Naturally weird & awkward. Walking on sunshine along the pearl of the orient seas for eighteen years. Someone who's virtually insane yet proud to say her name; an architect of her own destruction and the engineer of her mysteries.
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Futile Escape
“I loved you.”
That was what I told you when faith seemed to have led me down the path which leads to now.
First, face to face.Mine was wet with sorrow. Yours was dry with shock.
Then, side by side. Yours was stiff with surprise. Mine was trembling with sadness.
I don’t know why I suddenly said it like that. Maybe I was tired of holding it in. Maybe I wanted to put my heart out. Maybe I needed to say it to you. At least once, in this life of mine. Maybe I wanted to be seen. As more than a friend. Maybe I hoped that you’d say you like me. Or even liked me. Maybe… Just maybe… I said it that way because I wanted it that way. I wanted the me-loving-you to be a thing of the past.
Or maybe, I wanted you to tell me to come back.
I wanted to move on. I thought maybe, just maybe, if you reject me, my heart would get a grip and start filling in the holes, dug deeper by my longing–holes that I thought I had already filled up a long time ago. At a time when I thought I can forget my feelings for you. When I thought the hole wasn’t that deep.
But I was wrong. It was already too deep.
And I have already fallen. Down, down, down into its depths with only small nooks and crannies to slow down my descent.
And then my feelings were at a standstill. I thought that somehow, I must have already pulled myself out.
Little did I know that I was still deep below the surface and was only standing on a ledge just big enough for me to prevent my self from going down any further.
But it was a perilous task, balancing my self on the edge. And there are no handholds above me, nor nooks nor crannies, to lift myself up from this dilemma.
And as I looked into your eyes through my tears, I realized that I just said one big lie.
It was wrong to tell you that I loved you.
Because I still do.
03/13/16 2:24 pm - 04/09/16 3:00 pm
Artwork is done by my dear friend Justine Chua. For more of her works, check out her blog here.
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My Pink Parasol
Once in a while, I would sit and ponder, If it is a curse or blessing that I am under, Due to my pink parasol
On days when it is truly hot, I see them sweat under the sun, Plowing the soil seemed to me so hard and not fun, This I think while I stay under the shade of my pink parasol
But how strange! I thought because of this, they would tire But as I watch on, they laugh and smile with their souls burning with a fire As I stay under the shade of my pink parasol
On days where the clouds are weeping, I see them trying As they try to keep their houses from breaking, This I see while keeping dry under my pink parasol
But how weird! I expected them to weep together with the skies, But as I watch them battle the rain, they push and pull with life in their eyes As I stay dry under my pink parasol
On days when the gusts of the wind are strong, I see them holding their straw hats on, As they continue to reap the fruits of their labors with their sons, This is what I observed under my pink parasol
But how odd! I believed they have already suffered so much from nature’s blows But as I watch them load the goods, they still look ready to fight and take on whatever life would throw As I stay uncomprehending under my pink parasol
Once in a while, I would sit and ponder, Think and contemplate and wonder Under my trap which is my pink parasol
And my biggest mystery is what would happen, If I take the courage and free myself from this judging den, And share with them my pink parasol
06/21/16 12:31 pm - 06/20/2016 9:55 pm
Artwork is again by my good friend, Rix. Don’t forget to check out her works here.
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There’s a special place in my heart for the ones who were with me at my lowest and still loved me when I wasn’t very loveable.
(via d-b0mb)
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"Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds that darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."
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