oliverreedmasterass

[oliverreedmasterass]

I saw Mirador!! My mom tagged along and said afterwards that they “weren’t for her” because they “have too much masculine energy going on”

[oliverreedmasterass]

HEY MIRADOR WHAT DO YOU MEAN TO BE REVEALED FOR OCT 4 HUH???? THE ONE SHOW THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE CLOSE TO ME LIKE ARE YOU JOKING DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS GONNA EXPLODE RAHHHHHHH

[oliverreedmasterass]

what a bad day to really really not like bruce springsteen music lmaoooooooo

[oliverreedmasterass]

This is, without a doubt, something that someone with too many guitars would say

From this new Jake article!

[oliverreedmasterass]

Words: 3k

Synopsis: Greta Van Fleet attend a midnight screening of Rocky Horror and discover something extraordinary. Could this possibly be the best night of their lives?

Warnings: language

Chapter 1

“I can’t believe you two have never done this before,” Josh couldn’t help but muse to himself as he, Jake, Sam, and Danny walked from their parked car to the small indie theater sitting in the outskirts of Nashville. 

“We really let them down, I think,” Jake agreed, looking at Sam and Danny with pity. 

Sam and Danny looked back at the twins, who were both wearing costumes that they couldn’t wrap their heads around. Sam had asked Josh earlier if he was really sure he was legally allowed to be walking around in public wearing nothing but a golden speedo and a white robe. Josh had retorted that he looked good, so it wasn’t a crime. Jake, while covered up significantly more, was wearing all leather, which made him squeak with every step. They had tried to get Sam and Danny into corsets but, not knowing what they were getting themselves into, Sam and Danny had made their stance firm that they were going to remain in their street clothes, thank you very much. 

“I’m just glad we’re getting out tonight,” Danny admitted. “I feel like you’ve all collectively been going through it.” 

Their group chat had been flooded with negativity over the past few weeks, to the point where Danny was starting to wonder if they needed to go on a retreat to another haunted cabin to clear their minds. Hearing about Jake’s sapped creativity, Josh’s chronic perfectionism, and Sam’s overwhelming lack of direction made him worried. This was what happened when they took a break from the studio and touring: they tended to get trapped in their heads to a concerning level. It had been Josh’s suggestion that they meet up for a movie night, and Danny couldn’t be more relieved that everyone accepted the invite. It was time for a little escapism. 

They made it to the front doors of the theater, and Josh looked around at his friends in glee. “Get ready for the best night of your lives,” he told them, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“We played at Madison Square Garden,” Danny murmured under his breath. “That’s gonna be pretty hard to beat.”

Josh tore open the front door and flung himself inside, prepared to be greeted by a hoard of other cult classic film fanatics. What he was met with, instead, was a dead lobby with only a single high school employee standing behind the cash register next to the borderline empty popcorn machine. Jake joined Josh’s side and frowned at the scene. 

“Maybe we got the date wrong?” he murmured to Josh. All that Josh could give in return was a half-assed shrug. 

“You guys here for Rocky Horror?” the teenager asked them, looking up from his phone. 

“We were told it was gonna be the best night of our lives,” Sam replied, unable to stop himself from mocking his older brother. The teenager gave a small smile, but it was obvious that he felt bad for the four men. 

“The troupe all caught food poisoning. I’d be more than happy to get my manager to still play the movie for you though, considering you made the trek out and all,” he offered. Everyone looked around at each other. A part of the magic was having the actors in front of the screen, bringing the movie to life. The other fun part was having a packed theater full of superfans. 

“Are we the only ones here?” Jake had to ask. The teenager nodded, his lips pursed with an apologetic look. Jake was ready to throw up his hands and call it a night. It would probably take him the rest of the evening to peel his body out of the leather clothes anyway. 

“I think we should still do it,” Danny chimed in. “I mean, I’ve heard so much about this movie, I really do want to see it.” 

“You’re still gonna be considered virgins at the next screening we go to,” Josh looked between Sam and Danny. “This won’t count.” 

Sam and Danny shrugged. They really didn’t know what Josh was going on about with virgins and stuff, so they could care less. 

And so, with their tickets scanned and their arms loaded with rice, toast, and newspapers, they made their way into the empty theater. “We have to be in the front row, that’s where the action is,” Josh chirped, rushing towards the screen. 

“My neck is gonna hurt,” Sam whined. He went in the opposite direction and planted himself in the center seat of the back row, throwing his hoodie up over his head and placing on some dark sunglasses. Danny looked back at his friend, sighed, and joined Jake, who was sitting in a more respectable place in the center of the theater. 

“What should I anticipate?” he leaned into Jake’s side. Jake’s clothes let out a tiny squeak.

“Josh is about to become the most insufferable version of himself.” Jake paused and seemed to be pondering something. “I probably will be too. Sorry in advance.” 

Out of habit, Danny clutched onto the arms of his seat to brace himself. Especially in an empty theater, there was no knowing how out of hand things were going to get. Sam seemed to be two steps ahead of Danny in reaching this conclusion, because he was sinking farther and farther back into his seat, trying to disappear. 

The projector flicked on, which was met by applause from Jake and Josh. After the Fox logo briefly flashed onscreen, a pair of vivid red lips appeared. Josh immediately let out a primal scream and tore his robe off, baring his exposed chest to the screen. Jake joined his brother, standing in the aisle, and jumped up and down in antici[...]pation. 

As the mouth sang the opening, Jake and Josh bellowed along at the top of their lungs. 

“Michael Rennie was ill the day the earth stood still, but he told us where we stand…”

Danny shoved his fingers into his ears and felt the dread wash over him that he should have just stayed home and watched golf. 

“Sing along, you know this one!” Jake said down to Danny, smacking at his arm with the back of his hand. Danny shook his head with a frown. 

“I literally don’t.” 

Jake left Danny’s side, to Danny’s relief, and joined Josh so they could continue to holler at the top of their lungs and flail up and down the aisle. Danny thought it couldn’t get any worse until the two started conspiring. 

“We should do the performance!” Josh shouted to Jake, holding his hands and looking at him with a wide grin. Jake was so gobsmacked at the suggestion, all he could do was eagerly nod, his eyes wide. 

“I call dibs on Janet!” Josh announced to the theater. “Which makes Jake Brad.” 

“I wanna be Meatloaf too,” Jake added, motioning down to his leather garb. “It would be a crime to let this costume go to waste.”

“You can be the background characters!” Josh pointed at Danny, nearly smacking him in the face, and then Sam, who had fully planked to the floor in the background, hoping he could go unnoticed for the rest of the evening. 

“Come out, Sammy!” Jake barked. “You gotta shake your ass!” 

“I don’t wanna,” Sam’s soft whines wafted down from the back row. Danny managed to hustle around Jake and Josh so he didn’t get in the way of their continued dancing, and jogged up the stairs to join his friend. Whether it was to coax him down or hide alongside him, Danny wasn’t entirely sure yet. 

“You doing okay?” he softly asked the curled up ball on the floor. All he got in return was a grunt. “If I got popcorn, would that help?” Sam’s low grunts came to a halt. 

“Can you get it with extra butter?” he unfurled himself and bat his eyelashes up at Danny. 

“You got it, bud.” Danny retreated back down the stairs and booked it to the concessions stand. Whatever it took to get Sam as backup for whatever chaos Jake and Josh were about to unleash. It was looking more and more like an all hands on deck type of situation. It had been a while since he had last seen the twins look that energized, and he was terrified. 

“Everything okay?” the high schooler looked at Danny with concern. 

Danny was quick to reassure him. “Oh yeah, just wanted to get some popcorn.” 

“We, er, really don’t have that much left,” the high schooler trailed off as he peered into the machine. Danny took a peek as well and noted that there were definitely more kernels than actual popped corn. He mulled it over, and then finally shrugged. 

“Got an ICEE machine?” 

“Yup.” 

“That’ll do.” 

A few minutes later, Danny returned back into the theater and was almost immediately taken out by a flying bouquet. “Gah!” Danny hollered out, spilling part of the blue ICEE down the front of his white shirt. “Darn,” he grumbled down at the growing stain. 

“You gotta throw the bouquet to me, Betty!” Josh called from the front of the theater. “Quick, before the scene changes!” 

Danny knew that it was best to play along and ask questions later, so he made sure to pelt Josh in the face with the bouquet. Unphased by this, Josh held it up for everyone to see. 

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it,” he mouthed along with Susan Sarandon’s character, Janet, who was plastered on the screen. 

As Danny trudged back up the theater stairs, still bummed out from his destroyed shirt, Jake and Josh broke out into an enthusiastic lip sync to “Dammit Janet.” 

“Here’s your drink,” Danny stated with a monotonous tone. Sam looked up at him in confusion. 

“I didn’t order a drink?” he whispered. 

“Just, take it,” Danny sighed, placing the blue ICEE in Sam’s hands. While he looked uncertain at first, it didn’t take long for Sam to start happily slurping down on it, without a single care in the world. Danny gazed back at the front of the theater, where Jake was now on one knee, proposing to a surprised Josh with one of his hoop earrings that he had hastily unfastened from his ear. 

“Oh, J-A-N-E-T, I love you so,” Jake sang along with the film, forgetting that he was supposed to be lip syncing. 

“Wanna hide with me?” Sam looked at Danny in between sips of his drink. Danny couldn’t help but shoot Sam a small smile when he saw that his tongue and lips were already starting to turn blue. 

“Kind of,” Danny admitted. “But I also really want to watch what’s gonna happen.” 

At this point, Josh was singing along to the track at the top of his lungs in a falsetto wail, running circles around Jake, who was struggling to catch up with him. Danny was frankly dumbfounded by the entire experience. He had always associated sex and scandal with Rocky Horror, but what was playing in front of him felt more like the opening to some goofy romcom. 

Things started to make more sense to Danny when the scene shifted to Janet and Brad getting stranded with a flat tire, and approaching a spooky castle to use their phone. Josh was upping the ante at this point in his performance, juggling between Janet and Riff Raff. It was hard to watch him force all of his lines out before he had to shift characters, and Danny found himself dragging Sam down to them. 

“No, no,” Sam choked out in shock. “I need to stay incognito.” 

“No one else is here,” Danny tried to comfort his distressed friend. “It’ll be okay, just let loose.” 

“If they try to make me sing, I’m leaving,” Sam warned Danny. 

“That’s only fair.” 

Danny led Sam to Jake and Josh and gave a small wave in front of their faces. 

“Sam and I want to join you,” he spoke quickly when there was a break in the dialogue. 

“It’s about time!” Josh snapped out of character. Jake nodded enthusiastically. 

“You can be Brad,” Josh instructed Danny. 

“Which means I’m Janet, right?” Sam’s face contorted into a scowl. 

“You’ve got the legs for it, sugar,” Jake joked in a creepy voice, leaning into Sam’s side. Danny held onto Sam’s coat sleeve to keep him from booking it out of the theater. 

“It’s astounding, time is fleeting, madness takes its toll…” Josh began to sing along with Riff Raff, opening up his arms to his friends, encouraging their participation. 

“What’s happening? I don’t know what’s happening,” Sam whispered to Danny. 

“Nice improv, you’re really keeping in character!” Jake congratulated him. Sam looked beyond lost. 

“But listen closely…” Josh continued. 

“Not for very much longer…” Jake joined in the song. 

“I’ve got to keep control!” Josh hollered. Danny and Sam gaped at Josh, who was now wiggling around like he had a thousand bees shoved in his golden speedo. As he roared along to the soundtrack, Jake pushed Danny and Sam forward, which caused them to both call out in surprise, barely catching themselves before they tumbled to the floor. 

“What was that for?” Sam barked back at his older brother in shock. Jake shrugged back at him. 

“LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!” boomed around the theater. 

“This is the dance number!” Josh hurried to Sam and Danny’s side to enlighten them. “They tell you all the steps in the song, you just have to follow along!” 

Sam opened his mouth to release yet another complaint, but was stopped in his tracks when Jake, Josh, and Danny took a jump to the left, taking him with them. 

“Oh Christ!” he yelped out, flailing around. 

Danny was having an admittedly better time than Sam. It didn’t take him long to catch onto the dance moves, taking a step to the right, putting his hands on his hips, bringing his knees in tight, and then doing the pelvic thrust. Before long he found that he was singing along with the film, and had broken away from his friends to give himself more space to dance around. 

Perhaps the sight of Danny having the time of his life was enticing. By the second chorus, Sam had started to come around. His movements were exaggerated, and his previously furrowed brow was long gone. Sam Kiszka was deeply enjoying himself at Rocky Horror. So much so that he started to lose control. Danny chuckled at his friend’s clumsiness as he started to teeter over while he was doing the pelvic thrust. That laugh came to an immediate stop when, instead of toppling into the screen, Sam went straight through it. Danny’s eyes bulged and he shook his head, trying to make sure he had just seen what he thought he saw. He couldn’t believe it, but it seemed true. 

Sam had disappeared. 

Still uncertain, Danny crept to the screen and pulled it away from the wall, looking behind it. No Sam. He gazed back up at the rest of the theater, scanning around for his friend, just in case he was playing a prank and hiding. But Danny wasn’t seeing him anywhere. 

Beside him, Jake and Josh were still dancing, entirely oblivious to what had just happened. While Danny was typically a more strategic and thoughtful problem solver, the panic that filled his body from head to toe was overboding. 

“Sam’s gone!” he shrieked. That did the trick, getting Jake and Josh to stop their dancing. They scanned around the theater, like Danny had done just seconds earlier. Jake scratched his head. 

“Like, to the bathroom?” Josh tried to put the pieces together. He was troubled by how horrified Danny looked, but couldn’t conjure up any explanation that seemed fitting. 

“Through the screen!” Danny managed to sputter out. Jake and Josh shared an uncertain glance. Apparently today was the day that Danny officially went off the deep end. Jake was on the verge of recommending they take Danny home so he could sleep it off when his eyebrows shot into his hairline. Above their heads on the large screen where the Rocky Horror characters were still dancing was Sam, dressed in a matching suit to the cast, looking around in confusion. 

“How in the hell…?” Jake trailed off, unable to form a coherent thought. 

Josh had evidently spotted Sam as well, because he was already running towards the screen at full speed. “We have to help him!” Josh called out, before disappearing. Danny and Jake both gawked at the empty place where Josh had just been. Then, slowly, their eyes tracked up to the screen. Josh was now standing next to Sam, wearing a similar suit, flamboyant sunglasses, and a tiny hat. Seeing that Josh had successfully crossed over, Danny gave it no thought. Without a word, he hurried behind his friend, eager to get to Sam and comfort him. 

This left Jake standing alone in the theater, squeaking uncomfortably in his leather. He mulled over his situation. It would be best if he stayed in the theater to get help if they needed it, right? But he was really jealous of his friends. He had always dreamed of being in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It wasn’t fair that they all got to experience it, and he didn’t. 

That thought was enough to get Jake to jump through the screen, into the blinding light. 

Chapter 2 coming soon!

[oliverreedmasterass]

About a year ago I said I'd make this if the guys kept showing hole on tour.

Whelp, here we are.

[oliverreedmasterass]

GVF on Chicken Shop Date when?!

Check out my most recent Starcatchers episode! ;)

[oliverreedmasterass]

The Fallen Angel - Danny Wagner

he was made for this painting

prints here

[oliverreedmasterass]

oh?

[oliverreedmasterass]

if you noticed i skipped #16 no i didn't and you're wrong

[oliverreedmasterass]

Starcatchers 1x4 - Fate of the Faithful

Synopsis: It's media day for the GVF guys! What could go wrong? (everything) Danny struggles to hold back the truth, Jake takes advice from a higher up, and Sam and Josh can't stop saying the wrong thing. Their manager has never been more stressed.

Words: 5.8k

Warnings: mentions of physical harm (brief), caffeine addiction, Keith Richards

Notes: Thank you, as always, to @feelslikejakey for the original concept, and @jmkho for literally writing the ending for me because my writer's block was so unbelievably bad AND making the incredible title/gif!! 🫶🫶🫶

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Jake, Josh, and Sam are in an old-fashioned diner, eating breakfast and sipping on tall mugs of black coffee. Sam sets down his fork with a clatter and leans closer to his brothers so he can conspire. 

SAM: Something’s different with Daniel. 

JAKE: (raising an eyebrow, mouth full of bacon) How so? 

SAM: It’s like he’s more gullible or something. Usually he’s the most headstrong one in the band, but I’ve been messing with him a lot more recently, and he’s falling for it. 

JOSH: You might be onto something, I convinced him that Genovia is a real country yesterday and he didn’t even Google it to double check. 

JAKE: I can’t see that happening. I bet he’s the one screwing with you both. 

SAM: No, trust me, watch this. 

Danny comes back to the table from the bathroom, wiping his wet hands on his jeans. 

DANNY: Some guy was styling his hair with the hand dryer. Can you believe that? 

SAM: (ignoring Danny’s interesting story) Daniel, did you know that it gets so hot in the summer because the sun doubles in size between June and September?

DANNY: I guess that kind of makes sense. 

Jake and Josh exchange amused looks. This is gonna be fun. 

JOSH: Well, I read yesterday that pisces can read people’s minds. 

DANNY: Really? That’s kind of spooky. 

JAKE: The pyramids were built from the top down. 

DANNY: I knew it. (beat) You guys are throwing a lot of information at me. It’s kinda making my head spin a bit. Not gonna lie, I’ve been all over the place since I stopped drinking caffeine. Like, I really can’t think straight. 

SAM: (obviously not feeling bad at all) Oh no, that’s horrible! 

Sam, Jake, and Josh share malicious grins. Danny is entirely oblivious. 

SAM: (to the camera) I can tell this fool whatever I want. 

Starcatchers Theme/Opening Titles

[acoustic theme song with a harmonica] 

From the fires we emerged anew, 

Singing, playing rock and roll, 

Reviving a genre just for you. 

Across the globe we traveled far

Recruiting an army of peace, 

Enchanting crowds with our guitar. 

A battle ensued at the Gardens Gate

And we preserved the gift of nature, 

Standing up against a culture of hate.  

We are the Starcatchers, reaching for the sky, 

Discovering words of wisdom to live by. 

We deliver a message from the heavens above:

Live your legend through the intelligence of love. 

[end theme] 

Jake, Josh, Sam, and Danny sit in their manager’s office. Danny is balancing a pen on his forehead while Sam times him with a watch that looks like it came from a Happy Meal. Jake and Josh try to focus on their manager, but it’s pretty hard with all the commotion Sam and Danny are making. 

SAM: Twenty seconds away from the world record! 

DANNY: Wooooo! 

MANAGER: (trying to talk over Sam and Danny’s shouts) Today is a big press day. We’ve got a calendar full of interviews for you to get through. I know it’s going to be exhausting work, but we really need to start spreading the word about your upcoming single, ‘Meeting the Master.’ 

JOSH: We’re more than happy to talk with some kind journalists, right guys? 

Danny sneezes and sends the pen flying across the room so it hits their manager square in the face. 

SAM: Shoot! You were two seconds away! 

Danny struggles to find a kleenex to wipe his nose, so he opts for a piece of paper sitting on the manager’s desk instead. 

DANNY: Ugh, this tissue feels awful. 

Danny crumples the snot-covered printer paper and discards it out the window. 

MANAGER: (nodding towards Danny) What’s up with him? He’s usually the sane one. 

JAKE: Caffeine withdrawals. 

MANAGER: Say no more. (shudders) Been there. 

JOSH: So, who do we get to chat with today? Rolling Stone? The New York Times Art and Culture columnist? Kelly Clarkson? 

MANAGER: 98 Rock outside of Clearwater, Florida. 

JAKE: Oh, come on. 

MANAGER: And a few others. Sam and Josh, you’ll pair off and take this schedule. (hands Josh a sheet of paper) Danny, since you just blew your nose on your schedule and chucked it out the window, you and Jake are gonna have to figure things out. I don’t feel like printing another one. 

Manager then slams a gavel down on his desk, making the guys jump. 

MANAGER: Let’s get marketing! 

The manager rushes out of the room, whooping and jumping around like he’s about to take the field for the Super Bowl. Jake, Josh, Sam, and Danny slowly follow behind him, unenthusiastically. 

SAM: (falling in line with Danny) I need to tell you something. 

DANNY: What’s up? 

SAM: (obviously lying) I put truth serum in your water this morning at breakfast. 

DANNY: Now why’d you do that? 

Sam shrugs. 

SAM: A guy sold it to me on the street. I wanted to see if it was the real deal or not. 

Danny nods like he understands where Sam is coming from. Then he stops. 

DANNY: I think you might have been scammed, Sam. It’s not like I’ve been spilling a bunch of secrets left and right. 

Sam pretends to look disappointed. 

SAM: There’s five bucks I’ll never get back. 

Danny stops in his tracks. Sam stops with him. Danny turns to face Sam and puts his hands on his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. 

DANNY: I was the one who spread the rumor in third grade that you wore a wig. 

Sam gapes at Danny. 

SAM: DANIEL! 

Danny looks horrified that he shared this information with Sam. His mouth hangs open in shock and, after taking in Sam’s progressively angrier face, he snaps back to life to do some major damage control. 

DANNY: I don’t know why I said that, I’m so sorry, Sam. I was young then, I thought it was a funny joke, I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand. 

SAM: Kids called me Mr. Clean for years, Daniel. Years. I had to grow my hair long to prove a point, but they just kept telling me that I had a nice weave. 

Danny doesn’t know what to say. In a silent panic, he runs away from Sam. Sam watches him flail down the hallway and then shakes his head. As he does this, Josh retreats back to Sam’s side and places a hand on his shoulder, not noticing Danny running away. 

JOSH: I was instructed to relay the message that we need to be on our best behavior today in front of the press. Management threatened to subtract twenty bucks from our upcoming paycheck every time we make ourselves look bad. 

SAM: (focusing on Josh) How can they fairly keep track of that? It’s an entirely subjective thing. 

JOSH: I don’t think this is something we can negotiate. 

Sam shakes his head with discontent. 

SAM: I can’t help that I enjoy riffing. 

JOSH: I’m right there with you, bro, but it’s a challenge we’re gonna have to overcome. 

Josh guides Sam past Jake, who is waiting outside a door labeled “105.4 KSCR: The Singles” where he and Danny are expected to take their first interview. Jake is pacing back and forth in front of the door, practicing his lines. 

JAKE: Hi, I’m Jake Kiszka from Greta Van Fleet and I’m here to promote our new single, Meeting the Master. No, not quite it. Hey guys! This is Jake from Greta Van Fleet, spreading the word about our new single! Gross. What’s crackalackin my bros? I’m excited about my new single! 

A deep and booming voice reminiscent of Samuel Pack Elliott appears from seemingly nowhere. 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Become one with the essence of your being.

Jake suddenly stops in his tracks and spins in a tight circle, searching for the source of the mysterious voice. 

JAKE: Huh? Dad? 

MYSTERIOUS OVERHEAD VOICE: Soar above the constraints of possibility. 

JAKE: Is this a prank? Because we already covered that in the pilot episode. 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Your destiny lies in standing apart from the rest.

Jake’s face scrunches as he finally begins to consider what the voice is telling him. He looks back at the sign on the door. The words “The Singles” especially stand out to him, and he’s staring at the words while whispering “single” under his breath. Danny approaches Jake, looking turned around, and Jake stops whispering to himself, straightening up when he sees his bandmate. 

JAKE: Daniel, I wanna fly solo with the interviews today. Why don’t you go somewhere else? 

DANNY: I mean, I guess I can do that? 

Danny turns back on his heel and wanders away back down the hallway, accidentally bumping into stuff left and right. He finds a door and slips into the room, leaving Jake back on his own. Jake sighs a breath of relief, like he’s off to a fresh start, and lets himself into the KSCR room. 

The perspective of Jake entering the room swaps to a shot of Danny entering into a room of his own, which is entirely dark except for a single light. Danny gazes around and finally spots the interviewer, who is a woman around his age, giving him an eerie smile from the shadows. As he moves closer to her, it becomes clear that she’s using a screenshot of the Pixar lamp on her phone with the brightness turned all the way up as a substitute for an interrogation lamp. 

INTERVIEWER: You’re early. 

DANNY: My bandmate ditched me and told me to take some interviews on my own. I don’t like talking to people I don’t know, especially when there’s a camera around, but I am getting paid for this, so I might as well get it over with. 

INTERVIEWER: Your honesty is refreshing. 

DANNY: I’m so sorry, that was rude to say. I have no filter. 

INTERVIEWER: Like a geriatric patient. Excellent. 

DANNY: What’s with the dark room? I feel like I’m on the set of Hot Ones. 

INTERVIEWER: I like my interview space free of distractions, so I can focus on only you, and you can only focus on me. 

Danny points to the photo of the Pixar lamp that she’s still holding up. 

DANNY: That’s pretty distracting. 

INTERVIEWER: (adamant) The lamp stays. 

DANNY: You’re making my spine tingle. That’s what happens when I’m around people who intimidate me. 

INTERVIEWER: That’s exactly what I was going for. Now, shall we get started? 

DANNY: (still evidently uncomfortable) I feel like I have to. (beat) I really hope I don’t talk about how I stole Dave Grohl’s drum sticks that one time we played at the same festival or how I used them afterwards to build a piece of IKEA furniture because I lost my hammer. 

INTERVIEWER: Hold on, say that again after I start the camera. 

Danny’s face pales with worry. 

The interview room transitions into the room where Josh and Sam are currently on a Zoom call with a couple of cheesy DJs wearing Led Zeppelin band tees. 

DJ 1: So I have written here in front of me that your band name has an interesting story behind it.  

JOSH: Oh yeah, we actually came up with the name as an homage to our 3 main inspirations. 

SAM: Greta Thunberg. 

JOSH: Vanderpump Rules. 

SAM: And Adele! 

Josh flashes Sam a disappointed look. 

DJ 2: How fascinating. I could have sworn I read somewhere that the name came from a town elder in your hometown of Frankenmuth. 

SAM: If you knew that, then why did you ask the question? 

Josh’s phone pings, he looks down at it, and immediately frowns. 

JOSH: (to Sam) That’s a $20 deduction for both of us. 

SAM, DANNY: Darn it! 

Back in the darkened room with the interviewer, Danny is heard yelling the same thing as Sam, holding his head in his hands. The interviewer is flipping through her notes. 

INTERVIEWER: So, in the past five minutes, you’ve shared your social security number, list of allergies, all of your phobias, your home address, how you’re oddly attracted to the pink Stitch, that you think you’re better at guitar than Jake, and, just now, your iCloud username and password. Can I include all of that in my article? 

DANNY: (still into his hands) Please don’t. 

INTERVIEWER: My interrogation - uh, I mean - my interviewing skills have really improved since I did my blood oath - I mean - my Masterclass course on journalism. I didn’t even prompt you to tell me any of that stuff. You offered it all on your own.

DANNY: (groaning) That stupid truth serum. I’m gonna kill Sam. 

The interviewer is intrigued by this. She leans closer to Danny. 

INTERVIEWER: Truth serum, huh? I didn’t know that stuff worked. 

DANNY: Well, here’s all the evidence you need. Sam bought it off some guy on the street for, like, five bucks. It seems kinda cheap for something like that, though. I wonder if he had a coupon. 

The interviewer is on her feet now, looking energized. 

INTERVIEWER: Where’s Sam now? This could be my shot to finally get one of those big Hollywood hotshots to fess up to the existence of the Illuminati. It’s my time to expose those lizard people. 

DANNY: I thought the lizard people and Illuminati were two separate groups? 

It’s no matter, because the interviewer is already gone. Danny sighs and starts to play with the microphone that the interviewer left in front of him. Across the hallway Jake is sitting with the KSCR interviewer, a kind woman who looks like she’s got years of experience under her belt. 

KSCR INTERVIEWER: It said on the call sheet that your drummer, Danny, was going to be joining us today. 

JAKE: I’m flying solo today, hun. You see, Greta Van Fleet has been around for quite some time now. We’re veterans in the field, you could say, which means it’s time for us to explore new avenues. One of those avenues, as you can see, is that I get to take some interviews by myself. You know, test the waters a bit to feel what it’s like to be on my own, running the show. 

KSCR INTERVIEWER: Are you implying that you’re going to leave the band? 

JAKE: I’d be lying if I said the idea didn’t pique my interest. I keep seeing signs, like a higher power is pointing me in the right direction. Have you ever felt like you’ve been trapped in a cage your entire life? Don’t answer that; it’s a rhetorical question. What I crave is so much bigger than the confines of this little rock group. I want to move mountains with my song, to travel the world as a nomad, to become my own master. (without missing a beat) Speaking of which, our newest single, ‘Meeting the Master,’ will be available to stream on April 7th. 

KSCR INTERVIEWER: This is frankly shocking to hear from you, Jake. A lot of people would argue that Greta Van Fleet is in their prime now. You’ve found your sound, gained your following, and are dominating the rock world. Why would you want to walk away from that?

JAKE: The loner’s path calls me. 

Jake pulls a steel guitar out of nowhere and starts to play a tune that sounds similar to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly theme. The KSCR interviewer gives Jake a blank stare. That blank stare is shared by Josh and Sam, who are sitting in a room with their manager, who looks like he’s on the brink of exploding. 

MANAGER: You know how much money we’re deducting from your paychecks? 

SAM: I dunno, like 17 bucks? We’ve been on our very best behavior today.  

MANAGER: $10,680! Each! 

Sam and JOSH both wince at his words. 

MANAGER: (continued) You’ve only done three interviews. It’s like you’re trying to make yourselves look bad or something. 

JOSH: It’s just our personalities, I promise. We aren’t being deliberate about this. 

MANAGER: It seemed pretty deliberate when Sam screamed that he was going to strangle the next artist that used a drum machine. 

SAM: That came from the heart. I thought you told us to be authentic and likable. 

MANAGER: What’s likable about that? 

JOSH: Sam’s statement resonated very deeply with me, personally. He has my vote. I mean, he’s the kinda guy I could sit down and drink a beer with. 

Sam and Josh fist bump. Manager stares between the brothers, his eye twitching, obviously contemplating if he should rip out all of his hair in a blind rage and run through a wall. By some miracle, he swallows his strong emotions and the storm in his face disperses. 

MANAGER: GQ’s up next to shoot your 10 Things I Can’t Live Without interview. Please, I beg of you, don’t blow this. 

JOSH: I can’t live without Cheez-Its. 

MANAGER: Perfect, be sure to say that in front of the camera. 

Manager leaves the room and slams the door shut. In a match cut, Danny closes the door behind him as he enters the Buzzfeed media room. 

BUZZFEED INTERVIEWER: Danny! How’s it going?

DANNY: I can’t believe I have to chat with the stinking Millennial Disney Adult Top 10 List Toxic Work Environment Buzzfeed.  

BUZZFEED INTERVIEWER: Thank you? Uh, why don’t you take a seat right there, yeah, cool. 

DANNY: Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me you aren’t gonna make me take one of your pointless quizzes. 

Buzzfeed interviewer gives an apologetic smile as he hands over a Buzzfeed laptop. 

BUZZFEED INTERVIEWER: It’s ten questions, it should go by fast. Just make sure to share commentary and, if you can, include some good sound bytes that we can use for social media. 

DANNY: The only commentary I’ll have is how much your stupid quiz sucks. 

Danny sighs and turns his attention to the laptop to complete the quiz, Which Greta Van Fleet Member Are You? The first question, of course, is the classic: What’s your favorite color? Danny studies the options, shuts the laptop, and gives the interviewer an exhausted look. 

DANNY: I’m Daniel Wagner. I don’t have to take a quiz to tell you that. Plus anyways, there’s no way a set of ten questions could possibly define who I am as a person, and how I distinguish myself from my bandmates. I’m an excruciatingly complex man with a deep history like you’ve never seen before. You’d need 6 seasons and a movie to even nip at the tip of my iceberg, sir. (beat) I think what I’m trying to say is my favorite color is mauve, which wasn’t an option. 

BUZZFEED INTERVIEWER: Now that’s what I call a sound byte! 

A commotion can be heard through the wall. The camera pans over to investigate, and we learn that Jake is in the next room at a table, leaning in close to the camera with a look so intense, it’s a miracle the lens hasn’t combusted. 

JAKE: (on the brink of hysterics) Do you know how many songs I wrote for our last album? Enough to make Sir Paul McCartney poop his pants! And what did my bandmates do? They looked over my songs and were like, “wow, Jake, these are really good, but I don’t see where a song called ‘Walk the Plank Me Hearties’ would fit in our album’s tracklist.” Can you believe that? Turning down a banger like ‘Walk the Plank Me Hearties’? And it had a 38 minute long guitar solo too, perfect for radio. It’s like they’re digging their own grave in real time. What a joke. What an absolute joke. See how hard I’m laughing, guys? See the tears streaming down my face, pals? 

AMELIA DIMOLDENBERG: I just asked if you liked ketchup with your tendies. 

Camera zooms out to show that Jake is on a Chicken Shop Date with Amanda Dimoldenberg. Jake’s face is red from his rant, and he takes a break to shove a chicken tender in his mouth. 

JAKE: (somehow managing to chew really loudly on chicken tenders) Now, if you were in my shoes, you would leave the band, right? 

AMELIA DIMOLDENBERG: Absolutely not. 

JAKE: I don’t think this is going to work out. 

Jake takes three more chicken tenders and crams them all in his mouth before standing from the table and powering towards the door. Before he leaves, he turns back to face Amelia. 

JAKE: This chicken is delicious, by the way. 

AMELIA: Thanks, I didn’t make it. 

Jake leaves the room and hustles down the hallway, past a door where Sam and Josh are sitting with some people from NPR. 

PETER SAGAL: Welcome to Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! This is Peter Sagal, live here with a couple of members from the rock group, Greta Van Fleet. 

JOSH: Hiya, Peter. 

SAM: What’s hangin’, DJ Swaggin? 

PETER SAGAL: As you may know, this is a show that covers current events. Now, usually when we have guest stars, we take the majority of our time to discuss your career and craft. However, a story recently broke in the news that I would love to discuss with you. 

SAM: By all means. Is this about the soaring gas prices? 

JOSH: War? 

PETER SAGAL: Your brother, Jake. 

SAM: Oh god, what did he do this time? 

PETER SAGAL: Take a listen, guys. 

JOSH: I’ll bet you anything he turned into Oliver Reed and started threatening the people at Apple Music again for putting that U2 album on his phone. 

PETER SAGAL plays an audio clip that Jake recorded recently. 

JAKE: You know what? From here on out, Greta Van Fleet is a trio for all I care. I’m breaking free, baby, just like Troy and Gabriella. I don’t need them, I’m as single as a Pringle. (beat) By the way, our new single, ‘Meeting the Master,’ is available to stream on April 7th. 

Sam and Josh are having trouble hiding their shock. Sam looks to Josh for a cue, trying to figure out how he should react to this news in a way that won’t cost them more money from their paycheck. Josh clears his throat and stands from his seat. 

JOSH: It’s been a pleasure speaking with you, but I need to attend a very important meeting. About, uh, drum machines. 

SAM: (attempting to follow Josh’s lead) Yeah, we like to strangle people who use them. 

Josh and Sam both rush out of the room. Just as quickly as they leave the NPR room, they enter the room where Jake is currently sitting with a reporter from MSNBC, for some reason. 

JAKE: (to the reporter, oblivious to Sam and Josh’s recent entrance) All the greats go solo. Art Garfunkel, Michelle Williams, Liam Payne. 

JOSH: Jake! 

Jake turns around and stands to face his brothers. While he at first looks shocked and afraid to see them, he quickly masks his emotions with a smug smile. 

JAKE: Come to negotiate keeping me in your shackles? 

SAM: Dude, what’s gotten into you? You’re seriously killing the vibe. 

JAKE: I got a whiff of the sweet smell of independence, boys. I’m afraid I’ve gotten hooked. 

JOSH: The only thing I smell in here is your BO. And french fries. Hey wait - did you get Mickey D’s without me? 

JAKE: That’s the perk of going solo. 

Sam looks like he’s starting to consider leaving the band as well. 

JOSH: This is insane, Jake. You can’t leave Greta Van Fleet. 

The mysterious deep voice returns again. It’s apparent that only Jake can hear it. 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Challenge the non-believers. 

JAKE: I’ll show you insane. God just told me to challenge Josh to a duel. 

SAM: (shock) Oh my god! (confusion)Oh my god? (realization) Oh my god??

JOSH: (cutting Sam off) You’ve got yourself a deal, pal. 

SAM: No! 

JAKE: High noon, bud. 

SAM: It’s 3:07. 

JOSH: It’s high noon somewhere. 

SAM: I don’t think it is? 

JAKE: Parking lot. 

JOSH: Right. 

The twins exit the room in a silent rage, leaving Sam behind with the MSNBC reporter. 

SAM: So, how about that economy, huh? What are stocks and why am I so afraid of them? 

The scene shifts to the parking lot, at not-really high noon. An instrumental version of ‘Fate of the Faithful’ plays in the background. Jake and Josh step into frame. Jake looks like Woody from Toy Story while Josh wears a cowboy suit with inflatable horse legs. Sam stands in the middle, dressed like a NASCAR flagman in a checkered suit, holding the starting flag up. 

SAM: Please don’t make me do this! 

JAKE: Wave the stinkin flag, Samuel! It’s a direct order from God!

JOSH: I bet he’ll smite you if you don’t. All that’ll be left is the memory of how annoying you were. 

Sam squeezes his eyes shut in fear as he holds the flag up, and Jake and Josh curl and unfurl their fists, preparing to grab for their weapons (plastic cups filled with boba). Sam slowly starts to move the flag downwards as the instrumental music crescendos. The camera zooms into Jake and Josh’s eyes to show just how serious they are about this whole boba shootout. Sam lowers the flag in full, his eyes still shut. As the twins stick their straws in their mouths and prepare to fire the boba at one another, Danny suddenly wanders past Sam, blocking Jake and Josh from each other. Danny appears dazed and confused, and gazes around with a sleepy look on his face. 

DANNY: Which interview is this? Why didn’t I get a fun costume? 

JAKE: Oy! Checker boy! Move your curly friend out of the way so I can pelt my brother with these tapioca pearls! 

SAM: (to Danny) Now’s really not a good time to be here, buddy. Why don’t you lay down and drink an ice water? You look awful. 

DANNY: (speaking to no one in particular) I said so many things on our no-no list. But I couldn’t stop myself. The words melted from my mouth like butter fresh out of the microwave. 

Jake and Josh are now standing upright, dumbfounded and trying to decipher what the heck Danny is talking about. 

DANNY: (continued) They know that I used a night light until I was 16. And that Josh has an irrational fear of George Costanza. And that Jake stole one of Chicago Music Exchange’s most expensive guitars back in 2019 and blamed it on Keith Richards. 

JAKE: Bollocks! 

DANNY: And I can’t speak a lick of Spanish. And Sam lied about being vegetarian during the pandemic. 

SAM: Oh no, my brand! 

DANNY: And Josh has a crush on Dev Patel…

JOSH: I’m actually okay with that one. Maybe he’ll hit me up? 

DANNY: (continued) …and a young Rasputin. 

JOSH: How do you know about that!?

JAKE: Okay, change in plans. I don’t need to duel Josh anymore. Let’s circle the traitor! 

JOSH: Yar! 

DANNY: (continuing) That truth serum Sam gave me is seriously strong. Like, it’s kinda freaking me out how powerful the stuff is. I told a poor reporter with Spin that I haven’t had a bowel movement in 4 days and he referred me to a fiber specialist. 

Jake and Josh turn to look at each other. It’s mutually understood that Danny is not the cause of this mess; Sam is. Sam has already caught onto this, as made apparent by the fact that he is already halfway across the parking lot, booking it as fast as he can from harm’s way. 

A steel guitar theme plays in the background as old-timey title cards flash across the screen, reading: Samuel Francis Kiszka was forced to go through robust media training as penance for his tomfoolery and despicable interview responses. Daniel Robert Wagner was given a doppio espresso with 20 shots of espresso and 10 pumps of white mocha to cure his caffeine withdrawals. He was back to normal within seconds. As for the twins, Jacob and Joshua…

Camera shows Jake and Josh. They are sitting across from each other in the room where Josh and Sam did their GQ 10 Things I Can’t Live Without interview. A box of Cheez-Its, toe nail clippers, a trucker cap that reads I’M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS I’M WORSE, a ping pong paddle, and The Communist Manifesto are sprawled across the table. It can be assumed that all of Sam’s submissions were non-tangible. 

JOSH: I can’t believe Sam has to go through the same media training program that Disney Channel child actors do. 

JAKE: You and I both know it’s what the kid deserves. 

SAM: (voice calling from down the hall) WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T THREATEN PEOPLE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS? THAT’S MY BIT! 

Josh looks like he’s mulling over whether he should mention something or not. He starts to play with the toenail clippers, but then stops himself. 

JOSH: You know how you were talking about leaving the band? 

Jake seems uncomfortable that Josh is bringing this up. 

JAKE: Hmm? Oh yeah, that. (beat) Between you and me, I think Sam must have slipped me some “Tendency to Learn Towards Breaking Up” serum earlier today. Man, that stuff got me good. 

Now Jake is the one nervously playing with The Communist Manifesto, trying to read it upside down. 

JOSH: Is any of that serum still in your system? 

Jake mulls Josh’s question over. 

JAKE: I think it must have cleared out. I mean, I haven’t heard from God in a hot minute. 

JOSH: I am curious, what does God sound like? 

JAKE: Like the most darn tootin’ cowboy you’ve ever heard in your life. 

JOSH: Huh. 

JAKE: It is a little strange though, I swear I’ve heard his voice before. Maybe he regularly checks in on me. 

Jake shifts around a bit in his seat. 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Our duty is to build trucks.  

Jake jumps out of his seat with a shout. 

JOSH: What?! 

JAKE: He just came back to me! He said it’s our duty to build trucks?  

JOSH: Are you sure he didn’t say ‘trust��? 

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: It takes the new 2025 Ram 1500 to move Heaven and Earth. 

JAKE: Huh? 

JOSH: What is it, brother?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: Guts. Glory. Ram. 

JAKE: I think God just recited a Ram Truck commercial to me. 

JOSH: You said he sounds like a cowboy? 

JAKE: Mmm hmm. 

Josh looks at Jake closer. Although his hair is covering his ears, Josh spots something. He reaches forward, brushes Jake’s hair out of the way, grabs something, and holds an AirPod out to Jake to see. 

JOSH: Do you think this was maybe where the “Voice of God” was coming from? 

JAKE: Did you pull that out of my ear? I didn’t realize you knew how to do magic tricks. 

Josh inserts the AirPod into his own ear and takes a pause to listen. 

JOSH: Your “God” is telling me about Dairy Queen’s 2 for $5 deal right now. 

JAKE: Sellout. 

JOSH: You’re playing ads on your phone, dude. 

Jake pulls out his phone and studies it. 

JAKE: So I am. Perhaps I’m not important enough for divine intervention. 

JOSH: (cautiously) You know, sometimes we apply meaning to things based on our subconscious without even realizing it. 

Jake doesn’t seem to be following what Josh is hinting at. With a sigh, Josh continues. 

JOSH: (continued) All of today you believed you were following the word of God. But, in actuality, I think you were doing what you wanted. 

JAKE: I was doing what Ram Trucks wanted. 

JOSH: Jake, I want to know if we’re okay. You know, as a band. 

JAKE: Oh yeah. Saying we’re A-okay isn’t even accurate. We’re more like A+ okay. 

Jake lets out a small cough, rubs his nose on the bottom of his dress shirt, hocks a loogie into Josh’s box of Cheez-Its, and stands. 

JAKE: I’m gonna grab some more chicken tenders from that British lady. Those made my stomach happy. 

Jake leaves the room, whistling the “Cha Cha Slide” to himself. 

JOSH: (to himself) I wish I had some of Sam’s truth serum to crack into that chestnut of a brain. 

The episode ends with a flashing series of national headlines that were produced as a result of the media day, like Greta Van Fleeing: Jake Kiszka on the Move? and 192 Secrets Daniel Wagner Probably Should Have Kept to Himself. The camera shifts to show that the members of Greta Van Fleet are doing more media, chatting with a couple of DJs over a Zoom call.  

DJ 1: You boys really took the world by storm last week with your, let’s call it, buzzworthy press. We’re glad to have you here with us today to shed some light on what happened, and why you’re currently at the top of the news cycle for every major outlet. 

DANNY: A word to the wise, don’t go off the bean. 

DJ 2: Noted. 

SAM: We’re so thrilled to be speaking with you both today. To answer your question, I went into the Disney Channel building and I sat down with the president of Disney Channel, and I said, ‘I wanna make history,’ and that’s what this is. 

DJ 2: Not the answer we were expecting, but very informative, Samuel. 

JOSH: You should congratulate him, he’s been taking his media training very seriously. 

Danny takes a break from chugging his venti coffee to chime in. 

DANNY: We’re a band who obviously doesn’t take ourselves too seriously. What happened last week was unprofessional, I will admit that, but it was a way to capture your attention so we can spread the word far and wide about the first single off our upcoming album, Starcatcher. 

SAM: Create a playlist with ‘Meeting the Master’ on repeat and stream it. Don’t mute it! Play it at a low volume and let it play while you sleep. 

DJ 1: Should we even be anticipating a new album from you guys if Jake’s so dead-set on quitting the band? 

SAM: I am not contractually allowed to speak on that matter. No comment. 

JAKE: That was an accident. False alarm. I was taking advice from Ram Trucks. 

DJ 2: How does that happen? 

JAKE: You forget to watch your back. 

DJ 2: I want to steer the conversation back to Danny about a certain someone that he expressed romantic feelings for last week. 

Everyone stares at Danny with concern. Danny looks mortified. 

DJ 2: Anything to say about Pink Stitch? 

JAKE: Oh, I bet he does. 

JOSH: (to Jake) You know who has something to say about you? 

Josh retrieves his phone from his pocket and opens a voice note. 

VOICE OF KEITH RICHARDS: Ello, this is Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones. I have a message for a kid named Jake who screwed me over at the Chicago Music Exchange. Now, IF I SEE DAT BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP I’M GONNA BLEEP BLEEP THE GODDAMN BASEBALL BAT BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ZEBRA CROSSING BLEEP BLEEP ICE CREAM BLEEP BLEEP FRENCH WINDOWS BLEEP - 

JAKE: (trying to call over the continued voice note of Keith Richards cussing him out to no end) MEETING THE MASTER. STREAM IT NOW, STREAM IT FOREVER. 

END OF EPISODE.

[oliverreedmasterass]

Tiny Snuggle Puddle

props to @streamsofstardust for the danny nap idea you are a strong pillar of this great nation

[oliverreedmasterass]

[oliverreedmasterass]

My stomach hurts SO BAD DUDE

SAM - ORGAN SOLO!

[oliverreedmasterass]

ALEX IM CACKLING AT THIS

✨️Day 365 of trying to get @gretavanfleet back✨️

1 WHOLE YEAR LADS AND STILL COUNTING! 🤡

[oliverreedmasterass]

Oh hell yeah I’m down

“what if we made a greta van fleet cartoon” well now you have to joshua

[oliverreedmasterass]

Jake being nervous before performing with Mirador and Josh comforting him…

Addison!! Here ya go :) (My first draft of this was like 10x goofier than this, hopefully it's more touching than stupid now)

Must I Go Bound?

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: language, mental breakdown, Sam's feet

“Jake!” Josh hollered from the backstage area of the St. Louis arena. “Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “Where could that fucker be?” 

Josh had been pulled to the side by one of their roadies, asking if he could snag Jake to get his in ears fitted. Josh figured it would be relatively easy to track down his twin but, after twenty minutes of searching to no avail, he was starting to get worried. 

In the lead up to Jake’s debut with his pal, Chris Turpin, as the band Mirador, Jake had seemed like he was more excited than nervous. Compared to the shy teenager who had to turn his back to the crowd, this older version of Jake commanded the stage with such ease and grace that Josh knew it was only right that he start a new band. 

Josh had even shared a nice breakfast with Jake that morning at a local cafe, cracking each other up while brainstorming monologues Jake could give during his performance. 

“You’re gonna have to thank Greta Van Fleet for letting you guys open,” Josh had told Jake, which made him boom with laughter, wiping fat tears from his eyes. 

So, when they went their separate ways, Josh to get fitted into his jumpsuit, and Jake to practice his guitar a bit more, Josh assumed that things were going great. But, after practically tearing the arena apart searching for his brother, Josh knew something was up.

Jake was the master at masking his emotions, afterall. 

On his third loop around the concourse area, Josh ran into Chris, who looked equally on edge. 

“Jake?” they asked each other. At that, they both frowned. 

“I can’t find him,” Josh shared. 

“Me neither,” Chris shook his head, his eyes darting around in the hopes that he would catch a glimpse of his missing bandmate. “We’ve got our final soundcheck coming up soon. I really don’t want to go out there by myself.” 

“You’re not going to,” Josh promised him. He gave Chris a pat on the back and then hustled for the doors leading inside the arena. The hoards of seats surrounding him were all empty and, through the flashing lights, Josh could barely make out any of the sections above him. 

Stupid Jake always wearing black, Josh grumpily thought to himself. If only the guy could wear neon and a sign above his head that read, “HEY JOSH, I’M RIGHT HERE!” 

With a sigh, Josh started to walk up and down the rows, hoping he would eventually stumble across Jake. 

It took about ten minutes of wandering until he literally stumbled over his brother in section 117 row 4. 

“What the?” Josh hollered as he sprawled to catch himself. After regaining his balance, he fumbled for his phone so he could shine a light on what had tripped him up. It was frankly a concerning sight. Jake, still dressed in his street clothes, was curled up on the floor, next to a pile of discarded french fries that had been missed by the janitorial staff the previous night. His hair swirled around his blank face that was gazing at the seat in front of him, unblinking. “Jake!” Josh attempted to get his attention, waving his hand in front of his eyes. He remained motionless. “Shit,” Josh thought aloud. “Are you dead?” It was hard to see through Jake’s loose-fitting clothes if he was breathing or not, so Josh opted to kick him in the stomach. 

“Oomph,” Jake coughed out. 

“Come on, dude,” Josh softened his tone. “You gotta get up for your soundcheck.”  

Jake continued to lay stiff on the concrete. Josh was desperate to get some kind of reaction out of him, so he plucked a cold and soggy french fry from the ground and started to poke it into Jake’s left nostril. His brow furrowed when he realized that Jake’s mouth didn’t even curl into a frown at the sensation. 

“He’s entirely catatonic,” Josh realized. “Fuck.” 

Josh first started to run back to the concourse to grab Chris, but then decided that it would be better if he took Jake with him, so he squatted back by his side. With a loud grunt he managed to lift Jake’s ragdoll body over his shoulder and started the tough trek up the stairs. Well, at least Josh didn’t have to worry about doing any additional cardio before their set. 

He did a half-lap past the shuttered food stands before he stumbled across Sam and Danny, who were playing with Rosie. 

“Why are you holding Jake like a sack of potatoes?” Sam called to Josh after throwing Rosie’s tennis ball over Josh’s head. Josh squatted a bit to avoid getting pelted with the ball and, in his moment of weakness, wound up juggling Jake in his arms. Danny and Josh both gasped as they watched Jake tumble from Josh’s grip onto the floor in a tangled mess. To the surprise of no one, Sam burst into laughter. 

“God, is he okay?” Danny gaped at Jake. Josh kneeled by Jake’s limp side and carefully cradled his head in his hands, guiding it over to his lap where he could lay more comfortably. Josh snapped his fingers in front of Jake’s eyes, but the guy didn’t even blink. 

“I think he’s going through it,” Josh decided. Sam approached his side and squatted down so he could be closer to Jake. 

“I remember him pulling something like this the first time we played at Fischer Hall,” Sam nonchalantly remembered as he stroked his mustache. “I had to stomp on his foot to get him to snap out of it.” 

“I just shoved a french fry in his nose but that didn’t work,” Josh looked at Sam in sadness. 

“You did what?” Danny’s voice shook before collecting himself. “We need to get him back to the green room before anyone finds him.”

“He’s got soundcheck in, like, fifteen minutes,” Sam said after glancing at his Hello Kitty watch. “At Fischer Hall I had to do an entire line dance on his feet. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to do that now.” 

“You’re not gonna do that,” Danny corrected Sam. “We can’t go breaking Jake’s feet.” 

Sam hung his head in disappointment. Josh had zoned out through their bickering and, when he came back to, he realized that he had been absently combing his fingers through Jake’s long hair. Jake must have really been out of it, because he was usually unbelievably sensitive about people touching what he called “God’s gift.” 

Danny looked around at his band and huffed. He hated how he always had to be the one to take the lead. The Kiszkas were frankly a mess more often than not. 

“Come on,” he ordered as he leaned down to grab Jake and stretch him over his shoulders. Josh, Sam, and Rosie trailed a few paces behind him as he led the charge towards the backstage area. Danny had a plan. 

The three men huddled in the bathroom, surrounding Jake who was flopped over on a folding chair, his eyes still glazed. “Are you sure this is the best idea?” Josh whispered to Danny. Danny tossed the shower head from hand to hand while staring Jake down. 

“I think it’s the only way,” he decided. “Pull the lever, Sam.” 

Sam twisted the knob, letting a powerful stream of cold water release from the nozzle in Danny’s hands. He took in a deep breath and then raised it to Jake’s eyeline, releasing the flood of water straight into his face. Danny, Josh, and Sam all watched, their breaths hitched to see if Jake would come back around. While his eyes flinched at the water and he sputtered every so often, he showed little sign of life. 

“Stop it! Stop it!” Josh waved his arms over his head. “This isn’t doing anything. And now he’s soaked.” 

“He was kinda smelling bad though,” Sam pointed out. “So it wasn’t entirely for nothing.” 

“There’s got to be another way,” Danny grumbled, deep in thought. Then, his eyes brightened. “I’ll be right back,” he excused himself, and then hurried away. 

While Danny was gone, Josh attempted to pat Jake dry with a towel and Sam grabbed a blow dryer to fix his hair. “Hey, I’m pretty good at this!” Sam called out as he pointed the blow dryer towards the back of Jake’s head, making his wet hair fly out in all directions. Josh wanted to point out that Sam was transforming Jake’s hair into a frizzy mess, but he kept his thoughts to himself. 

A few minutes later, Danny rushed back into the bathroom, holding Jake’s old reliable out with one hand. “You see this, Jake?” Danny asked his friend, slightly out of breath. Jake gave no response. Danny shot Josh and Sam a concerned glance. Jake usually lost his mind if he saw anyone other than his road tech handling his guitar. “I’m gonna mess with your guitar, Jake,” Danny tried again. Sam couldn’t help but bug his eyes. Danny was really putting his life out on the line in order to get Jake back. When Jake didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow in Danny’s direction, he cursed to himself. “Okay,” he tried again, “you leave me no choice.” With a trembling hand, Danny reached into his back pocket and retrieved a pair of wire clippers that he had found laying by the sound board. He maintained eye contact with Jake as he opened the clippers and hovered them over his E and A strings. “I really don’t want to do this,” Danny warned Jake with a firm tone, hoping to get any kind of response from him. Nothing.

Snip. 

The room went silent. Danny’s chest heaved up and down as he braced himself for the worst, but nothing came. Jake continued to stare at a spot just above Danny’s head, looking like there wasn’t a single thought behind his eyes. 

“I think we need to call an ambulance,” Danny decided.

“Wait, hold on,” Sam cut in. Before anyone could stop him, he sent his bare foot flying heel-first down on Jake’s toes. 

“Sam, no!” Josh and Danny both hollered at him. 

“If it worked once, it has to work again!” Sam huffed out in determination. “I’ve got this!” 

Danny placed Jake’s guitar on the bathroom sink and had to physically pick Sam up to move him and his dangerous dogs away from his brother. “I said quit it!” Danny groaned out in irritation. Sam decided it was in his best interests to flail his feet around in the hopes that he might make contact with Jake again. 

“I’m gonna lock you in a closet, Samuel!” Danny warned his friend. 

“I dare you!” Sam called back, his feet still flying. With a scowl on his face, Danny hauled Sam out of the room. The sound of a heavy door slamming shut echoed through the bathroom, followed by cries and scratching noises. Danny stomped back into the room, wiping his hands off on his pants. 

“I need a cigarette.” 

Josh arched his head up to study his friend. “But you don’t smoke, Danny.” 

Danny sighed, leaning up against the sink. “It seems like a good time to start.” 

A knock rapped on the outside of the door, and Danny and Josh whirled around to see who it was. Danny was about to yell at Sam to get back into the closet when he saw that Chris was standing in the doorway, gaping at the sopping wet Jake. 

“Oh, that doesn’t look good,” Chris murmured. Josh’s stomach dropped; he had really hoped that Chris wouldn’t have to see Jake in his catatonic state. It was sure to make him feel all the more on edge before their big debut. 

“It does look bad,” Danny acknowledged, “but we’re working on it.” 

“By ‘working on it,’ does that include locking Sam in the broom closet?” Chris asked, jutting a thumb back out towards the hallway. “Because I heard him yelling some pretty rude things about you in there and wanted to see what was going on.” 

Josh hated to be the bearer of bad news, but he figured that Chris had already put most of it together. After releasing a deep sigh and smacking his hands together to get everyone’s attention, Josh motioned towards Jake. “He’s going through it.” 

“Obviously,” Chris deadpanned, staring at his bandmate. Before Josh or Danny could say anything else, Chris moved up to Jake’s side and kneeled in front of him, grabbing his damp hands. Briefly, Chris turned back to address the rest of the room. “You sprayed him with the showerhead?” Danny and Josh both shrugged. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Chris sighed and focused his attention back on Catatonic Jake. “Hey,” Chris softly spoke to Jake. “I know you can hear me in there.” 

Jake stared forward. Josh was pretty sure he hadn’t blinked in well over 20 minutes. 

“I get that you’re nervous for tonight, and that’s a totally reasonable thing to be feeling,” Chris continued. “Hell, I’m scared shitless too. But those people who are lining up outside right now love you. Like, cult-levels of love. I’m serious. You’re one of the most talented guys I know, and I’ve been looking forward to getting out there with you and showing everyone what we’ve got. We’ve been working our asses off for this, and you deserve to be in the spotlight. Whatever you’re afraid of, it’s entirely in your head. You’re a rock star.” 

Josh could tell that the weight of the situation was starting to take a toll on Chris. He had been praying under his breath that Chris’s heart to heart would break Jake’s spell, but it didn’t seem to be enough. Chris came back to his feet, straightened his suit, and let his shoulders fall. 

“I’d better get out there for our soundcheck,” he excused himself. As he walked past the sink, he stopped in front of Jake’s guitar and gaped at the cut strings. “And I better restring this thing,” he added, taking the guitar with him. 

“Thank you!” Danny called after him, but Chris gave no other response. 

“Hey, Danny,” Josh broke the silence in the room. Danny turned to look at him. “Can I have a moment with Jake alone?”

“Of course,” Danny was quick to oblige and made his way back into the hallway, where he could make sure that Sam and his feet hadn’t broken free from the closet. Josh shut the bathroom door and took a seat on the toilet across from Jake. 

“It’s just you and me,” Josh spoke levelly to his brother. “No Danny, no Sam, no Chris. Just us.” 

He stared deep into Jake’s whiskey-colored eyes, trying to signal to him that everything was going to be okay. 

“This is a step way out of your comfort zone,” Josh continued. “But that’s how we grow. I mean, you were the one who told me back in high school that my doubts and fears were the only things holding me back. The same thing applies here.” 

Still nothing. Josh turned his gaze away from Jake and focused on studying his hands, which he was twisting around in his lap. 

“I don’t know what’s going on inside your head right now, but I’ve been there too. I’ve had those scary thoughts before, that I’m not good, that I’m wasting people’s time, that I should save the humiliation. But, Jake, you have to remember: you love to play. And people love to watch you play. You’ve got this unspeakable talent, and you don’t give yourself enough credit. You’ve built this life for not only yourself, but the rest of us from the ground up, which is, like, insane. Watching you play out there, whether I’m on stage with you or not, is what makes this all worthwhile. Seeing that big smile of yours, there’s nothing like it. Don’t you want Chris to get to experience that too?” 

Josh could have sworn that he saw Jake’s eyes shift. Suddenly feeling empowered, Josh kept sounding every thought on his mind. 

“I’m not sure if it’s about singing in front of people, playing songs that you haven’t put through rehearsal a whole lot, or what, but you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re gonna go out there and blow everyone away.”

“It’s not that,” Jake’s voice surprised Josh. With a short gasp he snapped his head up to face his twin. Jake’s eyes were now studying the ground, his shoulders hunched. 

“What was that?” Josh asked, scooting to the edge of the toilet seat to get closer. Jake seemed to be thinking, and then spoke a dial louder. 

“It’s not that,” Jake repeated himself. “I’m not worried about singing or playing new stuff.” 

“Then what is it?” Josh tried to meet his eyes, but was unsuccessful. Jake looked as though he was trying to spot every speck of dust on the tiled floor beneath his feet. The silence hung between them, but then Jake wiped his hand down his face. 

“It’s about playing without you.” 

Josh’s heart dropped. 

“Jake, I’ll be there with you for our set.” 

“I know,” Jake huffed, raking a hand through his frizzy hair. “I just know that it will feel wrong, like there’s a part of me that’s missing.” 

“I’ll be in the wings the entire time you play,” Josh promised. “But this is your time to explore the unknown, Jake. We’ve been at this rodeo for a while. I think it’s about time that we change things up.” 

“You’re right,” Jake murmured. 

“The second you get out there, you’re going to have the time of your life,” Josh assured him. “You and I both know how much you love seeing the audience eat up your every move. Well, you’re gonna get that on steroids. And, it’s not like you’re going out there alone. You’ve got Chris and your band with you too.” 

Jake nodded and his eyes finally met Josh’s. Josh gave him a sad smile when he saw that Jake had some tears welling up. 

“I almost feel like I’m leaving home all over again,” Jake admitted. “This is really hard.” 

“Oh, come here,” Josh motioned for Jake to join his side. It was a relief to see Jake comply and stand to his feet, shuffling into his arms. “You’re gonna be okay,” Josh soothed him, stroking his back gently. Jake placed his damp head on Josh’s shoulder, and Josh didn’t have the heart to tell him to move it since it was ruining his jumpsuit. “Man, if I had known that opening for us was gonna put you through this much, I would have vetoed the whole idea,” Josh tried to joke. He was glad that he heard a light chuckle come from Jake, in between his staggered breaths.  

“I’m surprised you didn’t put your foot down,” Jake said into Josh’s shoulder. Josh had to frown at that. 

“And summon Super Bitch? I would never do that to my brother!” 

“You do it to Sam all the time.” 

“That’s because Sam deserves it.” 

Jake let out a laugh that Josh could tell meant he was going to be okay. He released Jake from his grasp and, as Jake stepped away from him, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sink. “Oh god,” Jake stopped in his tracks to gape back at his reflection. “What the hell happened to my hair? It looks like a lion’s mane.” 

“Sam blow dried it,” Josh tried to carefully explain. Jake turned back and glared at his brother. 

“You let him do that?” 

“You were literally catatonic, Jake. I figured if anything would make you snap out of it, maybe it would be that.” 

Jake tsked as he fingered through his poofy hair, and then he let his hand drop to his side, defeated. 

“I’m gonna have to take another shower,” he realized. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Josh offered, making his way to the door. As he was about to turn the handle, Jake called to him.

“Hey!” Josh whirled around to face him. “Thanks,” Jake gave a small smile. 

“Anytime,” Josh grinned. And with that, he stepped out into the hallway and gently shut the door behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Jake click the lock on the handle and turn on the shower. Danny was quick to join his side. 

“Did you break through?” he was unable to contain his curiosity. 

“I’m a miracle worker, darling,” Josh joked. From inside the bathroom, they could hear Jake going through some of the vocal warmups that Josh had taught him. 

“Oh thank god,” Danny heaved. “I was bracing for the worst. I told Chris I could step in for Jake if he needed a hand, but we both knew that wasn’t gonna end well.” 

“Jake definitely owes us financial compensation for emotional distress,” Josh agreed. 

“Me-me-me-ME-me-me-me,” Jake belted from the shower. 

Josh and Danny both seemed committed to waiting outside the bathroom for Jake to make sure that he didn’t run on them again, but it didn’t take long for their attention to shift elsewhere. They had been in the middle of discussing what jumpsuit Josh could change into since the one he was wearing had gotten soggy when they saw Rosie run down the hall. Danny bent down to pet her, but she trotted straight past him, towards the closet where Sam was still locked. Rosie made her way to the door and let out a short bark. 

“Atta girl, Rosie!” they heard Sam’s muffled voice congratulate her from inside the closet. Josh and Danny both watched with their mouths hung open as Rosie dropped a key from her mouth and used her paw to swipe it under the gap at the bottom of the door. Within seconds, Sam had jiggled the handle and freed himself. “SUCK IT!” he hollered the second he stepped foot back into the hallway. “YOU CAN’T CONTAIN SAMUEL FRANCIS KISZKA!” 

“It didn’t take me 28 years to learn that one,” Josh grumbled to himself. 

Seemingly entirely unbothered by the fact that his best friend had manhandled and thrown him into a closet, Sam plodded back to Danny’s side and rested an arm on his shoulder. “So,” he started, looking between Josh and Danny. “Where’s Jake? I gotta get back to stepping on him.” 

“He’s showering,” Josh answered at the same time as Danny said, “You wouldn’t dare.” 

Sam glimpsed between the two of them and shook his head with a chuckle. “So which one of you opted to do the line dance on his feet?” 

“Neither of us!” Danny called out. “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“You can’t blame me for devoting my time and energy towards something that I know works,” Sam stated like a know-it-all.  

“You’re gonna end up on a watchlist one of these days,” Josh mused to himself. It was a miracle that Sam had only been arrested once. His younger brother seemed entirely unbothered by his observation since he gave Rosie one more loving pet, and then pointed towards the green room. 

“I need to get my camera set up for Jake’s set,” he excused himself. “I’m gonna be Mirador’s tour photographer by the end of this shit.” 

“You wish,” Danny called after him as he sauntered away. 

It was good timing that Jake got out of the shower after Sam had left the vicinity. Otherwise Sam probably would have found himself in an unfriendly headlock as penance for what he had done to Jake’s hair. Jake opened the bathroom door in nothing but a towel and gave Danny an apologetic smile. 

“Hey,” he greeted the tall drummer. “Sorry about everything,” he added, while making a grand gesture with his hands. 

“I get it,” Danny reassured him with a shrug. “You’ve got a lot on your mind right now.” 

“Actually,” Jake countered, “the only thing that’s really on my mind is where my Mirador stage outfit went.” 

“That’s what I like to hear,” Josh congratulated him. 

About thirty minutes later, Jake was back in the green room with the rest of his bandmates, tuning his guitar that Chris had fixed. Across from him, Josh beamed at Jake in his loose black suit and silk top that exposed the string of pendants around his neck. Jake looked like he was entirely in his element, that he was exactly where he needed to be.  

Chris, Sam, and Danny were in the middle of an intense ping pong match that involved playing with bananas instead of paddles, but that was cut short when their tour manager popped his head into the room. 

“Ten minutes to stage, Mirador,” he shared before whisking away. 

Josh could tell that Jake’s body language stiffened ever so slightly at the realization that his performance was coming soon, but he tried hard to hide it from the rest of the room. While it worked on everyone else, Josh could see straight through his facade. That was one of the perks of being twins with the guy. 

“Can you step out with me for a second?” he stared at Jake and nodded towards the hallway. It didn’t take much coaxing to get Jake to follow behind him. 

The second they were out of the sight of everyone else, Josh engulfed Jake in a tight embrace, which Jake was quick to return. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, get rid of it,” Josh sternly told him. “Even if I’m not out there on stage, I’m always with you, okay?” 

Jake squeezed him tighter. “Okay,” he agreed. 

“You’re Sir Jacob Thomas Kiszka,” Josh reminded him. “And don’t you fucking forget it.” 

“I won’t,” Jake couldn’t help but laugh. “I was knighted and everything.” 

“Damn right,” Josh released him from his grasp to look him down. They had grown so much, even in just the past few years. Josh couldn’t formulate into words how proud he was of his brother. They had overcome so many hurdles and came out much stronger than he could ever imagine.

The roadie from the start of their drama-filled evening came up behind them and cleared his throat, holding out Jake’s in ears. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” the guy said through grit teeth, obviously at his wit’s end. “Can you let me know if these fit okay? Not that I can do anything about it, I’d just like to feel like I did some part of my job today.” 

“Oh god,” Josh clutched at his head in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry about that one, Ralph. We kind of got caught up in some other stuff.” 

“Whatever,” Ralph grumbled. 

Jake quickly tucked in his in ears and gave Ralph a big thumbs up. “They fit perfectly,” he told him. “I’m all good to go.” 

“You bet you are,” Josh pulled Jake back into his side. Jake leaned into his embrace and couldn’t help but let a wide grin stretch from cheek to cheek.