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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Untitled, Unmastered

More than a common denominator

They can’t factor me out the equation.

Born cold, in the city of thieves with no honor,

Given a rebirth, a new land becomes my encapsulation,

Institutionalized still won’t give me no more.

Been living trife, that illegal since a infant.

Affiliations causing presumptions creating reputations.

Narratives painted, fact or fiction, either way

It don’t matter in the public eye,

Guilty until proven innocent,

They never see you as innocent, even when the facts staring at them,

Complacent only if they get you, taboo Irregardless.

Don’t matter what you do, just who around you,

Friends or family,

It’s the ties that bind us and hang us from the same tree,

Tightening the deeper and older you grow till you take ya last breath,

Only if you let it.

Born into the business,

What more can I want than a new chance,

The American Dream.

Not for folks like me.

Picket fence meant to be the docket keeping folks out,

Cutting us off but never uniting us,

You either a product or a variable of your environment

Stuck in poverty or a part of the billion-dollar slave system.

Living on borrowed time, got to do more,

More to this life won’t find it stuck in they game

Got to change, won’t have longevity being trife.

Playing both sides of the fence through opaque lenses,

Movements surrounded in mist,

Morality all subjective if you ask me.

A born sinner lookin for bliss.

Cut my losses, time to begin percolating wins

Came up different,

Last of a dying breed.

Greed ain’t posses me.

Ambition the clarity I found,

Hustle and to motivate is all I know.

Came up on a different plane than those I see on a daily basis.

Food stamp only ramp that kept me from starvin,

Still the fact remains,

Only thing for sure lay in honor,

Living by the sword dying by the sword,

Death before dishonor.

Take it in blood, we ain’ t come from much

We ain’t have but the clothes on our back,

Movin around tryin to find a foundation

Stuck in isolation in between the crowds,

Mental won’t give into their subliminal shots,

Never shoot straight at me, they minimal

Shook ones they ain’t no crooks son,

Always from the side out of view, they ain’t built for it.

Cementing my lament

Ask do they feel it,

Simply,

How can one be stable,

When everything around unstable,

When ya hunger pangs and all the pain keep you up nightly.

Hoping for better days been past the river of Styx,

Deep in the levels this ain’t paradise this is hell,

The only thing I know in this divine comedy of life.

Ain’t no peace when you got to lease it,

Never find it, always at war with oneself,

Ain’t able to feel here, nor there,

Only dreams keeping the breath going,

Seeing distant visions of a new life,

Hope the only thing keeping me sane through every dark night.

Rebirth, the ill life shed behind that talk that a cocoon ain’t no other boon.

A distant fruition, if dues don’t pay tuition,

From the school of hard knocks that make up my life.

All alone,

Family ain’t family no more,

Blood ain’t blood no more,

Got no shoulder to lean on but my own.

Build or destroy,

The two paths, still ain’t done,

Vision only thing keeping me out of incarceration.

Predicate felon in the melon,

No advocate a survivor by any means,

Never lean on none,

Been told by false prophets hyperbolic visions

That serve to reinforce the mass incarceration system

The oppresses my kinfolk in this nation,

That’s what they been telling me,

Trace it back to the days before I taught myself written words,

See look at my initials to check the credentials it was predestined before my birth,

Unintentional, look at the tools the fools gave me,

Too blind to see the plot they just dots, no more no less,

Meant to write spoken word that would be the scripture to describe the raptures to come,

Revolutionary warfare it won’t be televised, that’s all distant,

For now,

Only one thing for certain,

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

There is more to this life,

Given the chance my children won’t know of me off spoken word,

Can’t let them have one foot in the grave off what they see.

In these tumultuous times have to be ambitious,

It's simple, break it down to avoid message going into the void.

Every night leads to another day,

Another day another dollar,

Never had privilege had to make my leverage,

Applied pressure with my foot on their neck,

Fuck a slice I want the whole cake.

Taking back everything they stole from me,

Fighting to be more than a statistic,

Fight to live.

Living every day to the fullest,

Don’t matter if it’s my last.

Ain't living in fear,

What I reap, I will sow

Keeping the same mentality,

In the back of the mind it's still the same sentiment,

Seeing things from a different perspective, it’s an afflictive when they don’t get the feeling,

At peace with death, no longer scared to die

It’s a part of life,

Still it's not time, the sentiment off the placements in the mind through time.

See you go numb to the feeling over time,

This ain’t thug life this survivor life,

The shit that calls for therapy we suppress where I’m from,

It ain’t spoken unless it’s a scream,

Relived nightly in our dreams, that’s the only time we see gleams when we ain’t dying nightly,

Tell you the truth it goes back to the days as a youth,

Let me beg the question,

How you suppose to grow as a youth,

How you supposed to be more,

How can you grow,

How can you love,

When all you know is hatred.

Hatred for the knowledge that curses your mental,

Hatred for what you possess,

Mentally and physically.

Hatred for what you’ll can’t comprehend,

Hating no one understands

Hating they can’t see you more than a thug or sap case.

See they say that hood shit be that good shit,

Claim it make them diverse, that they understand the lexicon

They hide behind that privilege when they go home, they escape it,

Go home to the belly of the beast.

Looking for love from all sides.

It ain’t surface layer, its deeper than that

When you get numb you feel nothing,

You lose love, you feel nothing but pain

Pain that poisons the heart

Pain becomes all you know.

Rejection the only subjection I received.

Asked for guidance, same response,

You’ll make it hopefully,

That’s the next level, peers don’t see you as a person,

When they see you all they see is a primitive savage,

Clutch they purse look straight ahead,

See the fear in the eyes and body we all the same to middle class,

Upper class use us as pawns,

Rest never see us more than what media feeds them.

Profane, vulgar, insanity what they paint on me.

No more than an abortion.

That’s what they see.

Always look away never acknowledge,

Won’t look into my eyes won’t see the soul.

It don’t matter,

Had to switch up,

From an orphanage that everyone is trying to escape from.

This mentality adopts us, and we foster it,

Not knowing any better,

Just knowing lesser.

Solace in that piece, it won’t bring you much more than material,

Slinging rocks the only destiny in manifestation.

Finding four fours in a pavilion trying to be a civilian.

Just a kid when I began to see the plot unravel,

How would I know everyone would do bids,

See everyone around me turn to feins,

Its in the vain different sides of the game I see the same.

It’s in every neighborhood we in, do the math

Ain’t talking addition,

Schools don’t teach us that,

Judges teach us that when they hand that sentence

Geniuses with no muse,

Hide that pain,

Self-medicate never mediate.

It’s all ends the same.

The routine funeral,

Routine to see another slain brother,

Routine to see another sister taken too soon.

Routine to see folks disappear never to be seen again,

Routine to live in fear.

Coming from a place where no one makes it major

All my homies either dead, in jail, or stuck in the cycle,

Living dead the surface don’t tell,

Look deep into the eyes they don’t lie.

The body won’t live long once the mind gone, it’s all connected

Don't matter when the soul caged up,

The caged bird Angelou told the ode of,

We ain’t given shot to expand our thoughts, die for a little bit of clout,

End up blowing over as quick as you came up,

The target on the back remain the same at birth,

Too blind to see it.

Don’t matter age of location, ain’t a thing change upon income.

Regardless of outcome,

We all was born in the same place, same opportunity

Only one left, ask me why all the views I see filled with blues,

Failure the only time you make it major on the news.

They call us rapists and drug dealers, they hate us but never know us,

It’s generational but I can see far past and see the pawns at use by the dons,

They want to see us bleed, it's all a product of greed.

What can I say,

When they see us for sacrificial lambs to try and get the glory days they ain't never had.

Fuck them, they fools to hustle a buck out of,

Blood in my eye still don’t cloud my sight,

My plight realer than anything they ever been through.

The guillotine what they plant for us.

First generation with no role models

Surrounded by the blind, cursed with sight.

Seeing more to this plain, they ain't with it

Go against the grain that’s ya head on a silver platter

Born with no silver spoon,

Came from the mud in the trenches, one thing for sure,

only promise lie in your brain matter painting the canvass,

be another decapitation.

Final hours marked by folk lure,

The war stories of anyone stuck in the tar.

The only way to grow is finding a new flow

That’s the only way to blow through the legal, it's all another hustle,

Ain’t another variable, my life ain’t expandable like they say.

Another lost soul trapped in a cycle.

They say,

Divine intervention only reason I'm still breathing,

From being another remnant forgotten in time painting the cement with redrum

A relic in a era where everyone want to be basic,

Living in the moment never looking ahead,

Everyone want to earn soon that’s the error,

Look in they mirror they don’t see into the soul.

No sound one just a survivor.

It gets harder to move on when you switch gears,

They fear you when you awaken,

Rather see you dead then see you bloom.

They don’t love you when you rise above them

Cold hard facts.

They ain’t never believe I was more than another one,

They told me I wouldn’t live to see eighteen

Sixteen school told me only e-d-u would be from a g-e-d,

Spoon fed me lies, telling don’t try it,

It ain’t for folks like you, since day one.

Spat in my face telling me it’s a rain drops, get use to the bottom.

Ain’t believe the lies the devils fed.

Rejected what they try and subject me with.

Grew stronger by the day,

They told me I wouldn’t be shit,

Family from distant to the one that gave birth,

It wasn’t just them folks up at the top,

People here and there it don’t matter, only care about me and mine,

I’m selfish fuck who I offend.

They ain’t believe till I made something out of nothing,

Ain’t gonna be in the mud with filthy human swine.

The bottom always crowded, theres space at the top,

Just gotta pave my own lane up there,

They can never feel my pain,

Don’t matter how, gonna get my forty acres,

Ancestors came from shackles, I won’t buckle under their ruse,

The pain is my muse.

Keep it under the surface, they can’t see the truth,

See they still think I’m crazy,

That’s what the world say, that’s hearsay,

Telling me my fate was in a six by nine cage.

They never believed it me but what does that matter?

They inadmissible, my peace ain’t expandable,

Ain't no subject, don’t listen to the fronts.

Look at it one way.

I’m still here.

I still got breath in my lungs.

I still got drive.

Not a Don just another saying my word is born,

Fuck all that talk, talkings cheap,

Move in my actions,

It ain’t all surface level, check how do they right by you,

Tell the whole truth,

They try and take my life, rob me of my shots

Split my melon, when I was four

Got up, got them stitches

Stabbed me when I was thirteen

Tended to my own wounds ain’t no one come help me.

Beaten and battered till green and purple covered me,

Death threats a regular occurrence, they words have no meaning.

A crash ain’t stop me, three weeks off end of first week of uni,

It ain’t take me out

All the pain caused growth,

Destroyed tolerance,

Ain’t sweating defenses no more,

Shoot first, stay offensive to them.

Got back up through every fall and set back.

Misery built me.

Gave me a foundation nothing can break,

The child I was,

Made me into the man I am today.

Here I stand at the crossroads

Not knowing what's to come

They gonna have to kill me to silence me

It’s bigger than me,

These moves bigger than any picture I can paint.

Talking that empire, talking that generational wealth,

Power moves I can’t lose,

I came here with nothing,

Came as an infant on the verge of losing my life,

No nutrition brought me back,

Strength and will, they can’t stop me

Built my strength through tolerance,

Physical, mental, the layers there,

It’s Time

Time to build a new life,

Time to build a real life.

Got to build a foundation for the future,

Ain’t no fates or destinies,

I’m making one.

Will go the distance.

What more can I say,

Got to take a virtue,

Know who I am, Know who I will be.

Maybe I’m crazy, Maybe I’m the one to make the changes,

Maybe the one to spark the mind that makes changes,

Only one thing for sure,

Got

One life,

More than that,

Got one last chance.

One chance at redemption.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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A Spring Tell-All -- Decide on group (your roommates, classmates, study group, etc.) and write a tell-all, exposing the dirt (good? bad?). Find the perfect place, characters, plot, tone, and provocative point. Constraints: you have 20 sentences, there must be a clear plot and a provocative point, & vivid details are required.

Looking back on it the concept all free flow, they ain’t glowing that’s the only thing for sure. Knew all of ten of them use to be tight to begin with, slowly ripped apart call that cloth in ether, ain’t the same fabric no wonder all of them breaking apart. That’s that weak bond just alkaline tryin stay neutral it ain’t hard to see. Ten of them the closest going to foes all of them talking singing like canaries against each other. I ain’t surprised started off with Erica and Sandra going in on each other talking this she fake, they fake, both them hallow ended up getting they own groups off the supposed realness. Fio and Sam got together and broke up, Sam ain’t over her, Fio chillin and getting around the usual case, she kick it with Barla and and Riff they kickin. Riff won’t go back to his dorm cause he don’t want to clean it but won’t confront his roommates, they vibing with the Coronas vape pens and laced pens. What can I say I’m just watching never partaking in they game. They in that Occum place, thing look like a penitentiary, remind me of that youth. If you know, you know but I ain’t gonna say no more. Then again who ain’t wilding all these kids trying to find themselves. Falling in the same patterns and the repitition doesn’t have them stagnant. An older breed myself but the kids wilding, I seen single digits living the night not looking to see the day time, type of mentality that wild to an extent. Rather destroy then build, that’s the difference, can’t follow em if it's to a detriment. Support them that’s for sure even if its from a distance. They hold it down, no matter the case heart break or lace sticky situation got love for them, that’s to a certain extent only trust one with my life and that’s on blood.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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A Spring Crime Scene -- find the perfect place, characters, plot, tone, and point for a flash narrative focused on a crime here on campus. Constraints: you have 20 sentences, it must take place somewhere on ECSU campus, there must be a clear plot and point, vivid details are required.

Six shell casings spread out, a bloody trail with one body in front of Webb Lawn. Five body shots, one shot to the head, the shell casings leaving a trail showing a flight. No fight just a slight change of pace after her death. They say there was loud screams I saw the thing, she was at the atm meeting with some guy in a hoodie, it ain’t hard to tell what was going on. See they ain’t have cameras to capture the shots, some of them youngins put it up on they story, tryin catch them views, I was at the library walkin saw it, then I say it out the corner of my eye, multiple shots, ended up painting the snow with brain splatter. No more than matter at this point, the ladder days they go on as usual, first week they live with her name on shirts folks saying tragedy focused on her dark side, never how she lived, nevertheless they put her up in the gram saying they got love for her. A tragedy, blasphemous if you don’t sing her praises, everyone knew her, ain’t you-read the coroners report? A loved life truly close to yours, call that in spite of her never saying a word to another on campus. Tell the truth, its all attention seeking name dropping, everyone wanting sympathy when there was no love for her when she was in the physical, funeral packed she ain’t have no friends, them some acquaintances at best, claimin friends, a alias for them folks if ya ask me, another mask to wear to sing the ode all they souls sing. Its all about that attention, never check up on them, if you knew Amanda, you’d know it was premeditated another lost soul, no one payed attention to, go ahead sing your ode to joy to get ya attention. Soon to be forgotten, ain’t that how these tragedies tend to go? What can I say it’s the same story try and get your glory, don’t false claim it’s all in the eyes mijo, mija I see through ya lies ya elementary ways rudimentary at best.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Reflection

1. In your own words, answer the question: “What is “English Studies?” Give me examples, explanations, and justifications.

English study is the study of rhetoric and the use of it to compose ideas of the human condition, to describe and to create thoughts to evoke and create concepts that describes life as humans know it. For example Invisible Man and the loss of individuality due to individuals being institutionalized.

2. Name a few things you learned--actual things, epiphanies, “ah ha moments”

When I realized that by sounding educated and composed I can win 99% of arguments though using my words rather than resorting to violence or brutism. I also realized that rap is based on four count syllables and that one indeed needs to flow and rap on beat I realized the science behind the art form and have since been writing and practicing my flow on a daily basis.

3. What do English majors do?

English majors are writers and creatives, as such they find avenues to express themselves through their creativity, unless they’ve given into institutions, in which case they’re just nine to five caper living in a damper manner, unless that’s their dream, in which case more power to them.

4. What would you do with an English degree?

I’m going to make it in music, going to be successful as a writer, and will make millions to make changes in my community and do the right thing no matter the cost.

5. Final thoughts.

Ain’t much else to say, time to put in work and make dreams a reality.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Gave birth to my verbal imagination, assume a virtue if you have not Or better yet here's a verse from Hamlet "Lord, we know who we are Yet we know not what we may be" So maybe I'm the one or maybe I'm crazy

Been busy for the past weeks, got dissed by some whack young rapper at that free concert but more power to him for getting his coin, he don’t want no smoke, none of these blokes. Sick of folks hiding behind the snarky sly comments and fronting like they tough, everyones tough till the situation well, been using my words and I see evolution in the sense of using words rather than my hands to resolve issues, its more peaceful always gonna be ignorant fools but I can’t fall into their game and be the savage they see me for, that just lets them win, how I long for peaceful days. Gotta pay dues before them days come, that’s for sure. Lately been here and there, lost five thousand off of a work permit that was in my wallet behind 20 pesos I couldn’t find for some reason after searching through it 100 times, funny as all hell but still the loss of five thousand heavy, money comes and goes it don’t matter at the end of the day, a loss is a lesson. Lately been reading some of George Jacksons work, as well as Malcolm and a book called color blind racism, been nice and more though provoking. Been thinking about how the infrastructure and creation of support systems and new forms of countering racist and prejudice institutions that oppress folks of color. It’s gonna be a long road till I got the leverage or platform but the education pay off at the moment of fruition. To be frank its been a long road, gonna read Macho over the summer, learn the keyboard and guitar, get a microphone get my cash up and start to record and keep working till my dreams become a manifestation on my day to day life. Also shoutout to Dr. Garcia, you a real one, gonna thank you through being successful in the avenue that is meant to be, I appreciate you being there for me and being real above all else, thank you for being who you are and staying true to yourself. I’ve learned alot from you and hope to keep on working with you on the future, finna go back to the blog. To keep it real just gonna say it how it is. Ain’t gonna waste time on negligible folks and negligible details. It’s been a long road, as the first year comes to a close,I have seen har far I’ve come, still got the rest of the marathon to go. I know who I am and where I’m going. I know what I need to do and how to get there, it’s time to get to work.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden’s secret. Drop him out a window and he’ll fall. Set fire to him and he’ll burn. Bury him and he’ll rot, like other kinds of garbage. That was Snowden’s secret. Ripeness was all.

Been a eventful past few days since the last entry, Friday spent most of the day chilling till I went out that night with a few folks. On the way back from shenanigans got in a car crash, shawty driving hit a pothole and started swerving as the left back tire blew she lost control of the cars after a few swerves the front tires lost tractions and they ended up facing opposite sides, the car twisted after swerving for a good fifteen seconds the car did a 180 turn and hit a rock on the passenger side in the left where I was sitting. The car was able to get off the side of the road, the door wasn’t working on my side stayed calm and was chillin, everyone was trippin but I ain’t feel a thing. Shawty pops from Jordan and be religious, she finna get sent home and married off, it be like that, ended up going to her dorm kicked it and ate chicken and waffles, wings and some sliders round two in the morning. Slept three hours then went to volunteer and ended up planting plants and working and tending to a park and what not. It was near a waterfall and made for a great view, lowkey was strange cause the shawty that keeps tryin to holla work for the cce but she ain’t of interest in my mind, finna keep it real with her. Folks looked at me odd when I told em what happened in the prior hours, ain’t surprised but it wasn’t no deal in my opinion. Ended up sleepin around five to six hours during the day, went to see End Game in one of the strangest car rides of my life. It was with two girls I kick it with time to time, suppose they friends but they ain’t blood fo sho, they pulled up with this privileged kid and it was mad awkward, don’t want to talk about life or youngins, race relations, bridging gaps, education with a accountant major that can’t see outside of his view and either agrees blindly or listens oin silence. That ain’t no conversation, thats a lecture, what can I say? These kids ain’t never suffered, they’ve had their own plights but ain’t met one that compares to the real shit I done seen. That sounds more egotistical and narcassistic than it I mean, after that movie, poorly thought out, no intermission but the movie was aight. Had a dialogue with someone about how I’m feeling and what not. In all honesty I don’t feel much but pain these days, over the past week been having a feelings and premonitions from the other side. Been thinking and contemplating, in all honesty I’ve comed to one conclusion, I have no blood, here nor there. Few could ever mess with me without the conditions, many would fly, when shits hits the fan they wouldn’t be no fan. Regardless of where I go Ima have to take myself with me, thats the main issue at hand, don’t know what I’m gonna do or how Ima get out of here but its either slingin or rappin and I rather take the second than the first. Don’t know didn’t eat much Saturday, ate chicken and waffles and wings, with a slider at one in the mornin, at twelve ate two slices of pizza and a banana and that was it besides a protein shake with a protein bar, didn’t feel like eating Sunday morning, eating has grown to be tedious these days. Thinking about the fragility of life and trying to figure out the plan for the upcoming years, just been chilling on Sunday, found a place in the arts center and was just talking to myself and freestyling, cadence and flow getting more of a roll off the tongue at this point. Just gonna keep on working. Indeed gonna get up outta here soon, gonna find a way out this place real quick.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Master classes and inspirational speakers is a hustle, alongside the fitness rebrand. Gettimg dough ain’t mever been easier now that folks will buy anything, finna open up a coffee shop and finna hustle outta of it. Folks addicted to coffee and its legal, I see a way outta the streets son, and its moving these Colombian beans. Dirt cheap and they eat it up like feins.

Dawg, my sleep schedule supa trash, last night got four hors of sleep cause I been out and about wildin, the night before that it was six hours, need to regirn to atleast eight hour sleep nights and keep it movin, that and maintain contact with the fam. Cousin finna graduate college and she invited me to that, finna pull up. She doing her own thing and proud of her and whag not but she still corny. Ended up sending the paper work to getting my work permit renewed, took that L and just been chilling. Apparantly Ecsu gives you knock off airpods when they award you with things and to me they look like combustible material ready to blow asap, nice gesture but I ain’t tryin blow up in a literal sense, more hyperbolic than physical if ya ask me. But yeah things been straight, just gotta get a good grade on my Calc final to get that illustrious 4.0 gpa for the semester and bring up that cursed goa after last semester. Been chilling and vibing with the homies and just been getting around speaking with folk. Interestingly enough, folks been coming up to me fo life advice and just telling me they life stories, some of these folks deadass interesting and got stories to tell. Just been getting around and keeping it moving, in all cases in three weeks I’ll be back down South and have some good grubbin and gonna chill. To holla or not to holla is the Shakespearian question, simple answer in hindsight, not to holla. Shawty keep slidin my my dm she cool and all but I’m chillin, then theres the communications major and I’m just chillin. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Riley that wasn’t rich and it befuddles me, she boujee boujee and a communications major, finna have her as a stylist or see if she knows how to be pc. Hol ip what am I getting at, but nah it sbeen like that, things been calm, finna link up with homies and kick it during the weekend, just gonna take these next few weeks to take a deeper dive into the books of rhymes study the game, work on cadence, get that one two three four count, be flowing and freestyling on a daily basis. Gonna start recording this summer and elarning that guitar, just might throw in the piano after learning the piano. Time to start hustiling to get my dreams out there and stfive not to get shot fatally cause that would kill the vibes. We’ll see, all in due time.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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Diddy killed Biggie, Suge Knight is cthullu reincarnated

One of the final blog entries, life been interesting. Started a new training block heavy on volume translating to I can’t feel my body but the gains will be worth it indeed. Sleep schedule probably ain’t never gonna be in synche but one of these days it will. Yesterday went to one class and then went to Dr. Floods class, showed the class my final project amd they liked it, honestly I used the modern day project and kept on working that and am using it for two classes and it was ten pages of a free verse poem on my life, some of the students talked to me about it saying that they look forward to my work and feel the pictures I be painting. One of them said that if I can find the outlet I could make it big, thats where the music come into play, Dr. Flood said he enjoys reading my works and their refreshing. That poem took nore than I anticipated just to be able to reflect on the past and be vulnerable, its difficult, deadass broke down at one point off the strength of the emotion. Lately I been having flashbacks to memories that I repressed ages ago and am starting to see the whole picture as I come to terms with memories and the past, seeing how they play into the present day. Its haunting and that survivors guilt haunts me, one of these days gonna tell the whole truth but I’m taking steps till I get there gonna revise the poem and make it dop for both of my english classes. Did the interview with Dr. Malenczyk, went well I emailed her talking bout the schedule conflict and she said its mando, I mean thats aight she said she’d love to have me as a tutor and asked if I would be able to work around it. I’m taking that at face view, unless I got it fo sho I ain’t changing much mane, its aight thou, she cool and is dope, need to work on improving my white voice and caucasian rhetoric to be able to move with them folks, can’t keep on saying “you know what I’m saying” or “ya feel me” that keeps on slipping out and these folks inside they institutes say that hood shit is that good shit but they hide behond that privilige and ain’t got to deal with it, meaning they can front but not have to buck, safe from all that. Main goal is not to get shot during the summer or killed, we’ll see gonna have to make these money moves and start recording and keep on working on this flow and word poetry, got to be a wordsmith with this new rhetoric, its all in the composition. Ended up linking up with a few homies and met a new shawty, her name Riley and claims to be from Atl, told her to spit a hot 16 and she didn’t she kept on laughin and was mad lovin, finna take it face value and see what happens. Been chillin linked up with D’Mitri he chill and he feels what I be saying, he a real one, finna chill with him more. Other than that thats bout it, just gonna keep on working till these dreams vecome a reality.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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“Turn off the TV to avoid the news Look up to heaven 'cause I'm so confused Another child lost to the city No place to hide, even the finest schools Oh my Somebody told me dark days would come I know that I can't be the only one That wants to know See, money makes the world go round, don't it? But money brings the morals down, don't it? Oh, some things money can't buy Even if you spend every dollar in the world on it”

Been moving around more getting a fool for Hartford, they ain’t got shooters like they dop down South from what I’ve seen its more peaceful, they ain’t moving the money right but that ain’t my business. The food straight just been focused on wats at hand. Been freestyling and improving on my skills, a white kid said I had bars but I got a long road ahead of me. Gonna be highs and lows and gotta be ready to handle and maintain, above all stay true and represent who I am. The clubs ain’t all that neither is the fast life, gotta slow it down more and focus on the details that are making the whole. Been kicking it with a variety of folks and its proved to be interesting to say the least. Easter was peaceful as well as Easter break, did some relaxing and eased up. Got three and a half more weeks till I’m back and gonna focus on not getting shot or dying young. Got an odd feeling something bad coming up soon, ain’t trying to go yet, not yet. Prolly ain’t going to any club again ended up writing poetry by the end of the night and just was chilling, young ignant shit all around I was just chilling, ain’t about that. They had a rapper called Gangstalicous that got shot and killed by the police, thats ironic knowing the Boondocks. I’m just chilling and trying get this blog up, gonna see whats popping.

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og-my-borough-is-thorough-see · 5 years

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“I wrote some raps that make sure that my lifeline Rake in the cent of a reaper, ensuring that my allegiance With the other side may come soon And if I'm doomed, may the wound Help me mother be blessed for many moons I suffer a lot And every day the glass mirror get tougher to watch I tie my stomach in knots And I'm sure not why I'm infatuated with death My imagination is surely an aggravation of threats That can come about Cause the tongue is mighty powerful And I can name a list of your favorites that probably vouch Maybe cause I'm dreamer and sleep is the cousin of death Really stuck in the scheme of, wondering when I'm a rest And you're right, your brother was a brother to me And your sister's situation was the one that put me In a direction to speak of something that's realer than the TV screen By any means, wasn't trying to offend or come between Her personal life, I was like "it need to be told Cursing the life of 20 generations after her soul" Exactly would have happened if I hadn't continued rappin Or steady being distracted by money drugs and four Fives, I count lives all on these songs Look at the weak and cry, pray one day you'll be strong Fighting for your rights, even when you're wrong And hope that at least one of you sing about me when I'm gone Now am I worth it? Did I put enough work in?”

Been meeting and linking up with all sorts of folk recently, been going out nightly, only detrimental aspect being my sleep schedule being out of whack, however the three day weekend is the perfect remedy to that as I work on my melodies. Started freestyling upon random occurence and when I wake up, seeing improvements, its a skill I gots to work on. Comfortable enough to do it in front of people with range from eight to ten bars, still ain’t ready to spit hot 16s on a moments notice but going to keep on working at it, then again you can never be good enough, think you the best that how you get complacent. Getting better with rhyming and working on expanding my vernacular by reading dictionaries every time I’m in the library which is every week day for some reason, gonna learn more words to rhyme and to sound intellectual like in the day to day to be a better chameleon with the New Englanders. Strength is coming working on a high volume block for the next four weeks to improve gains and allow for a quicker drop to 200, twenty pounds away but it’s time for the final push. Its dope how one of my English classes ends in a week and the other one ends a week after, seeing as how I will have more freedom as I will only have two math classes to deal with and even then them classes going well, well atleast one of them, life been calm. Been finding peace through reflection, writing and meditation, lately been writing alot, when I’ve gotten into the book of rhymes its been averaging twenty pages of double spaced verse per day, gonna decide what will be used later on when it’s time to record but just been writing what comes to mind, about twenty iphone notes behind from writing all my thoughts but we’ll see. Been noticing that folks been coming up to me for advice or just to talk more, it’s interesting, a good thing seeing as how folks been looking at viewing me in a new lense but that ain’t what I’m chasing, just staying true to myself and being who I am and I think that’s just putting more people around me. Irregardless life been good, gonna focus on building the foundation and seeing where this life goes, focused and determined to get where I’m going.

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