ohnofairsadface - Tumblr blog

[ohnofairsadface]

Hello friend, I hope you're well. Truth be told, I've sailed through hell. I went far down to clear the dross, but now return more haunted, lost. I'm upside down with inside outs, and need to move on from my doubts. So, it's been rough from my regret, some nights I wished we never met. My old friend, I long to talk, I beg your help, I'll park and walk. I need to tell you how I felt, and how your eyes did make me melt. And should you slap me just to bleed, I will embrace that as your need. So please do come and speak your truths, and I shall harken through uncouths. My twin flame, it's been so hard, I rue our distance yard by yard. And though I know we may not be, I need to hear that stem from thee. Our words unsaid that do come forth, shall help me veer and chart my course. Regrets released, I'll steeve this place, since we'll agree, when face to face. Please contact me at Hellofriendineedtotalk@gmail.com, if you see this. I need to speak with you so that I can allow myself to move on. I understand that you may find this wrong and unnecessary, but for me it is the opposite. Sadly, that is what we always were, opposites. I would have overcome any differences and never judged, since you were my love. You could do no wrong in my eyes. But unfortunately, we were never able to communicate properly, both figuratively and the most distressing, literally, as we would just continually pass each with locked eyes, yet without words. Our eyes made me feel that you and I had something special, and that together we would have a rarity that most people are oblivious to. I guess that is why this page was created and I have trouble moving on. Essentially, for me, there is no greater pain then the loss I feel from this whole situation. One day I will die, staring at a ceiling or the sky, and I will think about you and wonder why we always locked eyes.

I would greatly appreciate if you would email me so we could talk about arranging a time and place where we can meet, for the purpose of just speaking about everything and then if you wish, I will say goodbye and move on knowing the truth.

ohnofairsadface - 9/1/24 (edited 9/12/24)

[ohnofairsadface]

“I have already waited two years now… why not more? Why not wait till it’s so painful, that it is only measurable by its sheer unbearability?”, the Stranger was theorizing as like an experiment in pain that squares upon itself through time. He returned to his present to find the clerk in a baffled state, trying to figure out what just played out in front of him. The Stranger, not having any friends but viewing this clerk as like a friend that never really understands you nor is capable of classifying you, felt it was important to recognize his astute observation. “Did you see that? What do you think that was about?”, the Stranger said in a perplexing connotation to provide him with assurance it was not of his imagination. The Stranger tilted his head to the right and covered one eye, as if to view his friend through a lens. “What will be the perception? What will be his reasoning?”, the Stranger wondered in the same manner as the audience members wondered about the Stranger. The friend who became an actor through an eye, walked forward and placed his hands on the counter as like to support himself before giving up some monumental insight. Yet, in his accustomed response, the fly by night friend shrugged his shoulders and thought that the Stranger also didn’t understand it. Unfortunately, the Stranger fully understood it. He understood it in a manner in which it caused psychosomatic expressions on the body. “She is the only reason I come to this miserable place.”, he internalized as a slice on his back appeared from no physical cause. “Was that to be regarded as her killing blow?”, he thought. “No. I have only been maimed. So am I to play dead for her then?”. The Stranger was trying to solve her riddle, but there was no answer to be found. The riddle was a form of annoyance, which circled around indifference, and when he unlocked that truth, his heart dropped into an unrecoverable cavity of the body. Just like a pilot who lost power to his engines and in the most exquisite state of denial, continues to pull back on the controls till the very last second of impact, the Stranger was also in such a freefall position. His heart felt like it could plunge in perpetuity, and so in an equivalent state of delusion, but in opposition of a pilot, he pushed and chose to willingly nosedive into a fantasy and dream beyond responsible dreaming. ”I will psychologically flagellate myself by her abstraction, which I will make more beautiful then what is realistically possible for me now. I will wait for her here, knowing she will never come to get me, nor send any word through her audience members who will study me on occasions, and this doppelganger will comfort me as my Jungian anima would, and I will dote and build upon her, and love this imitation until I can no longer bear its falsity.”, and so the stage was set when he swore an oath to her, which was also stipulated from the beginning. The Stranger looked over and nodded to a shadow in the corner, who nodded back with delight that he had placed himself into such a predicament. “My unholy homunculus which will prolong a hex already upon me, must be constructed with complexities upon complexities and wrapped in adorable eccentricities, so that my love for her can never wane, and any superficiality will remain concealed even to me, till the very last second.”, he demanded from the shadow, whom nodded assuredly and opened an addendum titled “Reference Volume Three” to a page numbered twenty-five. This meticulous shadow was very accommodating in a way that exceeded what was required, but the Stranger wasn’t at all taken aback by this. In fact, he always felt an odd familiarity from it as it stood in the corners of rooms over the years, as shadows usually do, and so he held no concern as this shadow dragged its transparent finger down from the top of the page to a heading called “Section 37”. Its planchette like finger then moved in a jagged motion until it stopped on the seventh paragraph which stated: “At no time, until the time determinable by the particular factor requested, will the signatory of the operative agreement be made aware of any shortcomings in the proposed projection. Reality shall switch with the dream, and the dream shall supersede and block any attempts of reincorporation.”. The Stranger turned away from the book, and then toward the ceiling to think, “Will this actually cover all contingencies?”. “Do I need to think of anything else here?”, he said in a serious yet acute angle that even a shadow could chuckle at. The Stranger looked toward the table and signed the pact without even reading the multitudes of terms or definitions, or even caring as to whether this would lead to pleasure or pain, because he always knew they were one and the same in a laugh out loud way. “Oh what such a sad sad face for me to know, that what I long will never show.”, the Stranger said as he finalized his signature with a pointless flare that no one would ever see. The Stranger then bent around the fourth wall, looking for the sleeping projectionist deep in the darkness. “What a spectacular tragedy I have been casted into, you duplicitous fuck.”, the Stranger said in perfect timing for a transition into the next scene. He was reminiscing in black and white, back to the dream he had the night before he saw her, and then the next day when he was first in her physical presence. At that instance, the Stranger knew he had stumbled into a killing field, like the Trinity test sites or the Tunguska Valley before their desolations. Her eyes were like a blinding flash in the sky that signaled the coming negation and breaks the bonding of atoms. Her heavy particles were twisting in all directions until they shot through his retinas, becoming as bottle rocket representations in his mind. He felt a force that was capable of rendering all into waste and muck drive through his body, just like with field test dummies fixed in scientific assessments. “I can feel the exposure is clearly past my lethal limit here.”, he suppositioned as he started to feel sick. “I think I can hear my bone marrow hissing from the insides.”, he said in a panicked manner, before checking to see if he even had a pulse anymore. The Stranger was feeling around his left wrist, acting like he knew what he was doing. “Nope, nothing here.”, he said as he moved to his right jugular. He kept feeling around again and again, and testing each area just like a well-trained nurse checking geriatric patients before calling in a gurney crew. “Nope, Nothing here either.”, he said in a disappointed, yet knowing way. “So I am just like the muck then?”, he questioned as he gazed at her from a distance in the days that followed this extinction level event. “I have become like the fallen trees or the shadows of Hiroshima. She has brought down obliteration with a glance and then salted the wounds of my world as her parting joke to me.”. The Stranger laughed, finding bliss in musing of her in such ways, before noticing he was just standing with his clerk friend, who couldn’t distinguish the transition back to color. The Stranger tugged on his left sleeve and looked at a watch that didn’t exist, to check for a time that only mattered in a dream. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.”, he said to his friend as he walked out the door knowing this night was just another night for the hypothesis cult. So over time, and in the third year of waiting day after day, and week after week, the Stranger began to actually forget what she looked like and that also compounded upon the particular factor he requested, so he memorialized that aspect in a way the Stranger imagined she would enjoy, if she wasn’t actually imagined of course. Now skipping over many interesting developments, all different and worthy of notation in their own way, but some things can’t be expanded upon at the end of a story, so let’s just fast forward through another year of the Stranger waiting on a partly melted VHS tape, that someone originally set fire to by a recently abandoned building. Around this particular point, after waiting three years in one location, and also waiting at this more than middle of the way spot for two years, the Stranger actually witnessed someone who appeared to resemble her, but in truth, he wasn’t really sure at all anymore. “Has so much time passed now, that if I did ever see her, I wouldn’t even recognize her?”, the Stranger thought as he examined this person and attempted to reconcile the remaining memories with possible new information. “I don’t think that’s her.”, he thought as he watched this familiar, yet different person walk out the door without saying a word. “That could have been her, but it wasn’t. Was it? If she said something I would have known for sure, I think. Wouldn’t I?.”. The Stranger’s thoughts stalled on the same tracks that the unstoppable train from the other story was riding on. Except this hurtling train around the bend wasn’t driven by dread like before, but the realization that he wouldn’t even be able to identify her now if she was even standing in front of him. This epiphany broke a fundamental element within the Stranger’s heart, and in its disguised accompanying agreement with the shadow, and so the requested factor entirely emerged and then impaled it outright. He memorialized this new type of heartbreak as an idol with the last visual pieces of her that was left in him. The Stranger then gave life to her image so that others would see and worship its likeness, and say, “Who is like the one who causes ohnofairsadface such suffering? She was the amputator of his limbs, and then rejected the pleas of death. Who is like the one who causes the Stranger to seek death by pulling mandrakes night after night? She was the mutilator of mentality, who sends others to critique her work, a limbless carcass that rolls and waits. Who is like the one who causes this carcass to roll about on the shores alone? She was his Sibyl of Snares, an Omen for Intangibilities, his Chimera of Prayers, and then a Ferryman who brings finalities to the shore and then carries him out to sea. So who was he then and why did this occur? He was just an unclaimed body in the morgue, who danced a performance of malignancy for ideals. Why didn’t she ever come to identify this body? She detested him and didn’t understand it, so there was no need to pay respects. So where has the body gone to now? It floated for four years until it gave in to the waves.”. So, two weeks after making the unending idol, the Stranger began to write this story, trying to incorporate multiple things together that he imagined she would enjoy because of the peculiarities it contained, but of course everything about her was always imagined anyway, and so it didn’t really matter what the truth is, or what the reality was, or whether anything was to anyone’s particular tastes, because the Stranger was changed by the pain that became unbearable. His exhaustion had finally caught up with him and he couldn’t continue to wait on an abstraction that wouldn’t ever reciprocate. All that mattered now was to fill in some plot holes for the audience before the Stranger stopped waiting and just disappeared. He suddenly wondered if anyone would question what his dream was all about. “It was the most beautiful dream I ever dreamt. It was essentially spooky action at a distance, and it governed over our inarticulable comprehensiveness. So I no longer felt alone through time, because I finally found her in space, and that is what it was all about. It was about travelling and twisting, and wandering and nearing, and then finding my totality, by being alongside her equivalence.”, he had convinced himself of this madness over those years. “But, that was the simple answer then. The more complex one today, which I have presented through an elegant experimentation in elaboration, is that it may just have been a creative snipe hunt designed from unconscious contemplations.”. A terrible tune rang out from the grandfather clock in the next room. Its melody marked that the final hour had arrived, and so the Stranger knew that his time, which he always viewed as a joke, had ended, and now delivered a terrible punch line for him. The Stranger rose from his desk, put on his coat, and then walked out the door to go wait for her in vain for the last time. “I will be there one more night waiting just for her, but if she doesn’t show now, I will post my new piece and stop waiting. I will then vanish from there forever and that will be her live display, and that display will be viewed as like the actual final piece I made for her. It will be the only one she wanted all along, and in a sad and strange way, I will be happy since she will cherish at least that final one, which personifies the death of my dream as a tangible loss.”.

Ohnofairsadface - 12/7/17

[ohnofairsadface]

Ohnofairsadface - 11/3/17

[ohnofairsadface]

Doctors said it was a sign of the end, and what is worse than the second death. Necrotic nerves that never to mend, and organ traders counting every breath. So if I knew that which I do know now, I would ingest the carcinogenic wasp. I would have opened seals for Apollyon, and let him burn and reign upon. And plea for more than just one day, to make your image stay some way. With synapse failures as months go by, I search them for your face and form. I'd sell my heart and pray to die, for the feelings lost is why I mourn. So if I knew that which I do know now, I would ingest the metamorphic toad. I would have drafted deals with dirty Djinn, and let them drool and rip my skin. And pick through veins the soul does fear, to make your memory plainly clear. Sign the pact and pledge to them, and ice the vitals while alive. They bound my spark and all within, and thus I'm here and still survive. So if I knew that which I do know now, I would ingest the paralytic rat. I would have set my bets with deadly men, and hoped the gamble was a win. Or pay by fingers and my toes, to find you waiting if I rose. I barely remember you now and that is worse than all.

Ohnofairsadface - 11/28/16

[ohnofairsadface]

~ADDRESS START~ 1ARk5nbMBYyAvGmyk83VLJDX9twak6kT9T ~MESSAGE START~ I am Ohnofairsadface and I control this tumblr account from its creation to date, September 2, 2016. All writings on this page (Ohnofairsadface.tumblr.com) were created by me on the dates previously provided after each work and I hold copyright to each work with all rights reserved. This site has been recorded by archive.org at the following url link, to provide a snapshot of those writings as of this day: https://web.archive.org/web/20160902223443/http://ohnofairsadface.tumblr.com/ In the event that an individual attempts to claim ownership of this account or any of its contents, others should regard that individual as the true author ONLY if they can sign a message from the following address. Always verify address and signature. I will NEVER sign any messages from any address other than the following address:  1ARk5nbMBYyAvGmyk83VLJDX9twak6kT9T ~SIGNATURE START~ HEDGeyKt7vdGW6Ecck4qsjp3JlwLtEh8huD/J4cGDBEpiFZIPMe0Mrht3wSq7f5NWGL8vZQuUHQ9OfQtl2niIzw=

Ohnofairsadface - 9/2/16

[ohnofairsadface]

A sound comparable to a snap with a fizz zipped out. She had heard a sound like this before, but couldn't quite place from where. She instantly began to zone out and stare off, as if an involuntary reflex was taking hold. "It's him.", she said internally as the chemicals released from a part of her brain she couldn't remember the name of. The stranger's statement made it clear who he was, but she couldn't respond. In accordance with the script, she was stuck in her fear like an unstoppable train fueled with panic and driven by an engineer of dread.  Almost immediately the screen fell out of focus and went black. The audience became agitated, hooting and hollering throughout the darkness.  An individual in a distant seat yells a remark that she couldn't quite hear and like a concussive wave rushing, laughter flew through the audience towards her. The joke was so successful that it seemed to soothe their impatience temporarily. In her mind's eye the frames were still rolling. A glimpse of a memory, possibly related to a dream from the night before, possibly from a separate lifetime, distracted her thoughts for a nanosecond. Incomplete words and fragmented images dissolved away faster than when they developed.  With a flash, the film returned to a previous point. "I've been waiting for you to arrive.", said the stranger. She rolled her gamma ray eyes in frustration like the last time and turned them toward him. "Are you talking to me?", she said in an oblivious manner in hopes of hiding her insecurities. "Yes, do you know who I am?", the stranger replied. She took a few seconds to pretend to think, already knowing the words she would say, "I don't think so. Have we met before?". The stranger was expecting a different response from her. "I suppose this would be the appropriate reaction." the stranger thought to himself. The stranger had waited for her for so long, that time itself became like a joke. A microexpression of despair appeared on the stranger's face so quickly that she could never have noticed it. "Yes, we have met, but not formally.", the stranger stated as she made her way past him and through the door. She left him behind where he had always been waiting. As the door closed behind, all that was visible to her was a tiny window where the projectionist was still sleeping.  Maybe dreaming of nullity. Or maybe dreaming of her.

Ohnofairsadface - 9/2/16

[ohnofairsadface]

Is this such a true surprise? I crawled right back to see those eyes, but they are gone and won't return, I wish your muse shall always burn, though sadly mine has flown away, to secret meadows she now lay, and I just languish from the joke, with words I swore when we did spoke. Should I mention of the news? You standing with the books you choose, and I was looking for a tale, from papers carried in the mail, but there you were on page fifteen, waiting for the camera’s gleam, and then I knew that it was true, another phantom saying “Boo”. Can you promise just one thing? You'll listen for the clock to sing, and think of such a sad sad face, and see him delving into space, then you will secure the tune, for deeper realms of dreaming soon, and know that I have always sinned, by sending wishes through the wind. Do you hate the useless rhymes? I'm thinking of the years gone by, in different planes with different times, and different stories intertwines, and if by chance your rhyming too, you'll find me waiting just for you, yet sadly knowing you won't dare, nor even wish to see me there. It’s too bad of what they say? The roads do cross a crooked way, and strange for me to leave this be, with words so forked in fantasy, but if I fall to sleep my last, I'll dream of muses now gone past, and I'll contort the dream to you, what lovely madness rising through.

ohnofairsadface - 4/7/16

[ohnofairsadface]

...and it makes me very happy to know, that you are now happy, and you left to be in a world of your own happiness, and you shine, yet I did not know, for I was away, but have returned to you, yet you're no longer here, and you have been gone for quite some time", and I thought, such a sad sad face, now what, but there is nothing now, nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to see, no where to be, but here, without you, as usual, as to the norm, as to the plan, to the sky, to the stars, to our fate, till the death, till the end, when the time slows, and the freeze takes us, into the void, into oblivion, into the event horizon we fall, till we meet again, and after, to here, but here is now, and now is when I'm supposed to say, "I see you are happy...

ohnofairsadface - 9/19/15

[ohnofairsadface]

Oh what such a sad sad face for me to know, that what I long will never show, and that which is can not been seen, nor care, nor share, but is quite mean, and hide from me, and never go, to know the thoughts that I thought so, now empty, false, and never true, but nevertheless still think of you, from time to time and of that day, we saw our eyes, you turned away, and then I thought as time passed by, you'd change your mind and give a try, but no indeed, you said good day, to sewers crawl you go and stay, and fuck off here and fuck off there, and then I thought why do I care, again again I just don't know, I guess I'll go away and so, to find a friend and think of you, but like to ponder dreams right through, what if then and what if why, and what if what if going by, and what if you said, she said, hi, what if what if, I should try, but no she said to fuck off then, so laugh out loud I'll find a friend, and sleep, and dream, and be back then, where what ifs what ifs never end.

Ohnofairsadface - 8/22/15