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[oliviagtg-blog]

“go on!” olivia’s voice rose to fletcher’s, matching his burning hot rage. her throat burned, and her skin was scolding with anger to the touch. each and every word fletcher hurdled at her felt like another slap to the face, another red hot knife jabbed deeper into her fragile skin. she nodded towards him, “keep going! let it all out, say what you’ve been meaning to fucking say for years!” she choked out past the cracking of her voice, the stream of warm tears only continuing, leaving a trail of evidence in it’s wake down her cheeks. “and you’re not as clingy?! fuck off, fletcher! don’t act so coy! you think you’re so innocent and without blame just ‘cause you’re some busy big shot now-- what else was i ever supposed to do?! i’m fucking sorry i’m not like you! i’m sorry i’m still in school-- that i’m still studying, working my ass off, being a regular fucking person with emotional needs while you’re out living your fucking rockstar dreams! fucking sorry i don’t get it, okay?!” her once dainty hands were now balled up into angry fists at her sides-- mostly to stop her fingers from trembling. she could feel their relationship now slipping right through her hands, each and every grain falling past her fingertips like hot sand. neither of them could catch all the pieces anymore, this was their boiling point exploding in both of their faces. her chest was rising and falling rapidly, occasionally erupted with a hiccup in attempts to subconsciously stop herself from further shattering before fletcher’s very eyes. now with this chapter open, olivia could only brace herself for the impending crash at the end. and then he said it-- uttered ten little simple words, causing olivia to freeze up and go entirely blank on the spot. “for good?” she repeated after a moment. her voice was small and meek, a stark contrast to how loudly she was yelling just moments ago. her face went from an angry scowl to absolutely empty-- her chin was no longer quivering, threatening sobs anticipating to erupt from her heart. no, she was still. voiceless. suddenly overcome with such overwhelming waves of numbness, olivia processed what he’d said in deafening silence for a few moments. her balled up fists fell to their neutral state, and her chest no longer was rising and falling as quickly as it was. she took a subconscious step back, the need to turn and run out of his apartment beginning to settle into her veins. “fine,” she simply said, her voice scratchy and hushed. she nodded as she went on, “then we’re done-- for good this time.” the words tasted bitter in her mouth, absolutely unnatural and foreign in every sense there was. she took one last hard look at fletcher, as if she were desperately trying to memorize every last faint freckle that was sprinkled across the bridge of his nose and how the ends of his blond hair seemed to point upwards towards the sky no matter how much he tried combing them down. “i never want to speak to you again,” she broke the silence with another quiet murmur, turning her stare down to the broken gap between them. “don’t try to call me, don’t contact me. live your life-- just, stay out of mine, and i’ll stay out of yours. for good.” and with that, olivia turned around quickly, removing herself from her spot as she returned to the living room, snatching her phone off the coffee table to shove into the pockets of her jeans. she walked back towards the door, snatching her purse off the hanger and slipping her feet into her shoes she neatly set aside earlier that day. olivia just had to get out, leave fletcher’s suddenly suffocating apartment, it was too draining to remain in his space. she could easily call an uber to get her and rent a hotel room for the night, book a flight back to denver from her phone for the next morning and come back to gather her belongings while nev stayed behind during the boys’ interview-- either way, she couldn’t stay there. she couldn’t be around him, much less be in the same city. it hurt too much. she placed her hand on the cold doorknob, a sob threatening to fall from her shaking lower lip. she paused for a moment, fighting the urge to turn around and take back the harsh things she’d said moments ago-- but she couldn’t. they both knew this was it. their hot, quick ride as a couple had burnt out, leaving them both with nothing but a charred trail of memories to hold onto. tears once more blurred her vision as she mumbled a shaky last apology before quickly opening the door to step outside. this was it, it was an official goodbye the moment she heard the door click shut behind her. that chapter in their lives was now undoubtedly over.

“i never asked you to wait around for me, olivia!” fletcher roared, his voice hitting a level he dared not ever use. he could feel his heart hammering deep in his chest, his skin hot to the touch with a new wave of anger. “this– this relationship? this whole fucking four years, i never once asked you to sit at home and wait for me. that’s not what a relationship is. you’re so fucking dependent and clingy sometimes and i don’t think you even realize it!” the venomous tone clinging to his words burned the more fletcher continued on, years upon years of frustrations springing to the surface. he’d reached his boiling point with olivia, and it wasn’t a pretty sight. fletcher clung to the counter top behind him, his knuckles turning white as his eyes stayed trained on olivia’s crumbling face. he wanted to reach out for her, wanted to pull her into his chest and apologize for everything, but at this point?- the soft and forgiving side of fletcher was buried under a mountain of rage. “i’m not someone else, i just can’t keep sugar coating things for you like i have been. it’s not fucking realistic and for whatever reason, you can’t deal with that. yeah, maybe i haven’t been able to keep in touch as often as i could and i’m really sorry for that, but that’s just how this shit goes sometimes. it hurts like a bitch and i wish i could do something more, but it’s not my fault that you have such a hard time accepting that we’re making do with what we have. i don’t know how else to explain this to you. life fucking sucks and it’s not always going to be perfect. it never is for anyone.” fletcher paused, allowing himself to finally take a moment to breathe. his shoulders stayed tense but his tone softened, exhaustion slowly creeping into his bones. he was breaking. “it can’t work– we can’t work.” and suddenly, fletcher felt his chest cave in with one last glance, the pure and utter deterioration of their relationship brought on with six simple words. “yeah,” he breathed out, his jaw clenched and his throat burning with remorse. “we can’t keep doing this at all. it’s not healthy anymore.” he shrugged halfheartedly, defeat written across his face in neon lights. “i think we should just be done. like, for good.” 

[oliviagtg-blog]

with each and every word fletcher began to spew, olivia could feel herself shrinking further and further into herself. her once outraged stare dropped into a look of astonishment-- she was stunned. her mouth dropped open slightly as she watched him, his words piercing into her skin like hot knives repeatedly. he was being honest, and olivia wasn’t sure if that hurt more or less than the harsh tone of his words. she couldn’t face reality-- it was a fact everyone knew. she looked for approval and reassurance in just about everyone but herself, but the moment someone forces her to face the cold, hard truth? she shuts down. she could barely move, even as he brushed past her. she merely dropped her gaze down to the floor where he once stood, keeping her back towards him for a good few moments. her throat was dry, screaming for water, her brain was racing a mile a minute. did she lose the fight-- more importantly, did she just doom her relationship they both worked so hard to maintain? as soon as he began speaking once more, she hesitantly turned back to face him through the entrance into the kitchen. the physical distance between them was nothing more than mere feet, but it might as well had been miles. she listened to him quietly, not allowing herself to crack on the surface-- his words were hitting her, but she wouldn’t dare show their damage. that is, until he spat his last few sentences at her, immediately causing her heart to sink down into her knees. “wh--” her voice cracked as she began, proof she was beginning to shatter into nothing but dust before fletcher’s very eyes. “--what?” she processed it,analyzed every little word as soon as they were shot towards her like gunfire: ‘grow the fuck up, olivia.’, ‘but what’s the fucking point if i can’t talk to you about 70% of what my life consists of now’, ‘not everything can be perfect just like how you plan it.’ she felt the familiar hot tears begin to flood her eyes in waves, threatening to begin a tsunami to challenge fletcher’s raging hurricane lashing out just across the room-- she knew he won this one. “fuck you,” her voice was shaky and nearly inaudible, a hiccup erupting from her chest, awakening the fire nestled in between her ribs as she shook her head regretfully at fletcher. “fuck you!” she spat, taking a step forward and pointing her index finger directly at him, despite the evidence of anguish and heartbreak beginning to roll down her rosy cheeks. “no, you know what, you’re right-- you’re fucking right. absolutely,” she laughed bitterly, training her stare back at him. the fire reignited in her chest, but she remained where she stood, hands shaking and knees threatening to give out at any moment. “the one thing you’re wrong about, though? you don’t get it. you don’t. i don’t want you to revolve your life around me! i’ve fucking stood on the sidelines to support you! four years, and i wouldn’t take any of it back! but god forbid i just want more than a few hours than you, or something more considerate than a fucking text. you aren’t fucking processing it, i’m not asking you to give up your dreams, i’m asking for something i can grasp onto that’s more than a fucking text because i’m tired. i’m tired of feeling like i’m doing things that won’t even matter at the end of the day, but no. it’s easy for you to sit there and live your fucking dreams, sure. but you don’t understand what it’s like for me to sit in an empty fucking room, wondering when i’ll even see you again! you still don’t get it-- but you know what? i can’t say i’m surprised.” she paused for a moment, squinting at him past her excessive tears blurring her vision. “you’re someone else. i don’t know who you are anymore,” she began speaking quieter at a regular tone, her voice beginning to quiver more and more with each word falling from her lips like acid. “y’know, sometimes i wonder if we’re just too different to make it work, but you--” she raised her hands, applauding at him as she continued calmly, “you just fucking proved it to the both of us. it can’t work-- we can’t work. so, there you go, fletch. you can focus on your fucking career, and i’ll fucking go and grow up like you want me to.”

fletcher needed to breathe. he needed to be in a room away from olivia, away from the sudden outburst between the pair that was causing his blood to boil. he’d spent years trying to craft the perfect balance between work and the girl now stood before him, purposely blocking his path, but it felt as though he was finally coming to a dead end. fletcher’s jaw tensed as olivia pressed the argument further, his gaze cast upwards. if he looked down at her now, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d end up saying. with his eyes glued to the ceiling and olivia’s voice rising with each word, fletcher finally let out a less than humorous laugh. “do you even hear yourself right now? you’re so fucking dramatic, liv!” the words rolled off of his lips as he looked down on the girl, his height suddenly feeding into the domineering attitude he could feel arise in his chest. “look, i’m sorry that i can’t be here 24/7 when you visit. i’m sorry i have a career that requires me to constantly be ready and thinking about the next step all the fucking time. i’m sorry that i try to balance work and seeing you as best i can and it doesn’t always work out, because god fucking forbid i don’t spend every waking moment we have together fanning you down with some giant leaves or whatever the fuck else you want.” fletch paused, his temper flaring like a hurricane in his cerulean hues.  he needed to step back, to walk away for a moment if olivia would allow it. “excuse me,” he spat, his words lacking the sincerity they normally possess while he brushed his way past her. fletcher searched the kitchen with one sweeping glance in hopes to find something that could preoccupy his mind for even a moment. his eyes landed on the sink. perhaps a glass of water could extinguish the flames beneath his skin. “i get it, okay,” he began once more, focus steady on the faucet before him, “it fucking sucks that our time is so limited. i hate it just as much as you do.” fletcher paused as he took a quick drink before turning back around, his gaze no less harsh than it had been moments ago. there was no calming the fire already ignited, it seemed. “sometimes i wish i could just quit all this shit and be with you and my family all the time like i used to… because as much as i love what i do, traveling to all of these places gets real fucking old when i can’t bring you with me. so yeah, liv. i fucking get it. i understand what you’re saying, but what i’m saying is that i’m trying the best i can. i really don’t have control over how things play out. i want you here as often as possible, but what’s the fucking point if i can’t talk to you about 70% of what my life consists of now just because it hurts your feelings? grow the fuck up, olivia. not everything can be perfect just like how you plan it.”

[oliviagtg-blog]

olivia’s stare narrowed at fletcher, the more he continued with his own round of jabs and comments, the more she felt the hot fire of defense and rage creep up her chest. it took hold of her heart, causing it to begin to pound vigorously with both adrenaline and enmity. did they fight often? absolutely. it seemed as if the rocky road they carefully trekked over was morphing into broken glass. one little misstep, and they’d both endure hell for it. “you wanna know how long i’ve been thinking that?” she snapped, sitting up immediately. “years, fletcher. years.” the words she wanted to continue to spew burnt the tastebuds on her tongue-- she could easily just stop, let it rest, but the more they went at it, the more apparent it was that this was going to be something more than just a little fight. “i never asked you to cancel anything! i just asked if you really had to ruin the atmosphere with bringing up shit you have to do, fletch, what the hell?” she spat angrily, nearly taken aback at both his poisonous words and how quickly things began to escalate. but she wasn’t done there, oh no. “’just because your girlfriend is in town’? oh, so just fuck the entire reason i even spend money to fly out here to see you in the first place, right? you know, when you say shit like that, it makes me wonder why i even come out here in the first place. not like i even get to see you for more than just a few hours, anyway!” she scoffed, watching him as he stood up from his seat with now wide, baffled eyes. was she hearing things correctly? he was trying to keep his cool, and olivia absolutely knew better than to chase after him in the midst of an argument, she knew he needed to walk off whatever anger was beginning to pool into his chest-- and yet, she still practically threw the magazine off her lap onto the floor beneath her, only to stand up without another moment of hesitation to cross the room, hot on his trail. “repeat that, fletcher, please,” she laughed bitterly, crossing over to step in front of him and stop him in his tracks, practically forcing him to face her. “it’s kind of incredible how you don’t fucking stop to think about how shit must feel from my end-- what, it’s been how many years now and you still don’t listen to what i say when i talk.” she was using his words against him, mocking him as her voice began to rise. “i barely see you! you’re barely home! and when you are, i have to come here, and you wind up chatting shit about how you have to go do this, and that. this always fucking happened before, i thought you’d realize by now that i need more than a phone-call or text and a few hours a day with you! i have fucking needs too, fletch! this is a two way street!” there it was, she could feel the hot tears of anger well up in her eyes, the scorching feel of lava pool right into her veins. there was no stopping her now, she certainly wasn’t going to let this argument die. “i support you no matter what, and i love you, and i’m proud of everything you’ve done, but this isn’t fair anymore!”

small and insignificant. that was how most of their fights began lately; small and insignificant jabs at one another, the accumulation of four years worth of a rocky relationships’ faults slipping out one by one. although fletcher had built a resistance towards her unbridled sensitivity and quick defensive nature, he’d found it harder and harder to allow olivia’s words to roll off his back. it was a simple “we have interviews all day tomorrow,” that quickly erupted into a storm this time. fletcher watched, wide eyed and bemused at the sudden irritation spewing from the girl beside him. he was aware that yes, he was gone quite often and yes, he had a hard time sitting still when he was around, but the animosity hidden deep beneath her words struck a chord within fletcher. slowly pulling his arm from around olivia’s shoulders, fletch knew this wasn’t something he could easily sweep under the rug this time. “so how long have you been waiting to get all that out, then?” he started, his own sense of annoyance quickly unfolding in his lap. “and i’m pretty sure we go over this basically every fuckin’ time you fly in, liv. i love you and i’m glad you’re here and that we actually get to hang out and shit for more than, like, a few hours, but i still have things going on. it’s literally my job to go do this tomorrow. i can’t just tell zoe to call all this shit off because my girlfriend’s in town.” fletcher’s wide eyes slid into a sharp glare the more he spoke as his hands began to fidget in his lap. he didn’t like this– he didn’t like arguing with anyone let alone with olivia. it made his heart race and his tongue venomous, his suppressed alpha nature easily slipping out from the shadows the more he let himself go. “honestly, it’s been how many years now? kind of incredible how you still think the world stops the moment you step foot in la.” fletch rolled his eyes as he stood up, a surge of impatience proving difficult for him to sit still as he crossed the room. “fuckin’ ridiculous.” he muttered. if he didn’t get out of the living room for a moment to breathe, fletcher wasn’t sure how well he’d be able to hold his tongue. how such a tiny comment had managed to blow up so fast, so abruptly was beyond him, but he wasn’t entirely surprised these days, either. 

[oliviagtg-blog]

it was supposed to be celebratory-- olivia was back in LA for a few weeks, and fletcher was finally around long enough to hang out without the need to jet off to some far corner of the world. they were at a steady, stable place in their relationship, a pleasant (but also rather stark) change compared to the four years of nothing but quick rises and tragic falls made up the bulk of the dysfunctional love they had. naturally, however, they’d run into one issue or another before they could even acknowledge the smooth sailing-- and this time, it was with a simple comment that rolled off the tip of fletcher’s tongue as they were both seated in his living room, supposed to be relaxing for the night. it struck a chord within olivia, leaving a repugnant taste in her mouth. it was sour, it didn’t sit well with her. and of course, the moment he said it, olivia scoffed bitterly. “of course you do,” she mused, flipping through the magazine that sat in her lap. a look of distaste and aversion casting a shadow over her jade stare. “when aren’t you home for more than a few days at a time? years later and you’re still all over the place, now that’s not a surprise to anyone, is it...?” she spoke with a dull, uninterested tone without even so looking in his direction. was she going to start a fight?-- probably, it was only a given with these two. realizing the animosity behind her passive aggressive words, olivia glanced back towards fletcher from the corner of her eye, assessing his posture, his body language; dead giveaways to his immediate reaction. with a click of her tongue in attempts to clear up the caustic taste in her mouth, she turned her stare back towards the magazine, “i get you’re busy and all, that’s fair, but why can’t you just enjoy being with me for more than a few days? do you always have to be looking forward to the next thing you have to do? makes me feel like you just don’t like being around me like you used to be.” she should have shut her mouth, should have stopped right there, but she kept going-- the tight feeling in her chest only pushed her to continue, air it all out already. “the fuck am i supposed to do when shit like this always happens when i’m conveniently around, fletch?” she shut the magazine with a loud clap, a sign her emotions were already beginning to bubble up. she turned her frown back towards to face him fully, the distaste loud and clear with her sudden, drastic shift in mood. “sit back like i have for the past few years? what if i’m tired of it?”

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez ah . finally . feels just like home again .

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS answer ur ft im tired

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez . huh ? :) .. .

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS . u make me want to yank out every little hair on my head one by one . i got pasta to eat rn i dont need this

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez ..

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS can u STOP I DONT LIKE THIS

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez .

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS don't u fucking . me fletcher cole bennett

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletcherSOS: @olivia4prez haha hey u rmr literally . every single prez debate ? u rmr ? u rmr them . good now retract this

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS ya i remember u almost falling asleep during every single one

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez no im nt frm here sorry dnt know ur laws . only heard the one about bear arms . kinda weird bbut ill let it slide ig .

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS wow . suddenly i dont kno u ?? i need someone who'll recite all the amendments into my ear um? its ur kink huh

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletcherSOS: @olivia4prez .... this is a family forum pls censor urself . also #fuck #u x2

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS sike u thought!! this is the USA rmr the 1st amendment :+) FREEDOM OF SPEECH !!! FUCK U ! x3 (tht looks like a face lol)

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: @olivia4prez 1 ......... 2 aha dw i ordered tht chad kroeger poster u asked 4 on expresss shipping babie . 3 olivia answer ur phone its important

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS ;+) ah finally thnk u babe i can finally touch myself @ night w chad staring at me

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchsos: @olivia4prez few things . 1 fuck u . 2 i think it was nickleback if we r being honest .. . 3 . txt me back :~)

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS 1 not w that attitude ! 2 suddenly i dont know u . 3 new phone who dis :+) HA this all rly tied in nicely 2gether

[oliviagtg-blog]

@fletchSOS: jst remembered i got laid 4 the first time in a bunk bed .. fuckin metal ....

@olivia4prez: @fletchSOS aww band camp memoriez??

[oliviagtg-blog]

the more fletcher continued with trying to grasp at the open air between them, the more olivia felt her heart constrict and ache in her dead chest. she wanted to take it all back, hint that they could reignite the flames soon after some time away from each other, something. but she knew this had to happen for the both of them. she couldn’t carry this weight in her chest for any longer and she knew she couldn’t fill up the empty void in fletcher like some ghost of his memories if everything had failed around them, and olivia knew that if she hadn’t phoned fletcher, then the album wouldn’t be any sort of actual closer. “we have to,” her voice broke, tears burned her eyes as she released a shaky breath. this had to be one of the hardest things olivia had ever done-- no pain amounted to the one sitting on top of her shoulders than this very moment. all her wounds had been reopened, every little scratch she thought she’d healed suddenly felt like white fire against her hot skin. the more she listened to fletcher beg and plead, the more she felt like her throat was closing on itself, her own emotions digging it’s nails into her skin and cutting off her air supply. she sat in agonizing silence, chewing back hard on the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying-- she didn’t want to make this harder than it had to be. the realization that this was likely the last time she’d ever speak to fletcher dawned on her, dread and agony washing over her in harsh waves-- oh, how it would have been easier to just have her last few memories with fletcher in that bedroom on that clear june night, nothing but sheets and unspoken words swirling between them in the dim lighting of his room. the image of fletcher sleeping peacefully beside her, the pale moon shining down on his ivory skin and how his chest rose and fell steadily, like he was finally comfortable and at ease with olivia in his arms-- that’s how she wanted to remember fletcher, that image forever burned into the back of her eyelids for her own keepsake. but instead, it had to be like this. miles apart, in different cities, both cold and numb from the inside out, awaiting for the biggest drop in their relationship (or what was left of it) to happen. how they drifted this far from where they were before, olivia couldn’t tell you. she truly believed that fletcher was her soulmate, someone that was created from the universe and all the cloud dust to match her own stars swirling underneath her skin. maybe she was blinded by the sun into thinking it’d work, but for years, she really thought they had a fighting chance. her hand shot up to cover her mouth, to keep from any sort of sob from falling from her shaking lip the moment she heard his soft voice utter this last few words. she pinched her eyes shut, feeling the tears fall into her lap as she struggled to regain her composure. she inhaled deeply after a moment, shaking her head-- this had to end soon. “i-- i should go,” she finally said, her voice broken and trembling with the weight of pain. “take care of yourself, okay?” gulping back the last of whatever she was holding back before she sat up, ready to utter her last few words to him for the last time. “whatever happens, i love you. i did, i do, and i will love you,” she released a breath she wasn’t even sure she was holding before continuing, “bye, fletcher.” and with that, she pulled her phone away from her head quickly and finally hit the end call button, silence washing over her and her entire room. she felt the emptiness from the pit of her stomach shoot through her bones and her fingertips, the stillness echoing in her ears and the void of fletcher from her life leaving her vulnerable and at her lowest point. she set her phone down calmly before her fingers began to shake at the realization-- he was gone. before she could even try to regain herself and her composure, her hands shot up to cover her face as sobs erupted from deep within her heart, the only sound reverberating in her empty room were her heart-breaking cries and the quiet shattering of the last few years underneath her own foot. olivia had finally let go, but she still wasn’t at peace. she wouldn’t be at peace for a while. as their matching necklaces had said, no matter what happens, olivia did, does, and will always love fletcher. forever.

the thought of drowning crossed fletcher’s mind once more, only this time he wondered if choking on gallons and gallons of salty ocean water would be easier than this. never once had he heard such finality in olivia’s voice. usually these types of conversations were left open ended with a subtle plea to reignite the flame after some time apart. however this time, fletcher watched helplessly as the flame dwindle behind his clenched eyelids. “olive, please.” he strained to hide the despair in his voice, but to no avail. the alcohol on his tongue made it next to impossible to hide how hard this was. “please don’t say that. don’t talk like that. this isn’t– we can’t. not right now. please.” the more he spoke, the more fletcher deflated. he could feel the tightness in his throat as his eyes pricked with tears. he pinched the bridge of his nose in a vain attempt to regain control, to hold back until he at least ended the call. “we can fix it, we always do. i know we can. we just– we just need to– we can always just–” he was grasping for everything and anything, trying desperately to hold onto something that had disintegrated over a year ago. and yet, fletcher felt the agony of being without olivia for good just as freshly as he had that last surprise visit to denver way before june– the visit that spurred the inevitable heartbreak fletcher just couldn’t seem to run far enough from. “i can’t– please. you’re the only one who gets it. you’re the only one who matters. how am i supposed to let someone like you go? you’re the best person i know, olivia.” his voice cracked and so did the remaining shards of his heart, the realization that nothing he could say right in this moment would save them cutting deep in his core. fletcher’s breathing was uneven and ragged. the gravity that this would probably be his actual final phone call with liv, the last time he would ever hear her voice outside of an old video or voicemail, crushed the boy. this was the first time he’d found himself begging for anything– much less for another person– since he was small and couldn’t bare to go more than a few hours without the comfort of his mother. only now, he couldn’t bare to go without the all encompassing love he could only find in olivia. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry, liv. you’ve just been everything to me for so long, i don’t know how to– fuck.” the more he spoke, the less he could find the power to fight. giving up wasn’t something fletcher bennett was known for, but with his head aching and lungs gasping for air, he didn’t know what else to do. “i love you, yeah? i did, i do, and i will.” his voice was soft; almost overpowered by the passing cars and faint pounding from inside of the club, and if a tear or two managed to find its way down his cheek, well. olivia didn’t need to know that.

[oliviagtg-blog]

olivia quieted down just as she felt like she’d gotten what she wanted off her chest. but the dread quickly invaded her head and chest once more as fletcher broke the silence, olivia in turn pinching her eyes shut and leaning her head back against the hard headboard. she listened to him speak, her chest further caving farther and farther into itself. if she knew what heartbreak was before, then this was something entirely new. olivia didn’t want to let go, she didn’t want to say goodbye to those nights of the both of them curled up on the couch in boulder in their living room, when things were still normal, nothing but blankets and warmth and happiness surrounding each other to block out the cold. she didn’t want to let go, not yet but she felt a strange need to. “i don’t know how else to make it stop, though, fletcher,” her voice broke, her hand letting go from fumbling with her necklace to press against her warm forehead. “no matter what we do, it still hurts. we couldn’t even last six months without each other before we hit our lowest points-- and that only made everything hurt so much more. i'm not-- we’re not strong enough to keep this up.” and it was evident-- here they both were, miles away from one another but being overwhelmed with the same suffocating feeling. “you’ve got such a warm heart, y’know? you’re so good, fletcher. you’re so, so good, but i just--” her throat tightened up, causing olivia to sit up and swallow hard, “we keep messing it up without meaning to, and i just don’t know where else to turn to to make it stop hurting for us both. we know nothing works anymore. the only thing that we haven’t tried is closure.” there it was again, the bitter aftertaste of the word left on her tongue. “i don’t want to let go,” she admitted with a shake of her head. “that’s the... last possible thing i want. but i don’t even know what we could possibly try fighting for anymore. we’re broken, we’ve been broken.” she shook her head slowly, sniffling back a few tears as she bit down onto her trembling lower lip, willing it to stop so she could continue. “we have to say goodbye now. rip it off like a band-aid and go back to being our own people in our own lives doing our own thing.” truthfully, olivia couldn’t remember a time or who she was before fletcher. he’d embedded himself into every aspect of her life, it was hard to even think about what it’d be like without him influencing her every move. “i love you, and i miss you, but this can’t keep dragging on for either of us. i don’t want to keep haunting you or hurting you like this, and i don’t want this dull ache to stay in my chest forever. if i can’t have you, then just let me accept it, fletch.”

another long silence settled over the phone, the miles between the pair growing even farther than before. “do you remember– remember how neither of us wanted this, yeah? we didn’t want it to be like this… but we thought we had to.” fletcher closed his eyes and rested his head against the brick wall. he couldn’t do this. not here, not now. not like this. no matter how hard he tried to say otherwise, fletcher knew he wasn’t ready. there wasn’t enough time in the world for fletcher to feel prepared enough to willingly let olivia go. “i don’t think we’re ready for closure either because that means it’s over but it can’t be over yet. i don’t think it is, love. i really don’t want it to be.” he sighed, the exhaustion that often times accompanied his emotions lately settling deep in his mind. he couldn’t help but belatedly wonder how much longer it would be until the car came to pick him up. “if we were ready we wouldn’t have ended up back at my place so easily that night and i would’ve been able to give you your earrings back myself. how come we keep trying to do things we aren’t ready for? doesn’t that make it worse?” the crushing sense of honesty overwhelmed fletcher as he finally managed to utter the words that had been swirling in his head all week. the album wasn’t enough. nothing would ever be enough until he had olivia back in his arms again. “i guess i just don’t know how to offer you something that i’m not ready to give yet.” a chilled gust of wind blew straight through fletcher’s bones causing his eyes to snap open, the weight of his words weighing his core down. “i don’t think i’ll ever be ready to actually do that, album or not. i tried shaking you off with every single lyric in every single song but i still– you’re there all the fucking time anyway.” fletcher paused, the overwhelming itch to bum a cigarette off of austin growing with each second. he needed to do something with his hands. “i don’t even know if any of this makes sense but i’ve been trying to convince myself for so, so long that it’s time to let go, liv. but hearing your voice is like… it pulls me back every fucking time. i don’t know. i don’t know what i’m saying. i just– we weren’t supposed to end up like this. we were never supposed to be the broken ones.” he closed his eyes shut tight once more, willing the tears to stay put and release his throat from it’s hold. his train of thought was spinning out of control while his heart took over once more. only this time, honestly poured out right along with the pain laced in his voice.

[oliviagtg-blog]

regret tainted olivia’s taste buds, no matter how hard she swallowed, the bitter aftertaste lingered. she didn’t know where she was going to go with this phone call, but she knew ultimately, she wanted closure. it costed too much to miss fletcher, miss what has been long shattered at their bare feet for nearly a year now. he was gone, she’d accepted this long before the phone call. she allowed her own insecurities to accept their fate months and months ago-- he was busy being a rock star around the world, and she was busy meandering and fumbling with her own life in boulder. maybe she should’ve been stronger for the both of them from the start, stronger and more confident within herself. but now that both time and space had managed to cause the rift between them both, olivia was certain she’d never get close enough to touch fletcher again. and now, with him miles away, drunk in some city outside of a club with reopened wounds, olivia was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness and corrupted dread settling into her lungs. the damage was already done, there was no turning back. she wasn’t sure if that scared her more than facing death itself. “fletch, i--” she spoke up, quickly shaking her head, her fingers beginning to shake at the reality of what was unfolding between them. “i wanted to talk to you, fletcher! i could’ve ignored the entire album and moved on with my life, but i know you’d still be in some city trying to fuckin’ numb yourself with alcohol and people who you think love you like you are now!” her own emotions had taken clutch of olivia by the throat, they’d dug their nails far deep into her skin, leaving her no other choice than to spew the things she’d never even think to tell neveah. “i want the closure from you, directly at me! not through an album! jesus, fucking-- i never got closure. june ripped me up, y’know? it destroyed me as much as it killed you, you don’t get it.” she felt tears beginning to sting at her eyes, but olivia kept on. she had to get this off her chest, for her own sanity. “you couldn’t even face me to give me my two stupid little earrings, fletcher. two fucking earrings i didn’t even realize i had. i waited for you to call me, text me, something-- i waited for you. i didn’t know you were going to throw an album out and call it quits like that. i didn’t fucking know, i’m on the outside looking in! i didn’t get anything to get closure,” her lower lip quivered, her voice beginning to crack with threats. olivia’s nimble fingers went up to toy with their matching necklaces absentmindedly as she sniffled back anything willing to overflow-- she wasn’t going to cry this time. he had to hear her out, hear her side of the argument. “you didn’t come back to me but that doesn’t mean i haven’t been waiting for you since june. but you couldn’t even fucking face me. you couldn’t give me that much, could you?” she felt warm tears slip down her cheeks, her voice was shaking as she continued to spew the words she’d been withholding for months now. “yes, i fucking called for closure, fletcher, you got it absolutely right-- i want closure for myself.”

closure. the word felt like a bullet hole to the chest. an entry wound with an exit to match straight between his ribs, figurative blood staining his white shirt as olivia droned on. it tasted like poison and felt like dread, a the heaviness in his lungs overpowering the alcohol coursing through his veins more than he thought possible. bottled may have ended on songs about moving on, but fletcher knew better than anyone that they were mostly him trying to convince himself he was ready. truth was, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready. “closure,” a bitter laugh left his lips before he could think twice. a long silence followed shortly after. fletcher took the time to gather his thoughts and pull his knees to his chest, the sudden feeling of vulnerability washing over him, leaving him drowning in open waters of anguish. “you want– you called for closure. that’s it.” his words slurred slightly, his accent coming out thicker than usual in the state he was in. it was one of the few tell tale signs he had had too much to drink whenever he was trying to downplay the effects. “the album was closure, liv. i put my fucking heart on that thing and bled myself dry and i–” it wasn’t ideal, beginning to pour his heart out beyond the record on a dirty chicago street corner, but fletcher couldn’t care less. with the heavy liquor clouding his better judgment, he allowed himself to squeeze out the last few words he hadn’t realized he’d been holding hostage within himself. “i wrote and rewrote all of those songs a hundred fucking times because nothing could capture how heavy i felt. but then when we released it and that was it, you know? it was out in the open for you to listen to if you ever wanted to, but i didn’t think you would… or at least that wouldn’t call me if you did. i don’t know what else there is there to say.” he paused, thinking deeply about those secret moments he hid from even himself. “i just– june fucking killed me. that it was probably the worst mistake we’ve ever made because it just made being apart from you ten times harder. i thought dropping the album might make everything disappear or whatever but it didn’t. it just made shit worse, you know? i don’t know how i’m supposed to get closure when i ripped myself wide fucking open all over again.” he paused, shaky breath falling into the receiver against his will. “it’s never gonna stop hurting no matter what.” he muttered. if fletcher had ever felt sorrow before, it sure as hell didn’t compare to the desolation in his voice right now.