okashi714-blog

[okashi714-blog]

Sometimes I can hear my mind saying thigs like “I will binge now otherwise I fear I’ll binge” or “I must purge or I will have to purge”

[okashi714-blog]

if your love wasn't true, then I don't want to be loved by anyone else

[okashi714-blog]

we will never do some other day what we're not doing now. we'll never get out of our way to meet each other, because we never did.

[okashi714-blog]

i remember how i was soflty touching your hand your hand on my leg me on your bed and my eyes soflty on your body your eyes wandering around, i hold your hand, your touch changes "i can see when you go away, you disconnect" your lips whispering your fingers in my hair, you love my hair my heart i decided not to rush, to live the excitement, the fear, enjoy every small step to you

[okashi714-blog]

I think I've found my people

[okashi714-blog]

I keep saying "this body is not me" but oh yes, this body really IS me, it was only different when I was different, this body is my present self, its physical manifestation. in order for it to change, I need to change too. If I can't accept the idea to change myself, my body will just stay the same. it's not "a period", I'm not sick, I have no limitations, it's just myself, my whole self. As I will think and choose differently, my life will change, and my body will change too.

[okashi714-blog]

This feeling I’m trying to understand since when I was a child comes out with family, family feeling, warmth, closeness I can hear it saying “come closer and never leave, don’t leave please don’t leave don’t leave don’t leave don’t leave me” I try to avoid situations when it comes out, so I’m always a little distant That feeling is my mother, the closeness I felt with her and the feeling of seeing her, little by little, looking more and more away from me, going away, abandoning me I’m still there at the doorstep waiting for her to get home, I’m still waiting for her hug this is the feeling that reminds me that I’m still that child, I’m still a child who hasn’t grown up who should finally grow up, once and for all who should stop blaming her parents who should take full responsibility of her life this feeling

[okashi714-blog]

[okashi714-blog]

desperation at its finest

[okashi714-blog]

tonight they must have clearly heard me puking

[okashi714-blog]

weight is a stupid external parameter, others need it to judge me, i don't need it all i need is building stronger walls, not allowing anyone in, refusing refusing refusing i don't need to understand myself

[okashi714-blog]

all of a sudden i'm so glad i have no one to talk to, it keeps me from getting pathetic

[okashi714-blog]

come on guys go to sleep

dream: chewing on half cooked whole wheat pasta with lots of olive oil and parmigiano

[okashi714-blog]

i’m nothing special from the outside, i’m no different from anyone else since i’m the only thing i can experience, i’m inevitably special to myself, my dimension is sacred and everything else is non existant trying is just external shit

i think that i stopped trying when i realized that i was not special at all

[okashi714-blog]

dream: chewing on half cooked whole wheat pasta with lots of olive oil and parmigiano

[okashi714-blog]

stanotte ho mangiato la ciorba in giappone davanti al bagno c'era molta fila che si è smaltita subito ho detto a mia madre di levarsi, non mi interessava il bagno si muoveva tutto e io ero nuda, non riuscivo a vomitare, l'acqua di una doccia mi bagnava senza che io lo volessi oggi a pranzo ho mangiato la ciorba, ho aspettato e ho mangiato ancora, non riuscivo a vomitare tutto poi ho inserito le dita più in profondità

[okashi714-blog]

i think that i stopped trying when i realized that i was not special at all