that one was more intellectual, after all, whereas this one is way more worldly, but by no means simple. Being a Court card...well, let's template it up in here again since that seems to be a good way to address it.

Going through associative elementology, here we have the "Fire of Earth". As usual, Bunning says to be "inspired", like all the other Kings and Queens; but with the latter where she says to "consider", the Kings are all about taking actions. So, Pentacle Kingly things include stuff like keeping commitments, fixing what's broken, making money, sponsoring new enterprises, and so on. This is a continuation of what Thirteen calls a motivation or energy to do things like starting new businesses, crafting or building, saving money, restoring health, while Esselmont says it signifies attracting and managing wealth, making wise investments, and the final fulfillment of a creative venture or investment with the ability to enjoy and share its bounty. Very well, this is all about the things of the worldly and being proactive in making things real; but not just that. It's being a force to share it to others. A King motivates, after all – the Fire bit means it's the spirit of the suit, the fuel in the furnace. So how does that get to me now?Well, a key to unlocking it is what Bunning says are the card's themes: being "enterprising", "adept", "reliable", "supporting" and "steady". I was inspired by this card and I've kept these ideas in my head; I believe it is starting to pay dividends, and I'll discuss that later.

As usual, a King can represent someone. I don't recall if I mentioned it off-hand, but it seems that Waite himself – he who unlocked much of the modern interpretations of the Tarot – was the one who suggested the whole hair colour and complexion thing. Really? Of all people? He also suggests pulling a card from the court to signify the querent and then working the reading around it. No, this is not something I want to do either: it's the message of the card that's more important, made so through the significance of being drawn from the deck. I refuse to pigeonhole people this way.

That was an unexpected little rant; back on track. A King can represent someone and I'm feeling like I'm surrounded by these Kings – more on that later. Thirteen calls the King of Pentacles "The Old Farmer". It's a bit of a strange title, but my mentors add on lots of descriptors to help unpick that; yet I've woven them together so tightly that I'm not going to bother unpiecing them to individually cite my sources: just keep in mind Bunning's themes here. They say the King of Pentacles does not like to stand out lest they're embarrassed, does not wish to fix what's not broken, has a conservative (small c) nature and takes tried and true approaches – not an innovator, and may appear cold and aloof. Additionally, they may be spendthrift on things that give them status but cuts corners on some other resources. But all of that belies reliability and dependability, a steady and even temperament, an incredibly kind and loyal nature, help freely given without beholding, provides for those they care for even sacrificially, and gives time and resources freely in the knowledge that giving more gives one more in return. Additionally, they're a King Midas type, through finding opportunity everywhere, and draws on a wide array of practical skills and knowledge. Really, they're a competent jack-of-all-trades.

And then Fairchild says, "Stop trying to be a jack-of-all-trades. Specialize". Excuse me? Dennis? That's so against the grain of everything else. I don't get this man's thinking sometimes, and an example like this is why I feel like you can't just pick up the Tarot Nova – or any one style of deck with pre-written advice from one source – and expect a good picture of Tarot. Heck, I sensed this and nine years later, here we are. I guess what Fairchild is actually trying to say is to moderate one's King of Pentacles' energy. "Strong sensual and physical desires" and self-discipline interfering with "personal happiness and fulfillment" are his other diagnoses. To this we add Paschkis's depiction, and like the King it isn't very innovative: it basically takes Pamela Colman Smith's depiction and combines the background buildings into being part of the very throne.

It feels strange after having so many Reversed cards lately to have to take an aside to discuss that aspect, but I feel it would be remiss if I did not do so. So, let's start with the obvious personal depiction via Thirteen: the normally staid King becomes stifling, too afraid of change, too miserly, yet maybe not above cheating others: expects the best from them but not above letting them have the worst. And then we have Esselmont: feelings of being in a rut, an unhealthy relationship with money through being too frivolous or too much of a workaholic, or of kowtowing to those above while being dismissive of those below. Fairchild suggests feelings of extreme sensitivity, or of being afraid of competition and growth.

I've lingered in the land of the Upright King of Pentacles for a while because I've needed to, not just from a preparatory standpoint as I come to the final eleven cards, but because, as I said, I've needed to focus on these energies. Being enterprising, adept, reliable, supporting and steady is a mantra I need to take with me. Why? The whole mention of promotion at work is starting to bear fruit. The King of Pentacles is not just someone who is that jack-of-all-trades, but someone who people look up to, who manages, who (as Thirteen says) got into their position through hard work. Yes, the promotion is to junior management, along with comprehensive training and support. People are looking up to me and looking at me to head into that aspect, and the way to prove I'm a good fit and the way through? Being like the King of Pentacles, because those who hold the keys are Kings of Pentacles in their own right. I've been signed off at the highest level just within the store I work at, but corporate needs to see my potential. The ball's in their court. I feel like my career right now is like a boat, and we're taking it to the parking lot where the ramp into the water is: there, before it sets sail, it needs to be checked that it can sail. I need to remain enterprising, adept, reliable, supporting and steady, because if I can prove I'm able to manage my boat, once it's out on the water if I'm not like the King of Pentacles then my boat could end up on the rocks. I need to at least know how to keep the boat afloat before I can be taught how to sail.

Enterprising. Adept. Reliable. Supporting. Steady.

In other news, I may have found the deck for divining with others, but I'm going to hold off from purchasing it just yet: it is my reward for completing this journey. And continue it shall, with the Ten of Pentacles Reversed. A little blow to my ego, perhaps, but I hope nothing untoward...

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Six: Six of Pentacles (Reversed)

A secure teacher expects to be a learner all day, every day, and is comfortable with the ambiguity of that role. It’s not so important to be “right” as to be open; it’s not so important to have all the answers as to be hungry for them. A secure teacher leaves school each day with important questions to puzzle about overnight and the belief that each day contains the insights necessary for a more effective tomorrow. A secure teacher believes that having these kinds of insights is professionally challenging and personally satisfying. -Carol Ann Tomlinson, The Differentiated Classrroom: Responding to the Needs of All Learners

It is doubtful if the oppressed ever fight for freedom. They fight for pride and power — power to oppress others. -Eric Hoffer

In a shared fish, there are no bones. -Democritus

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog when you are just as hungry as the dog. -Jack London, The Road

This card was forever going to be a hurdle in this journey. I knew from my first initial explorations of Tarot that this one is the weird one, that needs to be treated in its own special way, with its own time to unravel. So, I'm going to come at it from a weird angle, just like Julie Paschkis did when she drew the Tarot Nova.

She drew bread. A loaf of bread in a tin.

How is this Six of Pentacles energy? How does this signpost me towards the themes of this card? Here's your answer: it doesn't.

So, let's go back to a younger version of me who's learning Tarot in a hurry because they said they'd do fortune telling at the convention their friends run and here we go, the Six of Pentacles comes up and it's a loaf of bread in a tin. It's inscrutable. So here's me doing this reading and now there's a loaf of bread that has seemingly no basis in RWS that I definitely know nothing about at the time except for my hastily scrawled and barely legible notes and I have to divine with it. Not only that, it's the most context-sensitive card in the entire Tarot. Can you imagine how amateur me felt? The mists of time have definitely made it obscure and it's now more a feeling that I drew it than a memory, and probably so because it's something I wanted to forget happened. But this card, as well as the weird Two of Wands imagery and other vague depictions were reasons for me wanting to improve my Tarot knowledge and to get to learn the deck, because a loaf of bread for something as complex as the Six of Pentacles just Will Not Do.

Why am I so offended by a loaf of bread? It's because this card is complex, not like an onion-esque Major Arcana kind of complex with layers and depths of meaning, but complex through its many divergent energies. Fortunately, my three mentors arrive at the same place, albeit in different ways, in that this card has to do with charity. Now, I'm going to go beyond that word because it has certain connotations (that I'll get into), and return to its Latin root, caritas. I define caritas as being a higher ideal than just charity, because not only is it the imparting of resources to those less fortunate, but also those who impart wisdom, who empower, out of love, out of the fraternal love of philadelphia. Oh, sure, this is covered by the goodwill section of the Six of Cups, the last card, but here, rather than the feeling of goodwill, we have goodwill made real, just like how the Pentacles deal with the real. Caritas can only exist when it is in action.

So now we have a hatstand on which to hang the other interpretations, except it's a weirdly shaped Schrödinger one because this is the Six of Pentacles and this card exists in multiple quantum states until it is defined. That's the complexity of the divergence, here, and Pamela Colman Smith's depiction is key to it (and not a loaf of bread). Take a look at the top of this entry, and who have we got? Someone with wealth imparting, and someone without receiving. So, who is being defined here by the Six of Pentacles? That's the cat in the box. Caritas exists for everyone in different ways at different times, and everyone will either be in the giving position or the receiving position. Admittedly, I have a similar quantum state for the Nine of Wands (looking out or looking in), but this need to define between donator and beneficiary, giver and recipient, has to be done every time this card appears to work out who is the querent (or the subject). Thirteen explicitly states that this needs to be worked out, while Esselmont gives a more implicit view of the dichotomy through her interpretations: "You may be like the wealthy man, [and thus...]", "On the other hand, you may be on the receiving end...". Of course, one could turn their interpretation of the Six of Pentacles into a very simplistic "Upright is giving, Reversed is receiving", but doing that robs this card of so much depth.

Thirteen has a short and simple take on the card, where he focuses on the who question and, once answered, suggests that it's a sign to be more charitable, donate time and resources, or to seek out or accept those aids. He tempers it with two points: that both parties gain from the action (another facet of caritas), and that the recipient should put aside their pride and/or shame while the giver needs to give freely and not to feel superior or good about themselves. This second point has to do with the restoration of equilibrium, which his theme of the Sixes; but like the others, it's not something that lasts forever. Esselmont takes the point of selfish giving as an extension for the Reversed energies of the card, stating that it could be an indication of thus; the dark side of charity. She goes on in the Upright, for the giver, to say that they may be able to give because they have more than enough, and even if they don't feel they can give resources, their time, wisdom, love and energies could be received even better. She even suggests a loan that will be repaid. For the receiver, it's recognition of the situation and the advice to become self-sustainable in the future and not end up to rely on charity (another Reversed energy for the darker side).

And now that we have these "traditional" views, we can attempt to explain Fairchild's diagnoses: "Stop being overly sensitive to the needs of others at work", i.e. tone down your charity; "Beware of overindulgence" i.e. don't spend too much or else you cannot be charitable or may need it; "you will soon profit from the extra efforts you've been putting forth", i.e. good karma will flow back to you thanks to your caritas; "your bread will rise and be fluffy", i.e. okay, that last one's my joke. But given that Fairchild's words accompany and interpret Paschkis's drawings, remove the interpretation of caritas that everyone else seems to have with this card, and try to use the image of the loaf of bread in the tin to explain through association what Fairchild means. Maybe the profit from extra efforts of making dough, maybe the overindulgence in eating too much, and as for the co-workers I have no clue. I keep cycling back to this image because I really think that it's crippling and is perhaps one of the biggest pitfalls of this deck. The bread really feels like a cop-out.

Before my blood pressure increases some more, I should talk about the Reversed analysis, especially since I've alluded to it already. Sixty-six cards in, we should know that Reversals aren't necessarily opposites by now. That's one reason why I think the "Upright giver, Reversed receiver" is far too limiting. Even turning the image around...I mean, one has to do that with a loaf of bread to get it out of the tin, right? So what's so bad about that? Ugh... moving on... The short and bitter Thirteen interpretation is "wants to give but can't", or "needs to receive but there's no help at hand". Enough said. Looking at Esselmont's multi-faceted approach though, I've already discussed the dark sides of charity through showboating and dependency that she interprets; however, she also discusses being wary of over-commitment, lending that won't come back (but maybe an alternative means can be done in the future), and being careful if taking on debt. She also adds on reciprocation not happening in a relationship. Despite these negative aspects, there is a silver lining: giving to oneself. Self-care. Treat yo'self. She says that it's warranted especially after one has given a lot to others, and I see where she's coming from. As I analyse more and more of her own analyses, it seems that one of her Reversal interpretations is a self-direction for the energies; that it's hidden, a different sort of Nascent Blockage. I think I might start looking into how the cards' energies could be internalised, especially beneficially.

Hang on, we're this far down the analysis and I haven't spoken about Bunning yet? Well, that's because her usual interpretation into themes doesn't work the same way here. She's the one who is quick to point out the context-sensitivity of the card when she states her suggested pairings are either convergent or divergent energies: this card is the only place I am aware she does so. And while she does give the themes of "resources", "knowledge" and "power", firstly, it's actually split into six when she adds on "having" and "not having" to those themes. One could almost see this card to be like a Knight's "yet", but not necessarily from a simultaneous source. Secondly, and more pertinently, her themes are, for once, not what's important. It's the descriptors of "having" and "not having" that are, the meaning of it. The definition of who is referred to by the card, according to Bunning, is important, but she asks more questions that, I find, unlock the card itself:

What does it mean to have, or not have, materially and immaterially?

Why is one in this situation?

Where are they going?

Who is in charge?

What's really going on?

These questions are, dare I say, the yeast for the bread in the tin, the important small but oh-so-significant details that makes the magic happen. Here, here, are the fundamental particles of this card's quantum states. These questions are how I opened my notes, and with the giver/receiver quantum, what I need to remember to ask whenever the Six of Pentacles appears. Giver/Receiver, Meaning, Situation, Destination, Power and Truth. Maybe I'll think of a better acronym for this. It might have to do with bread.

And also, these questions are why I left Bunning's part of the analysis for last, because this is how I need to think of my current situation and what is being signposted here. It's hard, though. See, I don't necessarily have the benefit of a multi-card spread to link the meanings to. I could look through my recent cards, I suppose, but the emotional energies present through them don't seem to fit into the hole this card is making. One thing I can think of is that my mother has asked me what I want for Christmas and wants to get the wheels turning on getting things sent out as soon as possible before the mail system delays it; but, this seems like my loaf of bread in a tin. I guess it does fit into the mould of caritas...so, let's add the other questions. Giving and Receiving? Well, that would be me and the family. Meaning? It's our second Christmas ever where I've not been at home, with the first one last year, and it's an expression of our love for each other. Situation? Gifts cost money, and sending gifts all the way back to Australia is expensive, and while I do have one or two gifts already put aside, I'm worried about not being able to afford Christmas because I've been a bit short on hours. Destination? Hoping that I'll be able to afford to buy and gifts in the coming weeks. Power? That's a multi-faceted combination. Provided I don't fall ill (again, I've had a nasty cold this past week), that rests with me: keeping my noise to the grindstone will work, while there is serious talk about giving me a promotion and a modest raise. Truth? I hate the hassle of Christmas and it feels like an obligation rather than a joy when I'm worried about finances, and I always feel guilty about asking for gifts, even when I'm invited to; and I daresay these two feelings are related. And there we go: the questions in action, combined with a Blockage. It works.

Fairchild, though, has the last laugh. It's ironic that I tend to discount his interpretations as tangential or irrelevant, but when they're congruent boy do they ring. For the Reversed Six of Pentacles: "Don't let your insecurities push you into being a workaholic. Choose well-defined objectives that will bring growth. Slow down." That's the mantra I have to take with this promotion stuff. With it, there is talk about a growth program that apparently sets assignments, which would be well-defined objectives in their own way. And then Fairchild mentions trying not to borrow money at the moment, something I don't want to do (and yet I'm really thinking about getting a credit card...) but those tyres on the car are getting thinner...

Moving forward, I am finding myself drawn even more strongly towards using other decks for divination with others, and keeping my Tarot Nova deck for myself, especially due to this card and the other quizzical depictions. I've seen Ediya use the Lightseer Tarot and it has really beautiful pictures on its cards, and I find myself drawn towards it. I am also interested in one or two dragon ones; however, two I keep coming across either have blank Minor Arcana cards (i.e. just drawn suit symbols) while the other swaps the Air and Fire energies of the Swords and Wands. I'm going to have to keep looking until I find a deck that feels right, and then when the time is right, acquire it.

This has been a very long entry, in hindsight, but it's needed to be. There's been so much to discuss with this card, and yet I feel like I've only scratched the surface. I just hope I can get through the next one more quickly: the King of Pentacles. Our last King, just as this was our last Six; and I hope the bearer of good things.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Five: Six of Cups

Goodwill is man's first attempt to express the love of God. Its results on earth will be peace. It is so simple and practical that people fail to appreciate its potency or its scientific and dynamic effect. One person sincerely practising goodwill in a family, can completely change its attitudes. Goodwill really practised among groups in any nation, by political and religious parties in any nation, and among the nations of the world, can revolutionise the world. -Alice Bailey, Problems of Humanity

I want to assure you that regardless of your circumstances, age, or sex, you can indeed start over, re-arousing from within yourself those earlier, more innocent expectations, feelings and beliefs. It is much better if you can imagine this endeavor more in the light of children’s play, in fact, rather than think of it as a deadly serious adult pursuit. -Jane Roberts, The Way Toward Health

When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind. -Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind

Let's start with the outcome, shall we? I've got to pay more attention and expend more energy than I currently am on the material in the book I discussed last time. I am slowly coming to realise that my childhood is not as tragic or poor as I perhaps express it to be: all of my experiences, good and bad, have been formative; and while it would be my inclination to focus on those pivotal negative moments and durations, the Six of Cups reminds me that everything wasn't so bad after all, and to realise that amongst the slag and pits of poison in my memories, which need to be dealt with in their own ways, there are nuggets of gold to be cherished. If I want to be resilient, successful and happy, then I need to grab a pickaxe and keep swinging, and swinging, and swinging.

Alright. How did I get to this? The Six of Cups was one of the cards that I was quite unfamiliar with until recently. It wasn't in the first set of 25 cards prior to me starting this blog, nor has it really appeared in my readings way back when. So, the silver lining coming out of this is that I've been able to synthesize my entry in my book with the benefit of Esselmont's shading to Thirteen and Bunning's basics. Their approaches, though, are quite different. To use Thirteen's numerical assignment, a Six corresponds to The Lovers, and indicates a harmonisation or balance after the instability and loss of a Five, where one finds give-and-take to restore equilibrium and a potential solution to a problem. He warns that the equilibrium is only temporary, though: we've seen this in the Six of Swords, which is a time of recovery or being in a holding pattern, situations that cannot last forever. Likewise, using with what seems to be the traditional view of this card, "nostalgia", Thirteen says that the feeling cannot last. Nostalgia really is only a temporary thing and looking into the past blinds oneself to the present – the Reversed aspect of the card goes deeper into this. Thirteen says that the nostalgia is a "known joy", and suggests that it could be used to allow for emotional equilibrium; but, one should not rely on it as a miracle cure. Even Fairchild suggests to not let the past detract from the present, while Paschkis depicts a happy figure resting by a well with Cups around it, looking up at the clouds: definitely the nostalgic theme underpins her picture.

So it's no wonder that, with nostalgia being the undercurrent in the stream, that "childhood" is a very potent theme associated with the Six of Cups. While Thirteen only pays this focus a passing, establishing glance, Esselmont and Bunning go deeper into it, with the former suggesting a time of revisiting one's memories from childhood, one's home, old friends, and so on, or simply to get in touch with one's inner child and to do childlike activities: she says this allows contact with the authentic self and intuition. Bunning, and Esselmont in turn, also take a more literal approach and mention actual children, such as a pregnancy or time spent with them. Getting in touch with what made one happy as a child, and various different viewpoints of this, is advice that I can see to bestow from this card.

From here, it's Bunning who assigns more to this card than the other two, though Esselmont talks about the post-Five calm and trust of a relationship. Firstly, she talks about innocence, which is a trait very much in line with childhood; but not only that childlike innocence, but legal innocence, chastity (in its true form), even being unaware of some secret. She also seems to be the only one who ascribes a meaning of "goodwill", but I think it's a very important aspect: an evolution of innocence, if you will. She mentions small acts of kindness, generosity and forgiveness as a counter to the ills of the world, and of course, encourages it in the querent. To this backdrop of innocence and goodwill, I find it hard to apply the rest of Fairchild's diagnoses: a rise of personal magnetism, to be firm with affairs of the heart (maybe due to post-Five?) and being "an excellent time to start a new love affair, renew vows, or relocate". Whoa, those energies seem very out of place to me, unless there was something else leaning towards those from other cards in a reading.

Reversed, Mr Doom-And-Gloom Thirteen says that the nostalgia is more a sign of painful memories of childhood and past times. And while this may be the case, I think it should be tempered by Esselmont's lighter, subdued touches. Here, maybe one has lost touch with their inner child and needs to take the time to reconnect, or maybe one is revisiting something in their past that they wish to keep hidden from view, such as rekindling an old flame. Or maybe, as I alluded to, they're living in the past and not letting go of that Six energy, living in a time when things seemed much better or if not that (with Thirteen's analysis), more familiar. The book I'm reading talks about mental habits that result from going down the path of the familiar and being in a familiar situation, even if it's such a negative, so this is definitely a view that I could employ when this card comes up again. Fairchild's view is more oblique, and I'm finding it hard to work out the logic when he advises to make good on promises, but not if they're unreasonable demands, and to constructively solve problems without pushiness. But then he says to find time for deep belly laughs and new friends, and maybe we're toeing the nostalgia line here in a different form, i.e. make a new thing for future nostalgia. Still, there are times when Fairchild's views are on an entirely different track to that of the other three mentors, and I think this is one of them: had his words been my only real exposure to this card, then I think I would be far more confused and have to unlearn them.

So, for the first time since I've restarted the journey, the deck has given me an Upright card (I feel better calling it that than "Natural", because it's Nature in shuffling that turns the cards around; I feel the term is somewhat ignorant of the Divine). This change in orientation has not been lost on me. A curious thing happened to me earlier this week. For some reason, the vending machine at work would not accept my card when I tried to use it, and so I had to try to use cash: an almost foreign concept to me. The machine says that it accepts five-dollar bills, so I tried to pay with the one and only one that I had in my wallet; yet, it spat it back out. I tried again, and it spat it out again. Then, when I went to get fuel after work, I was approached by a man clutching a broken fan belt; he'd only just come back into employment within the last few days when this had happened to him. I gave the five-dollar bill to him; it was obviously meant for him. Like I said at the start of this entry, I think the greater meaning for me with the Six of Cups is in the work to reconcile myself with who I am and to let my inner child know that he's okay and valued and loved, but for this energy to occur when this card speaks about goodwill is not something that I can just wave away. The cards really do act as signals, and I have to keep my inner eye open for this. Indeed, getting in touch with my inner child is a way to get in touch with my intuition, as Esselmont points out. So, I've been playing my old games a little more, started watching a TV series I enjoyed as a kid, and also streamed for the first time in ages last weekend. Above all, though, I need to find that scared little boy and let him know that everything really, really, isn't that bad after all.

With that, I'm moving into the final sixth. If this whole journey has been an athletic run, I'm passing by the ringing bell. Thirteen (hah) cards remain, the last large factorial division of the deck, with the last six being the final straight. The run may be a bit slower than I would like, especially as I will need to write notes for nine of these cards. But, there's a fairly even spread across the suits except for the Pentacles: four remain here. As I drove to work today, I identified what I had left to draw and tried to start to work out what the narratives could be; and then I realised how futile that is. The cards are signposts, not agents. There's a potential twenty-six orientations that need to be discerned, of which half will be relevant, and of those half, there are many shades of meaning that could be applied. As it has been for the past sixty-five cards, part of the journey is to find what that card is talking about. So, I ask, what does the Reversed Six of Pentacles show me?

Let's start on the last lap.

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Four: III The Empress (Reversed)

Everywhere the need exists for maternal sympathy and help, and thus we are able to recapitulate in the one word motherliness that which we have developed as the characteristic value of woman. Only, the motherliness must be that which does not remain within the narrow circle of blood relations or of personal friends; but in accordance with the model of the Mother of Mercy, it must have its root in universal divine love for all who are there, belabored and burdened. -Edith Stein (St Teresa Benedicta of the Cross), The Significance of Woman's Intrinsic Value in National Life

I build embankments, I dig ditches. I fill all the meadows with water. When I make water pour into all the reed-beds, my small baskets carry it away. When a canal is cut, or when a ditch is cut, when water rushes out at the swelling of a mighty river, creating lagoons on all sides, I, the Hoe, dam it in. Neither south nor north wind can separate it. The fowler gathers eggs. The fisherman catches fish. People empty bird-traps. Thus the abundance I create spreads over all the lands. -The Hoe, Debate between The Hoe and The Plough

Dum licet inter nos igitur lætemur amantes; Non satis est ullo tempore longus amor. (Let us enjoy pleasure while we can; pleasure is never long enough.) -Sextus Propertius, Elegiæ

Never before have I lived through a storm like the one this night.  […]  The sea has a look of indescribable grandeur, especially when the sun falls on it.  One feels as if one is dissolved and merged into Nature.  Even more than usual, one feels the insignificance of the individual, and it makes one happy. -Albert Einstein

Before I begin, an addendum to the Page of Cups Reversed: its message was that to be intimate, loving, intuitive and emotional. I was not being those things, and Chase brought that to my attention. In the midst of that, the energies of that card and this, The Empress Reversed, came into my mind, and I realised that I was becoming like my own mother. And that is what this card is about.

My current personal experience aside, The Empress was one of the last two Major Arcana cards at the point I drew it to not have had pen put to paper in my book (the last is The World, very apt), and thus I was able to do a proper synthesis of Bunning, Thirteen and Esselmont into what I think is a coherent whole. I am both excited for this achievement, and also have some trepidation with this analysis because the various threads are now very entwined. Despite this, I am very pleased that Esselmont's interpretations are, for once, taking their proper place. Her focus through quite a few of her interpretations I've seen take a very feminine bent, and that aspect is very important with this card. Bunning says that this card is one half of the feminine archetype in the Major Arcana (with the High Priestess being the other side of the split), and I don't know if I've stolen this term or come up with it myself, but The Empress is "the crucible of life". Mothering and motherhood is the immediate theme tied to this card, and is the basis for much of what follows to use the other three of Bunning's summary themes: "welcoming abundance", "experiencing the senses", and "responding to nature". Bunning, otherwise, is very brief on the card and the other two of my mentors expand further on her points, so I'll be referring to them more.

Mothering, in the card's aspect, may involve an actual interaction between two (or more) persons where one takes care of and nurtures the other(s). Thirteen's analysis, both for Upright (or Natural, as I read when I skimmed through Waite's guide earlier today) and Reversed use this concept of being a mother as a hook for his entire interpretation. Here he mentions a traditional view of The Empress being a positive answer to a desire for pregnancy (apparently, many depictions of this card have The Empress as pregnant, whereas I've taken to the view that the High Priestess better represents that time of incubation), while then going on to talk about a clucky mother hen, over-proud of their child's achievements, or a gardener who may be too keen to water their plants and smother them — that is, they aren't giving the child room to grow and putting in an inappropriately high level of energy. Esselmont's last interpretation is that of giving birth, and both she and Thirteen also talk about a metaphorical birth - that of ideas, with Thirteen also mentioning projects, businesses and romances. I feel that this motherly nurturing of a "child" is the core message of this card, and it's up to interpretation as to whether or not that child actually is one, like one (e.g. I could see a call to nursing or caring for others being indicated by this), or if it's something else entirely. Half of Fairchild's analysis lends to Thirteen's mother hen, with passions being one's primary importance, and then also to news of a wedding, pregnancy or children. The other half has to do with the birthing of ideas: expressing them, taking calculated risks, and "getting what you want is your responsibility".

So what of the other themes? If the core aspect is mothering, either in direct relation to one's mother or mother-like people, or to "being" a mother, then the other themes have to do with receiving it especially through the lens of femininity. This is how Esselmont opens her interpretation of the card, with a call to get in touch with one's senses, to be creative in their expression, and to pamper and be pampered. That last one is one of the few things from Bunning I've taken explicitly, when she mentions to take delight in sensuous forms, like food, beauty and pleasure. Thirteen takes a step back from motherhood to talk about how Venus is the governor of this card (it's bright as day in RWS), and how that likeness of her energies shows through these things. Then he mentions Demeter, the goddess of the harvest, which leads into the other two themes. Nature itself seems to be providing in abundance, and Esselmont says that everything is coming to fruition, so one should be thankful for their luxuries and their means to create more abundance. It's also that connection to nature that rings through as the final theme, with Esselmont basically saying to get outside and "touch grass". Finding a place and spending time there in stillness and marvel will, she says, help one "reach a higher plane of consciousness". This also then lends itself to the environment, to Mother Earth, and other lofty Gaian ideals. Paschkis's depiction shows a heart-headed woman with heart-shaped bosom forming a heart shape with her arms that have been supplanted by verdantly growing vines and flowers — I daresay a lot of this energy winds its way through a lot of the rest of the cards in the deck, as vines appear in many other places.

Yet here we are, yet again, continuing through the realms of the upturned and the upside-down, the Reversed, so the card's themes get blocked and muted. Here is where Thirteen and Esselmont really diverge with their interpretations. Thirteen, as he seems wont to do, goes for the woeful in the application of his three interpretations. For the opposite, he speaks of neglect. For the blockage, he speaks of abandonment. And for the reversed image, he speaks of uprooting and the vindictive prevention of growth. Of course, that applies to any "children" applicable: one's impatient and thus their energy doesn't go into their "child"; one doesn't know how or has no desire to put their energy into their "child"; and the last is very dire indeed. This is one of the few places Thirteen mentions nature through "destruction of the rainforests", which I think is a mental note I will take going forward; but he also speaks of desecration of the beautiful. Esselmont, though, doesn't go for the doom and gloom, but rather treats the blockages as a muted form of the card's energies, and I think this is the lens she uses for many of her interpretations. I am coming to understand this difference and this application of interpreting a Reversal. Because one craves nature, rather than going out into it and breathing deep to transcendence, she suggests going out and noticing the little things surrounding oneself. Because one is fearful of purpose or acceptance of their idea, rather than showing it off, she suggests keeping it to oneself but to do it anyway regardless of how amateur one's output may be. Because one has been taking so much of their energy to nurture and care for others, it's a sign that they need to take the time to nurture and care for themselves. That's not to say that it's all that she does with the Empress: she also talks about potential body image issues, and while she doesn't state so, I could see this card come into play for people who may need some form of gender therapy.

So this analysis doesn't answer the question that I implied at the start of this entry: becoming like my mother. Why would I see that in this card Reversed? I mean, yes, the card has to do with mothering and can represent one's mother, but it goes beyond that. I'm currently reading Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthough Program to End Negative Behavior...and Feel Great Again by Dr Jeffrey Young and Dr Janet Klosko, and it comes from the aspect of schema psychology, where one's mental state and behaviour is a reflection of what one experienced in childhood, with certain negative behaviours being the product of trauma. Now, as the book also discusses, I see that my parents were trying to do the best they could and I'm coming to understand that they're just flawed people like the rest of us; but, me with my own deep taint was quite sensitive during my upbringing. I didn't have any brothers or sisters to stand up for me or to analyse parental interactions with or on, so I had nothing else to base my parents' actions on. I remember feeling like I was a mental punching bag for my mother's stress, while my father just remained distant and out-of-touch. I know she didn't mean to destroy my self-esteem, but the wounds are there beneath the many scars. This whole journey I'm undertaking of late has been to try and repair and remould this form that's been bitten by a very viper-like tongue many, many, many times, not just by my mother but also by my peers. Ediya's reading that really resonated with me, as I mentioned in the last entry, mentioned that my "higher self" was a product of trying to be moulded to society's norms, indicated by The Hierophant, but my "shadow self" promised victory if I could tap in to it and listen to it, indicated by the Six of Wands. That card goes a long way back in this blog's history, back to the time when I was trying in vain to finish my university degree, the inability to do so I now recognise as a symptom of my upbringing. The Empress Reversed, a mother out-of-sorts, has been confirmation of this source of my stumblings.

Yet, amidst all this, I've come to discover what I hope is a new truth, that my inherent flaw is not something to be ashamed of, but something to try and work in my favour. I read somewhere that this is what gives beauty to star sapphires: it's the "flaws" in their pure blueness that make them incredibly beautiful. The Six of Wands, again, is that light in the darkness, that confirmation that victory is at hand if I come to embrace that which I have shunned about myself. So, here goes: I have a mild form of autism, and this has given me gifts, and I am different, not defective, because of it.

Many lessons are coming out of this card and I feel they shall continue to do so for some time. As I approach the final sixth of the deck, some powerful cards and energies are coming into play. The Six of Cups now shows itself, and for the first time since resuming the journey, this card is upright. Speaking of my childhood...

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Sixty-Three: Page of Cups (Reversed)

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. - Steve Jobs

It's the last day of September as I begin to write this, though possibly my calendar on the blog is still set to Australian time. The equinox has been and gone, and this onset of the greater night has seemed to provoke a greater application of the esoteric with me in the past: March through May in the southern hemisphere was when most of my blog posts were made in the past, and now that I'm in the northern, it seems that has also taken to the reversed season. However, it is also this time of year, regardless of season, that I've associated with being more emotional, and this increase of spirituality and emotion does play hand in hand with the Cups. But why, then, has the Page emerged Reversed?

For this question to be relevant, let me start the analysis. The Page of Cups is the third to appear so far, and just like the other two, it's templated, as will the Page of Swords be. Bunning and Thirteen implement them; arguably Bunning moreso, as she uses the same basic structure for her analysis and changes words in and out. This isn't a negative, though, as I've come to appreciate: these templates seem to be the way in to the Court Cards because they can be somewhat hard to understand otherwise.

Thirteen's templates are more discrete, and forms the basis of my analyses of the Court Cards. So, in the case of Page, it represents three things: a child or child-like person, a message, or a time/environment. Bunning, despite her brevity, focuses on the message aspect of a Page, and interprets the message to be one to act upon a suit's energies, or an Ace's promises. This is like I said for the Page of Wands, but in this case the message is to be "emotional", "intuitive", "intimate", and "loving". Thirteen is more pragmatic with his approach to the message, keeping it to the themes of the Cups: family matters, matters of the heart, intuition or creative endeavours. The last point is very much in Brigit Esselmont's views (and given that I use "Bunning" rather than "Joan", I'll try to remember her surname), with creativity being at the heart of her interpretations. She doesn't break her cards into quite as blunt elements like Bunning and Thirteen does, but even she mentions similar messages to Thirteen. The time/environment aspect really filters through much of the rest of her interpretations, though, with creativity being a focus of much of it: undertaking creative pursuits being a major part of that thread. Bunning, though, is far more broad with an interpretation of "suffuse with the spirit of love and emotion", and to "express and enjoy one's feelings"; however, Thirteen focuses purely on the love and romantic aspect, saying "puppy love and crushes". Fairchild talks about things not going as one hoped and to be open to alternatives and changes of plan — an environment perhaps relating to the volatility of water, but not exactly something that I would associate with this card. Paschkis follows the romantic bent: her page is on one knee proposing with a flowers and a Cup in their outstretched hand.

I want to go back, though, to the core message of Bunning's interpretation: to be emotional, intuitive, intimate and loving (although not necessarily all of those simultaneously), and a common, perhaps traditional, way of viewing a Court Card, and that's representing a person. So, an emotional, intuitive, intimate, loving person; but, as Thirteen cautions, this is tempered (there's that word again) by this card's "immaturity". Even Fairchild mentions "beware of childish behaviour". Bunning just glosses this over (someone with whom one's "interactions involve emotional needs, moodiness, love, intimacy and spirituality"), and Esselmont says nothing at all, which leaves Thirteen to unravel this personality. He describes an "airy-fairy" adult who isn't taken seriously, or a daydreamer that's hard to motivate with the mundane, or someone who is touched by the suffering of creatures, or who gives creative gifts to others partly out of great care of their opinion, or a great storyteller with an active imagination that could be over-active. Viewing these, I definitely see a child-like person: my own childhood. I had a very over-active imagination, I told stories, and believed in my own video-game inspired fairy tales long after others my age would have given these things up; yet, this put me in great stead for my own creative works of fanfiction through my later teen years and my early twenties. Just the other day, an old friend contacted me and showed me a vignette of something he wrote in honour of that time.

And were this card Upright, that would be my conclusion of the current energies. Like all of my cards that I've pulled since reviving the project, though, it's Reversed. So what does it mean, really? Is it something, or someone along the lines of Thirteen's immature emotional energies, of someone who brings others down with their depression, over-exposes their vulnerabilities and emotional sensitivity, throws tantrums when they don't get their way, or an adult with Peter Pan syndrome with unrealistic dreams about the future? Part of these descriptors have been modified with Esselmont's interpretations, as the Reversed aspect is where she talks about the personal aspect of the Page of Cups. That aside, while my more (very) self-critical eye would point this out and say, "yep, that's me alright", I don't feel that's necessarily grounded in reality and thus not what I feel is right. Esselmont also mentions keeping creative projects to oneself or doubting one's abilities; no, not that either.

Is there something from my Page of Cups childhood coming to the fore here that's being Blocked, then? Quite possibly, but not the whole picture. A big aspect of this card's energies that I've paid little mention to has been that of intuition, rather of being intuitive, and I think that's where it feels right. Upright, Esselmont talks about curiosity and the weirdness of following one's intuition, signified by the fish in the Cup; Reversed, it's a block to one's intuition, putting that into the light of being unable to tell if it's one's ego talking instead. That's kind of what I'm feeling at the moment. I mean, I probably could have done this blog sooner and moved on to the next card, but "what if it's The Tower" is what I was thinking, especially with Hurricane Ian passing through Florida — for sure, I would have had an even worse sense of dread were that card in my mind. So that was my ego coming into play for sure; but I feel there's more to it than that. Much of me writing this analysis has been my intellect rather than my intuition, and it's been very dry — I mean, discussing the templates, for example. Yet, this link to my childhood energy that was prompted from my writing, is also something from another Tarot reading that I followed thanks to Ediya, where she discussed dealing with feelings — emotions — from childhood of not being enough, of not being good enough. And I feel that, and that's part of the big Gordian Knot that I'm trying to untangle to move forward with my life. While I feel like I am getting somewhere with this self-examination, I feel like there's something in the way of the intuitive messages from that reading. What it is, I don't entirely know, but it's signified by this card.

Perhaps Fairchild has the last word here: amongst encouraging independence, others not understanding feelings and not letting emotions overpower, he says: "Patience wins in the end". And that's the lesson I'm going to take away from this card: to remain patient, and to not go for "the easy win".

Thus we head on to The Empress. And like the other cards of late, it's Reversed. Something tells me, my intuition perhaps, that I'm going to find some answers here.