oliviadesme-blog

[oliviadesme-blog]

I am too much for some people and that’s OK💋 Yesterday we had a workshop on emotional intelligence and my results were not that surprising. I am very high in independence, flexibility, self regard, optimism, and emotional expression It didn’t surprise me because I have worked extra hard the last two years digging deep to acknowledge my strengths & weaknesses. I give gratitude for both and I am proud of who I continue to become I have always said self-actualization is a life long process and it’s only recently that I have made different decisions in similar circumstances and it’s only now that the universe is POURING blessings 2019 was a transition. It was a test. It challenged me in a number of different ways. It gave me the opportunity to react in the same ways I always have: running away, being cynical/critical, anxiety about committing to anything for too long, etc. blah blah blah It wasn’t until I realized that the circumstances weren’t the problem but rather my perspective. My impulsivity, passion, excitement, independence, and adventurous side was never satiated and so I existed in a perpetual state of motion 2019 was the year I decided to stand still. There was still movement, my environment moved, my work expectations were always changing, my belongings and “space” divided amongst different places, a borrowed car, and an evolving relationship and in all the chaos there were never clean lines.... yet, I chose to stand still and now the universe is providing DHARMA and I’m ready to receive. I can’t wait to share all the amazing things that are going to happen in 2020 ✨✨✨✨ (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B81Iyy6lbng/?igshid=s7ign0ou7o3h

[oliviadesme-blog]

Manifesting is more than just saying you want something and saying it will happen. It’s about feeling silly, all the time It is feeling silly because your dream is too big for some of those around you, it’s feeling silly when you say it out loud and it seems “unrealistic” to you, it’s feeling silly AF when you’re on step 1 of making it happen and you don’t know what the F you’re doing If you knew what you were supposed to be doing, you’d already have done it. Growth and success come from pushing limits, being scared, and leaping anyways It’s applying for the job you think you may not be qualified “enough” for, it’s flipping upside down when you know there’s nothing to catch you, it’s loving someone else before certainty that they love you back, it’s loving yourself even when you can find a thousand reasons not to Manifest. Dreams. Believe in things that seem too big and then do them anyways✨✨✨ (at Stardust Fitness) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8tXp8ll0P3/?igshid=yyk73lx7bnm9

[oliviadesme-blog]

It’s incredible... the way we learn to give our heart so fully to those that don’t deserve it but fight so aggressively from giving that love to ourselves I’ve spent many (so many) years perpetuating a similar cycle. Accepting the same kind of partner, reacting the same way when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, running— constantly running. Changing jobs, moving, dating, never laying roots. never happy, enough and things never stopped, things never really fell into place until I learned to stop over analyzing... until I learned to stand still and love the present moment. I stopped asking for certainty in a future that no one can know and things began to fall into place Now, after so many years, the universe is dropping so many blessings into my lap and things are happening so easily that I catch myself stopping frequently to just close my eyes and give gratitude I am so grateful for all the things that are happening in my life and all the people in it... just because I learned to stand still and live in the present this is what I wish for you, too✨✨✨ (at Edgewater, Miami, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8l_aiPlwjX/?igshid=tpxk0ux0tv0c

[oliviadesme-blog]

When @byzaraliu gets my words and makes me feel them a thousand times over when I look at an image and the talented calligraphy 😍 (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8eA9lQFPyw/?igshid=1gg2oa03ga180

[oliviadesme-blog]

I always thought speed was indicative of passion and I thought passion was big. The bigger the better I didn’t understand emotions without proclamations or loud exclamations. Perhaps that’s because I didn’t understand the beauty of silence or the passion that rests in the loyalty of truth and principle Perhaps I’m still learning how to communicate in silence (at South Miami, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8Z5AkYlYOD/?igshid=1hyygxhzfnsb1

[oliviadesme-blog]

You can’t leave a bunch of doors cracked and hope something amazing comes through (I know, I’ve tried!) The universe knows if you are not committed to change, or moving on, or letting go. You do too. Think of all the times you have rationalized to others or tried to find logic in a person or circumstance that you always knew, deep down, was misaligned There was always something just slightly off but you pushed through it anyways, gave it another try, believed in the optimism of something you knew that you had already elevated past (again, I know, I did this too) the door will not open until you are fully and genuinely committed to the effort and dedication of your next goal/dream/etc. you have to know you are ready and you have to BE ready Let go. Level Up. Open Your Next Door✨ (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8T0xwUlS6I/?igshid=1p3l3kn8x0d0g

[oliviadesme-blog]

sometimes I tell myself, I’m waiting for the right moment and I have to remind myself the most amazing moments come unexpectedly (and a lot of times without preparation). Perhaps that’s what has always made me like change I like change. I seek change. I seek challenges because they give me the opportunity to grow 2020 has already surprised me in a number of ways. There have been a lot of changes and while January has been a lot of side steps It has set me up for all the gifts and abundance of February I am so excited for all that is happening this month (and for all the people that are a part of that) I am particularly grateful for @sabina128 who I am blessed to have in my life I have incredible people in my life and I am grateful for all the energies they share with me: structure, grounding, drive, resilience, gratitude, acceptance, perspective, humor, and love 📸: @stardustfitness @yogawithjavi thank you! • Feb 3, 2020 (at Stardust Fitness) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8JUmRblpmG/?igshid=8gk7kmcyl18x

[oliviadesme-blog]

feeds are dumb, friends are awesome👯‍♀️ when the feed has got you frustrated, remember the amazing people you have met who inspire you, embrace you for who you are, care about you from a distance, and continue to teach you about yourself and others Like this beauty, who is genuine and full of heart and soul, who loves fiercely and who makes me smile every time I get to see her @dordornyc 😘 Live your real life fully and remember that feeds are secondary ✨ (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B76_32yFUMB/?igshid=gjabnrl62cwf

[oliviadesme-blog]

light me up when the nights are dimming for this path has grown narrow and these roads are winding, I can hear weak branches smashing against the car window but we’re driving and we’ve got no timeline, do we? the drive is long but there a serenity in the certainty that it keeps going and let’s follow this path see where it leads us cause no amount of blue pills will keep you awake if you’re not inhaling this fresh air purge yourself, pour yourself, into this, into me plant a seed, impregnate memories for they’re the only things that stay forever 📸: @sonusz_itsnasty hand model Jan 28, 2020 • Miami, FL the best way I write is with image prompts. here is the mayhem that poured out in quick bursts by simply looking at a pic I took last night💡 (at Standard Hotel Miami) https://www.instagram.com/p/B70yTX6lCpL/?igshid=16q85hzd2zrtg

[oliviadesme-blog]

there are moments, when everything feels right... and then there are moments when the universe challenges you by creating disruption at a time when the everything feels right label is peeling at the corner and every version of myself becomes compounded into a single moment but I can’t touch temporality and I’m not sure if It causing ripples in my shadow from the past, my shape of the present or the silhouette that shimmers in my future they all merge into layers, they all manifest as questions about me, about them, about space and this ground I walk on, it is steady. I claim it as my own. I claim this sidewalk, that cobblestone, those broken steps, and I want none of it but I tread them.. I walk slowly, I gallop like a horse seeking to reach destinations faster and there’s a rhythm to my movements Take me Take me anywhere I say for I have forgot how to write, I want to take flight. Fly me from this monotony I want to purge myself of this sequencing, this algorithm, this logarithm for I am not doubled numbers or square root solutions. I’m not a standard algorithm but I’m writing imaginary numbers, imagining me somewhere, images are confounding— and I’ve written myself a new narrative Are you listening? (at Somewhere in the Universe) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7wD79mlBiF/?igshid=1dxmteiynoagh

[oliviadesme-blog]

The last time I touched those keys were in the north of Paris, I grew enraptured with life. This little white word processor, processing my tiny feelings into huge words or was it huge feelings into tiny words?💭 I haven’t walked on or ridden train tracks but I’m riding an old car to old places and writing new memories. I am sitting places I thought I would never return, giving those spaces life, reviving them and returning to the me I was in 2009 but with wisdom, with patience, forgiving and commending myself for the parts I did not give light to , those that were hiding in shadows because of men who were too small to stand in their brightness I have found a peace, perhaps mistaken it previously, for it wore the disguise of monotony and safety and she is not a character with which I am familiar. I do not resolve to give up adventure but simply to bargain a better deal for stability that permits the fruition of plans and projects— the manifestation of everything I wasn’t ready to achieve but wanted It is January. It is a new year, a new decade— there is change coming... but change is all I’ve known and she is a character with which I am very well acquainted excuse me a moment while I invite her in🚪 (at Deauville-Trouville, Basse-Normandie, France) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7n4i-alFtE/?igshid=1pu6n3gtjpjr6

[oliviadesme-blog]

there are moments when we let life take over: the preoccupations of work, the monotony of just getting through the day, or the drudgery of running errands We forget to write, to dream, to find passion and beauty in the day that we lose to the construct of time because all we have is the now do not get lost in the idealization of memories, you’re remembering them differently— focus on the present Chase your dreams. Let them pour out of your heart, oxygenate your spirit, and remember that tomorrow is done and you always have this minute, this hour, this day— to make magic— manifest watch it come life 🖤 (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7i5kWtFOWi/?igshid=sagbco5ibs1v

[oliviadesme-blog]

the perspective is different from up here🗽 My mother now says to me frequently “look at where you are now! I bet you didn’t imagine you would be where you are right now! Look at how much has changed in just a year.” 📆 She’s right. A little over a year ago I fought the notion that I would ever permanently return to Miami. I kept saying “yeah I JUST moved down from New York City” and it was only a couple weeks ago that I caught myself mid sentence and said “no that’s not actually right, I moved back a year ago.”⏳ I would have lived anywhere but here... until I was here. I spend holidays with my parents. I drive short distances to see them instead of short(ish) flights. I see my best friends all the time and work with a few of them👯‍♀️ I miss New York City all the time. But now, Miami feels like home again and I’m finally settling in🌴 (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7eOJz1lE1p/?igshid=1maurxli0iryq

[oliviadesme-blog]

the things we can’t unknow 🖤 (at Astor Plate) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7QulxqFteS/?igshid=acxzs5j3h759

[oliviadesme-blog]

Nothing moves me more than when people make my words look so pretty @tanmeetkaur thank you! 🖤 @calligraphiewithliz thank you for including me so I can see my beautiful work all wrapped up in gorgeous calligraphy (at West Kendall) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7DynollIBF/?igshid=zlnqpcp5dfb5

[oliviadesme-blog]

What will the next decade bring? 2019, thank you, next 🖤✨ (at Spring Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6yKxEMl2hB/?igshid=1qdcxbzpc1q0h

[oliviadesme-blog]

2019 was probably the most stable year I’ve had this decade, even with all it’s twists/turns and unexpected circumstances I’m still learning what “settles” looks and feels like— I’m a restless spirit that finds comfort in unfamiliar terrains where I can explore and continue to self-actualize I’m always trying new dishes, learning about new plants, planning new travel or excursions. This decade I have: • worked for 5 different companies • lived in 6 different apartments • fallen in and out love • not owned a car • traveled to in 4 continents finding balance for what the soul craves and what the spirit needs has always been a difficult task... stability and consistency feels like wearing a corset but I’ve never felt as calm and at peace as I do now 2020 goals: finding balance (at Wynwood Walls & Art District, Miami) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6vTF2rlJJz/?igshid=osfewqr13kk1