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Had a great adventure yesterday to the Tablelands with my boys and many more. Amazing day, people and scenery
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It's been a pretty great adventure week to sum up. Over 35k in hiking, 2 trails knocked off my to do list and at least 2 more to be completed before the end of July. All mixed into 2 week's working in Central NL. I'm at peace when I'm on the trails, 2020 has brought more downs than ups so luckily every hike is full of ups to build on. Get out and let nature cure you.
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A few pics from Sunday's hike. Put on about 30km between Friday and Monday. All uphill like this. I love the geography here and can never get enough of the views.
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Sometimes I just do random things and taking a video of this guy is one. Didn't expect the facial reaction I got from it but it made what was already a great day better
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Proud of him for where he's gotten to date and where he could be going. He's so much like myself it's crazy but I hope he avoids some of my mistakes at this stage of life.
Shitty because I can't go home to see the graduation and will have to via facetime. Life is full of so many blessings but it's all kicking my ass at the same time.
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8k hike up Marble mountain the ski hill here. It's a bit of a gruel going up. Have to get on better shape
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I don't write much about me personally and my thoughts but I need an outlet so keep scrolling if you'd want. I'm just getting this all out here as I don't really have any other outlet. Bottom line is 2020 has been shit since day 1. Here's the last 20 months
Late summer 2018 a position I've been striving for opened up with my company, 1 catch I had to pick up and move away from everything I've known the last 45 years. I talked to my boys, my ex and family and they all supported this decision. Bottom line though was I needed a fresh start as I just felt like life had become groundhog day. So with that support I picked up my life and moved 900km away, oh and am 8 hour ferry ride in there as well. Thanksgiving day 2018 I got off the ferry at 7am to sunshine and great views as I traveled the rest of the way to my new life.
I had been seeing someone before I left and it was known we would be ending it. They actually did some work in my new city and came to visit for a week the week after i arrived. It was my birthday weekend and she left that Sunday morning. I wanted to meet people so I decided to go the dating route to help thinking it will be a while before i met someone i was truly interested in. I was wrong. I swiped on someone thinking they were out of my league, so beautiful and seemingly similar interests.
I was shocked she swiped right on me that same day. From our first conversation there was an automatic chemistry. We met that Friday night for appies and first quick kiss. We met twice more over the wkend. That Tuesday she had to go away for work and a planned vacation. We actually missed each other like crazy already. I had to go home to get more stuff and it went by where she was on vacation so she ended her vacation early to travel back with me. Chemistry was off the charts in every way.
She had ghosts from her past, her ex had committed suicide a few months after they got married. They were only together a total of 18 months. He gave her the life she was looking for. Her and her teenage son had found him. I can't imagine the trauma for them both. We met 2.5 years later and it was a constant in our relationship the love she had for him. I can't fault her for that. I loved her unconditionally. I had never loved like that before. She still lived in their house in the town she's lived most of her life. The ghosts were constant. Around Christmas she got a job offer in her field 700km across the island. We were only 2-3 months in. I was in no position to ask her to stay, i supported her. By March she was moved, she wanted to split but we agreed to try to make it work long distance. We truly loved each other and our times together was great. Only struggle was I'm a bit more introverted and she wasn't. Crowds and parties at times were a struggle for me and i didn't always handle them well.
As summer went on I traveled the island often to camp and hang out. My kids came for the summer, that added a bit of stress but managed it. So many times we shared how great and perfect we were for each other but the distance was the obstacle.. I had just made a major life move and wasn't in a position to rush into another one to be closer. She had bought a house there so this was a more permanent move for her as well. If she had known how strong our feelings would be i think she would've slowed the move down but I can't fault her for the excitement of a new place. I just did the same thing. I offered to move in a specific timeline but needed the commitment to move in rather than move and live in a more expensive place for me. 10 years with this company, it was too much risk as I'm trying yo get ahead in life and not always chasing mistakes.
Fast forward to fall, another gathering that I removed myself from to avoid conflict and it just caused more. It was my birthday and my present was a wkend getaway. We ended up canceling it. Then she began ending us. I didn't see her again until after xmas for a couple hours. We still talked often but we missed each other, she was eating her feelings. Menopause was in full effect, her father whom they had put in a home due to alzheimers was also a huge stress on her. We tried being friends, I went to help in that area during snowmageddon. I stayed the week with her and it was an amazing week for the most part. We got drunk one night and all the emotions came out, she confessed how much she loved me. I would do anything for her. I was supposed to come back for another week 2 week's later. On my drive home she said it was over and don't come back. It crushed me that i was trying to give her space to deal with it all but reminding her how I felt, always trying to support and encourage everything going on on her life. I held out hope she would miss me so much I'd be worth fighting for. It's never come, and now we don't talk. I'm crushed.
Ive tried to move on, date a bit but my heart just can't. My dating has been focused on activity like hiking and hanging out. Not about sex and such. I miss my best friend, the person i connected with better than anyone in my life. I'm trying to make friends here but it's a struggle for someone that doesn't really have great social skills. I engage people daily for work but for some reason people don't want to bring me in as a friend. Covid hasn't helped any of this and there's days the loneliness is crushing and i just want to hide when i can. I'm forcing myself to get out for hikes with a group but timing has meant it's been solo trips.
It took me all my life to find the connection i had with her I won't settle for anything less. Dating is a bitch right now. I love where i live but it's just lonely. I really don't know what the best move is for me at this point.
Thanks for letting me put my jumbled thoughts. There's so much i didn't write but i can't erase the thoughts, memories and feelings. They're too strong. I'll find my way but why can't life just throw me a bone and let me live a happiness i had found. Fuck i miss her, i shouldn't still feel that way but the energy of every day we were together was just magic to me.
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