one-possible-erin

[one-possible-erin]

So, there's this post wondering why people with OCD are writing more now about the really torturous mental elements of the disorder, with the implication that it's for some unsavory and attention-seeking reason. But that's not what really pissed me off about it. I mean, the internet is full of jerks asking why people with [insert mental illness here] have the temerity to be so gross and weird.

No, the part that made me lose my shit is where the person essentially asks, but if you have no particular reason to think you ran someone over with your car, and you just felt a little bump driving down that dark street and you saw no person at all at any point in the proceedings, why on earth would you obsessively worry afterwards that you ran someone over with your car?

YES, YOU HAVE SOLVED OCD WITH YOUR LOGIC SKILLS, CONGRATULATIONS. Whyever do we have fluvoxamine when all this time we had you to let us know our illogical fears are illogical, and we should just stop having them, and most importantly stop talking about them in public spaces where you can be grossed out by how uncomfortable and painful and weird and illogical they are?

YES, OF COURSE IT'S UNCOMFORTABLE AND PAINFUL AND WEIRD AND ILLOGICAL. THAT IS WHY IT'S A DISORDER.

You want to know why people with OCD are talking more about the really awful intrusive thoughts and fears and less about checking to make sure you didn't leave the stove on? It's because the stove-checking is just the part that other people notice. It's the outer manifestation of the really horrible shit that makes OCD hell to live through. If there is a "socially mediated reason" for talking about it, it's that there's less fear and more knowledge around OCD than there used to be, and it's a HUGE RELIEF to see others who have the disorder talking about the worst parts of it, the parts you were convinced made you the worst person in the world.

When it's at its worst and you haven't had therapy and medication in whatever combinations necessary to treat it, OCD (especially the "pure O" variety) basically pokes around in your brain and your life and the things you care about for something awful to fear and tries to make you prove to yourself that it's not true, all day every day. The fear is the obsession, the proving is the compulsion. You cannot, of course, prove a negative, and the only way to win is not to play.

Unfortunately, OCD also makes you feel like if you stop trying to prove it untrue, it really must be true after all. The more ambiguous the fear, the worse it is to fight. Getting to the "don't play" part is why you need the meds and exposure therapy and becoming comfortable with ambiguity and so on.

Telling people with OCD "that's silly though" doesn't actually work, because half the time, WE OURSELVES KNOW THE FEAR IS SILLY. The problem is the other half of the time, when our brain whispers, "But what if it's true?" and we tie ourselves in knots trying to prove to ourselves that it's not true, of course it's not true, it can't be true can it? OH GOD.

(The other fun part is, on the occasions when you do manage to successfully prove to your OCD's satisfaction that a particular fear is in fact silly? It takes very little time at all for your brain to find something else to worry about that's harder for you personally to crack. I have had one long-term OCD fear resolve itself only for another to take its place in mere hours. There is no end to it, it's a snake eating its own tail. Again, THAT IS WHY IT'S A DISORDER THAT REQUIRES TREATMENT.) And knowing this and talking about it publicly? Is good actually. Because it makes seeking treatment easier, rather than cowering in the dark, sick at other heart over whether you might actually have run someone over that night.

[one-possible-erin]

Glad for your weight loss/weight maintenance and health improvements, genuinely! Congratulations!

But can I ask why you're assuming that people who find weight loss more unpleasant than you are experiencing it are lying/exaggerating about how they are experiencing it?

One of the reasons my abortive attempts at weight loss have failed is because for me, reducing the amount that I eat enough to lose weight feels incredibly awful unless I'm in the "OMG this is the best thing ever" stage of a new hyperfixation and have that as a distraction. This is the #1 reason I hope to at some point be able to try semaglutide. I'm glad that for you it is irritating rather than awful, and I mean that with the utmost sincerity.

So I’ve been stressed at my job and eating more than usual, and my weight has inched up past a marker I set for myself, so I’m going back to limiting my portions more consciously again.

I started this very recently as I hadn’t been using a scale and while I realized I was gaining, didn’t realize how much. So I may be overly optimistic or misremembering how tough it was for me last time or something but.

Whenever I read the sort of post that’s like “see! You regained it! INEVITABLE! And now it’s not muscle!” (without acknowledgment at all of things like my blood pressure is still normal. And while I can see that some of it’s fat, it probably IS some muscle TOO, Karen, as I walk a mile to work now and didn’t when I first lost weight!), they describe attempting weight loss as feeling as if they’re starved.

Is this hyperbole? I think it is.

For me, limiting portions when I haven’t been doing it does feel a bit uncomfortable. I do feel like I’m fighting an impulse to eat more. And sometimes I give in a little, as when I told myself last night I was only going to eat my leftovers and nothing else, saw that my leftovers had less meat than I thought, and allowed myself a bit of cheese when I wanted more protein.

But I’ve never noticed it feeling like STARVATION. Just irritating.

Are they lying, or exaggerating, or doing something like “I normally eat twenty wings, so now I will eat five” where they’re cutting way too much too fast?

I dunno. It confuses me. My best guess is that they’re exaggerating how uncomfortable they feel, and shaming themselves if they add a small bit back in like I did with the cheese, even if they take care whatever they add back in is small.

(I feel similarly weird about the term “restricting.” To me it sounds like it should mean “making yourself have some amount less than baseline,” which COULD be severe and harmful but also could be, I dunno, 2600 rather than 2700, which isn’t much of a change. But they seem to use it to mean “falling into ED scripts,” specifically.)

[one-possible-erin]

LMAOOO Nah I don't need to hide behind anons or need to hide behind a fake account like you. I'm showing my whole self right here. You realize that our friends can see you and they tell us? People in those anons to me had every reason to ask questions. They had every reason to try to figure out who they should or should not trust.

Keep telling yourselves the receipts are fake, it makes you feel better to bury your head in the sand and not look around at what his choices and lies have done to this community and how you have been complicit in that. Blocking us, from a masked account, did you nothing except show us his friends are reaching.

And before you go there, the Simprock Fucks account was made to respond to the call for proof and to assure you all out there in mtas tumblr land that that document came from all of us.

I can make memes too

Expecting the TRUE victims to just roll over and watch him poison more people while knowing you're being lied about, seriously, fuck you on that. He could have stopped. You can stop.

YOU WERE ASKED TO LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE.

[one-possible-erin]

Come On Down To FandomDramaVille We've Got:

Bi Erasure! Fun!

Parasocial Relationships! He doesn't owe you a like!

Hypocrisy!! Snowy idk how to tell you this but people don't talk like this in healthy fandom spaces, they build each other up! Also admitting you won't engage with "shit" content while complaining someone didn't engage with yours - You are projecting your own feelings here - When he didn't like your work, you projected "I don't like shit art, he didn't like my art, therefore he thinks my art is shit" WHEN THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL, SNOWY!

MORE HYPOCRISY!!! Wasn't your side throwing around the term DARVO like candy at a parade?

Oh this genuinely makes me feel unsafe, Pathea what are you DOING moderators need to be impartial!

[one-possible-erin]

APPLICATIONS ARE NOW OPEN! (LINK AT THE END)

Thanks to the huge response, we’ve gone ahead and opened up applications for those eager to be part of this (we’ve seen all those messages! Whew!)

This is a 100% non profit zine done purely for the love of our favorite game and as a love letter to the Pathea for giving us an incredible experience.

APPLICATIONS CLOSE ON FEBRUARY 15th, RIGHT AFTER VALENTINE’S DAY! (consider your interest our treat!)

And once again…. THANKS Y’ALL!

You can find the link to the forms here:

[one-possible-erin]

All the torso animated studies.

[one-possible-erin]

Robyn, it is heartbreaking what these people have put you through. Sending you all the hugs.

Please Leave me Alone

Hi, I’ve been sort of attempting to avoid making a post about this but due to numerous concerned individuals reaching out to me and the amount of receipts that I’ve been given regarding this I have to make one last attempt to address the person who has been doing this to me for the past few months.

I know what you’re doing, and you know it’s dishonest and wrong. This needs to stop. Targeting others and involving them in your personal drama just for interacting with me is unacceptable, and the misinformation and harassment have to end.

I’m giving you the chance to take accountability and tell the truth. If I continue to hear that this behavior is still happening, I’ll have no choice but to address it directly.

I’m not interested in some self-made competition for attention and the drama - I just want to share my love for this game and community together with my friends. Please leave me alone.

For the record: I have never, and will never, send anonymous hate to anyone - especially not over being queer or creating gay art. As a queer minority myself, I stand for marginalized communities and will always support safe, inclusive spaces for everyone.

It’s incredibly unfair to your friends as well, who you have most likely been feeding false versions of the story. It’s also unfair to pull completely uninvolved individuals trying to enjoy their time in this space into this especially when you know that this is untrue- then hide behind alt accounts and your friends, which will unfairly put them in a position where they have been defending someone who has been dishonest to them.

I wanted to believe that you were going through a rough spot and that it led you to doing this in a bad state of mind, but this is becoming excessive and I want you to please use this opportunity to reflect on this because you know what you have been doing is wrong and hurts everyone.

[one-possible-erin]

Please Leave me Alone

Hi, I’ve been sort of attempting to avoid making a post about this but due to numerous concerned individuals reaching out to me and the amount of receipts that I’ve been given regarding this I have to make one last attempt to address the person who has been doing this to me for the past few months.

I know what you’re doing, and you know it’s dishonest and wrong. This needs to stop. Targeting others and involving them in your personal drama just for interacting with me is unacceptable, and the misinformation and harassment have to end.

I’m giving you the chance to take accountability and tell the truth. If I continue to hear that this behavior is still happening, I’ll have no choice but to address it directly.

I’m not interested in some self-made competition for attention and the drama - I just want to share my love for this game and community together with my friends. Please leave me alone.

For the record: I have never, and will never, send anonymous hate to anyone - especially not over being queer or creating gay art. As a queer minority myself, I stand for marginalized communities and will always support safe, inclusive spaces for everyone.

It’s incredibly unfair to your friends as well, who you have most likely been feeding false versions of the story. It’s also unfair to pull completely uninvolved individuals trying to enjoy their time in this space into this especially when you know that this is untrue- then hide behind alt accounts and your friends, which will unfairly put them in a position where they have been defending someone who has been dishonest to them.

I wanted to believe that you were going through a rough spot and that it led you to doing this in a bad state of mind, but this is becoming excessive and I want you to please use this opportunity to reflect on this because you know what you have been doing is wrong and hurts everyone.

[one-possible-erin]

This needs to be seen.

Please Leave me Alone

Hi, I’ve been sort of attempting to avoid making a post about this but due to numerous concerned individuals reaching out to me and the amount of receipts that I’ve been given regarding this I have to make one last attempt to address the person who has been doing this to me for the past few months.

I know what you’re doing, and you know it’s dishonest and wrong. This needs to stop. Targeting others and involving them in your personal drama just for interacting with me is unacceptable, and the misinformation and harassment have to end.

I’m giving you the chance to take accountability and tell the truth. If I continue to hear that this behavior is still happening, I’ll have no choice but to address it directly.

I’m not interested in some self-made competition for attention and the drama - I just want to share my love for this game and community together with my friends. Please leave me alone.

For the record: I have never, and will never, send anonymous hate to anyone - especially not over being queer or creating gay art. As a queer minority myself, I stand for marginalized communities and will always support safe, inclusive spaces for everyone.

It’s incredibly unfair to your friends as well, who you have most likely been feeding false versions of the story. It’s also unfair to pull completely uninvolved individuals trying to enjoy their time in this space into this especially when you know that this is untrue- then hide behind alt accounts and your friends, which will unfairly put them in a position where they have been defending someone who has been dishonest to them.

I wanted to believe that you were going through a rough spot and that it led you to doing this in a bad state of mind, but this is becoming excessive and I want you to please use this opportunity to reflect on this because you know what you have been doing is wrong and hurts everyone.

[one-possible-erin]

AHHHHHH you draw him so beautifully! I just love these! The first one absolutely melts my heart <3

Yup, there will be a few more mtas sketches.

This time:

1. Owen proudly introducing his little one to the grandparents. :)

2. A quick practice sketch of him storytelling. :D

[one-possible-erin]

This is beautiful and I love it so much <3

Now that I've finally gotten around to playing My Time at Sandrock, I present you my first fanart:

Owen & Builder Ally <3

I love the idea of personalized heart knots, so the one displayed was modefied to match the person receiving it. :)

Mood for this fanart was set by "The Book of Love - Peter Gabriel" & "Love - Louis Prima". 🎶

[one-possible-erin]

[one-possible-erin]

Whatever Justice is being paid, I don’t think it’s enough for the amount of silliness he puts up with on a daily basis

[one-possible-erin]

My contract with Powerhouse ends in September,

so I'm looking for work!

✨My Patreon will be my only guaranteed income for an unknown amount of time. I'll be posting more and expanding to include exclusive sfw art (BG3, Elden Ring, Vampire Hunter D, occasional tutorial/breakdowns etc) as much as I can.

If you've been eyeing it, it's a great time to join! I'm so grateful to all my patrons.

✨You do not have to pay for every post even though it's per-creation. It can function just like a monthly sub.

Most people make it function like a monthly subscription-- they set their pledge cap to $4 so they're only billed for the first post of each month and none for the subsequent posts (you'll still get to see all of them). Any higher pledge cap or tier is purely optional.

Thank you always for your support xx

[one-possible-erin]

This is SO CUTE. <3 I love this look at a youthful Justice, Owen, and Logan.

Logan's first gang

[one-possible-erin]

More fanart of Owen from My Time at Sandrock. "Honey, out of all the people over the years who've swung open those doors in my saloon, none of them compare to you."

[one-possible-erin]

My first fanart of Owen from My Time at Sandrock. Inspired in part by Alex Ross, his voice actor, being so charmingly animated on his charity livestream.