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oliveranimated · 9 months

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A vent bc I'm resenting my brothers, feel bad and need to get this out.

Posting this here bc reddit's being a bitch.

I (F16) have 4 siblings, 3 of them being younger brothers and an older sister. It crosses my mind on a daily what life would be like without the youngest two (6 and 3). I don't hold much ill will towards the older younger brother, R (12), just the occasional squabble n stuff as siblings do. But the youngest two I've grown a resentment towards. I was fine as a middle child for the most part and content with my older sister and R, but once the other two came into the picture I've felt burnt out constantly. The 6 year old was born in 2017 when I was in 5th grade by my dad and step mom, who I didn't and still don't live with. This stressed me out a little and I was failing some of my classes, but I brought it up only for it to decline again a little when my great grandma died in 2018. When my brother was born (I'll call him B.), I was happy for my dad and stepmom and had no ill will towards him. I didn't see him often though, as in, the 6 years he was alive, I've seen him for less than a full year's worth of visits. My mom didn't like my stepmom so we couldn't visit much since my dad was working a lot out of state, so we only visited when he was home. After a while, we found out B. was autistic. Now don't get me wrong, I hold no resentment towards autistic people whatsoever, but between me not forming a proper relationship with him from the jump, me not being good with kids, and him being autistic and not developing as we'd expected clashed with me. I've gone sleepless nights at their house when I was supposed to be relaxing and getting away from home life, just because he comes in and turns on the lights constantly, is loud, and constantly takes off his diaper. This agitates me because I'm a light sleeper and it takes me forever to go back to sleep once I'm awake. On car rides I try to stay away from him but on days where it's inevitable, he touches my hair and face and just me in general constantly, and his hands are always covered in chip crumbs as he makes a mess in the car, and I only like touch from a select few people. The amount of times I've had to give up certain things because of his sensory issues drive me up a wall. I can't choose where I want to go for my birthday because it has to be friendly to B's sensory issues, and if I wasn't constantly giving up my childhood for my siblings I'd be fine. But on my birthday where I finally get to have attention on me, I can't even choose where I get to go, and there's already not a lot to do around here where we live.

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