onebraiid

[onebraiid]

💋 + 8 (everlark) - onebraiid

meme. accepting. @onebraiid

       Their bodies are different now. Scarred from theburns and the torture and all the Games that the world made them play. Not thathe knew all of Katniss’ body beforeanyway. But he remembers what it was like to be brushed down before hisinterview. How they’d wiped away the natural scarring he got from the bakeryand made him into something they deemed was better.They’d done it to Katniss, too. Waxed her legs, put products in her hair,cleared her skin of any marks from the woods. He likes her better, like this.Not that the scarring helps him forget thewar, but he does enough forgetting every day that he finds it alright when heremembers even the most horrible of things.

      He likes her like this because this is his Katniss. The one who he’d taken a beating for just to give hersome bread. The one who had come back to him, even after he’d tried to chokeher. The one who let him comfort her nightmares and asked him to stay.

      They’re something different and new now, but isn’teverything? He still has hope for the future of this world. It’ll be somethingbetter and they’ll be something better.They may not be pulling down a government or throwing themselves in arevolution anymore. They might not even leave Twelve. But they aren’t a piecein anyone Game’s but their own — and this loveis anything but a game.

      He shudders as she places a kiss on his stomach. Slowly, they’vebeen exploring each other. When they started to kiss again, it wasn’t all atonce. Just something simple and chaste and that lasted a long time until itdidn’t anymore. And it’s a different sort of hunger, but they move slow,Katniss kissing every parts of his body to see how he reacts. To see isanything gets shiny. Because the Capitol had taken their very first kisses andtwisted those, too.

      Her eyes shift to his and she kisses his stomach again. Heshakes his head. ❛ Nothing. ❜

      ❛ Nothing? ❜ Sheraises her brows and he wonders if he’s offended her.

      ❛ Well, something. Justnothing shiny. ❜ He can feel a flushon his neck at the something herkisses have done to him.

      She nods, as if satisfied. ❛ Good. ❜ And then moves on the find another, unkissed speck of skin.

[onebraiid]

“its an old scar.”

i feel the heat on my cheeks & my tracing immediately stops cold. i hadn’t even realized i was running my fingers along the scar on his ribcage. 

i look at him to study his expression. i decide that i like how his features sit when he’s relaxed. he shifts his gaze from the wall to me. each eye is like a small vast ocean & i feel very seen. almost too seen, as he flips through every secret, every darkened corner of my interior. i don’t shy away, though. it’s inviting, his intensity, and part of me wants to match it. i want to smile, but something tells me i shouldn’t. i don’t know what kind of story the scar has to tell. and yet his eyes tell me he’s not upset.

i shouldn’t have been so careless. he just has a way of coaxing my guards down. not that i’d ever let him know. he most likely already does. i’ve never been good at acting.

the warmth in my cheeks burns but i don’t remove myself from the round of his shoulder. i feel overwhelmed that i’m pressed so close to him. that his arm is around me. but i don’t move. it’s a nice kind of overwhelming. i think.

the sheets are tangled at our feet.

“you can talk about it,” i say. “i’m not really good at making people feel better, though.” // @boottheorys

meme: florence & the machine’s lyric starters. || accepting!

[onebraiid]

Here’s some advice. Stay alive.

[onebraiid]

Some walks you have to take alone.

Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

[onebraiid]

“you deserve to be loved.” (from peeta)

“stop.”

it comes out of my mouth before i can stop it & the guilt ebbs at my throat. i’ve killed people. people have died for me. & for what? so i could play house with peeta? it isn’t like that. none of it is like that. but it doesn’t make me living while others die alright. i don’t deserve anything. especially not peeta. that doesn’t mean i’m complaining.

i look up from the bow i’ve been trying to carve. i immediately waver as i feel myself relax. i love you comes to mind. i find his eyes. i still don’t know what he sees in me. i won’t ever understand why he wants to stay. even after everything.

maybe snow had it right about me. 

maybe the shininess is right.

the remorse coats my skin as i swallow. i look back to the small piece of wood, the dagger haymitch gifted me in my other palm. there’s a fresh layer of dirt mingled with the remorse. i’ve missed it, seeing the lines of ash & coal & earth caked into the lines of my palms. no matter how hard i wash them. i go back to softly digging the blade against the wood. pushing the bark out. exposing the raw wood.

“sorry.”

my throat closes up. i don’t know why he sees me as special as he does. i’m just me.

“i guess i just don’t think it’s based in merit.” because if it was, he’d be wrong. // @survivalworn

meme: florence & the machine’s lyric starters. || accepting!

[onebraiid]

[onebraiid]

[onebraiid]

“So I became someone else. Not because I wanted to, but because I could no longer survive as who I was.”

— Kristie Betts (via shareaquote)

[onebraiid]

FLORENCE + THE MACHINE’S  ❝ HOW BIG, HOW BLUE, HOW BEAUTIFUL ❞  SENTENCE STARTERS

SHIP TO WRECK

“remind me, what was it that i said?”

“did i drink too much?”

“am i losing touch?”

“what’s with the long face?”

“do you want more?”

WHAT KIND OF MAN

“you were on the other side, like always.”

“i was drunk enough to deal with it.”

“sometimes you’re half in and then you’re half out.”

“how do you manage to have me crawling back for more?”

HOW BIG, HOW BLUE, HOW BEAUTIFUL

“now there’s a few things we have to burn.”

“tell me you see it too.”

“i’m happy you’re beside me.”

“maybe i’ll see you in another life if this one wasn’t enough.”

QUEEN OF PEACE

“what is it worth when all that’s left is hurt?”

“some things never sleep.”

“come on, is this what you want?”

“somebody’s gotta lose.”

“you’re driving me away.”

VARIOUS STORMS & SAINTS

“i gave myself over willingly.”

“i am teaching myself how to be free.”

“if you could just forgive yourself…”

“some things you let go in order to live.”

“i know you’re bleeding, but you’ll be okay.”

“one day this will be over - i swear it’s not so far away.”

DELILAH

“i’m gonna be free and i’m gonna be fine.”

“these chains never leave me.”

“can’t you let me know?”

“never knew i was a dancer.”

LONG & LOST

“are you missing me?”

“is it too late to come on home?”

“i figured out where i belong.”

CAUGHT

“it’s the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.”

“when i sleep, i never dream of you.”

“i can’t keep calm - i can’t keep still.”

“i forget all that i’ve been taught.”

THIRD EYE

“it tore you open.”

“you don’t know why.”

“you don’t have to be a ghost.”

“you deserve to be loved.”

“i’m the same. i’m trying to change.”

ST. JUDE

“each side is a loser, so who cares who fired the gun?”

“maybe i’ve always been more comfortable in chaos.”

“i couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

“i’m trying to find the meaning.”

MOTHER

“won’t you leave me?”

“i want no more than this.”

“can you protect me from what i want?”

“all these couples are kissing.”

HIDING

“you don’t have to tell me why.”

“not sure i can deal with this.”

“i know there’s a part of you that i just cannot reach.”

“you don’t have to let me in, just know that i’m still here.”

“it’s your pride that’s keeping us still so far apart.”

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

“i never thought i’d be a killer.”

“while you’ve been saving your neck, i’ve been breaking mine for you.”

“make up your mind before i make it up for you.”

“let me live or let me love you.”

WHICH WITCH

“it’s an old scar.”

“who’s a heretic now?”

“am i making sense?”

“you can’t tell me to regret.”

“i’m on trial.”

PURE FEELING

“it was more than i could bear.”

“you know, i hoped to see you there.”

“i keep on moving in the spaces where you used to be.”

“i knew that this would end in tears.”

CONDUCTOR

“does that make you mine?”

“this work is never done.”

“who’s in control? who’s playing who?”

“i know this part so well.”

AS FAR AS I COULD GET

“wasting my goddamn time.”

“i went as far as i could get.”

“i am unloved.”

“i’m not far enough yet.”

[onebraiid]

Shame about this Quell thing. Now, you, you could’ve made out like a bandit in The Capital. Jewels. Money. Anything you wanted. Well, I don’t like jewels and I have more money than I need…What did you do with all of your wealth, anyway?

[onebraiid]

‘ unfortunately we don’t have that kind of time ’

i don’t want to look at him. i want to rip this hospital gown off and run towards the nearest exit and scream. i want to be in control of myself and not under the scrutiny of these people that claim they know what’s best for us all.

i don’t want to be here. or anywhere, for that matter. but i don’t want to dwell on that fact so i shift focus. the pearl has grown warm between my calloused fingers. my throat still hurts from peeta’s grip around my crushed esophagus. eyes still burning from his blood splattering into them when he was shot point blank in the head. my jaw hurts. i realized i’ve clenched it so i let it go.

i’ve decided i don’t like the color red.

just like i don’t like the concept of time. we made up how we tell time. sure, it passes, it exists. but the way we understand the passing of it is dictated to us. one more thing to sustain us within a system of thought.

i’m very tired of systems. i’m very tired -

this is when i decide to turn and look at this man that i grew to know in a way i wish i never had. 

through trauma. 

                                           through pain.

                                                                      i turn away. 

cement walls hold many answers. 

more than i ever thought possible.

i don’t think i’ve processed that peeta is dead. right now it isn’t real.

just like the brace around my neck isn’t real because the last thing before he did die was choke me.

( real or not real )

with my free hand i reach for his, digits sliding along the tendons of his strong wrist, over the bone. i make sure it’s not the one not occupied by his rope of knots. fingers apply pressure to his burning flesh. or maybe my fingertips are just cold. i think to say i know but that just makes it all too real. i don’t think i can speak without my throat hurting anyway.

i close my eyes. the pearl nearly slips from my hold so i ball my fist.

his hand is all i know right now.

meme: poetry starters. || accepting!

[onebraiid]

[onebraiid]

You did something for me I couldn’t do for myself. You loved me for who I am.

William Chapman (via wordsnquotes)

@heartxshaped-bruises

(via huntresscaraquinn)

[onebraiid]

[onebraiid]

Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.

Kait Rokowski (via percontes)

[onebraiid]

credit  /  feel free to change pronouns !

‘ tell me about the dream where we the pull bodies out of the lake ’ ‘ it’s more like a song on a policeman’s radio ’ ‘ tell me how all this , and love too , will ruin us ’ ‘ we’ll never get used to it ’ ‘ there are so many things i’m not allowed to tell you ’ ‘ we know where the sound is coming from ’ ‘ the world is no longer mysterious ’ ‘ it’s thinking of stabbing us to death and leaving our bodies in a dumpster ’ ‘ i like him and i want to be like him ’ ‘ someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure ’ ‘ history repeats itself ’ ‘ i wanted to be wanted ’ ‘ frequently i was finding myself sleepless ’ ‘ i’d like my money’s worth ’ ‘ we can’t punch ourselves awake ’ ‘ sorry about the blood in your mouth ’ ‘ you wanted happiness , i can’t blame you for that ’ ‘ a mouth sounds idiotic when it blathers on about joy ’ ‘ tell me you’re not miserable ’ ‘ imagine being useless ’ ‘ there is no way to make this story interesting ’ ‘ i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything ’ ‘ he told me it wasn’t going to be okay ’ ‘ the minutes don’t stop ’ ‘ every morning another chapter ’ ‘ i wanted to give you something more ’ ‘ i’m sorry i came to your party and seduced you ’ ‘ you want a better story ’ ‘ i can already tell you think i’m the dragon ’ ‘ you still get to be the hero ’ ‘ i take the parts that i remember and stitch them back together ’ ‘ here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all forgiven ’ ‘ the entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell ’ ‘ unfortunately we don’t have that kind of time ’ ‘ it isn’t over yet , it’s just begun ’ ‘ things happen every minute that have nothing to do with us ’ ‘ i wanted to fall down right there but i knew you wouldn’t catch me ’ ‘ you are a fever i am learning to live with ’ ‘ everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel ’ ‘ i just don’t want to die anymore ’ ‘ you want to die for love , you always have ’ ‘ let’s not talk about it , let’s just not talk ’ ‘ you say  ‘ i’ll give you anything ’  but you never come through ’ ‘ i’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own ’ ‘ anything past the horizon is invisible , it can only be imagined ’ ‘ you keep singing along to that song i hate ’ ‘ this is the place where everything starts to begin ’ ‘ monsters are always hungry ’ ‘ none of us are going back ’ 

[onebraiid]

- You love me. Real or not real? I tell him, - Real.

request by @dovageidys

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